Do's and Don'ts for Celebs in the New Year!

2013 is only moments away and this means, it’s a good time to start afresh. For our Bollywood stars, this means they get to put the past behind them—the flop films, controversies and any other pieces of the year they’d prefer to forget. But there are some of our favorite Bollywood actors who need some help in making these resolutions. And who better but us to help them!

Bipasha Basu
It’s a real easy one for Bipasha Basu. All she really needs to do is fine a man who will marry her and her problems with be solved. And while she’s at it, can she please sign a film in which we do not need to see all of her body? I would like to see a fully clad Bipasha for a change.

Shah Rukh Khan
Shah Rukh Khan should vow to stay away from drinking, cricket, slapping people and lastly, he should run in the opposite direction from Priyanka Chopra.

Saif Ali Khan
Maybe post marriage, Kareena Kapoor can learn to cook. That way, Saif Ali Khan will stay away from hotel restaurants and thus, will not go around hitting other guests.

Rani Mukherjee
Get married and stop acting, Rani. Please spare us with another nonsensical film where we are forced to watch you overact and belly dance. Please.

Priyanka Chopra
Stay away from married men.

Ajay Devgn
Honestly Ajay, all this hoopla you created around Son of Sardar is very unlike you. Please go back to your subtle ungimmicky ways, please. We like you in silent mode.

Shahid Kapoor
If you follow Shahid Kapoor on Twitter, you know that he has serious issues with grammar and spelling. This year, maybe the actor can take some English lessons to help improve his tweets.

Karan Johar
K Jo should just promise he won’t torture us with anymore cheesy films or another season of Koffee with Karan in 2013.

Katrina Kaif
Do not kiss any co-stars in 2013 because she makes kissing looking icky and uncomfortable.

John Abraham
Please solve your issues with Bipasha and give us a break, John. We’re tired of listening to the stories and gossip.

~
First published Bollywood Hungama, December 31st, 2012

Fashion Fail: B-town ladies who messed it up!

There are those who are fashion forward. And then there are fashion fools. While the former know how to keep it chic and chick, the latter choose to pile it on and well, commit some of the most classic fashion faux pas known to mankind. Within the film industry they come in two groups: the stylish and the garish. The stylish, we mimic; the garish drive you ballistic. Here are some ladies who failed to get the: 'Please take a second look before you leave your house' memo and landed up looking, well, looking like this.

Kajol

She gave the fashion disaster world hope, she really did. But Kajol has proved that once a fashion victim, always a fashion victim. She's never really been one of the more stylish actresses around. In fact, she was branded as an actress with zero style quotient and we had made our peace with it. 'At least she can act,' we told ourselves. And then 2012 she came out ready to rock the fashion world. Then this happens. At the recent GQ Men's Award, Kajol turned up, husband by her side in a silver Prabal Gurung dress looking well, odd. The dress fit awkwardly around her body making her look wider while the length of her gown exposed her legs and ghastly shoes. We'd much rather see her in classic ethic wear which she manages to carry off with finesse.

Bipasha Basu

For an actress who has such a hot bod, Bipasha Basu sure got it wrong with a Shrivan-Narresh sari. First and foremost, the color palette didn't work for the dusky beauty and all that skin show, which was supposed to make her look like a Kama Sutra model, we believe, made her look vulgar instead. While the bikini blouse normally looks flattering on svelte actresses like herself, it just didn't work for Bips. The thin straps made her shoulders look broader and sari itself looked like a bed sheet. Add to that a dated hairstyle and someone please call fashion police!

Rani Mukerji

So I guess for Rani, it was convenience meets fashion, i.e. night wear meets sleep wear. Ms. Mukerji turned up to best bud Karan Johar's birthday bash in a silver unfitted gown which could have easily doubled as a night gown. Not only did she look incredibly bulky, but there was nothing relatively good about her look. Even the deep back couldn't help sex up her outfit. And that awful up do make her look a lot older. Sadly her career and fashion sense are in need of help, pronto!

Shenaz Treasuryvala

If you're not a well known actress and you are limited on the work you do, shouldn't you really be more cautious about your sense of style at least? You'd think Shenaz Treasuryvala would be a bit smarter with her choice of clothing in hopes to bag a film or two. But instead, she gives us a drabby take on a cut out top and an unnecessarily striped skirt. And what is up with those awful wedges? No, no, no, Shenaz! We know you like to keep it sexy, but this is trashy.

