Is it Ta-Ta, Bye-Bye for Priyanka Chopra?

I think this piece needs a disclaimer before anything else. So here is.

The Disclaimer: I am NOT a Priyanka Chopra hater. Really. Not at all.

That said Piggy Chops is in a bit of a tight spot sadly. She finds herself devoid of actors who are willing to star with her courtesy of her rather iffy ways. Now if we get started, we’ll be here for ages. But in a nutshell, Akshay Kumar and Shah Rukh Khan cannot star with her anymore after both their wives have expressed their discomfort towards her “close proximity” towards the men. In turn, Hrithik Roshan has decided he too will keep afar from Chopra Madam after SRK’s wife, who happens to his Roshan’s wife’s best friend, made it clear she didn’t like PC. Salman Khan and Ajay Devgan have had issues with her for ages now while Abhishek Bachchan chooses to keep his distance from her after some award ceremony song choice hoopla. Saif Ali Khan stays away because of Bebo. Shahid Kapoor, her ex-beau, chooses to keep her far and wide for obvious reasons while Aamir Khan sees no reason to star with her. Lastly, there is Ranbir Kapoor who doesn’t want his pairing with her to go stale and so will not sign anymore films with her. Not for a while at least.

The above actors are considered Bollywood’s A-listers which means she’s left with a handful of unpopular actors to work with. Not exactly a good situation for PC, no?

But fikaar not, Priyanka, you’ve been voted number 69 on Ask Men UK’s Top 99 Women of 2012. P.C. fans rejoice quickly before I absolutely shred this piece of nonsense. Done? Ho gaya? So basically this piece is nothing but a farce because this list also has includes Sunny Leone and Frieda Pinto. Need I say more? But let’s get down into the nitty-gritty’s of it. AskMen UK claim she makes the list because of her talent. Done; that she is. But very quickly, I’d like to remind everyone that the last hit film Priyanka had was back in 2008. Post then, she’s had a string of flops: Kaminey, What’s Your Raashee?, Pyaar Impossible, Anjaana Anjaani, 7 Khoon Maaf and Don 2. Agneepath was all about Hrithik Roshan, Rishi Kapoor and Sanjay Dutt; let’s be honest here.

So Nosy!

And then, they go on to describe her quite aptly, “bee-stung lips, coffee-coloured eyes and voluptuous, hourglass figure…” But hold up, “bee-stung lips?” More like Botox filled courtesy of plastic surgeon Daddy Chopra. And how could they forget to mention her nose job which has completely changed her profile – trust me, I’ve paid very close attention. But all this is fine. It’s the next part which pisses the crap outta me. “Chopra will be exposing a new side of herself to Westerners when she releases an eagerly awaited English-language album later this year.” Uh, okay. I’ve heard her sing and trust me, she is quite average. And if you have to sing because your shampoo bottles claim you're fabulous, no problem, but cut a Hindi album at least! Why do you need to impress the westerners? How many Western artists want to “impress” the East and thus, cut a Hindi album?

Look, I’m not hating; think of this as a reality check for Priyanka Chopra. Basically, the actress needs to shed her “I’m too cool for school” attitude and she’ll be fine. In the meantime, PC has quite a task ahead of her which should begin with finding co-stars. Pronto.

How Do You Like Your Hrithik?

Post Agneepath, I’ve rekindled my love for Hrithik Roshan. Yes, he said very little, barely danced but let’s be honest, this was definitely one of his best performances thus far. That said, I found myself realizing that Roshan is one actor who has experimented a lot in his career, refused to get pigeon-holed and still managed to stay as hot as he did from day one. While he’s sexy and he knows it, Hrithik is one dude who has played every role and yet managed to stay hot. And so I ask you, how do you like your Hrithik?

Romanchak Hrithik
This is perhaps typical Hrithik. In fact, he started his career with playing the romantic boy who falls in love and is willing to do anything for his girl. And then of course, he’s gone ahead to do it one too many times. However, every time he looks deeply into the eyes of his heroine, utters the words “I love you”, dances around a tree with her and then fights to make her his, you can’t help but sigh.

