Do's and Don'ts for Celebs in the New Year!

2013 is only moments away and this means, it’s a good time to start afresh. For our Bollywood stars, this means they get to put the past behind them—the flop films, controversies and any other pieces of the year they’d prefer to forget. But there are some of our favorite Bollywood actors who need some help in making these resolutions. And who better but us to help them!

Bipasha Basu
It’s a real easy one for Bipasha Basu. All she really needs to do is fine a man who will marry her and her problems with be solved. And while she’s at it, can she please sign a film in which we do not need to see all of her body? I would like to see a fully clad Bipasha for a change.

Shah Rukh Khan
Shah Rukh Khan should vow to stay away from drinking, cricket, slapping people and lastly, he should run in the opposite direction from Priyanka Chopra.

Saif Ali Khan
Maybe post marriage, Kareena Kapoor can learn to cook. That way, Saif Ali Khan will stay away from hotel restaurants and thus, will not go around hitting other guests.

Rani Mukherjee
Get married and stop acting, Rani. Please spare us with another nonsensical film where we are forced to watch you overact and belly dance. Please.

Priyanka Chopra
Stay away from married men.

Ajay Devgn
Honestly Ajay, all this hoopla you created around Son of Sardar is very unlike you. Please go back to your subtle ungimmicky ways, please. We like you in silent mode.

Shahid Kapoor
If you follow Shahid Kapoor on Twitter, you know that he has serious issues with grammar and spelling. This year, maybe the actor can take some English lessons to help improve his tweets.

Karan Johar
K Jo should just promise he won’t torture us with anymore cheesy films or another season of Koffee with Karan in 2013.

Katrina Kaif
Do not kiss any co-stars in 2013 because she makes kissing looking icky and uncomfortable.

John Abraham
Please solve your issues with Bipasha and give us a break, John. We’re tired of listening to the stories and gossip.

~
First published Bollywood Hungama, December 31st, 2012

Shahid Kapoor Ki Shaadi: Prospective Brides

So Shahid Kapoor missed the boat with Bebo, eh? Poor chap. And word on the street is that he will be avoiding contact with the media for the next few days until the Saifeena shaadi festivities die down. But why so blue, Shahid? Your day will come soon; you’ll be a groom too. And since you’ve become rather fussy about your ladies post Bebo, I’ve decided to help you and play matchmaker. They say matchmaking is the best way to gain brownie points with the uparwala and so to aid you, here are some lovely ladies for you to
choose from and to make your Mrs. Kapoor.

Priyanka Chopra
Look, you obviously have some kind of bizarre with Priyanka Chopra; admit it. I can kinda see it—she’s a bit eccentric, quite like you. And just think logistically. Don’t you both live in the same building? How easy would it be to move her belongings to your place? But seriously, you both seem to have some kind of chemistry between the both of you, so why not P.C.? Post your break up, she took to a popular married Mr. Khan; not such a smart idea. See what you did to her? Now is your chance to reel her back and woo her again. This is quite a Teri Meri Kahani you both have, haan.

Vidya Balan
She’s popular, bankable, sexy and could be gharelu which makes Vidya Balan a good choice for you, Shahid. Add to that the fact that you both share some Kismet Konnection wali history and voila, there is one more reason for the both of you to come together in holy matrimony. Err, and considering your string of flops, it may help to have Vidya on your side right now. But you’ll have to entice her rather well, you see. Apparently, she’s cozying up to one popular UTV Films producer.


Sonam Kapoor
Okay, so your film together didn’t exactly create waves but so what? Sonam Kapoor is a girl you should consider, Shahid. For starters, look at all the similarities you both share. Both of ya’ll are Kapoors, both have veteran fathers as actors, both are kinda useless and possess an air that no one really gets. She also happens to be an avid reader which is good for you since you are in dire need of private spelling lessons. See, made for each other you both are…in any Mausam also.


Nargis Fakhri
Nargis Fakhri claims there is nothing between you and her. Lies. We know you both had somewhat of a fling…or something. We’ve heard so many damn rumors about you both moving in, helping each other in icky situations and so on, that if you dare to tell me there was never anything between the two of you, I will send a girl gand, I mean gang, to your house.


Amrita Rao
At the end of the day, you can always just go back to your first heroine, no? Amrita Rao is in actuality, the most ideal girl for you. In fact, believe it or not, you are most liked when you star opposite Rao. Five films and you’ve never really been linked to Amrita, how did you allow that to happen, Shahid? That is so unlike you. For this reason, if not any other, at least court the pretty girl. Both of your careers are at the same place too—bottom of a dry lake. Ishq Vishk toh banta hai boss.


All of a sudden, things don’t look so bad, haan Shahid? Also, see how I conveniently left out Katrina Kaif for you. Slightly worried you might leave out a 'T' from her name…problem na ho jaaye, you know. Now choose, fast fast!

Filmy Fashion Files: Current Trends!

