Hottest Bods of 2012!

To call 2012 a hot year would be an understatement. There were a number of shirtless actors and navel showing actresses that dared to bare and show. It was some of the youngins’ who made sure they strut their stuff and how, while some of the more veteran actors were more than thrilled to reshow their toned bodies to their fans all over again. Here’s a quick look at the bodies of the year.

Paoli Dam
A new face to the industry, Paoli Dam, came and showed the world exactly what they wanted to see. In her debut film, Hate Story, she played a girl out for revenge and used her body to that effect. Audiences were treated to much more than they expected as the dusky beauty showed off her toned silky body. Her bold enactment had industrywalas and moviegoers shocked but asking for more!

Varun Dhawan
In Student of the Year, Varun Dhawan walked around shirtless quite a bit. And no one was complaining. Six pack intact, he quickly became one of the newbies that made the girls swoon and how. After months of working out, the actor displayed his body in all its glory. Setting high standards for him and his contemporaries, Varun is out to take on the industry, bare-chested.

Deepika Padukone
Whether it was in her number of magazine covers or as Veronica in Cocktail, she Deepika Padukone screamed hot bods in 2012. While everyone knows the actress works hard to keep her body as hot as it is, she believes it oozes out of her personality. That said, D-Pad continues to hold the title for yet another year as one of the hottest actresses in the industry.

Siddharth Malhotra
Joining his buddy, Varun, is Siddharth Malhotra. The slightly taller actor matched up to his co-stars hot bod and how. While the ladies couldn’t choose between which lad they preferred shirtless, especially since Siddharth too walked around on set amidst a shirt. Toned and tempting, Siddharth puts up great competition for many a fellow actors.

Sunny Leone
To leave out the hottest thing to hit Indian soil and theaters in a while, would be blasphemy. Sunny Leone happened to hit cinemas and show everything she possibly could vis-à-vis Jism 2. Add to that some sexy steamy scenes displaying her backless, topless and in the shower, and Sunny became one of 2012’s sexiest actresses.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 27th, 2012

Hottest Couples of 2012!

To be brutally honest, there wasn’t too much heat this year vis-à-vis onscreen couples in Bollywood. Actually, it was quite a thanda year with very few sizzling duos heating up the screens. That said, we actually managed to find a few couples that created somewhat of steam with their pairing and even created some dhamaal. Some you’ve seen before and others are brand new to the arena but that hasn’t stopped any of them from producing performances that were scorching high in temperatures.

Ayushmann Khuranna and Yami Gautam
His deep dimples and her striking smile made the ladies and men, respectively, go absolutely bonkers. But together, Ayushmann and Yummy Gautam, as she now fondly called by her male fans, did not fail to translate their chemistry onscreen. Not only were there a number of cozy scenes but a few kissing scenes which the couple happily indulged in via their debut film, Vicky Donor. Between the both of them, they managed heat up screens quite intensely. And yes, you may see them again in an upcoming film soon.

Arjun Kapoor and Parineeti Chopra
Arjun Kapoor very quickly became the newest star son and heart throb of the nation. His rugged personality matched with a cute grin charmed the ladies and co-star Parineeti Chopra too. This was evident in their onscreen performance as the couple that couldn’t be in Ishaqzaade. Whether it was the sexual tension that generated in the earlier part of the film or the love making scene later on, they were convincing enough for rumors to circulate and cause the media to question if there was some ishq happening between the duo in real-life.

Saif Ali Khan and Deepika Padukone and Diana Penty
Fine, so this isn’t a couple but it really doesn’t matter in the case of the Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone and Diana Penty in Cocktail. Between the three of them, the actors all played pass the parcel as they swapped friends and girlfriends too. The Saif-Deepika chemistry is a no brainer but the Saif-Diana angle had audiences asking for more. And for those of you who are wondering about the Deepika-Diana angle, well sorry to burst your bubble but Bollywood doesn’t swing that way…just yet, at least.

Salman Khan and Katrina Kaif
This is the perhaps the first time we actually witnessed a real sense of affection between Salman Khan and any actress. Naturally, when his co-star turns out to be Katrina Kaif, you aren’t half as surprised anymore. That said, in Ek Tha Tiger, the chemistry wasn’t just loving but sexy in a number of ways. In fact, critics claim this is one of the major reasons as to why Ek Tha Tiger worked. And while we may know of their off screen relationship status, for now we’ll take them creating fireworks on screen any day!

