Shahid Kapoor Ki Shaadi: Prospective Brides

So Shahid Kapoor missed the boat with Bebo, eh? Poor chap. And word on the street is that he will be avoiding contact with the media for the next few days until the Saifeena shaadi festivities die down. But why so blue, Shahid? Your day will come soon; you’ll be a groom too. And since you’ve become rather fussy about your ladies post Bebo, I’ve decided to help you and play matchmaker. They say matchmaking is the best way to gain brownie points with the uparwala and so to aid you, here are some lovely ladies for you to
choose from and to make your Mrs. Kapoor.

Priyanka Chopra
Look, you obviously have some kind of bizarre with Priyanka Chopra; admit it. I can kinda see it—she’s a bit eccentric, quite like you. And just think logistically. Don’t you both live in the same building? How easy would it be to move her belongings to your place? But seriously, you both seem to have some kind of chemistry between the both of you, so why not P.C.? Post your break up, she took to a popular married Mr. Khan; not such a smart idea. See what you did to her? Now is your chance to reel her back and woo her again. This is quite a Teri Meri Kahani you both have, haan.

Vidya Balan
She’s popular, bankable, sexy and could be gharelu which makes Vidya Balan a good choice for you, Shahid. Add to that the fact that you both share some Kismet Konnection wali history and voila, there is one more reason for the both of you to come together in holy matrimony. Err, and considering your string of flops, it may help to have Vidya on your side right now. But you’ll have to entice her rather well, you see. Apparently, she’s cozying up to one popular UTV Films producer.


Sonam Kapoor
Okay, so your film together didn’t exactly create waves but so what? Sonam Kapoor is a girl you should consider, Shahid. For starters, look at all the similarities you both share. Both of ya’ll are Kapoors, both have veteran fathers as actors, both are kinda useless and possess an air that no one really gets. She also happens to be an avid reader which is good for you since you are in dire need of private spelling lessons. See, made for each other you both are…in any Mausam also.


Nargis Fakhri
Nargis Fakhri claims there is nothing between you and her. Lies. We know you both had somewhat of a fling…or something. We’ve heard so many damn rumors about you both moving in, helping each other in icky situations and so on, that if you dare to tell me there was never anything between the two of you, I will send a girl gand, I mean gang, to your house.


Amrita Rao
At the end of the day, you can always just go back to your first heroine, no? Amrita Rao is in actuality, the most ideal girl for you. In fact, believe it or not, you are most liked when you star opposite Rao. Five films and you’ve never really been linked to Amrita, how did you allow that to happen, Shahid? That is so unlike you. For this reason, if not any other, at least court the pretty girl. Both of your careers are at the same place too—bottom of a dry lake. Ishq Vishk toh banta hai boss.


All of a sudden, things don’t look so bad, haan Shahid? Also, see how I conveniently left out Katrina Kaif for you. Slightly worried you might leave out a 'T' from her name…problem na ho jaaye, you know. Now choose, fast fast!

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bikini Babes in 2011!

There is one big maha problem with fashion directors, magazines and creative designers; they don’t know the difference between lingerie and bikinis. A lot of the time, they believe one can pass for the other without realizing that really, you can’t substitute one for the other. So while I thought that I would solely countdown the best in swimwear for “All Garam, No Sharam Awards”, we’re gonna have to do a slight jugal bandi here. And thus, this is the top five ladies in Lingerie/Swimwear for 2011. Now what criteria could I possibly have besides one deciding factor: they need to look hubba-hubba drool worthy. 

5. Kangna Ranaut
I’m convinced Kangna hit puberty this year; she “bloomed” and “blossomed” . In Rascals, we saw her sport a white bikini which really had tongues a-wagging. But the question really way, where did they come from? Of course, she has doesn’t understand the term “going under the knife” (denial?) but somehow she managed to walk the walk and really work that bikini.

4. Nargis Fakhri
She barely made her mark in Bollywood and she already is a bikini babe. Nargis Fakhri’s svelte figure and mulayaam badan makes her one of the most envious women in India as well as one of the most admired ladies by men. While she bared nothing in Rockstar, she definitely didn’t mind stripping down for a number of photo shoots to demonstrate her sexy side.