Ekta Kapoor

She may be the queen of soaps but she sure doesn't have the fashion sense of one. Where do we even begin with Ekta Kapoor? Whether it's her wretched choice of shoes - those chunky platforms slippers, which follow her everywhere, or her choice of clothes which no one really gets, it's just fashion mayhem for the savviest Kapoor in town. Normally, most of the rather awkwardly fashioned ladies in Bollywood seem to get it right with their ethnic wear. Not Ekta. She fails in that department too. It's rather sad though, she does have a pretty face.

It's fine if you want to do be different to make a fashion statement, but ladies, the only reason you should be dressing this way is if you're starring in a Ram Gopal Varma horror film. Which none of you are…are you?

~

First published Bollywood Hungama, October 20, 2012 

Problem, Problem, Problem!

To say that I have a problem with everything is like saying that I love Bollywood; DUH! I really do have an issue with everything in the world. But more recently, it’s my favorite topic, Bollywood that has been really giving me a hard time. A lot of issues that are currently giving me sleepless nights are all courtesy of our filmmakers and on occasion, the stars of the films too. You see, they seem to be irking me with the amount of nonsense they seem to be throwing my way. And since Hong Kong has happened, I've been spending a lot of my free time in front of the telly tuned into MTV. Hence, the issues.

Heroine

Problem #2: I want this dress.

My problem with Heroine is that you need to take an antidepressant after! How on earth anyone can sit through such Negative Nancy film is beyond me. I woke up the next day feeling really blue. Madhur Bandarkar isn’t one who makes ‘feel good’ films but was it necessary to make a film that makes you want to jump off the nearest bridge? And while Bebo rocked as Mahi, at no point in time did I feel an ounce of pity for her character. How on earth Bebo got through the film without falling into a deep case of misery, is beyond me.

Jab Tak Hain Jaan
Oh, dear lord, where to begin with this? I have a big huge problem with Challa, for starters. SRK has single-handedly ruined a beautiful song by dancing around like a spaz. And what is up with Yash Uncle believing that SRK in a beard. Ray Bans and a uniform connotes for a hit film? What kind of 1993 formula is that? But all this aside, its SRK repeatedly chiming the “Jab Tak Hain Jaan” line in the promos that really make me want to pull my hair out! That wannabe orgasmic voice of his is the biggest put off and repetition doesn’t make it any sexier.

Student of the Year
Sigh. Karan, Karan, Karan. What are we going to do with you? I think you should start paying for my sleep aid. Whether it’s your rather odd cast, the cheesiness that is oozing from the promos or the randomness that is Ishq Wala Love, it all makes me want to…puke! I’m not sure what the point of your film is. But then I’m not sure what the point of most your films are anyway, so why should this be any different I suppose.

K.L.P.D.
My problem is simple. Mallaika Sherawat and Vivek Oberoi. Together. In a film. And it’s called KLPD.

Aiyyaa
Umm, I love the soundtrack of the film because it’s catchy and funky. But my issue is with Rani and her new found love for her jiggling belly. It’s really not a fun sight so I think she should kinda sorta hide it. And as excited as I am for the film, I prefer a non-jiggling Rani, i.e. a fully clad

Some wise man has said, "Every problem has a solution." Can some other wise man please tell me what the solution is exactly?

The Bollywood Mashup!

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about Bollywood, no? It’s been a while since I’ve blogged at all in fact. But moving and adjusting has taken a bit of a toll on me. However, all is good and I promise regular posts from here on. Okay so yes, Bollywood, what is going on? I’ve been quietly observing you lately and I am mighty worried.

For starters, there is Priyanka Chopra, who is making her singing (read: auto tune) debut. So here’s the deal. You’re Indian, you’re an ex Miss World and yet you pose like Rihanna in glittery pumps and sing in an American accent? Errr, somewhere something doesn’t make sense. I would have had heaps of respect for P.C. if she had put some Indian element to the single. Instead, we get a very wannabe-ish attempt and a completely auto tuned voice which not only puts one off but makes you put Piggy Chops back in the “Get Outta Town” bracket. I’m not a P.C. fan by default – she’s far too pretentious for me, but at least I would have had some respect for the lady. Sheee!