Randeep Hooda and Sunny Leone
You naturally expect scorching rising extra hot temperatures when Sunny Leone is around. What use would it be otherwise to cast an actress from ‘adult films’ in a Bollywood film? But when you add the über sexy Randeep Hooda to the equation, then the heat seems to multiply. In Jism 2, it was the palpable bold scenes between the two which had moviegoers flooding into cinemas. Whether it was the uncountable kisses or backless sequences which included a massage or two, Randeep and Sunny worked it.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 22nd, 2012

All Garam, No Sharam: Back with a Bang in 2012!

For the first installment of the All Garam, No Sharam Awards of 2012, you are treated to a nonstop back-fest. Like I always say, a sexy back, is just something else. It tells the world, ‘I’m strong, confident and of course, incredibly sexy.’ And because it happens to be one of the most underrated parts of the female body, you know I had to pay extra attention to it. Irrespective of the season or reason, a back can be exposed and displayed. Our Bollywood ladies know this only too well. Check out some of the best backs that have been paraded this year.

5. Chitrangada Singh
This is Chitrangada Singh’s first time on the backless chart. The dusky beauty has every reason to be on the list with her back expose at the Filmfare Awards this year. She is hardly one to back down from showing some skin and in her solid chalky dress which she rocked, all she had to do was turn around to make her sexy quotient known.

4. Bipasha Basu
A backless countdown is incomplete without Bipasha Basu. While the actress has hit a somewhat slump vis-à-vis her career, she refuses to back down from being one of the fittest and sexiest actresses in the industry. At Karan Johar’s big birthday do, she turned up in a black backless number which caused the shutterbugs to click, click, click. Second time around, she posed in a white graceful serene dress for Filmfare exhibiting her toned perfect back. Sexy and how!

3. Kareena Kapoor
Bebo darling may be a married woman now but she isn’t about to ditch her glamorous avatar for anything or anyone. Post her wedding, she was clicked in a newlywed dulhan inspired red sari. And just when you thought she’d gone the sati savitri way, she turned around to show off her backless choli. But this is how she is, surprising you when you least expect it. I want to add that nothing screams sexy like a woman in a backless desi outfit.

2. Malaika Arora Khan
She is by far, the yummiest mummy in town and this is her USP as far as she is concerned. So when you see Malaika Arora Khan showing up backless, it shouldn’t really surprise you. But it never fails to sit and gape at how she finds innovative ways to pose and flaunt her sexy body—back included. Check her out in this backless romper which puts her back and a whole bunch of other things on show.

1. Deepika Padukone
My favorite fashionista Deepika Padukone will more than likely make (and top) most of the lists at the All Garam, No Sharam 2012 Awards. And why not? She knows exactly how to show off every part of her ultra toned body which she works super hard for. D-Pad in a backless low (how low!) dress at the Filmfare Awards had tongues wagging while she calmly strut her stuff down the red carpet. If anyone knows how to bring sexy back, it definitely is Miss Padukone.

Alright, that’s it then, the backs of 2012. While you sit and ogle, gain inspiration or simply admire these ladies and their backless moments, I’ll be right back.

Filmy Fashion Files: Current Trends!

Being a fashionista in Bollywood is hardly a task for our A-listed actresses; it’s a way of life. Whether they’re spotted at the airport, at big industry dos or even at charity events, they’re dressed to kill…and ready to be clicked by the media who cannot seem to get enough of them. Not only do they follow trends, they create them too. This season, they seem to be accessorizing and sporting clothes of different styles and prints. And if you’re looking for some fashion inspiration, here’s your low down!

While the city of Mumbai doesn’t seem to have autumn as a season, our Bollywood stars are not ones to stay too far behind in keeping up with fall trends. The first of which is the scarf. Whether it’s short or long, silk or wool, Bollywood loves this accessory right now. Gauri Khan was spotted wearing hubby SRK’s skulled out scarf while Kareena Kapoor, who is rarely spotted devoid of a scarf, takes to longer, chunkier ones. Styling and scarf tying, is totally at random, of course. While some choose to go fancy, chic or bohemian, others prefer a more casual “tossed-around-my-neck” look.

