Bollywood Celebrity Weddings of 2012

It was the year of bands, baajas and many baraats in Bollywood. Strangely enough, it was a number of single leading ladies that we lost this year to men within the industry or closely associated to Bollywood, at least. It turned out to be a busy year for fashion designers and wedding planners who were given the task of planning big fat Bollywood weddings of some of the most popular couples in town. This year, the stars went out to shine as they embarked on holy matrimony. With so many shaadis and even more details, it only makes sense to count down the top weddings of the year. Are you ready to be shaadi-fied?

Ritesh and Genelia
The year kicked off with the wedding of secret lovebirds Genelia D’Souza and Ritesh Deshmukh. After years of speculation and nonstop questions including: are they together? Is he gay? Is he with Jacqueline Fernandez? Genelia and Ritiesh shut the mouths of gossip-mongers with a rather lengthy wedding which included a Maharashtrian wedding followed by a Church wedding and finally, a grand reception where most of Bollywood congregated to wish the couple. The sangeet was headed by none other than Karan Johar who took to the mic and played master of chaperone while a number of the couple’s starry friends took to the stage. The likes of the Bachchans, Kapoors and Khans attended the big reception before the duo took off to an undisclosed honeymoon destination.

Wedding Trivia: The wedding was planned way in advance with the couple asking their friends and family to keep it hush-hush.

Esha and Bharat Esha Deol’s career may have unfortunately not kicked into third gear but that didn’t stop her from going all out for her wedding with Mumbai diamond merchant, Bharat Takhtani. According to sources, the entire wedding was orchestrated by Hema Malini who insisted on a grand, yet simple wedding. A sangeet followed by an ISKON wedding and a biggie reception completed Esha’s wedding. The sangeet saw a dedicated performance by Mom, Hema to her daughter as she danced to Dream Girl. The dulhan herself shook her foot to a couple of her own numbers. Bollywood came out in full force to bless Esha and Bharat while Daddy dearest couldn’t contain his happiness as he hosted the reception.

Wedding Trivia: While half-brothers Sunny and Bobby Deol remained unseen throughout the wedding, it was Abhay who took on all brotherly duties.

Kareena and Saif
Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan’s private but heavily attended wedding was easily the wedding of the year. After five years of courtship, Saifeena finally joined together in holy matrimony drawing extreme media attention and hoard of well-wishers. While it was his second marriage, he chose to keep it quite extravagant. There was a hush-hush sangeet, a mehndi, the registered marriage at the Khan household, followed by a reception in Mumbai and then, a Walima in New Delhi. The sangeet saw the Kapoor kandaan come out to put on a complete show for the couple with Karisma Kapoor taking center stage. Needless to say, pretty much all of Bollywood was accounted for at the luxurious reception after which the couple went on what is being called their ‘25th’ honeymoon.

Wedding Trivia: Saif’s children were seen at the wedding taking pictures with the newlyweds and enjoying every minute of the wedding. 

Vidya and Siddharth
The year ended with the wedding of Vidya Balan and Siddharth Roy Kapur. But it was hardly a shaadi which had the shutterbugs going frantic. In fact, it was easily the most downplayed wedding of the year. With the exception of Rekha, no other Bollywood celebrity was invited to the extremely secretive wedding which only included family and close friends. A quiet mehndi and wedding ceremony was in order for the couple and that pretty much concluded the wedding. The couple will however, distribute sweets post their wedding to the industry.

Wedding Trivia: Close friends including Milan Luthria and Ekta Kapoor too, are said to have been completely clueless about the wedding.

 ~

First published Bollywood Hungama, December 19th, 2012   

Shahid Kapoor Ki Shaadi: Prospective Brides

So Shahid Kapoor missed the boat with Bebo, eh? Poor chap. And word on the street is that he will be avoiding contact with the media for the next few days until the Saifeena shaadi festivities die down. But why so blue, Shahid? Your day will come soon; you’ll be a groom too. And since you’ve become rather fussy about your ladies post Bebo, I’ve decided to help you and play matchmaker. They say matchmaking is the best way to gain brownie points with the uparwala and so to aid you, here are some lovely ladies for you to
choose from and to make your Mrs. Kapoor.

