AK and his SMJ

In his better days (?)

I’m gonna turn cynic for a day—which is kinda sorta outta order for me, but oh well. I’ll admit it, I found myself totally and completely bowled over by Aamir Khan and his Satyameva Jayante. I knew the otherwise rather shaant Khan was going to take on rather iffy subjects and attack the Indian sentiment in hopes to awaken their otherwise asleep conscious. So it started with a bang and most of us went on taali maaro and seeti bajao. Yes, we knew about these burning issues, female infoeticide, dowry, domestic abuse and so on, but via SMJ, we were forced to take a deeper look at these issues at 11 AM on a Sunday morning—provided you were awake and not sleeping off a wretched hangover. But then something happened. It went stale. Here were are a few weeks later and when SMJ time comes around every week, SMJ cynics go haywire while the cheerleaders find themselves pasting last week’s tweets but not before they change the hashtag.

But did Aamir just fool us all this while? Were we just excited at the sheer novelty that it presented to us, Indians who are always on the lookout for something zara hatke. In reality, if you think about it, SMJ screamed tai tai phiss from the get go. For starters, that sorry set. How Aamir Khan, who is otherwise well known for putting together everything with perfection, manages to jut out such a dreary dull set which looks like it has depression issues, is beyond me. The set in itself asks for sympathy; can you really blame us for feeling like we really must shed tears every Sunday?

This may sound rather awful, but SMJ is not path-breaking television. Such formats are currently ongoing on a number of alternate Hindi channels. The difference? None of them have the backing of a well-known celebrity playing host or the backing of any big Indian companies. And the subjects chosen are often ones we’ve been told about repeatedly. This doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be handled but at least tell us something we don’t know.

And before you think I’m all about being a Debbie Downer, let me tell you I don’t think it’s all that bad. I like the fact Khan has taken serious panga with the local doctors and the panchayat. That was cool. And I absolutely love the music of the show—Sona Mohapatra rocks every week as does the title track which provide more inspiration on days that the show fails to do so. Oh, and I love that it's all in Hindi.

Aamir has announced a season two for SMJ and here’s hoping that he will change a few things and mix it up so we’re not as inclined to troll the show. And while he’s at it, can someone please get him a new stylist? His clothes make me cry.

Because No One is Gay in Bollywood

When Anderson Cooper (you already knew he was gay, right?) comes out and tells the world he bats for the other team, the west applauds him. They all cannot get enough of how ‘bold’ and ‘honest’ he is. And I’m, errr, not sure why especially since, oh, we already knew! The west has always been more open and accepting about homosexuality, so why the hoopla when AC comes out to tell America something they already knew? It was a pretty well-known fact that Cooper was gay and if you didn’t know that, well then, you’ve been living under a rock. I think I was more depressed when Ricky Martin confessed he preferred men over women.

But the real question is, when will our own celebrities – the gay ones, finally churn out the courage to come out of their closets? I detest the façade that they project. They’ll make films about homosexuality which indirectly shows their support for the gay community but mind you, they have issues in talking about their own sexual preference. Hypocritical? I think so. And I don’t understand the issue. India has become relatively progressive about homosexuality. In fact, the ‘upper classmen’, i.e. celebrities, are often praised and lauded for being so candid about such topics. For the most part, those very celebrities would most likely being plastered on the glossies and gain immense praise from the LGBT community. It’s the middle-class who often suffers and finds themselves having to veil their sexuality from the world.

“We [celebrities] have responsibilities,” they shout from the rooftops. So why is it then that Bollywood stars have issues in declaring their sexuality— which is pretty gosh darn evident anyway, and create a pathway for people in totality? Why do they instead dodge the question or alternatively claim they don’t care if everyone thinks they’re gay? If you can’t admit to your own sexual preference, then you sure as hell do not deserve to make films about the same.