Being a fashionista in Bollywood is hardly a task for our A-listed actresses; it’s a way of life. Whether they’re spotted at the airport, at big industry dos or even at charity events, they’re dressed to kill…and ready to be clicked by the media who cannot seem to get enough of them. Not only do they follow trends, they create them too. This season, they seem to be accessorizing and sporting clothes of different styles and prints. And if you’re looking for some fashion inspiration, here’s your low down!

While the city of Mumbai doesn’t seem to have autumn as a season, our Bollywood stars are not ones to stay too far behind in keeping up with fall trends. The first of which is the scarf. Whether it’s short or long, silk or wool, Bollywood loves this accessory right now. Gauri Khan was spotted wearing hubby SRK’s skulled out scarf while Kareena Kapoor, who is rarely spotted devoid of a scarf, takes to longer, chunkier ones. Styling and scarf tying, is totally at random, of course. While some choose to go fancy, chic or bohemian, others prefer a more casual “tossed-around-my-neck” look.

Another accessory that seems to be making it to the ramp and at events is the chunky neck pieces. But there is trick to wearing neck wear of this caliber: keep the outfit simple. Check out how the actress of the moment, Sridevi, keeps her green dress to a complete minimum while she pairs it with a beaded necklace. And if you’re going to opt for even more solid colors, add a pop of color to your neck with your neck piece to add that extra oomph ala Kangna Ranaut to make a statement.

The dhoti pant has come a long way in Indian fashion. But it’s only now that it has been westernized and styled enough also, to make it a fashionable to sport at events and parties. Whether it’s Priyanka Chopra or Chitrangada Singh, they all seem to be donning the dhoti in a variety of colors, prints and lengths even. Add a pair of heels or some good old fashioned mojaaris, and you’re good to go.

It doesn’t look like bright lips are going anywhere, anytime soon. Whether it’s the dusky Bipasha Basu or the porcelain skinned Kareena Kapoor, they all seem to finding bright pinks and cherry reds to paint on their pouts. The key is to pick a color that suits your personality and skin too.

When it comes to footwear this season, our Bollywood celebs will keep themselves heeled but studded too. The rocker look seems to be dominating their feel this season as they will be spotted with metallic studs of all shapes and sizes scattered all over their shoes. But it’s Deepika Padukone who’s rocking it out in her studded heels on this month’s Vogue cover. You can expect the rest of the actresses to follow suit right about….now.

~


First published BollywoodHungama, October 13, 2012

The Bollywood Mashup!

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about Bollywood, no? It’s been a while since I’ve blogged at all in fact. But moving and adjusting has taken a bit of a toll on me. However, all is good and I promise regular posts from here on. Okay so yes, Bollywood, what is going on? I’ve been quietly observing you lately and I am mighty worried.

For starters, there is Priyanka Chopra, who is making her singing (read: auto tune) debut. So here’s the deal. You’re Indian, you’re an ex Miss World and yet you pose like Rihanna in glittery pumps and sing in an American accent? Errr, somewhere something doesn’t make sense. I would have had heaps of respect for P.C. if she had put some Indian element to the single. Instead, we get a very wannabe-ish attempt and a completely auto tuned voice which not only puts one off but makes you put Piggy Chops back in the “Get Outta Town” bracket. I’m not a P.C. fan by default – she’s far too pretentious for me, but at least I would have had some respect for the lady. Sheee!

And then there is Rani Mukherjee in Aiyya. By now you’ve all seen Dreamum Wakeupum. And if you haven’t, refrain or else you will be scarred for life. Why is it that every actress above the age of 32 feels that the only way they can stick around is to put on Silk Smitha acts ala Vidya Balan in The Dirty Picture? Rani, Rani, Rani, you are far better than that. It’s not the song that is awful – no, no, it’s actually one helluva catchy track. The lyrics are funky even. It’s Rani jiggling and bouncing around that is very painful. 

If you were missing Preity Zinta, look no further because she is back. Um, you remember when Preity could smile and emote? Yeah, she can’t do that anymore courtesy of all that work that she’s had done on her face. In fact, her expression in the promo has been stationary whether she smiles, smirks and even looks upset. It’s all the same. Ishqk in Paris is her comeback film but I’d rather see her charming face come back versus her rather plastic face. The film looks funnish, I guess. There’s a shaadi number also which I think is supposed to be a crowd drawer but it’s very meh. Also, her dimples seem to missing...conspiracy theory?

What do I say about my Bebo Didi aka Kareena Kapoor? With her wedding on the horizon and Heroine on the brink of release, she sure does have a lot on her plate. But I’m rather worried for Bebo Didi. You see, I have a gut feeling Heroine isn’t going to work. And here’s my funda; Heroine is really just an extension of Fashion. What is the difference between the life of a model and of an actress? Very little, no? The struggles and lifestyle are almost identical. So what newness and freshness can Madhur Bhandarkar bring to the audiences? What do we NOT already know about the film industry that The Dirty Picture hasn’t told us? In my opinion, this is actually a film that should not be made and if anything, the role should have been taken on by a newcomer. Bebo could have easily waited for something incredibly different from the Bhandarkar house to have been a part of. Fingers crossed that I’m wrong though!