Priyanka Chopra
Look, you obviously have some kind of bizarre with Priyanka Chopra; admit it. I can kinda see it—she’s a bit eccentric, quite like you. And just think logistically. Don’t you both live in the same building? How easy would it be to move her belongings to your place? But seriously, you both seem to have some kind of chemistry between the both of you, so why not P.C.? Post your break up, she took to a popular married Mr. Khan; not such a smart idea. See what you did to her? Now is your chance to reel her back and woo her again. This is quite a Teri Meri Kahani you both have, haan.

Vidya Balan
She’s popular, bankable, sexy and could be gharelu which makes Vidya Balan a good choice for you, Shahid. Add to that the fact that you both share some Kismet Konnection wali history and voila, there is one more reason for the both of you to come together in holy matrimony. Err, and considering your string of flops, it may help to have Vidya on your side right now. But you’ll have to entice her rather well, you see. Apparently, she’s cozying up to one popular UTV Films producer.


Sonam Kapoor
Okay, so your film together didn’t exactly create waves but so what? Sonam Kapoor is a girl you should consider, Shahid. For starters, look at all the similarities you both share. Both of ya’ll are Kapoors, both have veteran fathers as actors, both are kinda useless and possess an air that no one really gets. She also happens to be an avid reader which is good for you since you are in dire need of private spelling lessons. See, made for each other you both are…in any Mausam also.


Nargis Fakhri
Nargis Fakhri claims there is nothing between you and her. Lies. We know you both had somewhat of a fling…or something. We’ve heard so many damn rumors about you both moving in, helping each other in icky situations and so on, that if you dare to tell me there was never anything between the two of you, I will send a girl gand, I mean gang, to your house.


Amrita Rao
At the end of the day, you can always just go back to your first heroine, no? Amrita Rao is in actuality, the most ideal girl for you. In fact, believe it or not, you are most liked when you star opposite Rao. Five films and you’ve never really been linked to Amrita, how did you allow that to happen, Shahid? That is so unlike you. For this reason, if not any other, at least court the pretty girl. Both of your careers are at the same place too—bottom of a dry lake. Ishq Vishk toh banta hai boss.


All of a sudden, things don’t look so bad, haan Shahid? Also, see how I conveniently left out Katrina Kaif for you. Slightly worried you might leave out a 'T' from her name…problem na ho jaaye, you know. Now choose, fast fast!

Dear Hindustan Times,

I have never used foul language on my blog. Never. But today I will make an exception. I would like to tell you a quick Fuck You today. I feel that as a recognized Indian portal, you have gone ahead to behave in a completely moronic fashion with your “Kareena Kapoor: Size Zero to Fatso” pictorial piece. This is not about Kareena Kapoor. Not at all. This is about how insensitive a piece this was. You do realize that KK is not a “fatso”, right? In fact, I clearly remember how nutty your publication went a few years ago when she took on her size zero avatar. Back then you called her a whole bunch of names including “unhealthy”. So what’s the issue now? Do you understand that you are basically implying that if you put on a bit of healthy weight, you become a fatso? And then hold on a quick second. Kareena Kapoor puts on a kilo or two and she’s a fatso, but Vidya Balan who can be easily borderline obese is what? Sexy? Why the double standards, you morons?

One of the biggest health related issues young girls deal with include anorexia and bulimia. As a society, we look down on girls who are slightly chubby or big boned – unless you’re Vidya Balan of course, then you’re just plain voluptuous. As a leading Indian publication, your job is to educate and eliminate this outdated idea from the minds of old fashioned Indians. By putting up pieces that look down on a healthy weight, you’re hardly being progressive. By this logic, you have to be a fair size zero fair woman in order to be considered hot, yes? If that is indeed your opinion, then basically my “fuck you” is completely justified.