In a country where people are often motivated to make changes and are inspired by Hindi films, acceptance and acknowledgement of being openly gay by the n amount of actors that clearly are homosexuals, could perhaps open up a door that the mango people (aam aadmi) are too scared to peek through. It wasn’t until very recently that being gay in India was finally decriminalized. And why it was ever criminalized was beyond anyone’s understanding. What two consenting adults do in the privacy of their home is really no one’s concern or business. Shouldn’t this issue be documented and made into a film? The problem ultimately lies with us. We, as moviegoers, are addicted to this “paisa vasool” phenomena that we simply refuse to watch a film that may actually tell us a thing or two. “Bore hai yaar,” we say. No, instead, we’d much rather watch a film where the actress is skimpily clad and dancing on a beer barrel. I just re-read that sentence and realized how incredibly moronic and archaic we appear.

But I don’t expect the industrywalas to take such chances anytime soon. Their idea of being “thoda hatke” involves films which are about reincarnation and superheroes. Yes. In the meantime, our gay celebs will continue to do what they do best: act. Because no one is gay in Bollywood.

Ten Day You Challenge: 1 Picture!

It took me an extra day to get to Day 10. Just when you think life can't throw you any curve balls, it does just that. And it's really odd that this "curve ball" happened to occur a day before I would have finished up my challenge. But such is life. I think there was a message behind it, which I haven't figured out just yet. But I will. Anyway, so Day 10 of the challenge is to put up a picture of myself. It got me thinking about myself. I'm hardly your atypical normal girl. I'm bipolar, filmy, a dramebaaz, nautanki, talk to much, like nearly everything but hate just as many things, get angry far too quickly, love passionately as I detest and so on. I actually sound supremely complicated, na? Okay, really it's not like that. I just have a lot of shades, I guess.

Okay one picture... hmmm okay, I pick this one.

By the way, with this the Ten Day You Challenge also ends. Done!

Ten Day You Challenge: 2 Songs!

Two songs. While I thought this was going to be incredibly hard, it actually was really simple.

1) You are my Sunshine - My grandfather believed I was the most sunniest, brightest child. He called me his sunshine and always said I'd light up any room. Explains my name too, I guess. But it's the memory of sitting with my grandfather, singing this song loudly before he'd hug me and laugh.

2) Aye Zindagi Gale Laga Le - Life has not been a bed of roses. How I've come out smiling, happy and giddy is beyond my understanding. I think Aye Zindagi is exactly what I'd like to tell/have been telling the universe and life.

Oh last day tomorrow and my challenge will be complete! 

Ten Day You Challenge: 3 Films!

So basically, this is really hard for me. Ya'll know that naturally, all my favorite films are Hindi. But to choose THREE? Are you kidding me? Phir se suicide karne ka waqt aa gaya hai lagta hai. No, but seriously. How on earth can I choose three? Uhhh, yeah I'm gonna cheat...yet again.

Hindi Films - old, new, cheesy, lame, inspirational, social, parallel, comedies, tragedies, romance, apologetically stupid, completely idiotic and so on, I love em all. If it were possible, I'd prefer my life to be one big Bollywood film.

Foreign Films - I absolutely love a good foreign film. They really hold incredible substance and stories that really hit home.


Old Musicals - I very rarely find a Hollywood film amazing but I do love their old school musicals. Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, Grease, Dirty Dancing, I could go on and on....

Ten Day You Challenge: 4 Books!

Yet another curve ball this challenge throws at me. Sigh. Four books? Isse acha hai mein suicide karlu! Okay, I’m done being a nautanki. So four books, it asked me to list. Here are they are:

Home (Manju Kapur) – Most people detest this book. I love it! A must read which really captures life in Delhi superbly.

Palace of Illusions (Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni) – Never has the Mahabharat seemed so amazing! This is the world of the Mahabharat through the eyes of Draupadi.

The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry) – This is actually a 1943 children’s book, believe it or not. However, you’re treated to lessons about love, life and human nature.

A Thousand Splendid Suns (Khaled Hosseini) – As an author, Hosseini is simply superb and while everyone swears by The Kite Runner, I am more of a fan of his second book. It just hits home in every way!

Ten Day You Challenge: 5 Foods!

I'm gonna slightly cheat here because it's unfair to name 5 of my favorite foods. C'mon how on earth do you expect me to name only FIVE? I live to eat. I wake up and plan my lunch and just before lunch, think about my evening chai by which time I crave for my dinner. So yeah, I cheated but only slightly. Instead of naming my favorite foods individually, here are some food "groups" that I lurveeee.Oh, and these are in no particular order.