And then there is Rani Mukherjee in Aiyya. By now you’ve all seen Dreamum Wakeupum. And if you haven’t, refrain or else you will be scarred for life. Why is it that every actress above the age of 32 feels that the only way they can stick around is to put on Silk Smitha acts ala Vidya Balan in The Dirty Picture? Rani, Rani, Rani, you are far better than that. It’s not the song that is awful – no, no, it’s actually one helluva catchy track. The lyrics are funky even. It’s Rani jiggling and bouncing around that is very painful. 

If you were missing Preity Zinta, look no further because she is back. Um, you remember when Preity could smile and emote? Yeah, she can’t do that anymore courtesy of all that work that she’s had done on her face. In fact, her expression in the promo has been stationary whether she smiles, smirks and even looks upset. It’s all the same. Ishqk in Paris is her comeback film but I’d rather see her charming face come back versus her rather plastic face. The film looks funnish, I guess. There’s a shaadi number also which I think is supposed to be a crowd drawer but it’s very meh. Also, her dimples seem to missing...conspiracy theory?

What do I say about my Bebo Didi aka Kareena Kapoor? With her wedding on the horizon and Heroine on the brink of release, she sure does have a lot on her plate. But I’m rather worried for Bebo Didi. You see, I have a gut feeling Heroine isn’t going to work. And here’s my funda; Heroine is really just an extension of Fashion. What is the difference between the life of a model and of an actress? Very little, no? The struggles and lifestyle are almost identical. So what newness and freshness can Madhur Bhandarkar bring to the audiences? What do we NOT already know about the film industry that The Dirty Picture hasn’t told us? In my opinion, this is actually a film that should not be made and if anything, the role should have been taken on by a newcomer. Bebo could have easily waited for something incredibly different from the Bhandarkar house to have been a part of. Fingers crossed that I’m wrong though!

For all you Sridevi fans, English Vinglish is nearly here and by god, it looks fabulous! Not only does she look like a million bucks but her acting seems to have improved too. I have a feeling this will be an underplayed performance by Sri backed by a good script. And yes, she will be dancing!

Of course, you all know I’m dreading Student of the Year. Karan Johar’s candy floss films really get on my nerves. I have no issues with teeny-bop films but please make them somewhat relatable. 

Oh, so before I leave you, a lot of folks have been asking for my 2012 picks. So, here are the films I’ve enjoyed so far this year:

Agneepath – Fabulous remake!

Tere Naal Love Ho Gaya – Super cute.

Paan Singh Tomar – It stars Irrfan Khan; enough said.

Vicky Donor – Easily the film of the year – smart, funny, entertaining.

Ishaqzaade – Surprise performances and a good storyline.

Shanghai – Emraan Hashmi and Abhay Deol work this political drama to the core.

Gangs of Wasseypur – Rustic and a great film to learn gaalis from.

Bol Bachchan – While this is all Ajay Devgn, Abhishek really impresses.

Cocktail – Cheeseball film of the year with Deepika Padukone stealing the limelight.

Ek Tha Tiger – Eff the 100 Crore club, this one went on to make 200! Salman Khan underplays his role and how! Katrina kicks ass real well, great music, good sights, entertaining, short and fun!

In Bollywood, Size Doesn't Matter!

Every year we’re bombarded with films that everyone watches courtesy of big budgets, huge star casts and of course, item numbers. But a lot of the time, the best films of the year are ones that are low on budget, small in stars but deep in substance. And these are the movies you more than often ignore. Bad idea. I could sit here and tell you which biggies to watch, but I pass. You’ll figure that out for yourself. So instead, I’ll do just the opposite. While most of 2012’s films have tentative release dates, check out these smaller films you may want to miss but probably shouldn't.

London, Paris, New York
What: Ali Zafar is back in 2012 in Anu Menon’s love story, London, Paris, New York. In hopes to bring back old school Bollywood romance, it follows the lives of two diverse people who fall in love in three cities over eight years.

Why:  Three awesome cities, romance and one very cute Ali Zafar…need I say more?