For all you Sridevi fans, English Vinglish is nearly here and by god, it looks fabulous! Not only does she look like a million bucks but her acting seems to have improved too. I have a feeling this will be an underplayed performance by Sri backed by a good script. And yes, she will be dancing!

Of course, you all know I’m dreading Student of the Year. Karan Johar’s candy floss films really get on my nerves. I have no issues with teeny-bop films but please make them somewhat relatable. 

Oh, so before I leave you, a lot of folks have been asking for my 2012 picks. So, here are the films I’ve enjoyed so far this year:

Agneepath – Fabulous remake!

Tere Naal Love Ho Gaya – Super cute.

Paan Singh Tomar – It stars Irrfan Khan; enough said.

Vicky Donor – Easily the film of the year – smart, funny, entertaining.

Ishaqzaade – Surprise performances and a good storyline.

Shanghai – Emraan Hashmi and Abhay Deol work this political drama to the core.

Gangs of Wasseypur – Rustic and a great film to learn gaalis from.

Bol Bachchan – While this is all Ajay Devgn, Abhishek really impresses.

Cocktail – Cheeseball film of the year with Deepika Padukone stealing the limelight.

Ek Tha Tiger – Eff the 100 Crore club, this one went on to make 200! Salman Khan underplays his role and how! Katrina kicks ass real well, great music, good sights, entertaining, short and fun!

Ban These Fools Too!

Offo! I’m already sick of this Shah Rukh Khan behaving badly hoopla. Without getting into details and taking sides as to if he was right or not, I hardly think he’s going to care if he’s banned from Wankhede Stadium. The guy can buy his own stadium if he wanted to. I think if anyone should be blamed, it should be Priyanka Chopra. Since the lady has entered his life vis-à-vis their so-called love affair, nothing seems to be going right for King Khan. Okay PC lovers, don’t go getting your panties in a knot on me. Relax. I was kidding. Anyway, like I tweeted yesterday, now if only we could ban SRK from films, we’d be good to go. Now don’t you SRK fans go nuts on me. You guys also relax. But that got me thinking. Which other stars needed to be banned and for what reasons? <Insert evil laugh here> Check it out!

Tusshar Kapoor should be banned effective immediately from taking such pictures. See, I’m sure his 10 fans fainted after he tried (and failed) to pull a John Abraham on the world. But those moobs and that really unsexy face (what kinda expression is that?) made most people faint from shock.

I’ve always said that post Fashion, Priyanka Chopra’s wannabe attitude hit an all time high. But more recently, I heard her speaking in an interview and basically, I wanted to puke. It wasn’t what she said but the way she said it. We get it; you have an accent—good for you. But we’ve heard you speak normally so just cause you’re abroad, there is no need to sit and turn it on. And because of that, PC should be banned from speaking.

If anyone needs to be banned from any form of social network, publications and banned from appearing in front of any camera, it should be Poonam Pandey. And there are a number of reasons for this, 1) she isn’t sexy, 2) she steals tweets, 3) she can’t spell, 4) she is a waste of space in the cyber world. She should be banned from being human even.

My ‘favorite’ Freida Pinto should be banned from India. The damned girl got super lucky with Slumdog Millionaire but since then her attitude has become very hoity toity. And then the girl has the audacity to claim that Bollywood isn’t her thing. Dude, Bollywood doesn’t want you; neither does India for that matter.

And then there are these ones:

Shahid Kapoor should be banned from all Spelling Bee competitions.

Karan Johar needs to be banned from making movies in London and New York. Make a movie in India fool.

Let’s ban Bipasha Basu from wearing clothes. She hardly wears any anyway.

And lastly, Sid Mallya should be banned from looking at mirrors. They’re lying to him and telling him he’s hot property.

Ban karlo please. Woh bhi now!

The Good, Bad and Ugly: Filmfare Awards 2012

I’m not a Filmfare fan. Not of the magazine and definitely not of the award functions. Well, I’m not a fan of the current Filmfare. Back in day however, I loved the publication. Now however, it lacks substance and even glamour. Far too trashy for my liking. And the award ceremonies? Don’t even get me started. That said, I watch the award ceremony every single year since it happens to be a ritual my mother and I have. She watches to hopefully catch John Abraham, and I, to hate on it. 2012 was no different. I watched and found exactly what I expected: a lot of kissing– ass kissing, air kisses, etc, and farce galore. So here it is then, the good, the bad, the ugly of this year’s Filmfare Awards.

The Good:

Usha Uthup: Star of the Night

• Usha Uthup winning for best playback singer was true justice—finally they got it right. I would have screamed if Shreya Ghosal would have won (read: overrated). But it was her speech which had me choked. She teared and told the audience that this was her first award in 42 years. Well deserved.
• Oh Coke Studio’s tribute to Dev Anand and Shammi Kapoor were amazing. Shaan made my night. But what about Jagjit Singh?
• SRK’s performance with the kids was cute.
• Ranbir Kapoor. Period.
• Okay the whole Kolaveri Di line in the action sequences had me in splits.
• Madhuri Dixit looked phenomenal.

The Bad:

Ex-Rivals?

