Happy Birthday Bollywood: Tum Jeeyo Hazaaron Saal!

I don’t care how much I’m mocked and made fun of, I love Bollywood. It’s been there for me as a best friend should. It’s been a support, it’s inspired, it’s made me laugh, cry and many days even question my sanity and love for it; however, it has been there for me like a rock. And when people tell me they don’t get my love it, I simply shrug my shoulders and flick my hair like a Bollywood heroine. Because that is how it is done.

Look, Bollywood, for the most part, is not intelligent cinema. But it is definitely not stupid cinema. There is a reason it’s been around for a century now. As an industry, we have them all – filmmakers who are smart, cheesy, wacky, senseless, eccentric and some that are simply savvy enough to make films that hit home every time. Bollywood in actuality is like chicken soup – good for your soul. I know for it’s probably more hip and cool to know every single Scorsese film and the various popular dialogues that are associated with those films, but I know none. However, I can recite dialogues from a number of Raj Kapoor films which are as deep and profound and entertaining as Scorseses’. I can’t sing to you the title song of the new James Bond film but I can definitely sing to you a number of Mother India songs by heart and explain the depth behind each line of the song.

And if you think the west is sitting and laughing at us, you couldn’t be any more wrong. They know we have a winner on our hands what with all the money we generate and with the growing popularity. But they subtly take inspiration from us and now, they even invest in our films happily. Hindi cinema has evolved quite beautifully over time. It has changed in style and taste. It’s more modern and relatable which makes it that much more interesting. From the times where sex was depicted in the form of flowers dancing in a field to now where bold sex scenes aren’t practically normal. Whether it’s the story lines, the fashion, the lyrics in songs and even the execution of the films, it has all changed rapidly.

Looking to the future, you can be sure that Bollywood will only grow to become bolder and more beautiful. And its popularity will grow, this is for sure. So here’s to an industry that is 100 but doesn’t seem to age and we know, will only get younger with time. In the meantime, thank you Bollywood, for amazing dialogues, for music so vast that we are baffled during weddings, for actors that allow us to drool, for fashion that adds to our wardrobes and for controversies that make us laugh.

And on a more personal note, thank you for being with me over the last 30 years. You’ve been a solid friend!






*On a side note, it's been ages since I've blogged courtesy of moving house! But promise to be more regular from here on! Lots to vent about. Keep it locked here!

High Off Hong Kong!

Welcome to Hong Kong— where time is a commodity and 24 hours fall far too short especially if you need to fit in work, sleep and play. Sometimes, you find yourself wishing for just one more hour. In fact, if you live in Hong Kong, you should by default be allocated 36 hours. It should be the law. That said, the mere fact that we find 24 hours short puts you in this amazing feel of euphoria. The speed, madness and frantic rush gives you the ultimate adrenaline high. It’s such a fabulous high, that you can’t imagine yourself without it once you’re addicted. Yes, it is a drug to certain degree.

It’s been seven months since I’ve been back and I don’t think I’ve had a dull moment. From getting lost almost 100 times – yes I get lost in Hong Kong, to crazy nights out, rekindling with my old friends whom I now realize, I missed so much to making such amazing new friends, celebrating my 30th and today, I’ll be getting my Sindhi on as I attend a Chetti Chand mela. It’s really no wonder I haven’t had a minute to blog in the last one month. But honestly, this is how life should be; crazy, fun, busy and filled with great memories.

So I celebrated my 30th birthday last weekend. Yes, 30 years of living on this planet. Where did time go? I remember all my milestone birthdays—18, 21, 25. All very big bashes. My birthday, for some odd reason, has always been a big deal in my family. Dad says, first child; Mom says the same; my sister and brother are not so big on theirs so they vicariously celebrate through me, I guess. And I of course, love it! My 30th was incredible fun! But that’s Hong Kong for you. A place where everyone gets together and celebrates for every reason…sometimes no reason too!

I’ve never been one to live a somber quiet life; this is a new realization, of course. I did it for close to a decade. My poor adrenaline; it accumulated and has now burst after many years of dormancy. And while I’ll complain that I’m so busy and incredibly overwhelmed, I love it. I love every minute of being here. I’m home. Now, I know, I am. And I have no intentions of leaving any time soon.

Here’s to me, my adrenaline rush and 30 more years of fobulousness!

Short and Quick Movie Review: Table No. 21

* Okay, the requests have been nonstop so I had to restart. Yes, movie reviews are back more so because my Dad was upset I stopped. But as usual, my reviews are short and quick. Who has time for long reviews anyway?

 

Table No. 21 follows Vivaan (Rajeev Khandelwal) and Siya (Tena Desai), a couple on a vacation which they win via a contest. As they are wined and dined on the island of Fiji, they become a part of a dangerous reality show game. Soon they realize that all is not what it seems. As their relationship and trust for one another is tested, they soon unravel the reason as to why they were called on as contestants in the first place.

