Short and Quick Movie Review: Table No. 21

* Okay, the requests have been nonstop so I had to restart. Yes, movie reviews are back more so because my Dad was upset I stopped. But as usual, my reviews are short and quick. Who has time for long reviews anyway?

 

Table No. 21 follows Vivaan (Rajeev Khandelwal) and Siya (Tena Desai), a couple on a vacation which they win via a contest. As they are wined and dined on the island of Fiji, they become a part of a dangerous reality show game. Soon they realize that all is not what it seems. As their relationship and trust for one another is tested, they soon unravel the reason as to why they were called on as contestants in the first place.

While you initially gravitate towards the film because of its unusual plot, it soon becomes slightly cumbersome and repetitive. However, that said, the film touches on a number of themes which are prevalent to today’s times including modern day relationships, modern technology and even, ragging. What works for the film is the fact that it doesn’t rely on a tried and tested formula which most thrillers use. And while you are curious to understand why it is the couple is being tested, the climax comes as a huge shock but is also somewhat confusing too.

As a director, Aditya Datt sticks to a genre he knows well—one of complicated relationships and hidden pasts. He tackles the film and its plot well but more attention needed to be given to the idea of ragging especially since it seemed to be the moral of the story. The film thrives on its performances. Yet again the much underrated Rajeev Khandelwal comes out scoring top notch with Table No. 21. He proves time and time again that he can handle films and scripts that are different yet enticing. We really do need to see more of him. Paresh Rawal is an actor who can handle almost any film and thus, Table No. 21 is as easy as it gets for him. New girl Tena Desai creates quite an impact in her debut film. She surprises with her mature and subdued but effective performance.

Table No. 21 as a film does well to entertain and keep you glued to the screen. While there are a number of gaping holes, it comes at a time where brainless comedies are no longer working. Audiences are more accepting of intellectual films. Table No. 21 is just that—smart and witty. Definitely a must watch.

The Worst of Bollywood in 2012!

We’re all about celebrating the best in Bollywood. But the best is so overrated. We really don’t pay enough attention to what didn’t work, what failed, flopped and the worst of the year. This year, we want to take a few minutes to give thanks to the people who helped us realize the best from the worst. Thank you for taking the effort to create….disaster!

Worst Hair
What the otherwise pretty Tanushree Dutta was thinking when she chopped her long tresses for this rather obscure cut, is beyond anyone. Her reasons are personal and spiritual but for an actress who is known for being quite fashionable, this was one big major fashion faux pas on her part. Here’s hoping she goes back to a more stylish one that isn’t so weird.

Worst Comeback
Sorry Karisma Kapoor, but your straight face and non expressive acting really didn’t cut in your comeback film Dangerous Ishq. There was nothing dangerous about the film except the wretchedly boring story and your impact-less acting. For a powerhouse actress who in the past, has jutted out some of the most fiery and top notch performances in the industry, what a letdown.

Worst Lyrics of the Year
In an equal two-way tie, it’s Po-Po-Po from Son of Sardar and Ishq Wala Love from Student of the Year that take the cake for the worst lyrics of 2012. If you actually sit to listen to the both of them, you may want to shoot the lyricists for writing such horrendous lyrics. What on earth ‘po-po-po’ means, is beyond a normal persons intellectual understanding. But the bigger question is, what other means of love are there besides ‘ishq wala love’? It’s like saying water wala ice! Note to lyricists: we are intelligent beings. Please do not insult our intelligence.

Most Irritating Song of the Year
Son of Sardar’s title song has to be not only the most irritating song of the year, but of the decade even. The song refuses to make any sense, is choreographed horrendously and cannot seem to leave your head once you hear it!

Worst Hollywood Rip Off of the Year
It’s bad enough that we seem to lack enough inspiration in India that, we need to look west for remakes and rip offs, but the fact that we make them so damn badly really is disturbing. This year we were given Players, The Italian Job remake, starring all the worst actors in India. And while you make have expected it to be watchable, it was just the opposite. Boring, useless and heavily infused with bad performances, Players makes The Italian Job look like it should have been nominated for an Oscar!

Worst Jodi of the Year
We can barely manage Bipasha Basu on her own and then you go and pair her up with R. Madhavan. Mayhem! In Jodi Breakers, the duo came together for the first time as people who are looking to break up couples. In reality, the only jodi that needed to be broken was theirs. Lack of chemistry, an overweight Maddy and a-sexy-try-hard Bipasha who really needs to let it go already makes their jodi one of the worst in the history of mankind.

