(F)A(ke)ishwarya Rai!

I will never ever doubt Aishwarya Rai’s, now Bachchan, beauty; she is beyond exquisite. But will the real Aishwarya Rai please stand up? Ever since I can remember, Aishwarya Rai has been the epitome of grace, beauty and FAKENESS. In fact, I often wonder who the real Aishwarya Rai is. If it isn’t her stupid school-girl giggle then its her diplomacy which makes her look gosh darn stupid in the end. From the get-go, Ash has carefully planned every step of her career. Whether it’s the men she’s dated or the films she’s signed, it all seems so calculated. Almost immediately, she found herself in the arms of Salman Khan and when his career hit a lull, she quickly stepped away from him and into the life of the flavor of the season, Vivek Oberoi. After clearly, demolishing his career and choosing to never accept that she was ever in a relationship with him, Rai’s career was on the rise, while all the drama surrounding Oberoi pushed his career to a complete halt. And out she went from all that commotion. She wasn’t going to let no one bring her down.

The rest is all history as they say, as she went on to woo Abhishek Bachchan and soon become the Bachchan bahu. However, what irks me the most is how much of a sham she is. Her entire existence is a facade. Her constant smiling, boring answers, the perfection, all of it is so boring now, it simply reads boring. Her recent appearance on Koffee with Karan, bought out her fakeness even more. After she giggled, kissed her Father-in-law’s gluteus maximus calling him the “best-est-est” (it’s not even a word!) and reiterated her love for Abhishek, she then gave Karan a bunch of useless fake vague diplo answers. We were bored. Why is it she can’t be honest? And to think, she is the face of Hindi cinema abroad! What utter garbage representation. When we have smart intelligent women like Shabana Azmi or even Sushmita Sen, who are beautiful, smart and Indian in every which way, why we choose to allocate Ash as the Indian ambassador is simply beyond me. Forget, her acting talent; she is by far one of the worst we have. In fact, look back at her hits. Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam was all Ajay Devgn and Salman Khan; Devdas was Shah Rukh Khan and Madhuri Dixit all the way. So what acting talent does she possess? Zero. Zilch.

I would love to see Ash in the Big Brother house. And I wish Jade Goody (R.I.P), could have interacted with her. Now that would have been some drama especially since Goody believed Shilpa Shetty was fake. HA! Little does she know what fake is. Have you met (F)A(ke)ishwarya Rai Bachchan?

Tentalize!

Ten of the most te(a)talalizing pieces of news this week!

Lara Dutta and Priyanka Chopra face off in Berlin as they shoot for Don 2. Apparently besides the temperature (which is pretty chilly), the actresses are on icy cold terms.

Preity Zinta is all ready to make a comeback in an upcoming Yash Raj Film. Didn't know she had taken a break. Oh well!

Twinkle Khanna doesn't enter the kitchen claims Akshay Kumar. But that doesn't bother her man; he has a line of cooks available to her.

Sanjay Dutt is Dad yet again. This time to twin babies!

John Abraham has decided to put his issues away with Salman Khan and befriend him. The two had some serious problems in the past which caused them to become enemies of the worst kind.

SRK is celebrating his birthday and Diwali in Berlin this year. In fact, wife Gauri and best bud, Karan Johar are flying into Germany to throw him a bash.

Rumor has it that Tabu is set to tie the knot with a rich businessman. No details have been revealed yet. Watch this space for more.

Vivek Oberoi is all set to marry Priyanka Alve. Word has it that the actor will not go on honeymood straight away but only after the final word on Rakta Charitra is out.

Kangna Ranaut apparently looks up to Sushmita Sen as an older sister and refers to her as "Didi". Word has it, Sush took an instant liking to Kangna.

Yash Chopra did not like Dabangg. He claimed the film had 'nothing new to offer." Right.

Vivek Oberoi's Wedding Card!

Ex-bad boy Vivek Oberoi is all set to tie the knot with Priyanka Alve and while their wedding may not be attended by too many dignitaries or Bollywood stars, this hasn't stopped the Oberoi family from giving their son a most lavish wedding. For starters, take a look at the beautiful wedding card. The industry is abuzz with how beautiful it has turned out to be considering the card has been made 100% from recycled materials. It is a two tiered box with chocolates, the invitation and a one of a kind Ganjifa painting making his wedding card, quite the collectors item. And all this is eco-friendly too! Take a look a  picture of the card.