Another accessory that seems to be making it to the ramp and at events is the chunky neck pieces. But there is trick to wearing neck wear of this caliber: keep the outfit simple. Check out how the actress of the moment, Sridevi, keeps her green dress to a complete minimum while she pairs it with a beaded necklace. And if you’re going to opt for even more solid colors, add a pop of color to your neck with your neck piece to add that extra oomph ala Kangna Ranaut to make a statement.

The dhoti pant has come a long way in Indian fashion. But it’s only now that it has been westernized and styled enough also, to make it a fashionable to sport at events and parties. Whether it’s Priyanka Chopra or Chitrangada Singh, they all seem to be donning the dhoti in a variety of colors, prints and lengths even. Add a pair of heels or some good old fashioned mojaaris, and you’re good to go.

It doesn’t look like bright lips are going anywhere, anytime soon. Whether it’s the dusky Bipasha Basu or the porcelain skinned Kareena Kapoor, they all seem to finding bright pinks and cherry reds to paint on their pouts. The key is to pick a color that suits your personality and skin too.

When it comes to footwear this season, our Bollywood celebs will keep themselves heeled but studded too. The rocker look seems to be dominating their feel this season as they will be spotted with metallic studs of all shapes and sizes scattered all over their shoes. But it’s Deepika Padukone who’s rocking it out in her studded heels on this month’s Vogue cover. You can expect the rest of the actresses to follow suit right about….now.

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First published BollywoodHungama, October 13, 2012

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Leggy Ladies of 2011!

Remember those days when “thunder-thighed” actresses were considered voluptuous and wowed audiences? Yeah, it doesn’t fly no more. Nowadays, we want things tight. You know what I mean? No spilling guts, no flabby thighs and definitely no sagging boobage. But what really defines a hot Bollywood star is toned tanned legs. By default, I always think of Shilpa Shetty when I think of sizzling legs. But that doesn’t mean to say our current crop don’t own silky smooth legs that make you want to race your hands up and down…You can breathe now. And to honor these lovely legs, here’s the top five ladies who deserve the title of Leggy Lasses in this installment of “The All Garam, No Sharam Awards”.

5. Anushka Sharma
I’ve always thought Anushka Sharma walked like a chicken. She does, no? Thoda sa? But that doesn’t mean her legs aren’t worthy of a look. This year we got to see “a lot” of Anushka vis-à-vis her sexy avatar in Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl. Her legs made an exceptional appearance as it was displayed comprehensively throughout the film. She’s turning out to be quite the chuppa rustam hottie, this one.

4. Chitrangada Singh
She’s one of my favorite ladies this year, hands down. Chitrangada oozes sexiness. Her comeback this year allowed her to expose a sexier side to her that was until now we didn’t even know existed. Check out the legs on this lady. Bedroom eyes plus sexy legs equals one hot mamma!

3. Deepika Padukone
Fit and fine Deepika Padukone has to be a part of this list. She is one actress who makes looking slim super easy— and I hate her for it, but that’s a different story. While her slim frame and pretty face always take extra props, her legs never get enough credit. Tell me she doesn’t have one of the best pair in the business? #iWant

2. Katrina Kaif
Katrina Kaif has changed her role numerous times; bimbo, girl next door, rebel-turned-dulhan. But what has remained intact is her sexy set of lovely long legs. This year we received numerous chances to sit and admire her legs. Whether she roamed around in Spain or played a rebellious bride, we saw her legs in various avatars. Lucky us!

1. Priyanka Chopra
Now this gal has legs that make you want to die – irrespective of your gender. I’m uber jealous of Priyanka Chopra’s long sexy legs but more so when she sports a maxi and through a long high-legged slit dress slides out her legs, one by one. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t rock them her legs in jeans and of course, swimwear. She takes the crown in this round! Leggy Lass numero uno.

Legged out? I sure as hell hope not. Here’s hoping these ladies continue walking the walk and make us ogle at their prized possessions. Continue to break a leg ladies! Pun not intended.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bikini Babes in 2011!

There is one big maha problem with fashion directors, magazines and creative designers; they don’t know the difference between lingerie and bikinis. A lot of the time, they believe one can pass for the other without realizing that really, you can’t substitute one for the other. So while I thought that I would solely countdown the best in swimwear for “All Garam, No Sharam Awards”, we’re gonna have to do a slight jugal bandi here. And thus, this is the top five ladies in Lingerie/Swimwear for 2011. Now what criteria could I possibly have besides one deciding factor: they need to look hubba-hubba drool worthy. 