• My mother claimed that Vidya Balan behaved rather “vulgarly” with her banana giving. Honestly, I didn’t even pick that up. Moms are more observant; mine is at least.
• SRK hit an all time low with his cheap jokes. They weren’t funny. Perhaps this is what happens post two major flops?
• So Priyanka Chopra couldn’t bag any actors to be a part of her swayamwar dance, eh? Explains how she had to make do with Bappi Lahiri as her dulha in the end.
• Did anyone catch Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra linking arms and smiling for the cameras? Spare us girls.
• What was up with Kalki? She looked anorexic.
• All the dances were so overdone; been there done that. Where was Bipasha Basu? She always dances, no?
• What on earth was Akon nominated as Best Male Playback singer for? And then Chammak Challo for best lyrics? That as a joke, right? If not, then why didn’t Tu Mera Hero not get a nomination?
• Abhishek Bachchan looked really lonely. And lost.
• Why do Filmfare insist on showing us the same reactions repeatedly for stars? And whoever did the editing, you clearly have a crush on Parineeti Chopra.

The Queens

The Ugly:

• Erm, SRK and Ranbir Kapoor made really repulsive women. That whole Drag Queen segment was just not pleasing to the eye.
• As usual, Rakhi Sawant.
• Oh, and Shakti Kapoor.
• Apparently an Ali Zafar performance was edited out from the show. Shameful.
• Overall, it was rather tacky especially since Filmfare is considered to be the most “classy” and the “Mother” of all awards in India.

But wait a minute, Shah Rukh Khan walked away devoid of a black lady. Wot? They didn’t create a special category for him? Wow. iShock.

Footnote (2/21): I've been told that it's unfair to blame SRK for the tackiness of the show since it has been written by the likes of Vir Das and others. But I'll say this. For starters, they must have known who the hosts were going to be as most of the jokes were directed at SRK, RK, Ra.One, Don 2 and Rockstar. And let's say they didn't know, well that means that SRK has no power/control over what he depicts on stage. Who are you kidding? This is King Khan we are talking about. SRK was served exactly what he likes; trash, vulgar, cheap one-liners and jokes. If he was unhappy with the script, i.e. he found it too brash, you know he would have created havoc over it. But it didn't happen. Why? Because he likes it this way.  I rest my case.

Is it Ta-Ta, Bye-Bye for Priyanka Chopra?

I think this piece needs a disclaimer before anything else. So here is.

The Disclaimer: I am NOT a Priyanka Chopra hater. Really. Not at all.

That said Piggy Chops is in a bit of a tight spot sadly. She finds herself devoid of actors who are willing to star with her courtesy of her rather iffy ways. Now if we get started, we’ll be here for ages. But in a nutshell, Akshay Kumar and Shah Rukh Khan cannot star with her anymore after both their wives have expressed their discomfort towards her “close proximity” towards the men. In turn, Hrithik Roshan has decided he too will keep afar from Chopra Madam after SRK’s wife, who happens to his Roshan’s wife’s best friend, made it clear she didn’t like PC. Salman Khan and Ajay Devgan have had issues with her for ages now while Abhishek Bachchan chooses to keep his distance from her after some award ceremony song choice hoopla. Saif Ali Khan stays away because of Bebo. Shahid Kapoor, her ex-beau, chooses to keep her far and wide for obvious reasons while Aamir Khan sees no reason to star with her. Lastly, there is Ranbir Kapoor who doesn’t want his pairing with her to go stale and so will not sign anymore films with her. Not for a while at least.

The above actors are considered Bollywood’s A-listers which means she’s left with a handful of unpopular actors to work with. Not exactly a good situation for PC, no?

But fikaar not, Priyanka, you’ve been voted number 69 on Ask Men UK’s Top 99 Women of 2012. P.C. fans rejoice quickly before I absolutely shred this piece of nonsense. Done? Ho gaya? So basically this piece is nothing but a farce because this list also has includes Sunny Leone and Frieda Pinto. Need I say more? But let’s get down into the nitty-gritty’s of it. AskMen UK claim she makes the list because of her talent. Done; that she is. But very quickly, I’d like to remind everyone that the last hit film Priyanka had was back in 2008. Post then, she’s had a string of flops: Kaminey, What’s Your Raashee?, Pyaar Impossible, Anjaana Anjaani, 7 Khoon Maaf and Don 2. Agneepath was all about Hrithik Roshan, Rishi Kapoor and Sanjay Dutt; let’s be honest here.

So Nosy!

And then, they go on to describe her quite aptly, “bee-stung lips, coffee-coloured eyes and voluptuous, hourglass figure…” But hold up, “bee-stung lips?” More like Botox filled courtesy of plastic surgeon Daddy Chopra. And how could they forget to mention her nose job which has completely changed her profile – trust me, I’ve paid very close attention. But all this is fine. It’s the next part which pisses the crap outta me. “Chopra will be exposing a new side of herself to Westerners when she releases an eagerly awaited English-language album later this year.” Uh, okay. I’ve heard her sing and trust me, she is quite average. And if you have to sing because your shampoo bottles claim you're fabulous, no problem, but cut a Hindi album at least! Why do you need to impress the westerners? How many Western artists want to “impress” the East and thus, cut a Hindi album?