Dumbest Controversy of 2012
Aside from all the Shah Rukh Khan hoopla that occurred this year, it was the Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s post pregnancy weight gain drama that somehow caught the eye of the paparazzi only to be blown extremely out of proportion. They speculated, mocked, poked fun and called her all sorts of names. Clearly, the media had nothing else of importance to discuss.

Worst Item Number
Congratulations Kareena Kapoor! You win the award for the worst item number this year vis-à-vis Dil Mera Muft from Agent Vinod. So here’s the deal. She’s hot and a fabulous actress but Bebo is hardly the best dancer in the industry. And then you put her in a mujhra number? It spells disaster from the get-go. In an attempt to appear ‘different’, Bebo comes out looking rather silly and totally ruins the mujhra mood.

Worst Sequel
The deal with sequels is simple: don’t make them. While her television serials may go on for years, Ekta Kapoor needs to understand that films are a totally different ball game. When Kya Super Kool Hai Hum released, we knew it was going to be a total leave-your-brains-at-home film. But what we didn’t realize was the extent of nonsense that was going to be thrown our way. A sequel which makes the original look bad; that is Kya Super Kool Hai Hum.

Worst Onscreen Kiss
Why Katrina Kaif needed to kiss Shah Rukh Khan so many damn times in Jab Tak Hai Jaan, no one knows. But at least make the kiss somewhat believable! SRK has proven that he may be able to romance any actress onscreen, but the man cannot kiss. Let’s leave the smooching to Emraan Hashmi, please.

Worst Actress
Dear Farah Khan, you are not an actress. Shirin Farad Ki Nikhal Padi is enough evidence. You are barely a director. Please stick to choreography.

Worst Actor
For an actor that can really wow you with his performances, Ajay Devgn really failed with Son of Sardar. He failed to make us laugh, make us garner any interest in the film and failed to entertain. In what looked like a spoofy piece of acting, Ajay fell flat on his face with SoS. Definitely a performance he’d like to forget.

Worst Film
Shirish Kunder found himself in quite a tight spot with Joker. For starters, he believed he had a hit on his hands and thus, went on to make fun of Ra.One only to get slapped by SRK. Then Akshay Kumar decided to stay away from the sci-fi flick and when it hit cinemas, the only people who saw the film was most likely aliens who sat in their invisible form. A flop on all accounts and by far one of the silliest films to be made in Bollywood, Joker wins top prize at this ‘Award Function’.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 28th, 2012

Hottest Bods of 2012!

To call 2012 a hot year would be an understatement. There were a number of shirtless actors and navel showing actresses that dared to bare and show. It was some of the youngins’ who made sure they strut their stuff and how, while some of the more veteran actors were more than thrilled to reshow their toned bodies to their fans all over again. Here’s a quick look at the bodies of the year.

Paoli Dam
A new face to the industry, Paoli Dam, came and showed the world exactly what they wanted to see. In her debut film, Hate Story, she played a girl out for revenge and used her body to that effect. Audiences were treated to much more than they expected as the dusky beauty showed off her toned silky body. Her bold enactment had industrywalas and moviegoers shocked but asking for more!

Varun Dhawan
In Student of the Year, Varun Dhawan walked around shirtless quite a bit. And no one was complaining. Six pack intact, he quickly became one of the newbies that made the girls swoon and how. After months of working out, the actor displayed his body in all its glory. Setting high standards for him and his contemporaries, Varun is out to take on the industry, bare-chested.

Deepika Padukone
Whether it was in her number of magazine covers or as Veronica in Cocktail, she Deepika Padukone screamed hot bods in 2012. While everyone knows the actress works hard to keep her body as hot as it is, she believes it oozes out of her personality. That said, D-Pad continues to hold the title for yet another year as one of the hottest actresses in the industry.

Siddharth Malhotra
Joining his buddy, Varun, is Siddharth Malhotra. The slightly taller actor matched up to his co-stars hot bod and how. While the ladies couldn’t choose between which lad they preferred shirtless, especially since Siddharth too walked around on set amidst a shirt. Toned and tempting, Siddharth puts up great competition for many a fellow actors.

Sunny Leone
To leave out the hottest thing to hit Indian soil and theaters in a while, would be blasphemy. Sunny Leone happened to hit cinemas and show everything she possibly could vis-à-vis Jism 2. Add to that some sexy steamy scenes displaying her backless, topless and in the shower, and Sunny became one of 2012’s sexiest actresses.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 27th, 2012

Hottest Couples of 2012!