Deserts - Desi, Chinese, Middle Eastern, American, I love 'em all!
Halwa Puri - It's my favorite comfort food in the world. And no, contrary to belief, I am not from Meerut.
Dim Sum - I grew up eating Dim Sum every Sunday. It's as good as home cooked food for me.
Sandwiches - There is nothing like a good yummy sandwich with extra cheese, mayo, mustard and some peppercinis.
Rasta Food - Hawker food is amazing no matter which part of the world you're in. That said, nothing beats rasta food in Bombay. Pani puris, sandwiches and a plate of pav bhaji. Ahhhhh, heaven!

Ten Day You Challenge: 6 Places!

Picking six out of millions of places I’d like to go was so damn tough. BUT I did it. In a way I’ve been lucky to have parents who love/loved to travel so we’ve been to some pretty awesome countries. That said, there are a few countries they managed to miss and of course, one in particular which I beyond love.

6) Spain – As a family we’ve been to Spain a few times but then Tomatino Festival baby!
5) Turkey – Something about the bazaars and gaalis of Istanbul makes it super exciting.
4) South Africa – Who doesn’t want to go to Sun City?
3) Australia – I love Koala Bears and Kangaroos!
2) Paris – Romance, Eiffel Tower and pastries…aur kya chahiye?
1) India – While I love Bombay, I still need to venture out and see the rest of my country.

Ten Day You Challenge: 7 Wants!

When I say I’m not like regular girls, I really do mean it. For starters, I have zero interest in material things.  I don’t need expensive bags and designer shoes. Buy me an ice cream dil se, and I’m happy girl. So when it came to writing down my seven wants, I knew immediately it was hardly going to be “things”. Here they are.

7) To travel the world!
6) To own my own home
5) To publish a book and become an acclaimed author
4) I want a Bollywood style love story and if you know me, you know I wouldn't want it any other way!
3) To always be happy, thankful, loved and surrounded by people I love/who love me
2) To be forgiven by those I have hurt
1) For my wish to come true...

Ten Day You Challenge: 8 Fears!

I actually feared writing about my fears. This tough-girl exterior, which I put up so well, is really a great facade. No one believes I could possibly fear anything, or anyone. But that is far from the truth. At the end of the day, I am just a normal, regular gal...who has fears. That said, I am hardly one who will let my fears get the better of me. So I have fears, I recognize them and chalte raho, hai na?

Mark Twain once said, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear." And I couldn't agree more.

8) Thunder - the sound freaks the crap outta me. It's so loud and angry!
7) Holes - I have Trypophobia. I see a bunch of holes and get goosebumps.
6) Losing my BB - It's my jaan. Enuff said.
5) People I've hurt won't/haven't forgiven me - Intentionally/unintentionally, I know I have and I pray to the Lord, they've realize I never meant to hurt them.
4) Disappointing my family by failing at my goals - They've been so supportive; I'd hate to disappoint him.
3) Losing people I love
2) God
1) Bad memories, past catching up with my future - Isn't this everyone's fear?

Ten Day You Challenge: 9 Loves!

Choosing just nine of a million things I love was super hard. But somehow I managed to narrow it down. I mean I had to get rid of food (which would have made it to number ten) and dancing too. Le sigh. Okay well, here are my top nine loves.

1) My family – we’re dysfunctional but we work so well!
2) My favorite – <insert smiley emoticon here>
3) My friends – more recently, I’ve found myself some of the most amazing dosts who are awesome!
4) India/being Indian – I pray to god that in every life, I’m born Indian.
5) Bollywood – it may have given me unreal expectations about men and romance, but it runs through my veins.
6) Writing – it took me years to finally succumb to my passion and now I wonder what else I would do besides writing.
7) My name – I love finding my name in songs.
8) Music – Whether I’m happy or sad, music is always around to make it better.
9) Myself – I love me! Mein apni  (aur sabki) favorite hoon.

Ten Day You Challenge: 10 Secrets!

Okay, while this is a challenge, this particular one defeats the purpose. The point of a secret is for it to be hidden and untold. So if I tell you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore. Duh.