Patriotic Hrithik
Only Hrithik Roshan can make loving your country look mind-blowing. And it’s not just in patriotic films where he plays an army officer, but in a number of movies, his character has subtly been an India fan. Add to that some tear jerking dialogues and Roshan has won your heart.  Hrithik in loving-your-country mode is uber hot.

Dishoom Hrithik
When he’s mad, his eyes go blood shot red, the nerve in his forehead pops and his voice quivers. Hrithik Roshan in angry mode is like this only. But that doesn’t stop him from making you swoon. I actually challenge anyone to find a bad man/villain hotter than Hrithik. You’ll find, it’s impossible.

Snooty Hrithik
Now this is my favorite Hrithik. I absolutely love it when Roshan goes into “I’m too cool for school” types. Such a turn on. Somehow Roshan works the attitude, which normally women would hate, into a characteristic that is magnetic. Even as a snooty hoity-toity hot shot, Roshan is phenomenal.

Superhero Hrithik
Our very own Krishh can put any other superhero to shame. He can climb buildings, kill villains, romance a ladki and still be as normal as the guy next door. But add to that he has a killer persona which cannot be imitated and badda-bing, Hrithik Roshan is the hottest superhero out there.

Royal Hrithik
If I had to choose my favorite king, it’ll be Hrithik Roshan. As a royal baadshah, he took a Mughal king and made him appear as the hottest man with a crown. But it’s only Hrithik who could’ve made history look incredibly enamoring.

And then there is bare-chested Hrithik, dancing Hrithik, magician Hrithik and so on. He happens to be one of the few actors who can make a white shirt and jeans look hubba-hubba.

So I ask you again: How do you like your Hrithik? I’ll take mine with extra fudge, whipped cream, sprinkles and a cherry on top. Parcel please.

Pura Review: Agneepath

If you remember a few months ago, I complained and ranted about how much I detested remakes and sequels. It just makes zero sense to me. Are our filmmakers incompetent of making original films? In a country of over one billion, are we incapable of stirring up innovative plots? But what does anyone care about what I say. A lot of the time, what filmmakers deem a “remake” is actually an adaptation. And that is exactly what Karan Johar’s Agneepath is. So now because it is a variation of the original, it would be totally unfair to make comparisons be it the performances or script. In all honesty, I was completely skeptical of Agneepath in 2012. How on earth anyone could want to recreate an epic cult film? More importantly, why?

This is why.

The film is not as different yet slightly altered from the original. Vijay Chauhan (Hrithik Roshan) is just another regular boy from Mandwa whose father, the village master, lives by rules of karma and dharma. However, when he is framed and hung to death by the local ravaan Kancha (Sanjay Dutt), Vijay finds himself devoid of any of his father’s teachings as he promises to take revenge. His family moves to Mumbai where he is taken under the wing of one Rauf Lala (Rishi Kapoor). Over time, he grows to become a man who is eager to get revenge but not through Lala; solo. He schemes to take down his godfather’s family and reign as he moves to the top only to kill Kancha. In between, he seeks solace in the arms of his childhood friend, Kaali (Priyanka Chopra) who supports, marries and loves him to death.

Agneepath in 2012 is the 1990 version, only refined. It has every component of a nineties film—revenge, love, action. It puts you in a modern time capsule for three hours as it correctly attacks every emotion which makes the average Indian viewer tear via the mother-son discord and love story.

As a film, Agneepath is fabulously executed and filmed. You are pulled into a world which is filled with love and hate, retribution and justice, chaos and peace. Every scene of the film is shot beautifully, be it the chawls and slums of Mumbai or the island of Mandwa. Karan Malhotra’s vision and implementation of the film and stars too, is impeccable. His version of Agneepath is original and yet pays great respect to the Amitabh version. But what comes across very clearly is how he has cleverly adapted his film to the current rage of over-the-top melodrama films with the dialogues and action sequences. Look beyond the superficial surface, and Agneepath is filled with great nuances too. The reference to the Ramayana comes across instantly as Mandwa is painted a dark hell, Mumbai is bright, filled with life and love followed by the good over evil track. Malhotra knows this well and is definitely an aficionado the masala genre.