To be brutally honest, there wasn’t too much heat this year vis-à-vis onscreen couples in Bollywood. Actually, it was quite a thanda year with very few sizzling duos heating up the screens. That said, we actually managed to find a few couples that created somewhat of steam with their pairing and even created some dhamaal. Some you’ve seen before and others are brand new to the arena but that hasn’t stopped any of them from producing performances that were scorching high in temperatures.

Ayushmann Khuranna and Yami Gautam
His deep dimples and her striking smile made the ladies and men, respectively, go absolutely bonkers. But together, Ayushmann and Yummy Gautam, as she now fondly called by her male fans, did not fail to translate their chemistry onscreen. Not only were there a number of cozy scenes but a few kissing scenes which the couple happily indulged in via their debut film, Vicky Donor. Between the both of them, they managed heat up screens quite intensely. And yes, you may see them again in an upcoming film soon.

Arjun Kapoor and Parineeti Chopra
Arjun Kapoor very quickly became the newest star son and heart throb of the nation. His rugged personality matched with a cute grin charmed the ladies and co-star Parineeti Chopra too. This was evident in their onscreen performance as the couple that couldn’t be in Ishaqzaade. Whether it was the sexual tension that generated in the earlier part of the film or the love making scene later on, they were convincing enough for rumors to circulate and cause the media to question if there was some ishq happening between the duo in real-life.

Saif Ali Khan and Deepika Padukone and Diana Penty
Fine, so this isn’t a couple but it really doesn’t matter in the case of the Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone and Diana Penty in Cocktail. Between the three of them, the actors all played pass the parcel as they swapped friends and girlfriends too. The Saif-Deepika chemistry is a no brainer but the Saif-Diana angle had audiences asking for more. And for those of you who are wondering about the Deepika-Diana angle, well sorry to burst your bubble but Bollywood doesn’t swing that way…just yet, at least.

Salman Khan and Katrina Kaif
This is the perhaps the first time we actually witnessed a real sense of affection between Salman Khan and any actress. Naturally, when his co-star turns out to be Katrina Kaif, you aren’t half as surprised anymore. That said, in Ek Tha Tiger, the chemistry wasn’t just loving but sexy in a number of ways. In fact, critics claim this is one of the major reasons as to why Ek Tha Tiger worked. And while we may know of their off screen relationship status, for now we’ll take them creating fireworks on screen any day!

Randeep Hooda and Sunny Leone
You naturally expect scorching rising extra hot temperatures when Sunny Leone is around. What use would it be otherwise to cast an actress from ‘adult films’ in a Bollywood film? But when you add the über sexy Randeep Hooda to the equation, then the heat seems to multiply. In Jism 2, it was the palpable bold scenes between the two which had moviegoers flooding into cinemas. Whether it was the uncountable kisses or backless sequences which included a massage or two, Randeep and Sunny worked it.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 22nd, 2012

Yummy Mummies of 2012!

We hardly associate mummy-hood with our Bollywood heroines. But believe it or not, some of the hottest ladies in the industry have gone ahead to become mothers this year. And while you may think this is the end of the road for them, they are here to tell you otherwise. It is actually via these actresses that young moms can now draw inspiration. Not only did they look uber hot while they donned their baby bumps but even after, they quickly shed the extra pounds ready to rock and roll looking yummier than ever.

Lara Dutta
She may be an ex-Miss Universe and lived up to her stylish ways when Lara Dutta was deemed the most chicly dressed mums-to-be pre-delivery. In fact, pregnancy hardly stopped her from walking down the ramp at a number of fashion shows. She was more than happy to happily display her bump in full tashan. However, after giving birth to baby Saira, Lara was seen happily taking to yoga to shed those baby pounds slowly but carefully. And while the rest of the world was busy yapping about Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s plump ways, it was Lara who stood up to advocate for her.

Celina Jaitley
C.J., as she is fondly called, gave birth to not one but twin bouncy baby boys, Winston and Viraaj, this year. And you’d hardly believe Celina put on any weight during her pregnancy. Proving to be one of the most celebrated moms this year she was rather quickly seen donning a bikini only a few months after her delivery. With immense credit to her intense workout regime and the inspiration of being a part of the entertainment world, Jaitley is now a mother of two but you wouldn’t believe it for a minute!

Shilpa Shetty
Shilpa Shetty is easily the slimmest, fittest actress in the industry today. So as we watched her grow during her pregnancy, it hardly shocked us when she was caught out and about looking fit and fine only two months later. She of course, took to old fashioned ways of losing her baby fat including massages, methi ladoos and the works while she nursed her baby Viaan. While she too wasn’t too keen on hitting the gym too quickly and insisted on enjoying motherhood, it was only a matter of time before she went back to her yoga ways only to lose dollops of weight.