I understand where these pieces come from. As Indians and Bollywood freaks, we’re all slightly obsessed with every aspect of a star’s life. And when it comes to Kareena Kapoor, we’re infatuated with her size. So of course, in order to bring in readers, it’s best to talk about her weight which has increased, thankfully. But calling her a “fatso” is simply not on. And then the malicious comments on each of her images were just plain down market. By sensationalizing this issue, you are indirectly promoting size zero. For this, another fuck you.

To say that you should rectify your mistake would be asking for too much. So instead, all I want to do is reiterate what I’ve been saying all along: Fuck You. Until you don’t grow the eff up and start writing meaningful articles, you deserve this type of reader. You’ve lost a reader in me. Oh and I’ve put on 2 kilos in the last few months. So yeah, I’m a proud fatso. And what?

P.S. Once again, she isn't FAT. 

100 Word Review: Kahaani

The premise of Kahaani: a pregnant wife in search of her husband. However, there is more than meets the eye as her motive eventually shocks authorities. Sujoy Ghosh pulls out a winner from his director’s cap with this thriller. You are immediately taken in by the story and Kolkata. Vidya Balan is top notch. She is proving to be an actress you cannot and should not mess with. The rest of the cast all support aptly. The story engrosses you with only one minor hichki vis-à-vis the hacking sequence which is slightly pretentious. That said, Kahaani tells a fabulous tale.

The Good, Bad and Ugly: Filmfare Awards 2012

I’m not a Filmfare fan. Not of the magazine and definitely not of the award functions. Well, I’m not a fan of the current Filmfare. Back in day however, I loved the publication. Now however, it lacks substance and even glamour. Far too trashy for my liking. And the award ceremonies? Don’t even get me started. That said, I watch the award ceremony every single year since it happens to be a ritual my mother and I have. She watches to hopefully catch John Abraham, and I, to hate on it. 2012 was no different. I watched and found exactly what I expected: a lot of kissing– ass kissing, air kisses, etc, and farce galore. So here it is then, the good, the bad, the ugly of this year’s Filmfare Awards.

The Good:

Usha Uthup: Star of the Night

• Usha Uthup winning for best playback singer was true justice—finally they got it right. I would have screamed if Shreya Ghosal would have won (read: overrated). But it was her speech which had me choked. She teared and told the audience that this was her first award in 42 years. Well deserved.
• Oh Coke Studio’s tribute to Dev Anand and Shammi Kapoor were amazing. Shaan made my night. But what about Jagjit Singh?
• SRK’s performance with the kids was cute.
• Ranbir Kapoor. Period.
• Okay the whole Kolaveri Di line in the action sequences had me in splits.
• Madhuri Dixit looked phenomenal.

The Bad:

Ex-Rivals?

• My mother claimed that Vidya Balan behaved rather “vulgarly” with her banana giving. Honestly, I didn’t even pick that up. Moms are more observant; mine is at least.
• SRK hit an all time low with his cheap jokes. They weren’t funny. Perhaps this is what happens post two major flops?
• So Priyanka Chopra couldn’t bag any actors to be a part of her swayamwar dance, eh? Explains how she had to make do with Bappi Lahiri as her dulha in the end.
• Did anyone catch Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra linking arms and smiling for the cameras? Spare us girls.
• What was up with Kalki? She looked anorexic.
• All the dances were so overdone; been there done that. Where was Bipasha Basu? She always dances, no?
• What on earth was Akon nominated as Best Male Playback singer for? And then Chammak Challo for best lyrics? That as a joke, right? If not, then why didn’t Tu Mera Hero not get a nomination?
• Abhishek Bachchan looked really lonely. And lost.
• Why do Filmfare insist on showing us the same reactions repeatedly for stars? And whoever did the editing, you clearly have a crush on Parineeti Chopra.

The Queens

The Ugly:

• Erm, SRK and Ranbir Kapoor made really repulsive women. That whole Drag Queen segment was just not pleasing to the eye.
• As usual, Rakhi Sawant.
• Oh, and Shakti Kapoor.
• Apparently an Ali Zafar performance was edited out from the show. Shameful.
• Overall, it was rather tacky especially since Filmfare is considered to be the most “classy” and the “Mother” of all awards in India.