While you initially gravitate towards the film because of its unusual plot, it soon becomes slightly cumbersome and repetitive. However, that said, the film touches on a number of themes which are prevalent to today’s times including modern day relationships, modern technology and even, ragging. What works for the film is the fact that it doesn’t rely on a tried and tested formula which most thrillers use. And while you are curious to understand why it is the couple is being tested, the climax comes as a huge shock but is also somewhat confusing too.

As a director, Aditya Datt sticks to a genre he knows well—one of complicated relationships and hidden pasts. He tackles the film and its plot well but more attention needed to be given to the idea of ragging especially since it seemed to be the moral of the story. The film thrives on its performances. Yet again the much underrated Rajeev Khandelwal comes out scoring top notch with Table No. 21. He proves time and time again that he can handle films and scripts that are different yet enticing. We really do need to see more of him. Paresh Rawal is an actor who can handle almost any film and thus, Table No. 21 is as easy as it gets for him. New girl Tena Desai creates quite an impact in her debut film. She surprises with her mature and subdued but effective performance.

Table No. 21 as a film does well to entertain and keep you glued to the screen. While there are a number of gaping holes, it comes at a time where brainless comedies are no longer working. Audiences are more accepting of intellectual films. Table No. 21 is just that—smart and witty. Definitely a must watch.

Do's and Don'ts for Celebs in the New Year!

2013 is only moments away and this means, it’s a good time to start afresh. For our Bollywood stars, this means they get to put the past behind them—the flop films, controversies and any other pieces of the year they’d prefer to forget. But there are some of our favorite Bollywood actors who need some help in making these resolutions. And who better but us to help them!

Bipasha Basu
It’s a real easy one for Bipasha Basu. All she really needs to do is fine a man who will marry her and her problems with be solved. And while she’s at it, can she please sign a film in which we do not need to see all of her body? I would like to see a fully clad Bipasha for a change.

Shah Rukh Khan
Shah Rukh Khan should vow to stay away from drinking, cricket, slapping people and lastly, he should run in the opposite direction from Priyanka Chopra.

Saif Ali Khan
Maybe post marriage, Kareena Kapoor can learn to cook. That way, Saif Ali Khan will stay away from hotel restaurants and thus, will not go around hitting other guests.

Rani Mukherjee
Get married and stop acting, Rani. Please spare us with another nonsensical film where we are forced to watch you overact and belly dance. Please.

Priyanka Chopra
Stay away from married men.

Ajay Devgn
Honestly Ajay, all this hoopla you created around Son of Sardar is very unlike you. Please go back to your subtle ungimmicky ways, please. We like you in silent mode.

Shahid Kapoor
If you follow Shahid Kapoor on Twitter, you know that he has serious issues with grammar and spelling. This year, maybe the actor can take some English lessons to help improve his tweets.

Karan Johar
K Jo should just promise he won’t torture us with anymore cheesy films or another season of Koffee with Karan in 2013.

Katrina Kaif
Do not kiss any co-stars in 2013 because she makes kissing looking icky and uncomfortable.

John Abraham
Please solve your issues with Bipasha and give us a break, John. We’re tired of listening to the stories and gossip.

~
First published Bollywood Hungama, December 31st, 2012

The Worst of Bollywood in 2012!

We’re all about celebrating the best in Bollywood. But the best is so overrated. We really don’t pay enough attention to what didn’t work, what failed, flopped and the worst of the year. This year, we want to take a few minutes to give thanks to the people who helped us realize the best from the worst. Thank you for taking the effort to create….disaster!

Worst Hair
What the otherwise pretty Tanushree Dutta was thinking when she chopped her long tresses for this rather obscure cut, is beyond anyone. Her reasons are personal and spiritual but for an actress who is known for being quite fashionable, this was one big major fashion faux pas on her part. Here’s hoping she goes back to a more stylish one that isn’t so weird.

Worst Comeback
Sorry Karisma Kapoor, but your straight face and non expressive acting really didn’t cut in your comeback film Dangerous Ishq. There was nothing dangerous about the film except the wretchedly boring story and your impact-less acting. For a powerhouse actress who in the past, has jutted out some of the most fiery and top notch performances in the industry, what a letdown.

Worst Lyrics of the Year
In an equal two-way tie, it’s Po-Po-Po from Son of Sardar and Ishq Wala Love from Student of the Year that take the cake for the worst lyrics of 2012. If you actually sit to listen to the both of them, you may want to shoot the lyricists for writing such horrendous lyrics. What on earth ‘po-po-po’ means, is beyond a normal persons intellectual understanding. But the bigger question is, what other means of love are there besides ‘ishq wala love’? It’s like saying water wala ice! Note to lyricists: we are intelligent beings. Please do not insult our intelligence.