Vivek to get Hitched!

Congratulations Vivek Oberoi! Yes, the actor is all set to tie the knot come this October. The actor has had a wretched past with relationships ala Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. However, the actor never gave up on love and thus, he has finally found himself tying the knot with Priyanka Alva. It is arranged but the Vivek and Priyanka do know each other as they worked closely together while volunteering from an orphanage. Apparently, Vivek fell in love with Priyanka's simplicity and honesty.

Those are all the details we have for now, but take a look at a picture of the would-be Mrs. Oberoi!

Preity Says No; Vivek Says Yes!

So apparently the next big thing to do amongst the stars is to be a part of Reality Shows. And if rumors are to believed, Vivek Oberoi will be the next dulha on the marriage reality show, Swayamwar 3. While that has yet to be completely confirmed, Preity Zinta was also asked to be a part of a show: Raaz Pichle Janam ka Season 2. Of course she flatly refused claiming, "I am not doing any ‘Raaz Pichle Janam ka’ kind of show! You’ve got to be kidding me. I will go on TV & discuss my previous births! Rubbish!" Yes, in very Preity Zinta style. 


And don't write her off just yet, the actress is in talks with a number of directors and is carefully selecting her roles. Oh and she has expressed a wish to be on the upcoming Kaun Banega Corepati with Amitabh Bachchan!

K-Jo: Quit Goating Around!

Post Wake Up Sid, one can only expect better and less cheesy films from the usually gushy-mushy gunk that they usually throw at us. While Ayan Mukherji took Dharma Productions for a real sixer when he came out with a fresh script which kept it "real" and honest. No unrealistic romance or preachy K-Jo style love your family drama. Shortly after, K-Jo came out with Rensil D'Silva's Kurbaan; a story which claimed that "Some love stories have blood on them." Starring the real-life couple Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor, the film was yet another chance for Dharma Productions to prove that they are in fact looking to venture out from the usual gunk into more realistic and hatke cinema. Out with the old, in with the new, here comes a new and improved K-Jo!

This is not a review, so no synopsis summary here. The basic premise is one filled with a love story and terrorism which is ultimately linked to one another. Okay here's the deal; Kurbaan is a completely average affair. In fact the screenplay is a complete disappointment especially when you learn that the director is the scriptwriter is behind the absolutely amazing Rang De Basanti. Filled with holes, the script lacks substance and even a POINT! While watching the film, I was waiting for the film to happen... and by God it never did. And it wasn't just the holes, the film is filled with stereotypes: all Muslims are terrorists; all terrorists are Muslim. In fact more than educate the audiences or even inform them of perhaps why terrorists do what they do, we were constantly reminded that the world is a complete mess: Iraq, Afghanistan et al. Hello! Do we really need a film to remind us of this? CNN does an apt job on a daily basis. I think that if you asked KJo what the film was trying to tell you, he would say that it was all about the chemistry between Saif and Kareena. Because honestly, the film has nothing to really talk about. Or at least nothing we don't already know about.

And yet, I found myself waiting for Kurbaan to happen...er what happened next was a mixed bag of nothing, zilch and a hint of zero. We go from a passionate love story to a wannabe terror-filled flick which honestly couldn't come out at a worst time; a week before the 26/11 anniversary. When you watch a film like Kurbaan you are bound to compare it to similar films and for some reason, most equate it to New York which although was much better than Kurbaan, too had its share of flaws. But if we had to pick a film that was related to terrorism, was relatable and actually made sense, then it was definitely A Wednesday. Kurbaan was absolutely GARBAGE compared to Neeraj Pandey's award winning film. Kurbaan is not worthy of any awards at all! And if it does manage to bag even ONE, it will be either bought by KJo or the awards were rigged.

That said - watch the film if you're a Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor or even Vivek Oberoi fan. The only reason to watch this film is for the actors who ultimately add some elan to an otherwise lifeless film. Kurbaan is a sacrifice of time, talent and even theatre space. And if I had the opportunity to speak with Karan Johar, I would say: KJo, spare us instead of sacrificing us - we are not GOATS!