5. Kangna Ranaut
I’m convinced Kangna hit puberty this year; she “bloomed” and “blossomed” . In Rascals, we saw her sport a white bikini which really had tongues a-wagging. But the question really way, where did they come from? Of course, she has doesn’t understand the term “going under the knife” (denial?) but somehow she managed to walk the walk and really work that bikini.

4. Nargis Fakhri
She barely made her mark in Bollywood and she already is a bikini babe. Nargis Fakhri’s svelte figure and mulayaam badan makes her one of the most envious women in India as well as one of the most admired ladies by men. While she bared nothing in Rockstar, she definitely didn’t mind stripping down for a number of photo shoots to demonstrate her sexy side.

3. Anushka Sharma
Anushka has one helluva a bod. But how often do you see it? Close to never. Perhaps the bubbly actress realized she has to compete with sexiness overload ala the hot actresses who are exposing and thus, in her last film, Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl, she went all out. Looking incredibly hot in her bikini, she parades around in Goa. Yet again, Anushka scores.

2. Priyanka Chopra
I’m not sure what Piggy is wearing in her Maxim photo shoot. It looks like a cross between lingerie and a bikini but either way she looks steaming piping hot. Known for her dusky figure, this should hardly be surprising but she never fails to make you sweat. Oh, and that belly piercing just upped the hotness factor by 100.

1. Deepika Padukone
Hands-down she looks fabulous in everything; but Deepika Padukone in a bikini makes you go va-va-vroom. Those mesmerizing eyes, silky skin and beautiful hair literally makes D-Pad one of the sexiest to look at. Red hot Deepika knows this only too well. Her “I’m-too-hot” attitude makes her rock that bod that much more. And she thus carries the crown for the hottest in this countdown.

 

Don’t go anywhere people! There’s a lot more to come – legs, rack, booty of the year are yet to happen! In the meantime ogle over these ladies…enjoy!

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bringing Sexy Back!

The "All Garam, No Sharam Awards" of 2011 begins by counting down the top five hottest backs that have been displayed by our leading actresses this year. I had to begin with this one because a ladies back is easily one of the most underrated parts of her body. A woman who can cover up and put her back on for show says, "I'm confident and sexier than the rest." True story. Screw the boobs and booty, a sexy back is something else. Back to countdown- pun unintended, the criterion for this one was simple: silky, smooth, sexy.

6. Mahi Gill
She was supremely hot in both her films this year. However, it was Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster that made us all stand 'up' and take notice of Mahi Gill. She is one actress who has been exhibiting her sexy back in a variety of attires throughout her time as an actress, but in 2011 we saw her go Desi-glam with her last film. Of course, her backless sari blouses and cholis made the men swoon and sweat while women went green with envy.

5. Anushka Sharma
The otherwise conservative actress who chooses to keep herself rather covered in the past, let it go this year. Who woulda known Anushka Sharma had a sexy back? We’ve all seen her tiny waist but clearly she was hiding her lean back from us. I hear she also puts it all on for a look-see in Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl. But the question still remains unanswered: why was she hiding it? We may have not known but I know one person who definitely did: Ranveer Singh.

4. Katrina Kaif
Katrina has always had one; a sexy back that is. But she is really “bring it back” with her Maxim shoot. Now you've seen her in many avatars, but this one beats any one in my opinion. For those of you who thought she couldn't get hotter, check this out. And by the way, how silky mulayam is her back?

3. Deepika Padukone
It’s no surprise that D-Pad (what kinda moniker is that?) is on this list. You will probably see her again on another list later on but for now, check out a pink-cladded Deepika and her dress which goes down, down, down only to expose what is easily a beautiful back. P.S. She's one hottie who can really work that side cleavage too, no?

2. Bipasha Basu
You know what’s weird? We’ve practically seen every part of Bipasha’s hot body but how many times have you thought, “Wow! She’s bringing sexy back?” Never na? Neither. Our eyes wander all over Bips but let’s be nice and pay some appreciation to her back? Naturally, she works it and how. But that's what Bips does best; show and show some more.