Most Irritating Song of the Year
Son of Sardar’s title song has to be not only the most irritating song of the year, but of the decade even. The song refuses to make any sense, is choreographed horrendously and cannot seem to leave your head once you hear it!

Worst Hollywood Rip Off of the Year
It’s bad enough that we seem to lack enough inspiration in India that, we need to look west for remakes and rip offs, but the fact that we make them so damn badly really is disturbing. This year we were given Players, The Italian Job remake, starring all the worst actors in India. And while you make have expected it to be watchable, it was just the opposite. Boring, useless and heavily infused with bad performances, Players makes The Italian Job look like it should have been nominated for an Oscar!

Worst Jodi of the Year
We can barely manage Bipasha Basu on her own and then you go and pair her up with R. Madhavan. Mayhem! In Jodi Breakers, the duo came together for the first time as people who are looking to break up couples. In reality, the only jodi that needed to be broken was theirs. Lack of chemistry, an overweight Maddy and a-sexy-try-hard Bipasha who really needs to let it go already makes their jodi one of the worst in the history of mankind.

Dumbest Controversy of 2012
Aside from all the Shah Rukh Khan hoopla that occurred this year, it was the Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s post pregnancy weight gain drama that somehow caught the eye of the paparazzi only to be blown extremely out of proportion. They speculated, mocked, poked fun and called her all sorts of names. Clearly, the media had nothing else of importance to discuss.

Worst Item Number
Congratulations Kareena Kapoor! You win the award for the worst item number this year vis-à-vis Dil Mera Muft from Agent Vinod. So here’s the deal. She’s hot and a fabulous actress but Bebo is hardly the best dancer in the industry. And then you put her in a mujhra number? It spells disaster from the get-go. In an attempt to appear ‘different’, Bebo comes out looking rather silly and totally ruins the mujhra mood.

Worst Sequel
The deal with sequels is simple: don’t make them. While her television serials may go on for years, Ekta Kapoor needs to understand that films are a totally different ball game. When Kya Super Kool Hai Hum released, we knew it was going to be a total leave-your-brains-at-home film. But what we didn’t realize was the extent of nonsense that was going to be thrown our way. A sequel which makes the original look bad; that is Kya Super Kool Hai Hum.

Worst Onscreen Kiss
Why Katrina Kaif needed to kiss Shah Rukh Khan so many damn times in Jab Tak Hai Jaan, no one knows. But at least make the kiss somewhat believable! SRK has proven that he may be able to romance any actress onscreen, but the man cannot kiss. Let’s leave the smooching to Emraan Hashmi, please.

Worst Actress
Dear Farah Khan, you are not an actress. Shirin Farad Ki Nikhal Padi is enough evidence. You are barely a director. Please stick to choreography.

Worst Actor
For an actor that can really wow you with his performances, Ajay Devgn really failed with Son of Sardar. He failed to make us laugh, make us garner any interest in the film and failed to entertain. In what looked like a spoofy piece of acting, Ajay fell flat on his face with SoS. Definitely a performance he’d like to forget.

Worst Film
Shirish Kunder found himself in quite a tight spot with Joker. For starters, he believed he had a hit on his hands and thus, went on to make fun of Ra.One only to get slapped by SRK. Then Akshay Kumar decided to stay away from the sci-fi flick and when it hit cinemas, the only people who saw the film was most likely aliens who sat in their invisible form. A flop on all accounts and by far one of the silliest films to be made in Bollywood, Joker wins top prize at this ‘Award Function’.

~
First published Bollywood Hungama, December 28th, 2012

Hottest Bods of 2012!

To call 2012 a hot year would be an understatement. There were a number of shirtless actors and navel showing actresses that dared to bare and show. It was some of the youngins’ who made sure they strut their stuff and how, while some of the more veteran actors were more than thrilled to reshow their toned bodies to their fans all over again. Here’s a quick look at the bodies of the year.

Paoli Dam
A new face to the industry, Paoli Dam, came and showed the world exactly what they wanted to see. In her debut film, Hate Story, she played a girl out for revenge and used her body to that effect. Audiences were treated to much more than they expected as the dusky beauty showed off her toned silky body. Her bold enactment had industrywalas and moviegoers shocked but asking for more!

Varun Dhawan
In Student of the Year, Varun Dhawan walked around shirtless quite a bit. And no one was complaining. Six pack intact, he quickly became one of the newbies that made the girls swoon and how. After months of working out, the actor displayed his body in all its glory. Setting high standards for him and his contemporaries, Varun is out to take on the industry, bare-chested.