Twinkle Khanna
How Twinkle Khanna went from baby-big to so slim in such a quick period of time, no one will ever really know but she did it after giving birth to baby Nitara. After sporting a rather big baby bump during her pregnancy, Akshay Kumar’s wife was spotted at the Jab Tak Hai Jaan premiere in a strapless sari looking every bit the diva. In the past, Twinkle has spoken heaps about keeping fit via a healthy lifestyle and lots of yoga. And because she barely speaks to the media, this mummy’s yummy ways are a secret.

Amrita Arora
Amu had no clue she was pregnant until two months into her pregnancy. And it was rather rapidly that Amrita’s belly grew. But that didn’t stop her from attending a number of social dos around the city. Baby bump in tow, she took to her fashionable ways and worked the social circuit as she would have pre-pregnancy. After delivering baby boy number two named Riyaan, she is apparently working rigorously to shed those extra pounds.

With these ladies setting the stage for moms in 2012, you can be sure that the mommy’s of 2013 will not only look to them to draw inspiration, but to compete against too. Till then, it’s cheers to these Bollywood babies and their yummy mummys!

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 20th, 2012

All Garam, No Sharam: Back with a Bang in 2012!

For the first installment of the All Garam, No Sharam Awards of 2012, you are treated to a nonstop back-fest. Like I always say, a sexy back, is just something else. It tells the world, ‘I’m strong, confident and of course, incredibly sexy.’ And because it happens to be one of the most underrated parts of the female body, you know I had to pay extra attention to it. Irrespective of the season or reason, a back can be exposed and displayed. Our Bollywood ladies know this only too well. Check out some of the best backs that have been paraded this year.

5. Chitrangada Singh
This is Chitrangada Singh’s first time on the backless chart. The dusky beauty has every reason to be on the list with her back expose at the Filmfare Awards this year. She is hardly one to back down from showing some skin and in her solid chalky dress which she rocked, all she had to do was turn around to make her sexy quotient known.

4. Bipasha Basu
A backless countdown is incomplete without Bipasha Basu. While the actress has hit a somewhat slump vis-à-vis her career, she refuses to back down from being one of the fittest and sexiest actresses in the industry. At Karan Johar’s big birthday do, she turned up in a black backless number which caused the shutterbugs to click, click, click. Second time around, she posed in a white graceful serene dress for Filmfare exhibiting her toned perfect back. Sexy and how!

3. Kareena Kapoor
Bebo darling may be a married woman now but she isn’t about to ditch her glamorous avatar for anything or anyone. Post her wedding, she was clicked in a newlywed dulhan inspired red sari. And just when you thought she’d gone the sati savitri way, she turned around to show off her backless choli. But this is how she is, surprising you when you least expect it. I want to add that nothing screams sexy like a woman in a backless desi outfit.

2. Malaika Arora Khan
She is by far, the yummiest mummy in town and this is her USP as far as she is concerned. So when you see Malaika Arora Khan showing up backless, it shouldn’t really surprise you. But it never fails to sit and gape at how she finds innovative ways to pose and flaunt her sexy body—back included. Check her out in this backless romper which puts her back and a whole bunch of other things on show.

1. Deepika Padukone
My favorite fashionista Deepika Padukone will more than likely make (and top) most of the lists at the All Garam, No Sharam 2012 Awards. And why not? She knows exactly how to show off every part of her ultra toned body which she works super hard for. D-Pad in a backless low (how low!) dress at the Filmfare Awards had tongues wagging while she calmly strut her stuff down the red carpet. If anyone knows how to bring sexy back, it definitely is Miss Padukone.

Alright, that’s it then, the backs of 2012. While you sit and ogle, gain inspiration or simply admire these ladies and their backless moments, I’ll be right back.

Bollywood Celebrity Weddings of 2012

It was the year of bands, baajas and many baraats in Bollywood. Strangely enough, it was a number of single leading ladies that we lost this year to men within the industry or closely associated to Bollywood, at least. It turned out to be a busy year for fashion designers and wedding planners who were given the task of planning big fat Bollywood weddings of some of the most popular couples in town. This year, the stars went out to shine as they embarked on holy matrimony. With so many shaadis and even more details, it only makes sense to count down the top weddings of the year. Are you ready to be shaadi-fied?