Look, I’m not hating; think of this as a reality check for Priyanka Chopra. Basically, the actress needs to shed her “I’m too cool for school” attitude and she’ll be fine. In the meantime, PC has quite a task ahead of her which should begin with finding co-stars. Pronto.

Pura Review: Agneepath

If you remember a few months ago, I complained and ranted about how much I detested remakes and sequels. It just makes zero sense to me. Are our filmmakers incompetent of making original films? In a country of over one billion, are we incapable of stirring up innovative plots? But what does anyone care about what I say. A lot of the time, what filmmakers deem a “remake” is actually an adaptation. And that is exactly what Karan Johar’s Agneepath is. So now because it is a variation of the original, it would be totally unfair to make comparisons be it the performances or script. In all honesty, I was completely skeptical of Agneepath in 2012. How on earth anyone could want to recreate an epic cult film? More importantly, why?

This is why.

The film is not as different yet slightly altered from the original. Vijay Chauhan (Hrithik Roshan) is just another regular boy from Mandwa whose father, the village master, lives by rules of karma and dharma. However, when he is framed and hung to death by the local ravaan Kancha (Sanjay Dutt), Vijay finds himself devoid of any of his father’s teachings as he promises to take revenge. His family moves to Mumbai where he is taken under the wing of one Rauf Lala (Rishi Kapoor). Over time, he grows to become a man who is eager to get revenge but not through Lala; solo. He schemes to take down his godfather’s family and reign as he moves to the top only to kill Kancha. In between, he seeks solace in the arms of his childhood friend, Kaali (Priyanka Chopra) who supports, marries and loves him to death.

Agneepath in 2012 is the 1990 version, only refined. It has every component of a nineties film—revenge, love, action. It puts you in a modern time capsule for three hours as it correctly attacks every emotion which makes the average Indian viewer tear via the mother-son discord and love story.

As a film, Agneepath is fabulously executed and filmed. You are pulled into a world which is filled with love and hate, retribution and justice, chaos and peace. Every scene of the film is shot beautifully, be it the chawls and slums of Mumbai or the island of Mandwa. Karan Malhotra’s vision and implementation of the film and stars too, is impeccable. His version of Agneepath is original and yet pays great respect to the Amitabh version. But what comes across very clearly is how he has cleverly adapted his film to the current rage of over-the-top melodrama films with the dialogues and action sequences. Look beyond the superficial surface, and Agneepath is filled with great nuances too. The reference to the Ramayana comes across instantly as Mandwa is painted a dark hell, Mumbai is bright, filled with life and love followed by the good over evil track. Malhotra knows this well and is definitely an aficionado the masala genre.

Agneepath belongs to Hrithik Roshan. We often connote great acting with dialogues and drama. This couldn’t be further from the truth. As Vijay Dinanath Chauhan, Hrithik speaks perhaps all of three pages of the script. However, his acting comes through the flaring of his nostrils, his blood shot teared eyes, his intensity, his body language and yes, through his delivery of the character. Add to that how that he is still as hot as they get, and boom, he wins with Agneepath. There is no long hauled dialogue for him neither is his drunk scene one that will go down in history but you will walk out of the cinema calling Agneepath one of his best performances ever. There is also, no mimicking of Bachchan Senior. This is his interpretation of the character.

And then there is Rishi Kapoor who scores as Rauf Lala. He works the evil into the character so darn well. A phenomenal performance. Sanjay Dutt is flawless as Kancha. He’s ugly, dark, grey and dirty just as you would expect him to be. He takes the cake when it comes to dialogues in the film and works Kancha into a great villain. Om Puri is as usual awesome and deserves a mention because he is rarely appreciated. Priyanka Chopra is apt but hams slightly in her small role which in my opinion could have been played by any other small actress. However, marketing works well in Bollywood. By adding Chopra to the film, the star power of the film increases.

So where does the film falter? Tomato ketchup. The gore and blood flows from beginning to end which makes you wonder how much ketchup was used. While the film excels in the first half, it falls a tad bit in the second; at some points it seems hurried. The music is also a letdown. Yes, Chikni Chameli is fantabulous as well as the Ganesh number. The rest is average minus the background music which is haunting but loud. And then there is the length—it’s too freakin’ long. Too long. So much so that it’s slightly exhausting.

In the end, Agneepath is a good watch because of Roshan. He packs a punch and works it. In fact, you almost cannot imagine anyone else playing Chauhan in this version of the film. I have to hand it to KJo, whom I normally hate on, with this one, he's redeemed himself. But only slightly. Agneepath is the old stuff in new fancy glossy packaging. This, guys and dolls, is exactly how you do a remake.

Footnote: Here's the deal for 2012. Films that are wicked, will get a Pura Review while the useless ones will get a mere 100 Word Review. Fair, na? 