10) Can't tell you
9)   Definitely can't tell you
8)   If I told you this one, I'd have to kill you
7)   Hell no!
6)   This one is way too embarrassing
5)   Shhhhhh
4)   Uh yeah, no way
3)   This secret makes me laugh
2)   Nope. Not even this one!
1)   This one is my deepest darkest secret. So no can do.

The Ten Day You Challenge!

Forget the fact that I like to challenge myself, but when I’m challenged, then you know it’s on. I was forwarded this email from a ‘friend’ (we’re actually rivals) who insisted that I take on ‘The 10 Day YOU Challenge.’ It’s really straightforward you see. Basically, over the next 10 days, I’ll have to divulge 10 secrets on day ten, 9 loves on day nine and so on, until day one. Sounds like fun, na? Now calm down, my life is not/has not been that exciting also but I’m sure you’ll find out a few things about me you never knew. So it begins tomorrow phir as I divulge 10 secrets about myself. I’m already thinking…

You Are My Sunshine

Every year around this time, I find myself feeling rather emotional and nostalgic. It was in early 1994 that that my grandfather passed away. For everyone that knows me, you’ll know that I was pretty much my Nana’s laadli. To say that I was attached to him would be wrong; the bond I share with him is impossible to break even now years after demise. Growing up, I found myself in awe of my grandfather. They don’t make men like him anymore. His style, attitude, personality and infection smile, he was impossible to ignore.

Yesterday evening, my grandmother and I were chatting on the phone and of course, the conversation turned to marriage. In the smartest of ways, [pats self on back] I managed to divert the conversation to her courtship with my grandfather. Very few people know the complete story but in a nutshell, they knew each other as children and played together in a common angaan in Karachi. After the partition, my grandfather’s family moved to Bombay and my grandmother’s to Hong Kong. Many years later, they reunited in Hong Kong and through beautiful love letters and of course, with the blessings of their families, they married. I awed and gushed over their love story, but I wasn’t surprised that she was floored by him. He was just like that.

Being the first grandchild, it was only natural for me to be overly pampered. My grandfather however, couldn’t get enough of me. I was his favorite and I have no qualms boasting about it. This is probably one of the reasons I grew up calling him 'Daddy'. He was quite literally my second father. As a gift, I landed up inheriting the writing gene from him but he taught me lessons for life which till today I live by. In many ways, my mother says I’m like him. I love India like no other, feel the need to exercise to vote, believe that organization is the key to living and that no work should be done halfheartedly.

The last time I saw my grandfather, he took my siblings and I to the museum and the aquarium in Mumbai. At 12, it was hardly the most interesting thing to do. I remember yawning and experiencing boredom of epic proportions. Looking back now, I wish I had listened to every word my grandfather had told us and hugged him a million times that day. He passed away less than a year later from cancer. My mother tells us he asked for us every day.

My fondest memory with my grandfather was when he'd place me on his lap and we'd sing "Our Song".

“You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine,

You make me happy,

When skies are grey.

You never know dear,

How much I love you,

                                                 I love you very very very very very much!”

We modified the song to our liking but it was the moment after that I miss the most: the warmest hug in the world.

It’s been 18 years since he’s been gone and there isn’t a day where I don’t miss him. There isn’t a minute I wish I'd told him I loved him just one more time. Every morning when the sun comes shining through my windows into my room, I smile because it is then that feel my Daddy around me watching over me like my guardian angel.

I miss you Daddy. Miss you a lot.

It's That Time of the Month.....

It’s that time of the month again. No silly, not “that” time but the time where there are too many burning issues that are weighing on my mind and thus, I must put them down vis-à-vis a blog post. Oh word of the week, by the way, is ‘burn’. And I’ll tell you why. So apparently, this month is filled with XYZ Days. Yesterday happened to be Teddy Day. Please do not aw and gush on me. Please no. It’s simply absurd all these silly days. What purpose do they serve? None. And thus, if you are dating someone who is giving you a teddy bear and not teddy lingerie, you should burn the bear effective immediately. But it doesn’t stop there. Please check out the list of lame days that will occur this February. If you honor/celebrate more than two of these, I will judge you. Alright then, back to burning issues.