Ritesh and Genelia
The year kicked off with the wedding of secret lovebirds Genelia D’Souza and Ritesh Deshmukh. After years of speculation and nonstop questions including: are they together? Is he gay? Is he with Jacqueline Fernandez? Genelia and Ritiesh shut the mouths of gossip-mongers with a rather lengthy wedding which included a Maharashtrian wedding followed by a Church wedding and finally, a grand reception where most of Bollywood congregated to wish the couple. The sangeet was headed by none other than Karan Johar who took to the mic and played master of chaperone while a number of the couple’s starry friends took to the stage. The likes of the Bachchans, Kapoors and Khans attended the big reception before the duo took off to an undisclosed honeymoon destination.

Wedding Trivia: The wedding was planned way in advance with the couple asking their friends and family to keep it hush-hush.

Esha and Bharat Esha Deol’s career may have unfortunately not kicked into third gear but that didn’t stop her from going all out for her wedding with Mumbai diamond merchant, Bharat Takhtani. According to sources, the entire wedding was orchestrated by Hema Malini who insisted on a grand, yet simple wedding. A sangeet followed by an ISKON wedding and a biggie reception completed Esha’s wedding. The sangeet saw a dedicated performance by Mom, Hema to her daughter as she danced to Dream Girl. The dulhan herself shook her foot to a couple of her own numbers. Bollywood came out in full force to bless Esha and Bharat while Daddy dearest couldn’t contain his happiness as he hosted the reception.

Wedding Trivia: While half-brothers Sunny and Bobby Deol remained unseen throughout the wedding, it was Abhay who took on all brotherly duties.

Kareena and Saif
Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan’s private but heavily attended wedding was easily the wedding of the year. After five years of courtship, Saifeena finally joined together in holy matrimony drawing extreme media attention and hoard of well-wishers. While it was his second marriage, he chose to keep it quite extravagant. There was a hush-hush sangeet, a mehndi, the registered marriage at the Khan household, followed by a reception in Mumbai and then, a Walima in New Delhi. The sangeet saw the Kapoor kandaan come out to put on a complete show for the couple with Karisma Kapoor taking center stage. Needless to say, pretty much all of Bollywood was accounted for at the luxurious reception after which the couple went on what is being called their ‘25th’ honeymoon.

Wedding Trivia: Saif’s children were seen at the wedding taking pictures with the newlyweds and enjoying every minute of the wedding. 

Vidya and Siddharth
The year ended with the wedding of Vidya Balan and Siddharth Roy Kapur. But it was hardly a shaadi which had the shutterbugs going frantic. In fact, it was easily the most downplayed wedding of the year. With the exception of Rekha, no other Bollywood celebrity was invited to the extremely secretive wedding which only included family and close friends. A quiet mehndi and wedding ceremony was in order for the couple and that pretty much concluded the wedding. The couple will however, distribute sweets post their wedding to the industry.

Wedding Trivia: Close friends including Milan Luthria and Ekta Kapoor too, are said to have been completely clueless about the wedding.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 19th, 2012   

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: 2012

 It's yet another shameless December for moi. You know what time of the year it is right? It's time for yet another installment of All Garam, No Sharam! Yes, yes, I lose all sense of shame as I countdown the all things sexy in Bollywood 2012. If you're new to the blog, well then welcome to what is easily the sexiest countdown on the internet. I couldn't give a damn as to who deserves to win Best Actor accolades but I do care about the men in the industry who have dared to bare their six-packed chests and how! This countdown is hardly for the faint hearted and no, I will not reimburse your hospital bills. Please take a look at your own risque, I mean risk. Think of these countdowns as wood for your winter fire...if you know what I mean!

Filmy Fashion Files: Current Trends!

Being a fashionista in Bollywood is hardly a task for our A-listed actresses; it’s a way of life. Whether they’re spotted at the airport, at big industry dos or even at charity events, they’re dressed to kill…and ready to be clicked by the media who cannot seem to get enough of them. Not only do they follow trends, they create them too. This season, they seem to be accessorizing and sporting clothes of different styles and prints. And if you’re looking for some fashion inspiration, here’s your low down!

While the city of Mumbai doesn’t seem to have autumn as a season, our Bollywood stars are not ones to stay too far behind in keeping up with fall trends. The first of which is the scarf. Whether it’s short or long, silk or wool, Bollywood loves this accessory right now. Gauri Khan was spotted wearing hubby SRK’s skulled out scarf while Kareena Kapoor, who is rarely spotted devoid of a scarf, takes to longer, chunkier ones. Styling and scarf tying, is totally at random, of course. While some choose to go fancy, chic or bohemian, others prefer a more casual “tossed-around-my-neck” look.