Bittoo Boss
What: Starring new kids Pulkit Samrat and Amita Pathak, Bittoo Boss is quite simply is about a man whose job is to record weddings.

Why: This could quite easily be the Band Baaja Baraat of the year. Add to that, this is the same production house that bought us the very cool bromance Pyaar Ka Punchnama last year. And and and, the film’s dialogues are apparently causing the censors nightmares!

Paan Singh Tomar
What: Irrfan Khan and Mahi Gill bring to the screen, the true life story of a runner turned rebel. In order to escape poverty, Tomar, joins the Indian National Games and living an honest life, he becomes a “baaghi” who causes mayhem in the Chambal Valley.

Why: True life stories always tend to be inspirational and this one is about a man we know far too little about.



Maximum
What: This underworld drama is about two cops who are at loggerheads courtesy of a dire situation that occurs in Mumbai. They find themselves looking for extreme power in Maximum City. Not only will the system be tested but so will their integrity.

Why: Check out the cast: Sonu Sood, Naseeruddin Shah, Neha Dhupia, Vinay Pathak, Arya Babbar. Expect powerhouse performances and an engaging plot.

Aiyaa
What: When a Marathi gal, played by Rani Mukherji meets South boy, Prithviraj, love happens. And of course, at the same time, a culture clash too.

Why: Believe it or not, this rom-com is actually written by Anurag Kashyap.



Of course, you should catch the biggies too. But if you do get an afternoon free this year, you must must must catch one of the above.  Enjoy!

Rani Mukherjee on Turning 30!

Rani Mukherjee may not always be my favorite actress, but she is definitely a good actress. At her best, she really can steal the limelight from the best. She made her comeback with No One Killed Jessica and on the onset, made an impression. Personally, I loved her in the film because of her depiction as a feisty journalist looking to make a difference. R.M. (yes, I'm biased towards her because she shares my intials!) turned another year old this year and instead of giving a bashan on how we can be better people, she went on to give advice to young ladies under the age of 30. Titled "What You Should Do Before 30 by Rani Mukherjee", check out her top 10 things to do before you reach the Big 3 along with my comments.

Rani Says: "Do something physically adventurous: One should always take risks when you are in your twenties or when you are a teenager. But take risks that does not ruin or harm you. I have for the longest time been thinking of doing deep sea diving and even sky diving and it’s my aim that I will do it soon. I’m a total water baby and I love anything to do with water. I’m just waiting for the right time to plan and do sea diving and have a super experience doing it. So, all of you who haven’t done things that are adventurous go for it now."

Roshni Says: This piece of advice I completely agree with. Look, life is short and if you don't get out and do something dare devilish, then basically you really haven't lived. As they say, " If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space." Now if only Rani would tell us which Extreme Sport she's indulged in, eh?

Rani Says: "Be at the top of your game: You need to be at the top of your game when you are in your 30s for sure. So, plan well and take your chances. 30s should shape how your life will be so that you can enjoy your 40s or 50s but for that you need to push yourself the hardest in your 20s. But hey, make sure you balance your life well. All work and no play makes anyone dull. I didn’t even realise when I touched 30 because right through my 20s I was working so hard and travelling so much. But it’s definitely been worth it."
Roshni Says: Agree again. So many times we get so bogged down with being successful that I forget that life is also about living. I'm at that point in my life but that doesn't mean I don't want to sit and enjoy everything else around me. So now, I take out time for myself every weekend to just sit and do things I wouldn't have time for otherwise...even if it's just cleaning my closet!

Rani Says: "Go on a all-girl/boy vacation: Any country. Any city. Being with same sex group is always somehow more fun. So, definitely go for one and have a blast. When you settle down, these things are difficult to you to do. So, before you turn 30 – unwind and travel a lot. Though I have travelled a lot, I didn’t get to enjoy the cities as much as I would have wanted to because I was constantly working."
Roshni Says: I never got a chance to do this courtesy of my committments to work and so on. However, this advice I will take heed to. I do agree with her "same sex is fun" angle. It's always a blast with the girls!

Rani Says: "Know yourself: Know what you want in life and get it too. There is no point in knowing what you can achieve and don’t do it. Know your strengths, weakness, and accept yourself unconditionally. Know who are the people in your life that matter, and be able to spot a fake from a mile away. Have enough self-love to avoid and break off unhealthy friendships and relationships."