Agneepath belongs to Hrithik Roshan. We often connote great acting with dialogues and drama. This couldn’t be further from the truth. As Vijay Dinanath Chauhan, Hrithik speaks perhaps all of three pages of the script. However, his acting comes through the flaring of his nostrils, his blood shot teared eyes, his intensity, his body language and yes, through his delivery of the character. Add to that how that he is still as hot as they get, and boom, he wins with Agneepath. There is no long hauled dialogue for him neither is his drunk scene one that will go down in history but you will walk out of the cinema calling Agneepath one of his best performances ever. There is also, no mimicking of Bachchan Senior. This is his interpretation of the character.

And then there is Rishi Kapoor who scores as Rauf Lala. He works the evil into the character so darn well. A phenomenal performance. Sanjay Dutt is flawless as Kancha. He’s ugly, dark, grey and dirty just as you would expect him to be. He takes the cake when it comes to dialogues in the film and works Kancha into a great villain. Om Puri is as usual awesome and deserves a mention because he is rarely appreciated. Priyanka Chopra is apt but hams slightly in her small role which in my opinion could have been played by any other small actress. However, marketing works well in Bollywood. By adding Chopra to the film, the star power of the film increases.

So where does the film falter? Tomato ketchup. The gore and blood flows from beginning to end which makes you wonder how much ketchup was used. While the film excels in the first half, it falls a tad bit in the second; at some points it seems hurried. The music is also a letdown. Yes, Chikni Chameli is fantabulous as well as the Ganesh number. The rest is average minus the background music which is haunting but loud. And then there is the length—it’s too freakin’ long. Too long. So much so that it’s slightly exhausting.

In the end, Agneepath is a good watch because of Roshan. He packs a punch and works it. In fact, you almost cannot imagine anyone else playing Chauhan in this version of the film. I have to hand it to KJo, whom I normally hate on, with this one, he's redeemed himself. But only slightly. Agneepath is the old stuff in new fancy glossy packaging. This, guys and dolls, is exactly how you do a remake.

Footnote: Here's the deal for 2012. Films that are wicked, will get a Pura Review while the useless ones will get a mere 100 Word Review. Fair, na? 

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bare Chested in 2011!

If yesterday was for the men, today is for my ladies. The “All Garam, No Sharam Awards” is all about display (get used to this word, you’re gonna see a lot of it). And while women have a lot to show off (boobs, booty, legs, midriffs, etc), men on the other hand have a lot less that can they can openly exhibit; for the most part, we have to use our imagination. But we all love our men only one way: shirtless. In 2011, quite a few of Bollywood’s leading actors took their shirts off (hubba-hubba) only for us to swoon. Now if they have no shame in taking it off, why should we feel sharam in admiring toned oiled chests? Sharam ko maaro goli. Check out the top five men who dared to bare.

Special Mention:
You know what’s so sad? That there is no good image of Farhan Akhtar without his shirt from Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara. And I just don’t get why there isn’t one. I eventually had to settle for this print screen image but even then, Farhu looks incredibly H.O.T. If it were possible to be any more desirable, Farhan has increased his hot factor with his shirtless act in ZNMD. He makes the cut but not quite and thus, receives a special mention this year.

5. Salman Khan
Is it possible to skip out on Salman Khan on a shirtless list? I think not. He is after all the godfather of not-wearing-shirts in India. This year we were literally gifted with one song in which he strips himself of his silky-satiny black shirt to expose his infamous chest. Sallu miyan is one lad who knows how to make the ladies go weak in their knees. His chest is by far the most popular in Bollywood. It could easily win an award of its own.

4. Ranveer Singh
In my opinion, he is one of the most overrated obnoxious wannabe actors of recent times. But there is no denying his newly exposed body. Not sure how he managed to work it so quickly but whatever it is, Ranveer Singh’s new hot bod has the young college ladki’s going fida over. Add to that his attitude, his sexy tan, a pretty bulgy package, and Ranveer is on his way to finding a huge fan following.

3. John Abraham
One of the only reasons to watch Desi Boyz and okay fine, even Force, this year was because it allowed us to look at a shirtless John Abraham. His acting is incredibly mediocre but this body, now that is quite a view. For me, it’s more Desi Boyz than Force which made me feel lightheaded. His stripping scene and pole action was quite the vision (read:sexy!). He can add hot chest to that perfect bubble butt of his now.