Another accessory that seems to be making it to the ramp and at events is the chunky neck pieces. But there is trick to wearing neck wear of this caliber: keep the outfit simple. Check out how the actress of the moment, Sridevi, keeps her green dress to a complete minimum while she pairs it with a beaded necklace. And if you’re going to opt for even more solid colors, add a pop of color to your neck with your neck piece to add that extra oomph ala Kangna Ranaut to make a statement.

The dhoti pant has come a long way in Indian fashion. But it’s only now that it has been westernized and styled enough also, to make it a fashionable to sport at events and parties. Whether it’s Priyanka Chopra or Chitrangada Singh, they all seem to be donning the dhoti in a variety of colors, prints and lengths even. Add a pair of heels or some good old fashioned mojaaris, and you’re good to go.

It doesn’t look like bright lips are going anywhere, anytime soon. Whether it’s the dusky Bipasha Basu or the porcelain skinned Kareena Kapoor, they all seem to finding bright pinks and cherry reds to paint on their pouts. The key is to pick a color that suits your personality and skin too.

When it comes to footwear this season, our Bollywood celebs will keep themselves heeled but studded too. The rocker look seems to be dominating their feel this season as they will be spotted with metallic studs of all shapes and sizes scattered all over their shoes. But it’s Deepika Padukone who’s rocking it out in her studded heels on this month’s Vogue cover. You can expect the rest of the actresses to follow suit right about….now.

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First published BollywoodHungama, October 13, 2012

Movie of the Year: OMG Oh My God!

My faith in God is unshakable. I went through my ‘nastik’ phase where I too questioned his existence, his motives and pointed out nonstop issues I had with being a Hindu. And then one day, I stopped. I saw how God took over my life and fixed it. But that doesn’t mean I still don’t debate certain aspects of Hinduism. When I get iffy answers such as, “This is just how things are done,” I find myself rolling my eyes. Honestly, a 'I don't know' would suffice.

And this is exactly why OMG Oh My God! starring Akshay Kumar and Paresh Rawal, is my film of the year. We’re introduced to the atheist Kanji bhai (Paresh Rawal) who ironically sells Hindu God idols for a living. His entire living is based on falsely cooking up stories to sell his goods. One day, after he is cursed by a local priest after which his store, the only one that too, is destroyed by an earthquake. When his insurance claims they cannot cover any damages as his policy doesn’t cover “acts of God”, Kanji bhai decides he needs to sue God. Naturally, he is faced by extreme opposition until he finds a friend in one Krishna Vasudev Yadav (Akshay Kumar) who is actually Lord Krishna in human form. It is through Krishna, that he finds the solution to his problem and eventually wins his case.

I’m not going to get into the performances because Paresh Rawal is incredible as the overly atheistic Kanji bhai. He gets it spot on without being over the top or overacting too. Akshay Kumar only appears midway but never has Lord Krishna been so damn cool. But it’s the message that the film gives that makes you want to applaud the writer and director, Umesh Shukla. The film isn’t anti Hinduism nor is it asking you to turn around and become a devout Hindu too. Not at all. The film is actually asking you to question blind traditions that we often deem as ‘must do rituals’. Milk over a Shivling or milk to a poor child? Additionally, we’re reminded by Lord Krishna that a) the almighty loves devotion to him, not material goods, and b) that we’ve become far too God Fearing while we should be God Loving. And for a minute if you believe that God doesn’t love his unbelievers, you couldn’t be any more wrong.

It’s rather rare for cine-goers to find a film that not only entertains, manages to fit into the comedy mold and yet holds a sound message. At many points during the film, you find yourself questioning your own beliefs. I’m a Shiv bhakt so my Monday mornings includes worshiping my Shivling. I questioned how much milk all over the world was being poured over Shivlings every Monday. I use an entire quart. There are millions of Shiv followers around the world. Can you just imagine how much milk is being ‘wasted’? Perhaps we’d be more blessed if we donated that milk to hungry children instead.

But my favorite scene has to be the climax. Krishna, who has revealed himself to Kanji as the almighty, leaving behind his peacock key chain which Kanji picks up and naturally, decides to keep just as any of us would. It is then that the Lord speaks and tells him not to stop being an atheist and to get rid of the memento which he knows Kanji would make into a taveez and wear around his neck. Everything I ever believed in stood still right there. Here I am wearing black threads for protection from a special Hanuman temple in Mumbai which happens to hold a gold Om from my Mother, thinking this is how I’ll stay close to God when in actuality, God is with me irrespective. It doesn't mean I ripped off my black thread from my neck and threw it to the ground. No. As filmy as I am, that definitely did not happen. It was with love and faith that my parents made me wear my Om and black thread. That sentiment is too strong to disrespect.