Yuvi Yuvi Yuvi
By now every single cricket fan/fanatic has already expressed their grief over Yuvraj Singh’s cancer news. I of course, am no different. Naturally, I am convinced he will bounce back and be his usual self. But as cricket buffs, we need him for more than one reason. Yes, he needs to get well soon and get back on the team, lord knows they need them and how. However, Yuvi brings with him a great amount of excitement. He’s funky, wicked and wild. He hits sixes, dates girls nonstop and of course, when you need him to, gives the spunkiest answers to dodge ablaze questions. And lastly, Yuvi should come back hit yet another six sixes and win us another World Cup. Just imagine, he helped Team India win with strains of cancer floating around in him. The guy is such a star.

Baby Falak
It’s such a sad sad sad society we live in. If you haven’t heard about little two-year-old Baby Falak, here’s the gist. Young 22-year-old Munni was sold to her husband when she was 16 to a man who eventually walked out on her leaving her with 3 children to fend for solo. She was promised a job if she moved to Delhi. Unknown to her, that line of work would be prostitution. When she refused, she was told to marry another man and to leave the children to a friend. Her oldest daughter was sent to live with a relative, her son is yet to be found and her baby, who has now been named Falak, moved around from family to family. Eventually, she fell into the hands of a young teenage girl who belonged to a sex worker group. She had run away with an older man who had abandoned the teen to see his family and wife in Mumbai. She was forced to take care of the baby alone and tortured the baby nonstop. The baby’s head was smashed against the wall, a hot iron was placed on her face and there were bites all over her. The teen bought in the baby to a local hospital asking for help when officials discovered something was just not right.

I don’t even know where to begin with this story. For starters, selling your child is a phenomenon I just cannot fathom. But we have no one but ourselves to blame for this entire ordeal. As a society, baby girls have always been frowned upon. And thus, the easy way out always seems to be to get rid of our girls whether it’s marrying them off earlier or in some cases sell them off even. We don’t look to see if the man is at all capable or trustworthy; as long as she’s out of our hair, who cares. This desperation in itself forces our daughters to deal with situations solo. In the case of Munni, leaving her children to marry for the second time seems like a raw deal to me. A man who wants to care for you, should do so irrespective. She may has well have gotten into prostitution then. But the real victim here is Baby Falak. Just thinking about the poor pain a voiceless two-year-old had to endure alone infuriates me. When will we finally wake up and realize this is not acceptable? When will we grow up and realize that a baby girl is just as precious as a boy? And when on earth will we start punishing such assholes for these heinous crimes? How many more baby girls will it take?

Sid Mallya

And very quickly, if you’ve been following the Ayesha Takia versus Siddhartha Mallya/Kingfisher Airlines fight on twitter, you’ll probably have learned that he is an ultimate douchebag. He has no manners, nor does he care about anything but himself clearly. I don’t care how rich you are and who the hell your father is, your company screwed up. Own up and figure it out already. After Ayesha’s sister’s boarding pass was shredded by some ground staff for whatever reason, he simply came out to ask who Ayesha was and also told her to “pipe down love.” I tell you where I’d like to put that pipe; up a hole where pipes shouldn’t go.

And with that, my burning issues come to a cooling halt. Well not really, but nothing a chilled beer can’t fix. Too bad beer isn’t my thing. Lassi se hi kaam chalalungi!

Kuch Sexy Baatein...

Savita Bhabhi: Inspiration?

There’s a particular part of Hong Kong, quite central to where I lived, where Desi hookers stand around. And these are not hot women but those overweight sweaty ones. They call out to men of all colors, “Sir, sir, come come, I show you good time.” When I would see every other man except Desi men flocking to them, I used to stand in shock. Eventually I figured out that it had a lot to do with being exotic. Men— mostly foreign men, were turned on by these dark skinned women who wore saris that reeked of perspiration and fried onions. They also didn’t mind the big sweat patches that were visible in their sari blouse underarms. It was a big WTF moment for me. But that was my first encounter/understanding of hookers.

Now of course, I’m older and wiser so I know that prostitutes are banging– literally. I know why some men turn to prostitutes. Some have prudish women, others have no women. But all this has struck a curiosity in my mind. Clearly hookers know how to work themselves around a man in bed but what about romance? When I posed the question on Twitter, I was pretty much ignored. Obviously no man would admit to indulging in sex with a prostitute but I’m still totally consumed by this idea.