100 Word Review: Don 2

Don 2 picks off right where it leaves us. And as predictable as it may sound, a heist is planned in which Don brings in his old enemies and new friends. There’s action, sexual tension and awesome dialogues. Don 2 is stylish (kudos Farhan) but it really lacks meat. SRK redeems himself big time post Ra.One—he is Don in every which way. Priyanka kicks butt well but seems far too turned on in her scenes with SRK. Kunal, Lara, Boman, Aly are all simply apt. Sadly, Farhan’s unique style is somewhat lost. This one is for diehard SRK fans.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Leggy Ladies of 2011!

Remember those days when “thunder-thighed” actresses were considered voluptuous and wowed audiences? Yeah, it doesn’t fly no more. Nowadays, we want things tight. You know what I mean? No spilling guts, no flabby thighs and definitely no sagging boobage. But what really defines a hot Bollywood star is toned tanned legs. By default, I always think of Shilpa Shetty when I think of sizzling legs. But that doesn’t mean to say our current crop don’t own silky smooth legs that make you want to race your hands up and down…You can breathe now. And to honor these lovely legs, here’s the top five ladies who deserve the title of Leggy Lasses in this installment of “The All Garam, No Sharam Awards”.

5. Anushka Sharma
I’ve always thought Anushka Sharma walked like a chicken. She does, no? Thoda sa? But that doesn’t mean her legs aren’t worthy of a look. This year we got to see “a lot” of Anushka vis-à-vis her sexy avatar in Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl. Her legs made an exceptional appearance as it was displayed comprehensively throughout the film. She’s turning out to be quite the chuppa rustam hottie, this one.

4. Chitrangada Singh
She’s one of my favorite ladies this year, hands down. Chitrangada oozes sexiness. Her comeback this year allowed her to expose a sexier side to her that was until now we didn’t even know existed. Check out the legs on this lady. Bedroom eyes plus sexy legs equals one hot mamma!

3. Deepika Padukone
Fit and fine Deepika Padukone has to be a part of this list. She is one actress who makes looking slim super easy— and I hate her for it, but that’s a different story. While her slim frame and pretty face always take extra props, her legs never get enough credit. Tell me she doesn’t have one of the best pair in the business? #iWant

2. Katrina Kaif
Katrina Kaif has changed her role numerous times; bimbo, girl next door, rebel-turned-dulhan. But what has remained intact is her sexy set of lovely long legs. This year we received numerous chances to sit and admire her legs. Whether she roamed around in Spain or played a rebellious bride, we saw her legs in various avatars. Lucky us!

1. Priyanka Chopra
Now this gal has legs that make you want to die – irrespective of your gender. I’m uber jealous of Priyanka Chopra’s long sexy legs but more so when she sports a maxi and through a long high-legged slit dress slides out her legs, one by one. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t rock them her legs in jeans and of course, swimwear. She takes the crown in this round! Leggy Lass numero uno.

Legged out? I sure as hell hope not. Here’s hoping these ladies continue walking the walk and make us ogle at their prized possessions. Continue to break a leg ladies! Pun not intended.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bikini Babes in 2011!

There is one big maha problem with fashion directors, magazines and creative designers; they don’t know the difference between lingerie and bikinis. A lot of the time, they believe one can pass for the other without realizing that really, you can’t substitute one for the other. So while I thought that I would solely countdown the best in swimwear for “All Garam, No Sharam Awards”, we’re gonna have to do a slight jugal bandi here. And thus, this is the top five ladies in Lingerie/Swimwear for 2011. Now what criteria could I possibly have besides one deciding factor: they need to look hubba-hubba drool worthy. 

5. Kangna Ranaut
I’m convinced Kangna hit puberty this year; she “bloomed” and “blossomed” . In Rascals, we saw her sport a white bikini which really had tongues a-wagging. But the question really way, where did they come from? Of course, she has doesn’t understand the term “going under the knife” (denial?) but somehow she managed to walk the walk and really work that bikini.

4. Nargis Fakhri
She barely made her mark in Bollywood and she already is a bikini babe. Nargis Fakhri’s svelte figure and mulayaam badan makes her one of the most envious women in India as well as one of the most admired ladies by men. While she bared nothing in Rockstar, she definitely didn’t mind stripping down for a number of photo shoots to demonstrate her sexy side.

3. Anushka Sharma
Anushka has one helluva a bod. But how often do you see it? Close to never. Perhaps the bubbly actress realized she has to compete with sexiness overload ala the hot actresses who are exposing and thus, in her last film, Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl, she went all out. Looking incredibly hot in her bikini, she parades around in Goa. Yet again, Anushka scores.

2. Priyanka Chopra
I’m not sure what Piggy is wearing in her Maxim photo shoot. It looks like a cross between lingerie and a bikini but either way she looks steaming piping hot. Known for her dusky figure, this should hardly be surprising but she never fails to make you sweat. Oh, and that belly piercing just upped the hotness factor by 100.

1. Deepika Padukone
Hands-down she looks fabulous in everything; but Deepika Padukone in a bikini makes you go va-va-vroom. Those mesmerizing eyes, silky skin and beautiful hair literally makes D-Pad one of the sexiest to look at. Red hot Deepika knows this only too well. Her “I’m-too-hot” attitude makes her rock that bod that much more. And she thus carries the crown for the hottest in this countdown.