No, it’s not that I’m an atheist now. Not at all. I still have full faith in the almighty. But I definitely think I am a lot more sensible in practicing religion now. I don’t think Lord Shiva will mind too much if I donate the milk and use water on Mondays.

Any film which causes you to think while it entertains has to be a winner. OMG Oh My God! shakes you and wakes you! A complete winner and my pick for 2012.

Pura Review: Agent Vinod

A really hot Saif Ali Khan and an even hotter Kareena Kapoor has to equal scorching heat, no? Negative.Nyet. No. Nahin. Agent Vinod was one of the films that I was really looking forward to in 2012. "What’s not to like?" I thought. Action, romance, drama and an extremely fit Saifu, this could easily be the ‘Saif Ali Khan’ film we’ve all been waiting for. Yeah, right.

Agent Vinod (Saif Ali Khan) is your usual RAW agent who is on a mission as the film begins. He is quickly told to handle a rather dire situation after his partner (Ravi Kissen) is killed. The mission takes him all around the world before he finally figures out the complicated situation which may result in nuclear war. In between, he meets Iram (Kareena Kapoor), who assists him and naturally, the duo fall in love. He saves the day and all is well on planet earth. Oh, and there is a hint of a sequel. Yeap.

Agent Vinod is easily the worst 3 hours, yes 3 hours, I’ve spent in 2012. In fact, I demand my money back. But more than a waste of time, Agent Vinod is disappointing. As a Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor fan, it hurts to be given a film that does nothing for you. If Agent Vinod was sex, it would be the worst sex ever. It’s missionary, unorgasmic and definitely lacked any sense of heat. Boring. The first half of the film confuzzles you and just when you think you’ve got the gist of it, it bamboozles you into complete confusion. You’re apparently “treated” to spectacular visions of different sights around the world but if you ask me, they’re just showing off. It doesn’t add any value to the film! In fact, the script could have been adjusted and shot in India completely. The length of the film is one of the biggest drawbacks. There were umpteen moments when I believed the end was near. But nope. Anti climaxes again, and again. Director Sriram Raghavan disappoints and how with AV. It’s hard to believe that this is the same director who gave us the uber suave Johnny Gadaar gives us this. Oh, and another bone I have to pick is how badly and ineffectively the awesome music of the film was used.

The only real reason to watch Agent Vinod is for Saif Ali Khan. He’s slick, suave and super sexy. However, not even he can save the film from its lackluster, substance absent and overloaded on style, script. Kareena Kapoor is plain average. Her role is limited and lacks any sense of matter. The smaller roles played by the likes of Ram Kapoor (super!), Prem Chopra (awesome) and even Rajat Kapoor all manage to aid the film as well as they can.

Agent Vinod is a snooze fest. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to work in any department like it seemed to promise in the promos. Instead, you’re left with a headache and depending on where you are in the world, a few dollars short in your wallet. Maybe we just can’t get James Bondesque film right in Bollywood. And if that is the case, then spare us Bollywood. Give us some dancing around the tree instead but just do it right. Pliss.

Ton-Tana-Ton: Sachin Tendulkar

On days like this, I feel like such a proud Indian. Cricket makes the world go round—if you’re Indian that is. If you’re not, well then, you have no clue what you’re missing out on. When people tell me Cricket is ‘lame’ or ‘it’s a poor man’s baseball’, I fume with anger. Then I look to them, smile and say, “I have one name for you: Sachin Tendulkar.” Burn. The God of Cricket, whom I grown up looking up to for a number of reasons, has never failed to PWN his critics. More recently, they were on his back after he seemed to be having a rather lackluster few months on the pitch; they all believed he needed to throw in the towel and call it a day. The media went gung ho over his 100th century, which was just not happening for the Master Blaster. But we never heard Tendu utter a single word. As usual, being the true professional that he is, Sachin decided to let his bat speak. And amidst the intense pressure, it finally happened which forced his critics had to do the one thing we all knew they’d eventually do: eat their dirty words.



March 16, 2012. India vs. Bangladesh, Asia Cup.