Roshni Says: This virtue takes time to learn. It has taken me years to finally love myself and believe that I am not worth anyone's nonsense. In fact only now do I finally recognize where my strengths and weaknesses lie and I love myself..Just.The.Way.I.Am.

Rani Says: "Do volunteer work: This is very important and I think that every person must do some sort of voluntary work. Doing small things for others makes me feel good. I think we are all born to help each other out. Have a cause in which you believe. Improving your world, make it a better place to live in not just for you but also for others."


Roshni Says: So true. I don't feel I give back enough. This change will happen.

Rani Says: "A healthy relationship with your parents: It is very important to have a great relationship with parents because no matter what it is only your parents that you can completely fall back upon every single time. You cannot ever repay your parents for what they have done for you, so don’t try to ever do that. Be respectful and always grateful. Their love for us is unconditional and it should be vice versa."

Roshni Says: Can't agree more. I couldn't be more thankful for such great parents and the relationship I have with them now.

Rani Says: "Have a bank balance: Definitely at 30 you should have a bank balance to live life and pamper yourself so in your 20s work hard to rest on your laurels. By 30, you should’ve saved up for a hefty fund and put away a sizeable chunk away. Hopefully you have been saving up every month, and investing it wisely. get your dream home, own your dream car."


Roshni Says: Agree x 1000. Please read the above ladies, that is some solid advice.

Rani Says: "Have your heartbroken: Falling out of love is just as important as falling in love. You have to do the entire ritual. It has happened to me and it has made me wiser. So, definitely don’t be afraid of falling in love in your 20s even if your heart breaks into pieces. At 30 one should never have a heart break."
Roshni Says: Guessing Rani is referring to all her broken relationships (Abhishek, Govinda et al) but this is also very true. I always tell every young boy and girl that until they haven't had their heart broken, they'll never understand what real love is. It's a grand experience.

Rani Says: "Fall truly deeply, madly in love: I don’t think there’s a right age of falling in love so yes strike this off from your wishlist. You can fall in love madly and deeply at any age but be wise to know that it is love and not lust which burns away and leave you with nothing."
Roshni Says: I think Rani also forgot to add that you should "fall truly, madly, deeply in love" with the right person! Being in love is a fab feeling so enjoy it and bask in the glory if you've found the right man.


Rani Says: "Lose your virginity: If you still haven’t, it’s already too late. So, before you turn 30, if you feel right, lose it but only with the right guy because it is also all about feeling love."
Roshni Says: Don't know about this one. And it's ranked as her number one piece of advice too. Hmm... I don't think there is a set age to lose your virginity by. Erm...my advice is lose it to someone you are sure you don't mind thinking back (if God forbids things go sour) not feeling icky about giving it up to them. Love would be nice but sometimes, it's hormonal. And I guess that works too!

100 Word Review: No One Killed Jessica

After Jessica Lall is brutally murdered by a politician’s son, her sister Sabrina (Vidya Balan) looks to fight for her justice in the city of Delhi. When justice is denied, Meera (Rani Mukherji) takes it upon herself to fight for what she deserves. Packed with fabulous performances, No One Killed Jessica is a beautiful film which talks about power, corruption and the correct use of the media in such situations. Vidya underplays beautifully while Rani is cruelly loud in all the right ways. Director Rajkumar Gupta juts out an apt film which needed to be made. Beautiful start to 2011.

Aali Re Saali Re Rani Re!

This is a must watch! Rani Mukherjee at her best in Aali Re Saali Re from No One Killed Jessica. The profanity and foulness! Beautiful. Me loves! How freakin' awesome is Amit Trivedi?

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Back and how!

I do apologize for being away for so long. After my slight break, I found myself the shikar of a bad throat viral which is not fun. But I'm back and rocking as usual. Lots going on in Bollywood - so its time for quick one liners I believe!

Reema Kagti's next will feature Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor and Rani Mukherjee! Excited yet?

Sonam Kapoor and Deepika Padukone are officially down in Rishi Kapoor's bad books after they both went on to call his son and their co-star Ranbir Kapoor, "unstylish" and "unfaithful" respectively. Yikes!