1. Vidya Balan
After losing the Aunty tag (finally), it's Vidya Balan who takes the cake and the cherry this Dirty December. While she too will make more appearances in a few more countdowns, Ms. Balan is literally screaming come hither in her completely backless Desi avatar. Devoid of a sari blouse and draped in a white sari, she's working it and ain't no body complaining. Mind you, this is pre The Dirty Picture. Post, of course, we were "treated" (if you choose to call it that) to much more from the lady. But that was her jiggly side. This is her, toned and tan tana! 

While most will claim this one is for the men, ladies, you have to take a minute to hand it to these women for exhibiting a side that is not appreciated enough. Fine, that is hardly a good enough reason. So tomorrow, I promise a countdown especially for the ladies. Until then, be right back. Now that one is pun intended!

The Bollywood Spit Chain!

In Bollywood, the phrase, “What’s yours in mine,” applies in every which way. Sometimes its films; other times, its people. It’s as though our stars love to play Pass the Parcel with regards to the special ones in their lives of course. And so if actress A is seen in the bahon mein of actor B, very shortly after, she can be seen in the arms of actor C too. Growing up in school, we adopted a Spit Chain theory. Via this funda, we were able theoretically determine which of our mates had “swapped spit” unknowingly. When it comes to our Bollywood stars, they happen to be rock stars on screen and even in the chain. While in some instances, the chain can get complicated (read: knotted and how), it is interesting to see how many of our favorite celebs are spittingly connected to one another.

Kareena-Shahid-Bipasha
This one is hot off the press. While Kareena Kapoor’s most grandest performance has been her rendition of Geet in Jab We Met with Shahid Kapur, it was her relationship with her co-star which had tongues a-wagging. However it was very quickly after JWM that their relationship came it an end. The actors then moved on to other people. Bebo found solace in the arms of Saif Ali Khan while Shahid was seen out and about with a bunch of ladies. But more recently, he’s been spotted with love bites courtesy of his latest lady love, one Bipasha Basu. After her breakup with John Abraham, the fate of Bips’ love life was rather misconstrued. However, Shahid and Bipasha, have chosen to keep their newbie relationship on the
down-low…for now at least. And in more recent news, Bips has supposedly moved onto Rana Daggubati. Oh Bips, how quick she moves.

Nitty-Gritty’s: Bipasha and Saif have been said to been seeing each other at one point while Bips and Bebo haven’t seen eye-to-eye on too many occasions.

Karisma-Abhishek-Ash-Salman
Karisma Kapoor and Abhishek Bachchan were the golden couple in Bollywood after they announced their engagement. However, their engagement saw the same fate as their movies together: flop. While Karisma went on to move on from Abhishek to one Delhi industrialist, Bachchan junior found himself gravitating towards a newly singled Aishwarya Rai. She of course, had gotten out of a controversial relationship with Salman Khan and Vivek Oberoi. Very quickly, shading from the media’s glare, they indulged in quite a romantic relationship and soon, found themselves marrying with a baby on the way.

Nitty-Gritty’s: Salman Khan and Karisma Kapoor happen to be incredibly good friends and have starred in a number of hit films together.

Raveena-Shilpa-Akshay-Twinkle (with a pinch of Priyanka)
Back in the nineties, it was Raveena Tandon and Akshay Kumar who were happening in Tinseltown. Their raunchy dance numbers and many films together had people talking and how. Rumors even spoke of a hidden marriage between the two. However, all fell apart with Raveena choosing to marry an industrialist while Akshay moved on to the very svelte Shilpa Shetty. In a hush-hush relationship, they danced to a Chura Ke Dil Mera until overnight Akshay appeared on stage married to Twinkle Khanna. Shilpa became a thing of the past. But it was not all blissful sadly. Twinkle and Akshay appeared to be hunky dory until Priyanka Chopra entered the filmy scene…and Akshay’s life. A sizzling affair between the two began until he was caught red-handed by his wifey and thus, quickly decided to lead a life of ghulaami.

Nitty-Gritty’s: In between Raveena and Shilpa, Akshay was seen out and about with Pooja Batra too.