Deepika Padukone
Whether it was in her number of magazine covers or as Veronica in Cocktail, she Deepika Padukone screamed hot bods in 2012. While everyone knows the actress works hard to keep her body as hot as it is, she believes it oozes out of her personality. That said, D-Pad continues to hold the title for yet another year as one of the hottest actresses in the industry.

Siddharth Malhotra
Joining his buddy, Varun, is Siddharth Malhotra. The slightly taller actor matched up to his co-stars hot bod and how. While the ladies couldn’t choose between which lad they preferred shirtless, especially since Siddharth too walked around on set amidst a shirt. Toned and tempting, Siddharth puts up great competition for many a fellow actors.

Sunny Leone
To leave out the hottest thing to hit Indian soil and theaters in a while, would be blasphemy. Sunny Leone happened to hit cinemas and show everything she possibly could vis-à-vis Jism 2. Add to that some sexy steamy scenes displaying her backless, topless and in the shower, and Sunny became one of 2012’s sexiest actresses.

~

First published Bollywood Hungama, December 27th, 2012

Hottest Couples of 2012!

To be brutally honest, there wasn’t too much heat this year vis-à-vis onscreen couples in Bollywood. Actually, it was quite a thanda year with very few sizzling duos heating up the screens. That said, we actually managed to find a few couples that created somewhat of steam with their pairing and even created some dhamaal. Some you’ve seen before and others are brand new to the arena but that hasn’t stopped any of them from producing performances that were scorching high in temperatures.

Ayushmann Khuranna and Yami Gautam
His deep dimples and her striking smile made the ladies and men, respectively, go absolutely bonkers. But together, Ayushmann and Yummy Gautam, as she now fondly called by her male fans, did not fail to translate their chemistry onscreen. Not only were there a number of cozy scenes but a few kissing scenes which the couple happily indulged in via their debut film, Vicky Donor. Between the both of them, they managed heat up screens quite intensely. And yes, you may see them again in an upcoming film soon.

Arjun Kapoor and Parineeti Chopra
Arjun Kapoor very quickly became the newest star son and heart throb of the nation. His rugged personality matched with a cute grin charmed the ladies and co-star Parineeti Chopra too. This was evident in their onscreen performance as the couple that couldn’t be in Ishaqzaade. Whether it was the sexual tension that generated in the earlier part of the film or the love making scene later on, they were convincing enough for rumors to circulate and cause the media to question if there was some ishq happening between the duo in real-life.

Saif Ali Khan and Deepika Padukone and Diana Penty
Fine, so this isn’t a couple but it really doesn’t matter in the case of the Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone and Diana Penty in Cocktail. Between the three of them, the actors all played pass the parcel as they swapped friends and girlfriends too. The Saif-Deepika chemistry is a no brainer but the Saif-Diana angle had audiences asking for more. And for those of you who are wondering about the Deepika-Diana angle, well sorry to burst your bubble but Bollywood doesn’t swing that way…just yet, at least.

Salman Khan and Katrina Kaif
This is the perhaps the first time we actually witnessed a real sense of affection between Salman Khan and any actress. Naturally, when his co-star turns out to be Katrina Kaif, you aren’t half as surprised anymore. That said, in Ek Tha Tiger, the chemistry wasn’t just loving but sexy in a number of ways. In fact, critics claim this is one of the major reasons as to why Ek Tha Tiger worked. And while we may know of their off screen relationship status, for now we’ll take them creating fireworks on screen any day!

Randeep Hooda and Sunny Leone
You naturally expect scorching rising extra hot temperatures when Sunny Leone is around. What use would it be otherwise to cast an actress from ‘adult films’ in a Bollywood film? But when you add the über sexy Randeep Hooda to the equation, then the heat seems to multiply. In Jism 2, it was the palpable bold scenes between the two which had moviegoers flooding into cinemas. Whether it was the uncountable kisses or backless sequences which included a massage or two, Randeep and Sunny worked it.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 22nd, 2012

Yummy Mummies of 2012!

We hardly associate mummy-hood with our Bollywood heroines. But believe it or not, some of the hottest ladies in the industry have gone ahead to become mothers this year. And while you may think this is the end of the road for them, they are here to tell you otherwise. It is actually via these actresses that young moms can now draw inspiration. Not only did they look uber hot while they donned their baby bumps but even after, they quickly shed the extra pounds ready to rock and roll looking yummier than ever.

Lara Dutta
She may be an ex-Miss Universe and lived up to her stylish ways when Lara Dutta was deemed the most chicly dressed mums-to-be pre-delivery. In fact, pregnancy hardly stopped her from walking down the ramp at a number of fashion shows. She was more than happy to happily display her bump in full tashan. However, after giving birth to baby Saira, Lara was seen happily taking to yoga to shed those baby pounds slowly but carefully. And while the rest of the world was busy yapping about Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s plump ways, it was Lara who stood up to advocate for her.