But wait a minute, Shah Rukh Khan walked away devoid of a black lady. Wot? They didn’t create a special category for him? Wow. iShock.

Footnote (2/21): I've been told that it's unfair to blame SRK for the tackiness of the show since it has been written by the likes of Vir Das and others. But I'll say this. For starters, they must have known who the hosts were going to be as most of the jokes were directed at SRK, RK, Ra.One, Don 2 and Rockstar. And let's say they didn't know, well that means that SRK has no power/control over what he depicts on stage. Who are you kidding? This is King Khan we are talking about. SRK was served exactly what he likes; trash, vulgar, cheap one-liners and jokes. If he was unhappy with the script, i.e. he found it too brash, you know he would have created havoc over it. But it didn't happen. Why? Because he likes it this way.  I rest my case.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Boobalicious in 2011!

It’s finally that time folks, where we crown the diva who has worked, what is perhaps the most crucial asset to any heroine in Bollywood. Yes, guys and dolls, this is mother of the All Garam, No Sharam Awards: The Rack of the Year. In the past, our actresses have been slightly conservative with the amount of cleavage they display. Now however, actresses are hotter than the Sahara in July and displaying boobage hardly generates much shock value. This year there have been ladies who have let it all out (if you know what I mean) and others who’ve messed with your head and teased you. Either way, they are all deserving of a mention. Here’s counting down the top five ladies who’ve done it shamelessly in style.

5. Kangna Ranaut
Where did those boobs come from? That is the real question here. Known for being flat-chested and how, it surprised moviegoers when all of a sudden Kangna Ranaut was seen looking boobalicious in Rascals. Whether it was in her white bikini or in the low-necked dresses she sported, her new “friends” were in the limelight. And you can be sure, you’ll see more of them in the future.

4. Bipasha Basu
There was a time where Bipasha Basu’s honkers made tongues wag among other things. And while they still make eyes widen, we see far too less of her…and her boobies. So this year, we caught her exposing her assets at the IIFA 2011 Fashion Show where she walked the ramp for Sabyasachi Mukherjee. Small choli intact, Bipasha strut her stuff as she revealed her babies.

3. Kareena Kapoor
Bebo is not only bootylicious and poutalicious but the pretty Kapoor also has one of the hottest racks in the industry. Kareena’s Chammak Challo number showed quite a good amount of boobage which looked incredibly hot behind that sizzling red choli. Sadly, there are no good images that do justice to her jobes in the song. But to confirm her that she is indeed boobaclious, this should do.

2. Mallika Sherawat

She has one of the best set in the industry, hands down. Perhaps if we appreciated Mallika Sherawat’s beamers a bit more, she’d ditch Hollywood for us. This year we saw play item girl to a number of movies but she did grace us with a sizzling FHM cover where her perfectly round perky breasts were displayed in full tashan. Oh and she did this topless cover shoot as an apology for Hisss. Thank you M.S. Thank you so much.

1. Vidya Balan
Viyda Balan may have starred in a film called The Dirty Picture but there was nothing even remotely grubby about her and her blinkers performance. They were all over the place! In fact, we saw nearly every angle of her breasts which spilled out of her choli and took over the screen. Despite the fact that she was rather chunky in the film, she still rocked her bosom exposure which were lifted, smushed and enhanced. However you look at it, she is this year’s queen and her boobs take the crown for the best guns of the year.

It's a wrap folks! That ends this year’s installment of the “All Garam, No Sharam Awards”. Thank you all for audaciously indulging in the best of besharami in 2011. Here’s hoping 2012 will be more shameless and hotter! Until next year, ta-ta.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Pouts of the Year!

Our leading ladies in Bollywood can work just about every part of their bodies and make it look PHAT– pretty, hot and tempting. But the one “pose” they’ve all mastered is the hip-out pout-out. Whether it was for magazine shoots or at events, these ladkis strut their stuff albeit sharam as they pouted and how. Check out the year’s Best Pouts in today’s “All Garam, No Sharam Awards!”