Manisha Koirala went on to claim she had "divorce on her mind" on Facebook after a spat with her husband and is now apparently living with her parents. Uh-oh!

Yana Gupta was spotted without any underwear roaming in Mumbai and while she has been fined in the city, a number of European magazines want her to pose naked for heaps of dough. Great! She has more money to buy underwear.

Guzaarish is out and while the film hasn't managed to do too well at the box office, Hrithik Roshan has walked away with accolades galore. Salman Khan however, has been heard taking pot shots at film claiming not even a "dog" has gone to see Guzaarish. So much gussa towards old pal Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Salman Bhai?

Can Sonakshi Sinha do it without Salman Khan? Karan Johar is asking himself this very question since he is keen on signing on Sonakshi for a film. Her answer, "Of course I can!"

Imran Khan claims he loves the chocolate boy title but is need of more experimental films. Right.

Apparently, Ranbir Kapoor is still love with ex-flame Deepika Padukone and has been seen hanging around her building asking the security guard to let him go on up to her apartment.

Rani Mukherjee: Back in Action!

Now this is more like it! Rani Mukherjee should have made her so-called comeback with No One Killed Jessica. The trailer had me going insane with happiness - so great to see her back in action Rani style. The film looks mighty powerful with Rani puffing on a cigarette as she plays a newsreporter who is search of justice. With Vidya Balan by her side, you can be sure this one is going to rock and give us a number of powerhouse performances ala the leading ladies.

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No One Killed Jessica: First Look!

It looks good! And Rani Mukherjee looks like she finally back in action -- praise the lord!! The film follows the true life story of Jessica Lal who was murdered. Rani plays her lawyer while Vidya Balan plays Jessica's sister. With music by the awesome Amit Trivedi, this one looks stellar!

More Being Human...

And because I am slightly obsessed with Salman's Being Human show, check out the best part of the show: the end ramp walk. I'm a fan of the tees!!

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Salman Rocks at Being Human!

The best show by far at the HDIL Couture Fashion Week was Salman Khan's "Being Human" show. Last year, the actor asked all his male counterparts to walk the ramp and this year, he called upon his favorite leading ladies to do the honors. The fashion show was a dedication to the years in fashion that had gone. The likes of Katrina Kaif, Kareena Kapoor, Karisma Kapoor, Priyanka Chopra, Sushmita Sen, Preity Zinta, Rani Mukherji and Bipasha Basu all did the catwalk in designerwear by a number of designers before they re-walked the ramp in Being Human wifebeaters (I want I want!) towards the end. Who was the showstopper? Try all of them! Now, some of the ladies have had some serious beef with each other in past, but claim that they have all put their issues aside and had a blast working the ramp together. True or not, we'll never know but they sure had us fooled when they walked hand-in-hand with one another and Salman at the end of the show. Check out the pictures from what was easily the mother of all shows at the 2010 HDIL Couture Week!

Salman Khan: Being Fearlessly Dabangg!

Sushmita Sen: Owning the Ramp!

Rani Mukherjee: B(l)ack Again? 

Priyanka Chopra: Not So Anjaani! 

Bipasha Basu: Bring it on! 

Kareena Kapoor: Are You Ready For This?

Katrina Kaif: Lady in Red!

Preity Zinta is B(l)ack in the 20's

Karisma Kapur: Sari or not, she stuns! 

Being Human: The Ladies and the Ulimate Khan!

KBC: Who You'll See!

Kaun Banega Crorepati is all set to hit your television screens and already Amitabh Bachchan is getting ready to entertain many of his co-stars and fraternity members on the game show. Sanjay Dutt and John Abraham have already shot with Big B and if all goes well, you will also see the likes of Abhishek Bachchan, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and even ex-host Shah Rukh Khan on the hot seat. Of course the stars play for charity and in this case, they are entitled to choose the charity they donate their winnings to.

In the past, the likes of Preity Zinta, Rani Mukherjee, Salman Khan, Katrina Kaif, Priyanka Chopra and Kareena Kapoor have all sat in the hot seat and managed to bag much moolah for their own respective charities. Of course, this was when SRK played host. With Big B back in the host seat, the actors who will sit across him will be those the actor shares a comfortable relationship with. You can pretty much forget a bunch of the above mentioned stars in that case!