Celina Jaitley
C.J., as she is fondly called, gave birth to not one but twin bouncy baby boys, Winston and Viraaj, this year. And you’d hardly believe Celina put on any weight during her pregnancy. Proving to be one of the most celebrated moms this year she was rather quickly seen donning a bikini only a few months after her delivery. With immense credit to her intense workout regime and the inspiration of being a part of the entertainment world, Jaitley is now a mother of two but you wouldn’t believe it for a minute!

Shilpa Shetty
Shilpa Shetty is easily the slimmest, fittest actress in the industry today. So as we watched her grow during her pregnancy, it hardly shocked us when she was caught out and about looking fit and fine only two months later. She of course, took to old fashioned ways of losing her baby fat including massages, methi ladoos and the works while she nursed her baby Viaan. While she too wasn’t too keen on hitting the gym too quickly and insisted on enjoying motherhood, it was only a matter of time before she went back to her yoga ways only to lose dollops of weight.

Twinkle Khanna
How Twinkle Khanna went from baby-big to so slim in such a quick period of time, no one will ever really know but she did it after giving birth to baby Nitara. After sporting a rather big baby bump during her pregnancy, Akshay Kumar’s wife was spotted at the Jab Tak Hai Jaan premiere in a strapless sari looking every bit the diva. In the past, Twinkle has spoken heaps about keeping fit via a healthy lifestyle and lots of yoga. And because she barely speaks to the media, this mummy’s yummy ways are a secret.

Amrita Arora
Amu had no clue she was pregnant until two months into her pregnancy. And it was rather rapidly that Amrita’s belly grew. But that didn’t stop her from attending a number of social dos around the city. Baby bump in tow, she took to her fashionable ways and worked the social circuit as she would have pre-pregnancy. After delivering baby boy number two named Riyaan, she is apparently working rigorously to shed those extra pounds.

With these ladies setting the stage for moms in 2012, you can be sure that the mommy’s of 2013 will not only look to them to draw inspiration, but to compete against too. Till then, it’s cheers to these Bollywood babies and their yummy mummys!

 ~

First published Bollywood Hungama, December 20th, 2012

Bollywood Celebrity Weddings of 2012

It was the year of bands, baajas and many baraats in Bollywood. Strangely enough, it was a number of single leading ladies that we lost this year to men within the industry or closely associated to Bollywood, at least. It turned out to be a busy year for fashion designers and wedding planners who were given the task of planning big fat Bollywood weddings of some of the most popular couples in town. This year, the stars went out to shine as they embarked on holy matrimony. With so many shaadis and even more details, it only makes sense to count down the top weddings of the year. Are you ready to be shaadi-fied?

Ritesh and Genelia
The year kicked off with the wedding of secret lovebirds Genelia D’Souza and Ritesh Deshmukh. After years of speculation and nonstop questions including: are they together? Is he gay? Is he with Jacqueline Fernandez? Genelia and Ritiesh shut the mouths of gossip-mongers with a rather lengthy wedding which included a Maharashtrian wedding followed by a Church wedding and finally, a grand reception where most of Bollywood congregated to wish the couple. The sangeet was headed by none other than Karan Johar who took to the mic and played master of chaperone while a number of the couple’s starry friends took to the stage. The likes of the Bachchans, Kapoors and Khans attended the big reception before the duo took off to an undisclosed honeymoon destination.

Wedding Trivia: The wedding was planned way in advance with the couple asking their friends and family to keep it hush-hush.

Esha and Bharat Esha Deol’s career may have unfortunately not kicked into third gear but that didn’t stop her from going all out for her wedding with Mumbai diamond merchant, Bharat Takhtani. According to sources, the entire wedding was orchestrated by Hema Malini who insisted on a grand, yet simple wedding. A sangeet followed by an ISKON wedding and a biggie reception completed Esha’s wedding. The sangeet saw a dedicated performance by Mom, Hema to her daughter as she danced to Dream Girl. The dulhan herself shook her foot to a couple of her own numbers. Bollywood came out in full force to bless Esha and Bharat while Daddy dearest couldn’t contain his happiness as he hosted the reception.

Wedding Trivia: While half-brothers Sunny and Bobby Deol remained unseen throughout the wedding, it was Abhay who took on all brotherly duties.

Kareena and Saif
Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan’s private but heavily attended wedding was easily the wedding of the year. After five years of courtship, Saifeena finally joined together in holy matrimony drawing extreme media attention and hoard of well-wishers. While it was his second marriage, he chose to keep it quite extravagant. There was a hush-hush sangeet, a mehndi, the registered marriage at the Khan household, followed by a reception in Mumbai and then, a Walima in New Delhi. The sangeet saw the Kapoor kandaan come out to put on a complete show for the couple with Karisma Kapoor taking center stage. Needless to say, pretty much all of Bollywood was accounted for at the luxurious reception after which the couple went on what is being called their ‘25th’ honeymoon.