Definitely Can't Work a Pole...

Women like the now infamous Poonam Pandey aren’t born out of thin air; they’re created by a need for they saw a demand. The need, of course: men who look for ways to let go. And while I find her repulsive for a number of reasons, i.e. she can’t count and looks like a chewed up duck, I have to admire her keen sense of economics vis-à-vis her understanding of supply and demand. And then there is the new superstar and future item girl, Sunny Leone. Very recent, she charmed India with her cutesy antics in the Bigg Boss house even though I was slightly disappointed with her pole dancing routine—porn stars should know her way up and down a pole better; amateurish show. And the Bigg Boss housemates couldn’t see it for some oddball reason. She screamed porn star to me what with those stripper shoes and choppy bangs but it wasn't until much later that she eventually confessed her vocation. But yet again; smart girl. She realized her demand in India would give her tremendous scope and well, she provided Ms. Pandey with some serious competition. However, she's left Poonam far behind with a Bollywood film.

So since the men were gonna take the 5th on their love for porn stars and the likes, I decided to put this to the ladies and the consensus was clear: men want women who are freaks in bed. Even women realized that this is a true story. Usher sings, “A lady in the street but a freak in the bed,” and my favorite RnB singer couldn’t croon it more honestly. Look, it’s 2012. Men, especially Indian men, want to come home to women who will wink at them and look at them with bedroom eyes. And if you’re a prude, well you can be sure he’ll develop wandering eyes. If you won't give it to him, darling, someone else will. I’ve seen and heard of men who stray and their wives are completely bewildered by why that is so. Ladies, you basically told him to, what with your cold ways in bed. No one is asking you to be a porn star but would it really hurt to learn a position or two from the Kama Sutra?

I’m a bit fumbled about what my point is here. Okay so basically I think that men cheat because we, as women, compel them to. I’m not saying it’s okay; NO. It’s never acceptable. But the secret to keep your man is good sex…and food. Oh combine ‘em for a rollicking time! Okay okay, focus. Point is, have freaky fun frolicking sex with your man and he’ll never stray or look for sex outside your bedroom. As for porn stars and love, well men will always love ‘em. You can question their taste for such lusting over them but what to do?  They’re just trained to love them by default— genetic, you see.

Sher-o-Shayari with Rukhsana: Sangam

I've always been a fan of poetry. Doha's, shayari, great song lyrics; it all fascinates me. The amalgamation of beautiful Urdu and Hindi words together make for literature that is simply orgasmic. It's taken me years of reading, learning and understanding shayari before I myself could gather the courage to actually put pen to paper and actually write my first sher. I also figured, since I wanted to write shayari, I needed a very Urdu infused shayarana name. After some research, it was my father who found and christened me with a very apt sher-o-shayari alias: Rukhsana. And it looks like it was meant to be; Rukhsana happens to have the same meaning as Roshni: brightness.

So here is my first sher titled Sangam. I'm a diehard romantic at heart so naturally my first attempt had to be a stab at love. Please feel free to let me know what you think but keep in mind, this is just the beginning. I have full faith that my sher-o-shayari will only improve with time and practice.

Here's presenting: Sangam by Rukhsana.

           Sangam

Anjaan rahon mein aap mil gaye,

dekhte hi dekhte aap tum ban gaye.

Baaton mein, Ishaaro mein,

Hum aap se jurr gaye.

Aap ko na khabar humare ehsaas ki,

Aap ko na khabar humare jaazbaato ki.

Jab koi humse pooche, Aap humare hai kaun,

Nazarein chura ke, Palke jhukha ke,

Humne kahan, Sab kuch.

Un anjaan rahon ki na koi dosh,

Jab dil ne yeh khata ki.

Koi nahin se sab kuch, Yeh kab hua,

Pata nahin.

- Rukhsana 

2012: Can You Handle Me?