Ranbir: Sonam-Deepika-Katrina-Nargis and so on...
Now where to start with Ranbir Kapoor’s Spit Chain? His starts far beyond anyone can even remember! As far my Bollywood memory can take me back, he’s been seen smooching nearly every heroine of his. It all started with his first co-star Sonam Kapoor. Now the duo have gone on to say they never had a love relationship. “We grew up together!” they said in unison. And then Ranbir was in a full-fledged pyar with the long legged Deepika Padukone. They were seen everywhere together until she wanted more; shaadi that is. He said, “No!” and waved adios. Moving on swiftly, he found himself in the company of Katrina Kaif. Yet again a round of, “We’re just friends!” happened. We yawned until he grew bored of her and then he was seen chilling on the sets of an upcoming film with newbie costar, Nargis Fakhri.

Nitty-Gritty’s: Supposedly there have been a couple of gals in between. But who’s keeping count?

Emraan Hashmi: He in himself is an institution in the world of The Spit Chain. The actor has swapped saliva with so many actresses, it really is hard to keep track. Thus, the kissing/serial kisser takes the cake and cherry when it comes to The Spit Chain and so, courtesy of Emraan Hashmi, the entire industry has practically kissed on another.

Nitty-Gritty's: Mallika Sherawat claims Hashmi isn't such a fab kisser after all but who believes her....right?

100 Word Review: Desi Boyz

Apparently when recession hits, the best alternate job includes becoming an escort; irrespective of your gender. (Poonam Pandey explained?) Jerry and Nick do the same but in the bargain land up losing a lot more than they expected including dignity. Desi Boyz is total time pass. Akshay and John are simply average with the latter slightly ahead courtesy of his shirtless scenes. Deepika is meh, but Chitrangada is super fiery hot! Sanjay Dutt makes you want to puke. Debut director Rohit Dhawan does well though; the film keeps you awake; thankfully. Watch for the music and for hot “topless” John.

Karan Johar - Paris Hilton: #SamePerson

Karan and Paris: Same to Same

I’m a bit amused at all the hoopla surrounding Paris Hilton’s arrival to India. I’m also slightly unsure as to why it’s even a big deal. Sure she's here to launch some accessory line (yeah, I won't be buying. I like my accessories as Desi as they get) but so what? As of now, I’ve received a number of emails asking me if, “I’d like to party with the Heiress, the icon, the falana.” Of course, I smirk and hit the delete button. But again I ask, what is the big bloody deal? And then I started to ponder about a few things. For starters, who is the equivalent to Paris Hilton in India? And if we have one, would they receive the same ruckus as Paris is?

Let’s first define what makes a Paris Hilton who she is. Bratty tendencies. Sex tape. Social butterfly. Hit reality show. Money bag. Celebutante. What is she famous for? Nothing really. The girl lacks any talent nor does she really have any vocation. Keeping that in mind, here are a few options for equivalents from India.

Parmeshwar Godrej: She doesn’t really work. Too old.

Sonam Kapoor: As much as I believe she lacks any sense of talent, she does work hard. And no sex tape. Blah. 

Siddhartha Mallya: He’s pretty much famous for his last name and nailing Deepika Padukone.

Karan Johar: For some reason, I feel like K Jo is the closest thing to Paris Hilton that we’ll ever get in India. The only thing lacking from ensuring K-Jo’s position as Paris Hilton’s parallel— a sex tape. And I’m pretty sure there is one lurking around somewhere.

So crowning Karan Johar as India’s answer to Paris Hilton means that she would receive the same reception in country XYZ, yes? Don’t count on it. Look no Indian celebrity gets the same reception as the Hilton Heiress does because they are a) not as important and b) not as well known. And this after Karan Johar’s My Name is Khan is really a worldwide ‘phenomenon’ or so he claims. The number of times we hear of K Jo chilling in Los Angeles or in London is uncountable. But how often do you hear of the media going nuts over Karan Johar’s arrival being newsworthy? And really, how many invitations do you get to party with Karan. More importantly, if you did receive such an invite, why on earth would you even go? By the same token, why on earth would anyone want to party with Paris? She speaks like a lame duck, lacks any sense of intelligence but more importantly, and this one is for the guys, she is definitely not going to make a sex tape….with you. Just saying.

I think we need to really reevaluate who we think is important enough to party with. For example, I’ll party with Jennifer Lopez, she’s still more real than Ms. Hilton. But if you think I’ll spend money on partying with Paris Hilton, then er, no thanks not really. And since she can swim in money, why on earth should I even have to pay a dime! Hello! If people in America are not gonna pay any attention to Karan Johar, then peace out. I ain’t gonna bother with Paris. Even if Karan can’t spell and I’ve promised not to be friends with him until he learns how to spell Koffee, I mean Coffee. Oh look, yet another similarity. They both can’t spell. If you needed anymore consolation… well here it is. Over and out.