3. Anushka Sharma
Anushka has one helluva a bod. But how often do you see it? Close to never. Perhaps the bubbly actress realized she has to compete with sexiness overload ala the hot actresses who are exposing and thus, in her last film, Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl, she went all out. Looking incredibly hot in her bikini, she parades around in Goa. Yet again, Anushka scores.

2. Priyanka Chopra
I’m not sure what Piggy is wearing in her Maxim photo shoot. It looks like a cross between lingerie and a bikini but either way she looks steaming piping hot. Known for her dusky figure, this should hardly be surprising but she never fails to make you sweat. Oh, and that belly piercing just upped the hotness factor by 100.

1. Deepika Padukone
Hands-down she looks fabulous in everything; but Deepika Padukone in a bikini makes you go va-va-vroom. Those mesmerizing eyes, silky skin and beautiful hair literally makes D-Pad one of the sexiest to look at. Red hot Deepika knows this only too well. Her “I’m-too-hot” attitude makes her rock that bod that much more. And she thus carries the crown for the hottest in this countdown.

 

Don’t go anywhere people! There’s a lot more to come – legs, rack, booty of the year are yet to happen! In the meantime ogle over these ladies…enjoy!

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Pouts of the Year!

Our leading ladies in Bollywood can work just about every part of their bodies and make it look PHAT– pretty, hot and tempting. But the one “pose” they’ve all mastered is the hip-out pout-out. Whether it was for magazine shoots or at events, these ladkis strut their stuff albeit sharam as they pouted and how. Check out the year’s Best Pouts in today’s “All Garam, No Sharam Awards!”

5. Priyanka Chopra
While she may have the best and most full lips in tinseltown, Priyanka Chopra figures at the end of this list. Her look in December 2011’s Vogue was atypical of her ala pose, hair and styling. But her trademark poutty lips were there; front and center. And that made the cover that much more delish. So naturally, her plumpy smackers make it to this list.

4. Jacqueline Fernandez
She sizzled like sausages on a frying pan in Murder 2. She then came back and did the same with her Maxim cover shoot. But Jacqueline Fernandez did something we haven’t really seen her do before; she parted her lips and pouted. Badda-bing. She made heads turn and how. Add to that dreamy bedroom eyes and basically, she made quite an impression. Seksie, huh?

3. Vidya Balan
Vidya Balan is the lady of the moment. But it was via her The Dirty Picture posters that were plastered everywhere that we got to see a lot more of Vidya. Yes, she shed it all for her film (more of her to share, no?), she also added a pouty side to her which I honestly didn’t know she had. In a number of posters and in the film, we saw Vidya pout, pout and pout some more.

2. Nargis Fakhri
She may be new to the industry but this girl sure can work her pout. Nargis Fakhri failed to make too much noise with her acting in Rockstar but she sure did look the part. But the one pose she sure as hell has mastered, is pout…and look. It always looks sexier on a girl who has the innocent virgin look—which she sure as hell has.

1. Kareena Kapoor
The queen of pouting, she is. And I can’t imagine any other actress but Kareena Kapoor to rock and top this countdown. Not only does she work her naturally sexy lips but Bebo knows her pout is the best in the country because she is the only one who knows how to fine tune it with her sassy personality. Add some red lipstick and a sparkly dress, and well, what you have, is the pout of the year.

Special Mention: Kangna Ranaut
For an actress who is in denial about her obvious lip surgery and lives in “I don’t know what collagen is” world she sure as hell knows how to pout beautifully. At a recent event, Kangna Ranaut came out looking pretty ravishing. And when the shutterbugs surrounded her, out came her pout. Not bad, huh.

I think I may have actually mastered the pout courtesy of these ladies. Please excuse me as I sit in front of the mirror and practice. Check back tomorrow for another sharam-free but garam-filled countdown!

100 Word Review: Rockstar

Rockstar is Ranbir all the way. He encompasses Jordan— a heartbroken, confused, rebellious singer who cannot understand the ways of the famous. It’s love which ultimately brings his downfall. While the first half of the film really stands tall, it’s the second half that makes you lose interest. That said, Ranbir Kapoor puts on a performance par excellence; he scores as Jordan. Nargis is very average and needs a lot of work—acting wise. Imtiaz Ali moves away from love but only slightly. This is not his best film though. Movie of the year? No. Watch only for rocking Ranbir.