2. Arjun Rampal
He will and will always be a terrible boring substandard actor but Arjun Rampal hides a hot body behind his clothes. Lucky for us, we got to see a whole lot of it courtesy of Ra.One. He’s always been quite the fitness freak but it’s only now that we get to see Rampal exposing a bit more– he should really walk around shirtless a lot more. Abs, packs and muscle intact, Rampal sizzles. The movie is nothing short of a maha headache but his bare chest one reason to watch.

1. Hrithik Roshan
No one but India’s answer to the Greek Gods, Hrithik Roshan, can top this list. How on earth he is so fine, is beyond me but he does work out hard for that beefcake body. If it possible for anyone to get more toned, hotter, sexier as time goes on, then it’s Roshan alone. Besides him, there is really no other man in India who can walk around looking so darn perfect. He’s what I like to call, “Sex on toast…with extra butter.” Tell me you don't want him.

Guessing you need a tall glass of cold water? Go for it. As for me, well, I’ll have another sharam-free countdown for you to lose control over tomorrow.

Sequels and Remakes: Nahinnnnnn!!!!!

If I hear one more piece of news from Bollywood where filmmaker XYZ is in the midst of planning a sequel or remaking a classic, I'll scream. It's just becoming far too repetitive and straight up boring, industrywalas. Seriously. As if it isn't bad enough that we have to deal with Hrithik Roshan taking on Amitabh Bachchan's role in the ultra amazing Agneepath, but everyone's favorite (uh yeah, minus me), Karan Johar, is all set to make a second part to the "epic" Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum. Is it me does or does this sound so damn ho hum? I'm already not excited for the sequel. Apparently, there's gonna be something about the brothers splitting up courtesy of the business, blah blah. But *oh ma gawd* the cast are crew are so excited (rolls eyes). Look, K3G was great at the start of the millennium but honestly, all that cheese only works in Rajshri films now. Karan's rendition of cheesiness is so freakin' 2000 and late; it makes me want to barf. Yes, I've seen K3G numerous times and yes, it was awesome...when I was 18! But now, a decade later, I flinch when I see any scene of the film. The music of course, never gets old. Now that's epic.

But it's not fair to only oust my 'favorite' victim Karan Johar. After the success of Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara, Zoya Akhtar is actually considering a sequel to her recent offering. But what could it possibly consist of? The lads off on yet another trip to solve issues in their forties? Or maybe we'll get a glimpse of what a Desi midlife crisis looks like. More importantly, what will the film be called? Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara...Phir Se (?) Goodness, that in itself puts me off.

Don 2 is headed our way this year. And while I'm a fan of the original (Amitabh wala) and also the modern version (SRK one), I don't know if Don 2 will hit my 'action girl' buttons. Same goes with Dabangg 2, when it does happen, I don't know if I want to see Chulbul Pandey again. Once is a charm, no?

One of the few sequels, it's a series rather, which really worked for me personally is Golmaal and fine, even Munnabhai. But then that's a totally different ballgame. Most sequels lose their momentum, pace and even point. By the end of it, you ask yourself, "What on earth just happened?" The only film which deserves and I'm aching to see a sequel to is the cult film (and my ultimate favorite), Andaz Apna Apna. Sallu Miyan and Aamir Bhai together with hopefully Lolo and Ravs; heaven! The dialogues, the music, the sequences were all phenomenal. But those are some big shoes to fill when you have a classic like AAA to follow.

And while we're on the topic of sequels, I'd love to see Hum Aapke Hain Kaun and Hum Saath Saath Hain part two. I wonder how the Rajshri's would take forward these family dramas. Actually negative. I have a feeling these would turn into major saas-bahu serials in the end. All hail Ekta Kapoor. And how can the 'Serial Queen' be left behind? She too has been bitten by the sequel bug. Once Upon A Time in Mumbaai is all set to have a part two with Akshay Kumar in the lead. Kahan Ajay Devgn, kahan Akshay Kumar yaar. I'm already scared.