Wedding Trivia: Saif’s children were seen at the wedding taking pictures with the newlyweds and enjoying every minute of the wedding. 

Vidya and Siddharth
The year ended with the wedding of Vidya Balan and Siddharth Roy Kapur. But it was hardly a shaadi which had the shutterbugs going frantic. In fact, it was easily the most downplayed wedding of the year. With the exception of Rekha, no other Bollywood celebrity was invited to the extremely secretive wedding which only included family and close friends. A quiet mehndi and wedding ceremony was in order for the couple and that pretty much concluded the wedding. The couple will however, distribute sweets post their wedding to the industry.

Wedding Trivia: Close friends including Milan Luthria and Ekta Kapoor too, are said to have been completely clueless about the wedding.

 ~

First published Bollywood Hungama, December 19th, 2012   

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: 2012

 It's yet another shameless December for moi. You know what time of the year it is right? It's time for yet another installment of All Garam, No Sharam! Yes, yes, I lose all sense of shame as I countdown the all things sexy in Bollywood 2012. If you're new to the blog, well then welcome to what is easily the sexiest countdown on the internet. I couldn't give a damn as to who deserves to win Best Actor accolades but I do care about the men in the industry who have dared to bare their six-packed chests and how! This countdown is hardly for the faint hearted and no, I will not reimburse your hospital bills. Please take a look at your own risque, I mean risk. Think of these countdowns as wood for your winter fire...if you know what I mean!

Yash Chopra: Now That The Love is Gone....

I’m sitting here thinking about what Yash Chopra has taught me and it’s really quite simple: love, pyar, ishq, mohabbat. I remember watching Dil Toh Pagal Hai a few months ago and thinking, he’s really not fair, Yashji. He creates unrealistic scenarios of love. And we Indian girls, who are suckers for gush, believe that this is the only way love is done. I’ve in fact, I found myself blaming Yashji for my singlehood— where would I find a man who would love me like they do in a Yash Chopra film? THAT is the kind of love I wanted and still want in a more rational manner now, of course.

In a way, his passing means that love onscreen has come to a complete halt. No one understood and expressed passionate, unconditional, sacrificial, all consuming love like he did. As news of his passing came, immediately a sense of grief was felt. Irrespective of which Yash Chopra film you’ve seen—all or even one, you always walked away knowing you saw a masterpiece.

Through Yash Chopra’s films, we were able to dream. As women, we believed a man would come, he would fight, believe, love and sweep you off your feet. But it wasn’t just love between a man and a woman that he fully understood. Yashji understood all forms of love—bonds between a son and mother, brothers and especially, friends.

My memory of my first Yash Chopra film dates back to 1989. Chandni. Between my sister and I, the dialogues were learned, the dances were mimicked and Sridevi was imitated over 100 times. But we were too young to even understand who the genius behind the camera was. All we knew was that we loved this film. A few years later, we fell in love with Darr and eventually, it was through Dil Toh Pagal Hai that finally, we understood that we were experiencing magic.

Believe it or not, I’ve still to fully familiarize myself with his older iconic films. Silsila and Kabhi Kabhie happened to be in my early twenties while it was only a few months ago that I caught myself watching the absolutely fantastic Mashaal and Waqt.

It is today that I must give thanks. For every time I want to run through a field of flowers. For chiffon saris. For sangeet songs. For snow-capped mountains. For music that lasts a lifetime. And for love that every girl craves for, we thank you Yash Chopra. One day I'll run through a meadow of tulips with my chiffon dupatta flying high and I know you'll be looking down smiling. You will be missed.

Fashion Fail: B-town ladies who messed it up!

There are those who are fashion forward. And then there are fashion fools. While the former know how to keep it chic and chick, the latter choose to pile it on and well, commit some of the most classic fashion faux pas known to mankind. Within the film industry they come in two groups: the stylish and the garish. The stylish, we mimic; the garish drive you ballistic. Here are some ladies who failed to get the: 'Please take a second look before you leave your house' memo and landed up looking, well, looking like this.

Kajol

She gave the fashion disaster world hope, she really did. But Kajol has proved that once a fashion victim, always a fashion victim. She's never really been one of the more stylish actresses around. In fact, she was branded as an actress with zero style quotient and we had made our peace with it. 'At least she can act,' we told ourselves. And then 2012 she came out ready to rock the fashion world. Then this happens. At the recent GQ Men's Award, Kajol turned up, husband by her side in a silver Prabal Gurung dress looking well, odd. The dress fit awkwardly around her body making her look wider while the length of her gown exposed her legs and ghastly shoes. We'd much rather see her in classic ethic wear which she manages to carry off with finesse.