5. Priyanka Chopra
While she may have the best and most full lips in tinseltown, Priyanka Chopra figures at the end of this list. Her look in December 2011’s Vogue was atypical of her ala pose, hair and styling. But her trademark poutty lips were there; front and center. And that made the cover that much more delish. So naturally, her plumpy smackers make it to this list.

4. Jacqueline Fernandez
She sizzled like sausages on a frying pan in Murder 2. She then came back and did the same with her Maxim cover shoot. But Jacqueline Fernandez did something we haven’t really seen her do before; she parted her lips and pouted. Badda-bing. She made heads turn and how. Add to that dreamy bedroom eyes and basically, she made quite an impression. Seksie, huh?

3. Vidya Balan
Vidya Balan is the lady of the moment. But it was via her The Dirty Picture posters that were plastered everywhere that we got to see a lot more of Vidya. Yes, she shed it all for her film (more of her to share, no?), she also added a pouty side to her which I honestly didn’t know she had. In a number of posters and in the film, we saw Vidya pout, pout and pout some more.

2. Nargis Fakhri
She may be new to the industry but this girl sure can work her pout. Nargis Fakhri failed to make too much noise with her acting in Rockstar but she sure did look the part. But the one pose she sure as hell has mastered, is pout…and look. It always looks sexier on a girl who has the innocent virgin look—which she sure as hell has.

1. Kareena Kapoor
The queen of pouting, she is. And I can’t imagine any other actress but Kareena Kapoor to rock and top this countdown. Not only does she work her naturally sexy lips but Bebo knows her pout is the best in the country because she is the only one who knows how to fine tune it with her sassy personality. Add some red lipstick and a sparkly dress, and well, what you have, is the pout of the year.

Special Mention: Kangna Ranaut
For an actress who is in denial about her obvious lip surgery and lives in “I don’t know what collagen is” world she sure as hell knows how to pout beautifully. At a recent event, Kangna Ranaut came out looking pretty ravishing. And when the shutterbugs surrounded her, out came her pout. Not bad, huh.

I think I may have actually mastered the pout courtesy of these ladies. Please excuse me as I sit in front of the mirror and practice. Check back tomorrow for another sharam-free but garam-filled countdown!

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bringing Sexy Back!

The "All Garam, No Sharam Awards" of 2011 begins by counting down the top five hottest backs that have been displayed by our leading actresses this year. I had to begin with this one because a ladies back is easily one of the most underrated parts of her body. A woman who can cover up and put her back on for show says, "I'm confident and sexier than the rest." True story. Screw the boobs and booty, a sexy back is something else. Back to countdown- pun unintended, the criterion for this one was simple: silky, smooth, sexy.

6. Mahi Gill
She was supremely hot in both her films this year. However, it was Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster that made us all stand 'up' and take notice of Mahi Gill. She is one actress who has been exhibiting her sexy back in a variety of attires throughout her time as an actress, but in 2011 we saw her go Desi-glam with her last film. Of course, her backless sari blouses and cholis made the men swoon and sweat while women went green with envy.

5. Anushka Sharma
The otherwise conservative actress who chooses to keep herself rather covered in the past, let it go this year. Who woulda known Anushka Sharma had a sexy back? We’ve all seen her tiny waist but clearly she was hiding her lean back from us. I hear she also puts it all on for a look-see in Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl. But the question still remains unanswered: why was she hiding it? We may have not known but I know one person who definitely did: Ranveer Singh.

4. Katrina Kaif
Katrina has always had one; a sexy back that is. But she is really “bring it back” with her Maxim shoot. Now you've seen her in many avatars, but this one beats any one in my opinion. For those of you who thought she couldn't get hotter, check this out. And by the way, how silky mulayam is her back?

3. Deepika Padukone
It’s no surprise that D-Pad (what kinda moniker is that?) is on this list. You will probably see her again on another list later on but for now, check out a pink-cladded Deepika and her dress which goes down, down, down only to expose what is easily a beautiful back. P.S. She's one hottie who can really work that side cleavage too, no?