However, it's not the sequels that irk me as much as the remakes. Look, if you can't think of new ideas or plots, don't make films. But please, leave our originals. There's a reason they're crowned with titles such as "epic" and "legendary"; so foolish filmmakers won't realize years later to remake them!

After a while, it gets so damn boring that you find yourself getting off to original films which are different and unique. This is why youngistan is watching (and re-watching) the likes of Delhi Belly and Shaitaan. Not only does it hit home but the film is honest, relevant, young and awesome in so many ways. You know what, I'd rather watch a shady irritating shoddy film ala Tees Maar Khan (yes, even that) over a bad remake which ruins the original or a sequel that destroys its predecessor.

In true Bollywood fashion, I'd just like to say, "Bhagwan ke liye sequels aur remakes ko chor do!"

100 Word Review: Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara

Zoya Akhtar's latest offering, Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara, is a story of three friends who find themselves at different crossroads as they take a trip to Spain which changes their lives forever. Zoya’s coming of age story starts off on a slow note but slowly picks up pace later. A couple of sequences could have been edited, but manages to entertain. Hrithik and Katrina are impressive while Abhay and Kalki play their parts with ease. But it’s Farhan who steals the show in more than one way. ZMND is not groundbreaking cinema but it’s message is clear: live it up!  

* I honestly thought it was one film that would be slightly wannabeish. I was wrong.
** On a side note, the poetry by Javed Akhtar is simply superb.

K3G @ HDIL Couture Week

So Karan Johar has launched his own line of clothing and for the 2010 HDIL Couture week, he bought together three of his favorite stars: Shah Rukh Khan, Amitabh Bachchan and Hrithik Roshan. Of course, we aren't surprised that he chose his fav men to walk the ramp, but was all the dancing shosha necessary? I don't think so but who am I to say? KJo marches to a beat of his own that I simply have grown to fathom. For starters none of his clothes were anything to talk about. So basically, flop all over..again. Mind you, the director has officially taking a break from Twitter (praise the lord) so we can't really sit and question yet again sucking up. Anyway, take a look at the stars adorning the collection...if you choose to call it one!

Katrina - Hrithik: Kiss Kiss!

They may have shot a steamy photoshoot together, but Hrithik Roshan and Katrina Kaif have definitely not locked lips before. It took Zoya Akhtar to bring them together first of all, and then convinced them to take on a steamy kissing scene for her film Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara. Hrithik of course, has done a number of kissing scenes with a number of actresses but this was Katrina's first smooch. And it wasn't as though the duo had worked together before. Mr. Roshan, the perfectionist, insisted on getting it "right" and thus, a number of practice rehearsals were undertaken. And get this, when it came down to actually shooting the scene, it wasnt okayed in the first go. And thus, it was kiss-cut-kiss-cut...

Zoya maintains that the kiss is essential to the film and in addition, wants to "milk" the first time amazing pairing of Kaif and Roshan.

Guzaarish...Guzaarish?

By now everyone has pretty much seen the first look of Guzaarish. And I, personally, am not feeling it. It looks rather meh and eekish to me. Aish looks odd and Hrithik look...umm... random. But hey! That is just me. You take a look and decide for yourself. I have no Guzaarish to watch it.

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So You Think Hrithik Can Dance?

Hrithik Roshan, who will soon be a part of Madam Trussards Wax Museum, is asking for a whopping 2 Crores per episode after he was offered the chance to host the Indian version of So You Think You Can Dance. This will make him the most highest paid celebrity on television for a show that consists of 26 episodes. In the past, stars who have been a part of shows on television have asked for the following prices:

Amitabh Bachchan: Kaun Banega Crorepati - Intially, 80 Lakhs and now, 1.5 Crores per episode

Shah Rukh Khan: Kya Aap Panchvi Pass Se Tez Hain - 1 Crore per episode


Akshay Kumar: Master Chef - 1.2 - 1.5 Crores per episode


Salman Khan: Bigg Boss - 1.2 Crores per episode 


And the ladies get relatively much less. Priyanka Chopra is bagging all of 60 Lakhs for each episode of ear Factor Khatron Ke Khiladi 3. 