Welcome to 2012 people! New Years Eve put me a pretty rad mood but totally screwed me over  health-wise. So my first good deed for the year is to give you some not-to-do drinking tips. 1) Do not drink on an empty stomach, and 2) Binge drinking is not a good idea; even if it is NYE. Now, if only someone had told me this earlier. So yes, it’s post the hangover and awful flu, which attacked me simultaneously, that I’m here now ready to bamboozle 2012. Everyone around me seems to believe that the year has gotten off to a pretty good start. I haven’t made up my mind just yet. But while I’m on undecided on the manner in which 2012 has begun, I’m sure of what I need to work on this year. No, these are not resolutions. They’re more like “rules and guidelines” for the year twenty-twelve.

Someone said to me that they like how my blog is an open book/diary; a peek into my life. I “awwed” and then realized that during the month of December, RWN became a sleaze fest vis-à-vis The Garam Sharam Awards. Alas that is so last year. While I intend on keeping up with more honest (read: blasé, bold, beautiful, boombaat and bombastic) pieces, this one is a bit somber one to begin the year with.

I solemnly swear not to sweat the small stuff. It ain’t worth it. As it is, mujhe Bade Acche Lagte Hain.

I solemnly swear not to take my body for granted. This is a genuine one.

I will try my hardest (sorry, cannot swear on this one) not to make fun of the following ladies: Frieda Pinto, Poonam Pandey, Sunny Leone and Karan Johar.

I solemnly swear not to get worked up with “people” who irk me for whatever reason. It’s not fair for me to judge other people if they are not affecting my life. If I must advocate or be an activist, it should be for a more legit causes like why Sunny Leone looks like a man to me.

I solemnly swear I will be audacious, more nonchalant, more verbose, more pompous and even more overbearing.

I solemnly swear to blog about more sleaze because sex sells and girls who write about it get a lot more hits. Being shameless is how you get famous, I hear.

I solemnly swear to finally figure out my relationship with Bollywood. This love-hate thing we have going on is not healthy. And secretly, Bollywood knows I adore him.
(Side note: Bollywood is definitely a man; it plays far too many games)

I solemnly swear to love the movies everyone hates and hate the ones everyone else adores.

I solemnly swear to further dig item songs as I am an item song whore.

I solemnly swear to use bigger words. Even if it yields presage complete upheaval and even stupefaction.

I solemnly swear not to call people names.

I solemnly swear that to switch loyalties to Canada if team India continue to play as complete assclowns. Crap, so much for no name calling.  

And lastly, I solemnly swear to continue being fabulous, bitchy and walk around like a Diva. That shouldn’t be too hard.

Any wager as to how quickly I will break one of the above? I think I may break one in oh, approximately 2.5 seconds. But hey, rules, resolutions and bridges are meant to be broken. And anyway, likhne mein kya hai?

This may actually be the year that cannot handle me; normally it's the other way around. Time will tell guys and dolls. In the meantime, have a fabulous 2012!

Diwali Aayi Re!

Every Diwali I blog about how much I love the festival of lights and how happy it makes me. This all stands true till date; I love Diwali! The lights, the mithai, the cheerfulness and joy, it all makes me feel incredibly delighted. For five days, I take on responsibility and become the official diya lighter in my house— a position my sister and I would fight for as kids. But you already know how much I love Deepavali so why on earth should I write about my love for this festival again? Bolo bolo! Acha choro. So this year, I’m displaying my love for Diwali in a totally different way by counting down my favorite Diwali songs! If you know me well, you know I love combining my love for Bollywood with anything and everything. Why should Diwali be left out then, no?

Growing up, one of the first Diwali songs I was introduced to, was from the film, Shirdi Sai Baba. Incidentally, my Father is a huge Baba Bhakt and thus, I grew up believing in Shirdi Baba too. Deepavali Manayi Suhani is by far one of the most beautiful songs depicting Diwali in all its glory through the eyes of Sai. While most modern Diwali songs are a bit more superficial, this one is more spiritual and deep. 

I don’t know why but somehow I associate most festivals with Govinda. So really, it’s not a surprise that one of the most popular Diwali songs has to feature the dancing actor himself. From the film Aamdani Atthanni Kharcha Rupaiya, we see the simplicity of Diwali from those who cannot celebrate with big pomp and glory.

This one you’ve probably not heard, but it’s really quite a cutie-patootie song. Sung by some of the more popular pop singers, Diwali Aayi Re, is a modern take on Diwali which involves special effects and the likes. This is Diwali in the future, just over four ago.