2. Bipasha Basu
You know what’s weird? We’ve practically seen every part of Bipasha’s hot body but how many times have you thought, “Wow! She’s bringing sexy back?” Never na? Neither. Our eyes wander all over Bips but let’s be nice and pay some appreciation to her back? Naturally, she works it and how. But that's what Bips does best; show and show some more.

1. Vidya Balan
After losing the Aunty tag (finally), it's Vidya Balan who takes the cake and the cherry this Dirty December. While she too will make more appearances in a few more countdowns, Ms. Balan is literally screaming come hither in her completely backless Desi avatar. Devoid of a sari blouse and draped in a white sari, she's working it and ain't no body complaining. Mind you, this is pre The Dirty Picture. Post, of course, we were "treated" (if you choose to call it that) to much more from the lady. But that was her jiggly side. This is her, toned and tan tana! 

While most will claim this one is for the men, ladies, you have to take a minute to hand it to these women for exhibiting a side that is not appreciated enough. Fine, that is hardly a good enough reason. So tomorrow, I promise a countdown especially for the ladies. Until then, be right back. Now that one is pun intended!

100 Word Review: The Dirty Picture

The Dirty Picture is Silk Smitha’s life story. But it really is Vidya Balan all the way. She’s bold, she bears and my god is she booblicious. The actors all “support” her aptly but she fully encompasses Silk in soul and character. The film falters in the second half while it shocks you in the first. Luthria is a director who yet again demonstrates his understanding of the subject fully. The dialogues are filled with vulgar innuendos (loved it!) and Ooh-La-La takes the cake. If you can’t handle the heat, stay away from TDP; it’s not for the small-minded or faint-hearted.

Quote from an avid moviegoer who sums it up perfectly: "Vidya Balan might have just introduced the world to the concept of 'Aesthetic Vulgarity'. Buxom is back!" - A.G.

100 Word Review: No One Killed Jessica

After Jessica Lall is brutally murdered by a politician’s son, her sister Sabrina (Vidya Balan) looks to fight for her justice in the city of Delhi. When justice is denied, Meera (Rani Mukherji) takes it upon herself to fight for what she deserves. Packed with fabulous performances, No One Killed Jessica is a beautiful film which talks about power, corruption and the correct use of the media in such situations. Vidya underplays beautifully while Rani is cruelly loud in all the right ways. Director Rajkumar Gupta juts out an apt film which needed to be made. Beautiful start to 2011.

Aali Re Saali Re Rani Re!

This is a must watch! Rani Mukherjee at her best in Aali Re Saali Re from No One Killed Jessica. The profanity and foulness! Beautiful. Me loves! How freakin' awesome is Amit Trivedi?

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Rani Mukherjee: Back in Action!

Now this is more like it! Rani Mukherjee should have made her so-called comeback with No One Killed Jessica. The trailer had me going insane with happiness - so great to see her back in action Rani style. The film looks mighty powerful with Rani puffing on a cigarette as she plays a newsreporter who is search of justice. With Vidya Balan by her side, you can be sure this one is going to rock and give us a number of powerhouse performances ala the leading ladies.

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No One Killed Jessica: First Look!

It looks good! And Rani Mukherjee looks like she finally back in action -- praise the lord!! The film follows the true life story of Jessica Lal who was murdered. Rani plays her lawyer while Vidya Balan plays Jessica's sister. With music by the awesome Amit Trivedi, this one looks stellar!

Vidya Balan: Bares All!

The normally demure Vidya Balan has gone traditionally racy with her spread in this month's FHM. She adorns an incredibly beautiful sari sans a blouse. Don't get excited people, all you get to see is her bare back. But even that is a tad bit sensual for the normally clothed Vidya. "I''m glad people are getting bored of just seeing women in bikinis we've become very parochial about sexiness.I think the sari is by far the sexiest garment it covers the right amount, it exposes the right amount  it's such a tease and I like teasing," she has been heard saying. Your thoughts on her bringing sexy back?