Bipasha Basu

For an actress who has such a hot bod, Bipasha Basu sure got it wrong with a Shrivan-Narresh sari. First and foremost, the color palette didn't work for the dusky beauty and all that skin show, which was supposed to make her look like a Kama Sutra model, we believe, made her look vulgar instead. While the bikini blouse normally looks flattering on svelte actresses like herself, it just didn't work for Bips. The thin straps made her shoulders look broader and sari itself looked like a bed sheet. Add to that a dated hairstyle and someone please call fashion police!

Rani Mukerji

So I guess for Rani, it was convenience meets fashion, i.e. night wear meets sleep wear. Ms. Mukerji turned up to best bud Karan Johar's birthday bash in a silver unfitted gown which could have easily doubled as a night gown. Not only did she look incredibly bulky, but there was nothing relatively good about her look. Even the deep back couldn't help sex up her outfit. And that awful up do make her look a lot older. Sadly her career and fashion sense are in need of help, pronto!

Shenaz Treasuryvala

If you're not a well known actress and you are limited on the work you do, shouldn't you really be more cautious about your sense of style at least? You'd think Shenaz Treasuryvala would be a bit smarter with her choice of clothing in hopes to bag a film or two. But instead, she gives us a drabby take on a cut out top and an unnecessarily striped skirt. And what is up with those awful wedges? No, no, no, Shenaz! We know you like to keep it sexy, but this is trashy.

Ekta Kapoor

She may be the queen of soaps but she sure doesn't have the fashion sense of one. Where do we even begin with Ekta Kapoor? Whether it's her wretched choice of shoes - those chunky platforms slippers, which follow her everywhere, or her choice of clothes which no one really gets, it's just fashion mayhem for the savviest Kapoor in town. Normally, most of the rather awkwardly fashioned ladies in Bollywood seem to get it right with their ethnic wear. Not Ekta. She fails in that department too. It's rather sad though, she does have a pretty face.

It's fine if you want to do be different to make a fashion statement, but ladies, the only reason you should be dressing this way is if you're starring in a Ram Gopal Varma horror film. Which none of you are…are you?

~

First published Bollywood Hungama, October 20, 2012 

Saifeena Wala Shaadi!

Shaadi Time!

I love shaadi time in Bollywood. And because I care so passionately about Hindi films, I feel like I am an extended part of the family. How filmy did that just sound? See, I fit in so well. But really, weddings make the world such a happy place and yesterday happened to be the day that my favorite Kareena Kapoor, whom I pyar se refer to as Bebo Didi, tied the knot with her beau and now my jeeju, Saif Ali Khan.

Theirs is a love story that most girls only dream of. Yeah, he has a bit of a shady past, but that didn’t stop Bebo from realizing that this Nawab was the man of her dreams. So they courted, moved in together, costarred in flop films, dodged the ‘shaadi kab karoge?’ question only to finally call it a day and are now Mr. and Mrs. Saif Ali Khan. If you know me, you know this would be a rather long ‘aww’ moment for me. But I'll refrain due to public objection and the constant criticism that comes with my aww-ing.

But the real question is, what have we learned from Saifeena, India’s kinda-sorta royal couple, as they embark on holy matrimony?  


1. Second hand jawani. It’s shaadi number two for Saif who was previously married to Amrita Singh, an actress many years his senior. Second time round, it's Bebo darling for him and she happens to be ten years his junior. But who’s has time for all that math?  

2. Power, Baby. She is now, Kareena Kapoor Khan aka Begum of Pataudi.  

3. No Band Baaja or Baraat. It is possible to have a low-key yet fun wedding even if you are a powerhouse couple. Are you reading Abhishek and Ash?

4. Skirt Chaser No More. If a Casanova finds his Ms. Right, he will eventually give up his womanizing ways and settle down…temporarily at least. Does that make Bebo, Ms. Right-Now?

5. Flop Jodi. You may not have a single hit film to your name as a pair, but you sure as hell can be the most popular and loved jodi in town.

Here’s wishing my favorite couple a lifetime of happiness, love and eternal bliss!

Shahid Kapoor Ki Shaadi: Prospective Brides

So Shahid Kapoor missed the boat with Bebo, eh? Poor chap. And word on the street is that he will be avoiding contact with the media for the next few days until the Saifeena shaadi festivities die down. But why so blue, Shahid? Your day will come soon; you’ll be a groom too. And since you’ve become rather fussy about your ladies post Bebo, I’ve decided to help you and play matchmaker. They say matchmaking is the best way to gain brownie points with the uparwala and so to aid you, here are some lovely ladies for you to
choose from and to make your Mrs. Kapoor.