Going back in time, one of the most popular Diwali songs is actually from the 1959 film Paigham. Forget that the film stars Dilip Kumar. Forget that this song is picturized on the very awesome Johnny Walker. But for heaven’s sake please listen to it for one reason: Mohammed Rafi. This one puts you in a lovely time capsule and sends back to the fifties where films were magnetic and majestic. Diwali has never looked so retro and lovely!

I am a huge Mukesh fan. And an even bigger Raj Kapoor fan. So even when you put the two together and give me a rather sad Diwali song, I’m still gonna listen. Nazrana, I’m told is a beautiful film, but the song is simply beautiful.

My favorite Diwali song is the Happy Diwali number from Home Delivery. In fact, come Diwali day, this song plays on repeat in my house. You know how I talk about that giddy feeling I get when Diwali comes around? This song only furthers my happiness. I’m not sure what it is about this song but I smile and tear at the same time. It’s just such a feel good track!

On that happy note, here's wishing all of you a very Happy Prosperous Joyful and Loving Diwali! May Goddess Lakshmi shower you and yours with abundance always! 

Happy Diwali!

Karan Johar - Paris Hilton: #SamePerson

Karan and Paris: Same to Same

I’m a bit amused at all the hoopla surrounding Paris Hilton’s arrival to India. I’m also slightly unsure as to why it’s even a big deal. Sure she's here to launch some accessory line (yeah, I won't be buying. I like my accessories as Desi as they get) but so what? As of now, I’ve received a number of emails asking me if, “I’d like to party with the Heiress, the icon, the falana.” Of course, I smirk and hit the delete button. But again I ask, what is the big bloody deal? And then I started to ponder about a few things. For starters, who is the equivalent to Paris Hilton in India? And if we have one, would they receive the same ruckus as Paris is?

Let’s first define what makes a Paris Hilton who she is. Bratty tendencies. Sex tape. Social butterfly. Hit reality show. Money bag. Celebutante. What is she famous for? Nothing really. The girl lacks any talent nor does she really have any vocation. Keeping that in mind, here are a few options for equivalents from India.

Parmeshwar Godrej: She doesn’t really work. Too old.

Sonam Kapoor: As much as I believe she lacks any sense of talent, she does work hard. And no sex tape. Blah. 

Siddhartha Mallya: He’s pretty much famous for his last name and nailing Deepika Padukone.

Karan Johar: For some reason, I feel like K Jo is the closest thing to Paris Hilton that we’ll ever get in India. The only thing lacking from ensuring K-Jo’s position as Paris Hilton’s parallel— a sex tape. And I’m pretty sure there is one lurking around somewhere.

So crowning Karan Johar as India’s answer to Paris Hilton means that she would receive the same reception in country XYZ, yes? Don’t count on it. Look no Indian celebrity gets the same reception as the Hilton Heiress does because they are a) not as important and b) not as well known. And this after Karan Johar’s My Name is Khan is really a worldwide ‘phenomenon’ or so he claims. The number of times we hear of K Jo chilling in Los Angeles or in London is uncountable. But how often do you hear of the media going nuts over Karan Johar’s arrival being newsworthy? And really, how many invitations do you get to party with Karan. More importantly, if you did receive such an invite, why on earth would you even go? By the same token, why on earth would anyone want to party with Paris? She speaks like a lame duck, lacks any sense of intelligence but more importantly, and this one is for the guys, she is definitely not going to make a sex tape….with you. Just saying.

I think we need to really reevaluate who we think is important enough to party with. For example, I’ll party with Jennifer Lopez, she’s still more real than Ms. Hilton. But if you think I’ll spend money on partying with Paris Hilton, then er, no thanks not really. And since she can swim in money, why on earth should I even have to pay a dime! Hello! If people in America are not gonna pay any attention to Karan Johar, then peace out. I ain’t gonna bother with Paris. Even if Karan can’t spell and I’ve promised not to be friends with him until he learns how to spell Koffee, I mean Coffee. Oh look, yet another similarity. They both can’t spell. If you needed anymore consolation… well here it is. Over and out.

P.S. I just read that the likes of Simi Garewal and Karan Johar have actually snubbed Paris Hilton's visit. Yeh lo. Yehi suna baaki reh gaya tha.