P.S. I just read that the likes of Simi Garewal and Karan Johar have actually snubbed Paris Hilton's visit. Yeh lo. Yehi suna baaki reh gaya tha.

100 Word Review: Aarakshan

Aarakshan (Reservations) sets out to illustrate the problems in the education system courtesy of the caste system and corruption within India. But it never really manages to fully explicate the issues at hand. Instead, it becomes a film about retribution and new beginnings in the end. If you need any reason to watch Prakash Jha’s film, then watch it for the powerful dialogues and phenomenal performance by Amitabh Bachchan. He is outstanding. The rest of cast does an apt job with Prateik looking completely lost. It manages to make a impact with its solid plot but it misses the target.

100 Word Review: Dum Maaro Dum

Rohan Sippy is back again with yet another twisted film…which makes no real sense. Set in Goa, Dum Maaro Dum tells a story about love and deceit, ambition and money, drugs and sex. A desperate U.S. bound student, a corrupt cop, an ambitious air stewardess all get involved in a drug scam. DMD attempts to create a sense of mystery but only makes you yawn. Besides young Prateik Babbar, the rest of the cast, Bachchan Jr. included do an average job. But this is only because the script is so lackluster and confusing. Only reason to watch? Deepika’s item song.

Bollywood Retro Music Kill!

See, I'm all about New Age Hindi films and the progression of Hindi music in India today. It's moving along just right and yes, we are capable of competing at international levels. Our musicians are rock stars! But they happen to also be murderers. Yes, they rape, kill and ruin Hindi music from time to time. And yet again, we are witnessing or rather hearing, another khoon! The murder of Retro Hindi Music. It hurts people, dard hota hai yaar. I've never been for the idea of remaking popular old school films but recreating old hits, remixing them and then destroying the very essence of them? Now, that is plain sick. It started with copy-cat and chor Pritam. His rendition of Dum Maro Dum made my heart ache. How? How could he take a classic, which was sung by Asha Bhosle and danced to by the foxy and fine Zeenat Aman, and slaughter it so damn bad? If you haven't heard/seen the song, I suggest you don't. Or maybe you should. But you've been warned and if you want to pull your hair out, I understand.

While I have no khunaas with Anushka Manchanda and Deepika Padukone, singer and dancer to the 2011 version, no one can replace Bhosle and Zeenat Baby. No one. But what irks me the most is the manner in which the song has been demolished. The aatma (soul) of the track has completely vanished. It's been remixed, changed and destroyed. The intro gives you hope for something upbeat and exciting. Then, the lyrics start. And you are left gobsmacked. One line actually goes, "Unche se uncha banda, potty pe baithe nanga". Enough said.

And as if Bollywood didn't enjoy destructing one of Zeenat's best songs, they went ahead and killed another, Laila Oh Laila. Sigh. Why Bollywood, why? Kyun kar rahe ho aisa? My association with Laila Oh Laila goes all the back to my childhood days. It's my connection to retro music for heavens sake! Forget that it's a cult number that I adore because it bought together the hottest couple of the eighties, Feroz-my-favorite-Khan and Zeenat-hubba-hubba-Aman, but instead of keeping it aesthitically enticing, it's been belittled by Yana Gupta. Yuck! Her gyrating ways are vulgar and so last year. Been there, done that Yana. I don't remember Zeeny gyrating at all. It was all about being sexy without trying. Mathematically put, Yana + Laila < Zeenat + Laila. She completely whores it out completely.

Look, it's fine to incorporate cult-hits to your films but please do so respectfully. Don't ruin music that is legendary. I don't remember the last time I heard a good remix which means...avoid. This year, Bollywood has mindlessly managed to destroy two Zeeny baby songs only to make them sound tacky and tasteless. And I'll never forgive you for that Bollywood. Katti.

Give me some Jhankar Beats remixed numbers anyday!

Back and how!

I do apologize for being away for so long. After my slight break, I found myself the shikar of a bad throat viral which is not fun. But I'm back and rocking as usual. Lots going on in Bollywood - so its time for quick one liners I believe!