 

Don’t go anywhere people! There’s a lot more to come – legs, rack, booty of the year are yet to happen! In the meantime ogle over these ladies…enjoy!

Bollywood Venting Session!

I have a number of loves and while I can't choose between two of my biggest loves, Bollywood and Cricket, it doesn't mean I heart one more than the other. Equal pyar bhai. Both of them make me proud on days while they irk me on others. Either way, my dil goes dhak-dhak solely for them. And while I'm on a cricket high currently, I'm also on a Bollywood low. I'm not sure what's going on with Hindi film world, but right now they are doing a fab job of pissing me off. Some of what's going on in B-town is prevalent and now while other issues I have with the industry are simply ones that have been floating around in my head for a while. So here's a bit of a banter session which I need to vent about.

Chup Chup Ke Kyun?

What is up with a large population of our stars who to go on the defense with their relationship statuses'? It's almost become like a fad to keep everyone guessing about whether or not you are seeing person XYZ or not. How boring. Everyone from Shahid and Priyanka, Siddharth Mallya and Deepika to Anushka and Ranveer, seem to believe this "trend" is the way to go with relationship statuses' in Bollywood. And then it gets even worst! Bipasha and John, who couldn't stop praising and singing hymns of their compatibility, are clearly broken up now. But when instead of coming out and acknowledging that they are in fact over, they choose to take a "no comment" boring stand on the question. What's the problem Bips and John? You didn't tire of talking about each other when you were together, why the hush-hush break up? Will someone please tell all these stars that a) we don't care and 2) get over it. #epicfailbollywood

World Bigger than the Universe

I've had Sushmita Sen and Lara Dutta on my mind a lot lately. Don't get me wrong - I don't swing that way, although I do admit to claiming that Sush is the only woman in the world who could intelligently and sexily persuade me to jump the gun with her. Moving on swiftly now, I have a question for our not-so intelligent Bollywood folks: why is it our Miss World's seem to hog all the attention (and films) while our Miss Universes' seem to lag behind? Let's be a bit honest here. Ash may be more beautiful than Sush lookswise, but there has to be a reason why the latter was chosen as Miss Universe, no? Uh yeah, Sush is a million times more intelligent people! The same goes for Lara and Priyanka - although, I believe Lara is genuinely more prettier than Priyanka any day. However, Lara and Sush are by far smarter, wittier and more intelligent. However, Ash and Piggy reign far more supreme. Sad, we can't see intelligence and talent even for its true worth. #yetagainepicfailbollywood

Karan is Gone! 

Praise the lord, Karan Johar's show Koffee with Karan is seeing its seasons end! Thank you television gods for having mercy on us. This has been his worst season with stars at their fakest best. No one impressed or wowed; no one was interesting; no one decided, "Okay, I'm not gonna kiss butt". Everyone came on, rubbed each others backs and left. But it's the host, KJo who irritates me the most. I mean how annoying can you get? How much butt can you lick? And how many more times will you tell everyone how you've known Duggu and Bebo for years? We don't care. Please leave your coffee and never come back. #KaransKarvaKoffeeKaththum

Ahh! Now that makes me happy. Khunaas out, heart emptied, venting over. Shutter down, Dhukaan bandh!

Tentalize!

Ten of the most te(a)talalizing pieces of news this week!

Lara Dutta and Priyanka Chopra face off in Berlin as they shoot for Don 2. Apparently besides the temperature (which is pretty chilly), the actresses are on icy cold terms.

Preity Zinta is all ready to make a comeback in an upcoming Yash Raj Film. Didn't know she had taken a break. Oh well!

Twinkle Khanna doesn't enter the kitchen claims Akshay Kumar. But that doesn't bother her man; he has a line of cooks available to her.

Sanjay Dutt is Dad yet again. This time to twin babies!

John Abraham has decided to put his issues away with Salman Khan and befriend him. The two had some serious problems in the past which caused them to become enemies of the worst kind.

SRK is celebrating his birthday and Diwali in Berlin this year. In fact, wife Gauri and best bud, Karan Johar are flying into Germany to throw him a bash.

Rumor has it that Tabu is set to tie the knot with a rich businessman. No details have been revealed yet. Watch this space for more.

Vivek Oberoi is all set to marry Priyanka Alve. Word has it that the actor will not go on honeymood straight away but only after the final word on Rakta Charitra is out.

Kangna Ranaut apparently looks up to Sushmita Sen as an older sister and refers to her as "Didi". Word has it, Sush took an instant liking to Kangna.

Yash Chopra did not like Dabangg. He claimed the film had 'nothing new to offer." Right.