Sachin Tendulkar scores his 100th hundred. I.e. 10,000 one ton runs. And if you think for a minute, that he’ll get a big head about it, trust me, he’s modest as he’ll ever be. If you managed to witness this historic moment, you were in for a delightful treat. Every single signature Sachin Tendulkar shot was played in this epic innings. And thus, it became the most beautiful innings to be played. At 99, our hearts stopped. We waited with abated breath. Then, it happened. I don’t know about anyone else, but I definitely choked up. I had just witnessed history in the making. It’s most likely that no other cricketer will ever go on to achieve such a monumental triumph. And the fact that it is Tendulkar just made this occasion that much more special.

The Master Blaster himself, who couldn’t understand why his 100th century was such a big deal especially since his 99th century occurred at the World Cup last year, simply looked to the sky, thanked the heavens and then pointed to his helmet. This was an achievement for the country. This is how he is, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar; just like this.
To his critics, all I want to say is: “Take that.” How anyone can even suggest that SRT is incapable, has lost his touch or is plain old, is blasphemy. There is a reason why he is the best cricketer on this planet, this is why. He doesn’t care what his so-called “critics” have to say. And neither do us, his fans.

As for Sachin, when he’s ready, he’ll call it quits. Who are we to tell The God that his time is up? Mere mortals, we are. We should just be grateful that we were able to witness a world class innings filled with elegance, style, passion and one that was a slap to everyone who believed he wouldn’t/couldn’t do it.

SRT, take a bow. I knew you’d eventually make that ton; I had no doubt. And I’m damn sure you’ll do it again. You may not consider yourself a god, but we sure as hell will bow to you. A hundred 100’s and beyond, you Legend you.

Oh Ho, Bollywood!

The Khela Awards: These are real!

You know how I have this love-hate relationship with Bollywood? Yeah, basically I’m in a detest can’t-stand-you frame of mind with Bwood right now. It just doesn’t fail to irk me every few weeks. For starters, this happens to be the worst time of the year: award season. Great. So now, we’ll see over a dozen award ceremonies which will display the same shindig over and over again. Vidya will bag the best actress awards while others will split between Ranbir and Shah Rukh Khan – depending on which award function he hosts and so on. Bollywood ke raajneeti ka kya kehna? And then the dances, the clothes, the controversies, blah blah blah; it’s just such a hassle. Uff! Yes, in this aspect, I’m a hater. I hate on Bollywood award functions. In my opinion, they all should be banned. It’s no surprise Aamir Khan prefers to sit at home rather than attend any of these useless shows. This is the one time I prefer the west and their award functions over our lackluster ceremonies. At least there’s no nonsense with them. The stars attend wearing elegant clothes (no paan chewing, chappals wearing or tieless heroes here), win awards, speak for a quick minute and bounce. They last all of two hours. Anyone else find them uber super boring?  

And if that isn’t enough, here’s the latest on John Abraham and his new beau Priya something-or-another. Apparently, the very hot Abraham fell for his new girlfriend while he was seeing Bipasha. I just have one question: so what? Whoever said Bipasha was the ideal girlfriend? Everyone knows she was out painting the town red with a number of guys from all over the globe. And all this, by the way, while she was with John Abraham. So if her eyes, mind, body and lips can wander, why can’t his? C’mon people, we live in a chalta hai world. This should hardly be controversial.

Then there is all this hoopla over Sonam Kapoor dropping the F-bomb on Twitter. Okay, so I don’t love the girl, but are you kidding me? To all those of you who are sitting and judging her for using the word “fuck” (yes I said it, sue me already), I suggest you really stay at home and lock yourselves in your closet. It’s fine if you don’t use profanity but why is it a big deal if a wannabe actress says it? Normal people who have regular jobs use it on a minute to minute basis, no issues there. Please don’t even sit and tell me that just because she’s a celeb, she can’t use it. Sonam Kapoor is not washed in milk. She used a word which every judgmental person out there has used at one point in time. Nor does the Kapoor girl claim to be the ideal citizen or a role model, and if you regard her as your “idol” then really you need help anyway. This is the first time, and last time, I’ll side with Sonam Kapoor, but grow the eff up people.

Next week we’ll be “treated” to Karan Johar’s adaptation of Agneepath. I’ve been called a KJo hater— which I am, I’ll admit it. And thus, this is one film I am not at all looking forward to. The music so far has been rather average and I’m a bit worried about Hrithik in this film. I know he’ll do his thing but even then, comparisons to the great Amitabh Bachchan are inevitable. However, the real reason to watch the film seems to be Sanjay Dutt. I’d watch out for him— this film is going to change his stance in the industry; that’s my prediction.

With that I’m all Bollywooded out. Shutter down, dhukhaan bandh.