Reema Kagti's next will feature Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor and Rani Mukherjee! Excited yet?

Sonam Kapoor and Deepika Padukone are officially down in Rishi Kapoor's bad books after they both went on to call his son and their co-star Ranbir Kapoor, "unstylish" and "unfaithful" respectively. Yikes!

Manisha Koirala went on to claim she had "divorce on her mind" on Facebook after a spat with her husband and is now apparently living with her parents. Uh-oh!

Yana Gupta was spotted without any underwear roaming in Mumbai and while she has been fined in the city, a number of European magazines want her to pose naked for heaps of dough. Great! She has more money to buy underwear.

Guzaarish is out and while the film hasn't managed to do too well at the box office, Hrithik Roshan has walked away with accolades galore. Salman Khan however, has been heard taking pot shots at film claiming not even a "dog" has gone to see Guzaarish. So much gussa towards old pal Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Salman Bhai?

Can Sonakshi Sinha do it without Salman Khan? Karan Johar is asking himself this very question since he is keen on signing on Sonakshi for a film. Her answer, "Of course I can!"

Imran Khan claims he loves the chocolate boy title but is need of more experimental films. Right.

Apparently, Ranbir Kapoor is still love with ex-flame Deepika Padukone and has been seen hanging around her building asking the security guard to let him go on up to her apartment.

Rent a Star for New Years!

If you're looking to rent a star to make your New Years a Bollywood-filled night, they are up for rent...or they were last year at least. Of course, they will merely perform for you - so don't get any other ideas now! What are the going rates? Check it out!

Katrina Kaif - 2 crores

Bipasha Basu - 1.8 crores

Deepika Padukone - 1 crore (That was last year, probably gone up this year)

Amisha Patel - 60 Lakhs

Mallika Sherawat - 80 Lakhs

Too pricey? They're Bollywood stars! They can charge whatever they want.

Koffee with Karan: Deepika and Sonam

The boys came and conquered; they both spoke volumes about their leading ladies ala Sonam Kapoor and Deepika Padukone. Did they know the girls would follow them in the next episode? Food for thought eh? Check out the teaser for next weeks episode!

Koffee with Karan: Teaser and Details!

While Koffee with Karan, in my opinion, is just a number of stars sucking up to Karan Johar and vice versa, it doesn't fail to entertain. And despite the fact that it is not my favorite chat show (On the Couch with Koel, zindabad!), I will be catching every episode of season 3 because of the incredible jodi's that will join KJo on his couch for a cuppa joe. The episodes couples will include a directors special featuring Raj Kumar Hirani, Imtiaz Ali and Farah Khan while a separate episode will finally bring together the Devgns: Ajay and Kajol. Of course, Shah Rukh Khan will be seen with Gauri but in addition, Aamir will feature with his wifey Kiran Rao all in time for Dhobi Ghat. Then we will have a heartthrob episode which will bring buddies, Imran Khan and Ranbir Kapoor - hubba hubba! And then, rivals-now-friends Deepika Padukone and Sonam Kapoor will grace the couch. Of course, Karan has gone on to say that the boys are not rivals, and if they are, they are the "coolest rivals" he's ever seen. Touche. As for the girls, they were apparently super "relaxed" with one another. But first up, Abhishek and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. The couple apparently talk all things about their marriage and their grand wedding. Check out the teaser below!

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Imran: Thanda Thanda Chemistry!

Is it me or does Imran Khan not have the capability to romance onscreen? He always appears incredibly cold and fearful of his leading ladies. The only one he managed to look somewhat in love with was Genelia D'Souza in Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. Beyond that, he has looked hardly in love with his heroines or the script of the film even. He made a fool of himself when Minnisha Lamba was seducing him in Kidnap; looked far too friendish with Shruti Hassan in Luck and don't even get me started on the brother-sister vibe he shared with Sonam Kapoor in I Hate Luv Storys. Eek and cringe! So now, if that wasn't enough discomfort, he is ready to attempt and light up the screen with Katrina Kaif in Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. And then to take it further, he has to romance the rather lanky and tall Deepika Padukone in Break Ke Baad. Erm...if Neil Nitin Mukesh couldn't work it with Deepika, I honestly doubt Imran will be able to. Take a look at the first looks of both films and tell me you don't feel another bhai-bahen wala pyar coming on. Yuck!