Priyanka Chopra
Look, you obviously have some kind of bizarre with Priyanka Chopra; admit it. I can kinda see it—she’s a bit eccentric, quite like you. And just think logistically. Don’t you both live in the same building? How easy would it be to move her belongings to your place? But seriously, you both seem to have some kind of chemistry between the both of you, so why not P.C.? Post your break up, she took to a popular married Mr. Khan; not such a smart idea. See what you did to her? Now is your chance to reel her back and woo her again. This is quite a Teri Meri Kahani you both have, haan.

Vidya Balan
She’s popular, bankable, sexy and could be gharelu which makes Vidya Balan a good choice for you, Shahid. Add to that the fact that you both share some Kismet Konnection wali history and voila, there is one more reason for the both of you to come together in holy matrimony. Err, and considering your string of flops, it may help to have Vidya on your side right now. But you’ll have to entice her rather well, you see. Apparently, she’s cozying up to one popular UTV Films producer.


Sonam Kapoor
Okay, so your film together didn’t exactly create waves but so what? Sonam Kapoor is a girl you should consider, Shahid. For starters, look at all the similarities you both share. Both of ya’ll are Kapoors, both have veteran fathers as actors, both are kinda useless and possess an air that no one really gets. She also happens to be an avid reader which is good for you since you are in dire need of private spelling lessons. See, made for each other you both are…in any Mausam also.


Nargis Fakhri
Nargis Fakhri claims there is nothing between you and her. Lies. We know you both had somewhat of a fling…or something. We’ve heard so many damn rumors about you both moving in, helping each other in icky situations and so on, that if you dare to tell me there was never anything between the two of you, I will send a girl gand, I mean gang, to your house.


Amrita Rao
At the end of the day, you can always just go back to your first heroine, no? Amrita Rao is in actuality, the most ideal girl for you. In fact, believe it or not, you are most liked when you star opposite Rao. Five films and you’ve never really been linked to Amrita, how did you allow that to happen, Shahid? That is so unlike you. For this reason, if not any other, at least court the pretty girl. Both of your careers are at the same place too—bottom of a dry lake. Ishq Vishk toh banta hai boss.


All of a sudden, things don’t look so bad, haan Shahid? Also, see how I conveniently left out Katrina Kaif for you. Slightly worried you might leave out a 'T' from her name…problem na ho jaaye, you know. Now choose, fast fast!

Filmy Fashion Files: Current Trends!

Being a fashionista in Bollywood is hardly a task for our A-listed actresses; it’s a way of life. Whether they’re spotted at the airport, at big industry dos or even at charity events, they’re dressed to kill…and ready to be clicked by the media who cannot seem to get enough of them. Not only do they follow trends, they create them too. This season, they seem to be accessorizing and sporting clothes of different styles and prints. And if you’re looking for some fashion inspiration, here’s your low down!

While the city of Mumbai doesn’t seem to have autumn as a season, our Bollywood stars are not ones to stay too far behind in keeping up with fall trends. The first of which is the scarf. Whether it’s short or long, silk or wool, Bollywood loves this accessory right now. Gauri Khan was spotted wearing hubby SRK’s skulled out scarf while Kareena Kapoor, who is rarely spotted devoid of a scarf, takes to longer, chunkier ones. Styling and scarf tying, is totally at random, of course. While some choose to go fancy, chic or bohemian, others prefer a more casual “tossed-around-my-neck” look.

Another accessory that seems to be making it to the ramp and at events is the chunky neck pieces. But there is trick to wearing neck wear of this caliber: keep the outfit simple. Check out how the actress of the moment, Sridevi, keeps her green dress to a complete minimum while she pairs it with a beaded necklace. And if you’re going to opt for even more solid colors, add a pop of color to your neck with your neck piece to add that extra oomph ala Kangna Ranaut to make a statement.

The dhoti pant has come a long way in Indian fashion. But it’s only now that it has been westernized and styled enough also, to make it a fashionable to sport at events and parties. Whether it’s Priyanka Chopra or Chitrangada Singh, they all seem to be donning the dhoti in a variety of colors, prints and lengths even. Add a pair of heels or some good old fashioned mojaaris, and you’re good to go.

It doesn’t look like bright lips are going anywhere, anytime soon. Whether it’s the dusky Bipasha Basu or the porcelain skinned Kareena Kapoor, they all seem to finding bright pinks and cherry reds to paint on their pouts. The key is to pick a color that suits your personality and skin too.

When it comes to footwear this season, our Bollywood celebs will keep themselves heeled but studded too. The rocker look seems to be dominating their feel this season as they will be spotted with metallic studs of all shapes and sizes scattered all over their shoes. But it’s Deepika Padukone who’s rocking it out in her studded heels on this month’s Vogue cover. You can expect the rest of the actresses to follow suit right about….now.

~


First published BollywoodHungama, October 13, 2012