The Next 6 Months in Bollywood...

We are half way into the year and Lord knows where has gone. And yes, lots has happened in Bollywood. Rajneeti has been declared hit of the year; Udaan has received critical acclaim and how; Tere Bin Laden has been deemed sleeper hit of the year and I actually enjoyed an Akshay Kumar film. Yes, I thought Khatta Meetha was pretty entertaining. Don't tell anyone I said that though. Okay so what's coming up for the next six months? Check it out!

Aisha: Yes, Sonam Kapoor's slated next week film is all ready to rock n roll. But which will it do? Rock or make you roll out of the cinema?

Peepli [Live]: Super excited for this Aamir Khan Production satire film based on farmers. And you know its good when A.K. agrees to produce it!

Lafangey Parindey: Missing Neil Nitin Mukesh? No? Maybe Deepika Padukone? How about them together. She plays a blind girl and he, a goon.

Dabbang: Oh Salman Khan in an action film gives me butterflies! Exciting and fun. Can't wait for the dishooms and the dshkyun's!

We Are Family: I'm not sure about this one. But if you're a fan of any of the following: Arjun Rampal, Kajol, Kareena Kapoor or Karan Johar, then this is your flick.

Rakta Charitra: Ram Gopal Verma and Vivek Oberoi. Need I say more?

Anjaana Anjaani: As much as I adore Ranbir Kapoor, I worry about him in Dharma films. Oh yeah, he pairs up with Priyanka Chopra for the first time in this one.

Action Replay: Akshay Kumar and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan go back and forth in time with this one. Not sure what to say except, eeks!

Golmaal 3: Fun fun fun! Yes, the boys and Kareena Kapoor are back to entertain you yet again! woohoo!

No Problem: Well the star cast is certainly makes you wonder if director Aneesh Bazmee did have any problems: Anil Kapoor, Sanjay Dutt, Akshaye Khanna, Bipasha Basu, Kangna Ranaut, Neetu Chandra, Paresh Rawal, Sushmita Sen!

Guzaarish: It's Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and Hrithik Roshan back with a bang in a film that sees Roshan sporting a rather odd hairstyle. 

Khelein Hum Jee Jaan Sey: It's Deepika Padukone and Abhishek Bachchan in this period film. National Award for him? Time will tell.

No One Killed Jessica: Rani Mukherjee and Vidya Balan team up for this murder mystery. Gotta hand it to Rani for trying yet again to revive her career. Kudos girl!

Tees Maar Khan: I don't like Farah Khan films. But I'll watch TMK for the much talked about item number Katrina Kaif will be a part of. 


So there you have it, the biggies of 2010. Much to watch and even more to talk about! Woohoo!

Today I Cover the World!

Hrithik Roshan and Farhan Akhtar are topless in Zoya Akhtar's Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara! For the ladies and their admirers, i.e. moi, this is great news! It is rare that we see both actors and so seeing them sans shirts makes me go hubba-hubba-hubba! Abhay Deol, who is also starring in the film decided not to shed his shirt (wuss!) and so will be seen in a vest (read: boring!). I think it may be a slight complex that the no-pack Deol may feel  towards the many packed Roshan and Akhtar. Note to Abhay: We'll take you, topless or not!


In other news, my new best friend Paul the Octopus predicted Germany's win for third place which happened today. We all waiting patiently for the final for which the eight-legged creature has placed his legs around a Spain win. By the way, PETA has come out in defense of the Octopus and believes that he should be freed! Yes, animal rights activists are upset at the amount of publicity Paul is receiving. They claimed no animal should be confined to a tank and so on. Uh...where were they when he was unknown to the world?


And another piece of news that I found oh so fascinating was this one: Victoria Beckham is a Strict Mom. My initial reaction, "Uh huh." So I read on to find out that she has a punishment chair for the kids. Yes, if they do anything wrong they are sent to sit. On a chair. Oh the torture. I wonder if the chair is designer? Made of pure leather? You know what would be a better punishment? Perhaps if she made her kids listen to some of her music. And mind you, I'm a huge Spice Girls fan! I promise.


Sources: Mid-Day and Hindustan Times