PC vs. Bebo

As much as Priyanka Chopra and Kareena Kapoor claim they are no longer at loggerheads, that is incorrect. While they recently have come out to say they are "fond" of each other, sources believe that the cold war very much still exists. A war still does exist. "The war between Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra is not a new thing. For a long time, reports of mutual dislike between both have been circulating. This time, another undeclared outbreak of war between the two is over their favourite makeup artist Pompy, who is the stylist for both," tells a tabloid. Apparently, PC wanted the stylist to take care of her for Anjaana Anjaani but Pompy was busy with Bebo in Sydney for We Are Family. And thus, PC had to make do without her favorite stylist. The tabloid added, "It is these things that keep on adding to the bitterness between the two and thus the gulf between the two first-rank actresses is increasing day by day." I'm sure India has enough make up artists for both actresses! And sharing is caring ladies.

*Yawn* Gossip!

Bollywood is a strange world. And gossip that comes out of it daily can be sensational and sometimes even monotonous; read: same old. So what are those pieces of gossip that we hear repeatedly without them going stale? Check it out!


She's Pregnant!
Any actress that is married and is yet to conceive, finds herself in the midst of this major piece of gossip. All it takes is one sighting, one walk down the ramp or the fact that she is glowing, and boom, she is almost immediately pregnant. And for all you know, the actress may have just put on a teeny-tiny bit of weight but really that is not allowed! And so she must be pregnant.
Case Study: Aishwarya Rai Bachchan finds herself in the center of this particular one!

It's Over!
Yeah, the best of couples have had to endure this piece of gossip: the split story. They can be as honest and open about their relationship but they will no doubt be split up by the media for whatever reason. It can be another man or women, the fact that they haven't been seen together in a while or are seen in the presence of another star and badda-bing, the superstar and starlette are over!
Case Study: Priyanka Chopra and Shahid Kapoor are nonstop in the news for their alleged break ups.

Nip/Tuck
They've all done a bit but admit it? Hell no! That would be so wrong. So we hear rumors of too much botox on a prominent PZ and the nose job of one SS followed by the boob job of the very sexy BB. And when they get caught, they come out with fab excuses which they expect us to buy.
Case Study: Recently Salman Khan apparently got his under eye bags surgically removed; he claims its a mere scratch.

Saath-Saath
When news of break ups come, then news of new hook ups are always popping up. The minute a celebrity finds themselves in the "single" zone, the media takes it upon themselves to play matchmaker. And then they common statement that is seen in tabloids all over include "X and Y are rumored to be..." Fill in the blanks yourself!
Case Study: Sonam Kapoor and Ranbir Kapoor, Punit Malhotra, Abhay Deol...

B*tch Fights
The actresses deny it and the media insists it happens. If they do or not, only the actresses will be able to tell you. Nowadays they all claim they are thorough professionals and get along with one another. And if they don't, well, they certainly are doing a helluva a job acting like they dote on one another.
Case Study: Once rivals, Kareena Kapoor and Bipasha Basu, have apparently made peace now with one another.

Mirch Masala -- Coz' So Much is Happening!

Too much going on = A mirch masala session! Here's the best from Bollywood in single lines. Check it out!

Kangna Ranaut is out of the Salman Khan film which was meant to be directed by Mahesh Manjrekar. She is of course unaware of this fact or is nursing her wounds.

Arbaaz and Sohail Khan were visited by the Income Tax Officers who wanted to take a look at their assets after the success of Dabangg. Both Khan brother's chose to call the raid a "routine check."

Don 2 has begun shooting and already, SRK has found himself jumping off a 300 feet building.

Bipasha Basu feels that her beau, Mr. John Abraham, is not only physically strong but emotionally strong too. And so, feels the need to keep up with him in every way.

Time for Priyanka Chopra to settle down, says her parents. The family is looking for a non-filmi North Indian munda for their daughter.

More Being Human...

And because I am slightly obsessed with Salman's Being Human show, check out the best part of the show: the end ramp walk. I'm a fan of the tees!!

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Salman Rocks at Being Human!

The best show by far at the HDIL Couture Fashion Week was Salman Khan's "Being Human" show. Last year, the actor asked all his male counterparts to walk the ramp and this year, he called upon his favorite leading ladies to do the honors. The fashion show was a dedication to the years in fashion that had gone. The likes of Katrina Kaif, Kareena Kapoor, Karisma Kapoor, Priyanka Chopra, Sushmita Sen, Preity Zinta, Rani Mukherji and Bipasha Basu all did the catwalk in designerwear by a number of designers before they re-walked the ramp in Being Human wifebeaters (I want I want!) towards the end. Who was the showstopper? Try all of them! Now, some of the ladies have had some serious beef with each other in past, but claim that they have all put their issues aside and had a blast working the ramp together. True or not, we'll never know but they sure had us fooled when they walked hand-in-hand with one another and Salman at the end of the show. Check out the pictures from what was easily the mother of all shows at the 2010 HDIL Couture Week!

Salman Khan: Being Fearlessly Dabangg!

Sushmita Sen: Owning the Ramp!

Rani Mukherjee: B(l)ack Again? 

Priyanka Chopra: Not So Anjaani! 

Bipasha Basu: Bring it on! 

Kareena Kapoor: Are You Ready For This?

Katrina Kaif: Lady in Red!

Preity Zinta is B(l)ack in the 20's

Karisma Kapur: Sari or not, she stuns! 

Being Human: The Ladies and the Ulimate Khan!