Pura Review: Agent Vinod

A really hot Saif Ali Khan and an even hotter Kareena Kapoor has to equal scorching heat, no? Negative.Nyet. No. Nahin. Agent Vinod was one of the films that I was really looking forward to in 2012. "What’s not to like?" I thought. Action, romance, drama and an extremely fit Saifu, this could easily be the ‘Saif Ali Khan’ film we’ve all been waiting for. Yeah, right.

Agent Vinod (Saif Ali Khan) is your usual RAW agent who is on a mission as the film begins. He is quickly told to handle a rather dire situation after his partner (Ravi Kissen) is killed. The mission takes him all around the world before he finally figures out the complicated situation which may result in nuclear war. In between, he meets Iram (Kareena Kapoor), who assists him and naturally, the duo fall in love. He saves the day and all is well on planet earth. Oh, and there is a hint of a sequel. Yeap.

Agent Vinod is easily the worst 3 hours, yes 3 hours, I’ve spent in 2012. In fact, I demand my money back. But more than a waste of time, Agent Vinod is disappointing. As a Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor fan, it hurts to be given a film that does nothing for you. If Agent Vinod was sex, it would be the worst sex ever. It’s missionary, unorgasmic and definitely lacked any sense of heat. Boring. The first half of the film confuzzles you and just when you think you’ve got the gist of it, it bamboozles you into complete confusion. You’re apparently “treated” to spectacular visions of different sights around the world but if you ask me, they’re just showing off. It doesn’t add any value to the film! In fact, the script could have been adjusted and shot in India completely. The length of the film is one of the biggest drawbacks. There were umpteen moments when I believed the end was near. But nope. Anti climaxes again, and again. Director Sriram Raghavan disappoints and how with AV. It’s hard to believe that this is the same director who gave us the uber suave Johnny Gadaar gives us this. Oh, and another bone I have to pick is how badly and ineffectively the awesome music of the film was used.

The only real reason to watch Agent Vinod is for Saif Ali Khan. He’s slick, suave and super sexy. However, not even he can save the film from its lackluster, substance absent and overloaded on style, script. Kareena Kapoor is plain average. Her role is limited and lacks any sense of matter. The smaller roles played by the likes of Ram Kapoor (super!), Prem Chopra (awesome) and even Rajat Kapoor all manage to aid the film as well as they can.

Agent Vinod is a snooze fest. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to work in any department like it seemed to promise in the promos. Instead, you’re left with a headache and depending on where you are in the world, a few dollars short in your wallet. Maybe we just can’t get James Bondesque film right in Bollywood. And if that is the case, then spare us Bollywood. Give us some dancing around the tree instead but just do it right. Pliss.

Must Watch: In Transit!

So you all know how I am really not one to promote anything. And if I do, then there really must be something rapchick, dhinchak about it, right? Exactly. So here I am requesting you, no, telling you to have a look-see at this promo for an indie film which is really creating quite a lot of waves. It happens to be the brainchild of my close friend Suniil Sadarangani who oozes talent in a number of ways. Based on a true life events, In Transit is about two people from completely different cultures and how their lives intertwine in L.A. It's been making its rounds at a number of film festivals around the world and trust me, it's absolutely fantastic. But enough gushing about it from me, take a look for yourself.

And after you're floored, go ahead and join the In Transit Facebook Page to get more details and updates about the film.

100 Word Review: Thank You

Thank You is a lackluster wannabe attempt at remaking a funnier (not) version of No Entry. Three despo cheating husbands find themselves caught by a private detective who is out to reform them. Boring, tacky and plain silly, Thank You tries super hard to entice you with its huge star cast but all it does in the end is make you yawn. A plot which has no substance, lacks humor and has been seen far too many times cannot be saved by the likes of Akshay Kumar or Irfan Khan. Thank you for making lekin please never again. No Thanks.

Dear Bollywood,

Dear Bollywood,

For years now, I have advocated for you on numerous accounts. When Indian audiences back in the eighties chose Hollywood flicks over Desi ones, it was me to stood by you knowing that you would be back and how. And bounce back you did. The nineties saw some great dishoom-dishoom type movies come to the surface making Anil Kapoor and Jackie Shroff look like heroes as they kicked and punched while they rolled down hills with their respective heroines. Later it was Govinda and Karisma Kapoor who ruled the charts with their popular pelvic thrusts as they danced to music which was bestowed with obscene lyrics. Who will ever forget one "Sarkay Liyo Khatiya" followed by the popular "Bhel Puri" and "Sexy Pant" numbers? Granted, you were still not making quality films, but they catered to the masses and we weren't complaining. The run-of-mill style films became incredibly popular; cheesy music, big hair, bright clothes, we endured it all. But love, we did not stop loving you. For those of us who lived abroad, you were the one way we could stay close to home and those who claimed you were simply "not watchable," I knew they were secretly indulging in some Bollywood action. And this they certainly were. Into the new Millennium, films became more stylized. We saw the emergence of the new heart throb Hrithik Roshan; YashRaj Films became sappier; Lagaan was sent as India's official entry to the Oscars; Abhishek Bachchan and Kareena Kapoor were launched only to look for refuge and of course, Karan Johar taught us "It's All About Loving Your Parents..." You kept hitting rock-bottoms, but we did not lose faith in you. Whenever you hit rock-bottom, you were back with a bang and how. Towards the end of last year, 2008, nothing seemed to provide us with full-too entertainment. And just when we had begin to think nothing could save you, it was faithful Aamir Khan who bought you back to life with Ghajini.

Amidst all the ups-and-downs, I stood by you loyally. They why? Why, oh why, have you recently started to torture me? More recently, I tried and failed to understand why you have been jutting out such nonsense! Have we not evolved in our film making ways? Have we not moved on from the gissa-pitta story lines only to take on smarter and more intellectual ones? So then explain to me why it is that in more recent times you have shown me such despite and hatred? I go around singing your praise only to be met by films that are simply terrible! Need I name a few? Let us dissect this new hatred you have recently showered me with. 2008; we had fab films like Rock On!, A Wednesday, Oye Lucky and a few other ones worth mentioning. And then amidst the chaos, I was forced to witness one Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, Tashan, Singh is Kinng and a frightful film about angels known as Thoda Pyar Thoda Magic. Why would you do this to me, oh dear Bollywood. I think you should consider your relationship with YashRaj...He is not good for you. And then I assumed after Ghajini in 2009, you would have learnt better. But alas, as Confucious once said, "Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous." 2009 is close to ending, and what do you have to say for yourself? Let me remind you: Chandni Chowk to China, 8x10 Tasveer, Paying Guest, Kambakkht Ishq, Dil Bole Hadippa, What's Your Rashee. A depressing list needless to say.

I do hope you will reconsider the way you treat me. I hope you will talk to your "film maker friends" who are betraying you this way. And more importantly, please re look at our relationship; one we have had for years now. Perhaps I too should look west and admire the quality that Hollywood manages to throw out versus the quality less but quantity-filled trash you have insisted on forcing down me. Please do not hate me so; I still have hope and faith that you will quickly mend our deteriorating relationship...yes?

Awaiting your earnest reply in the form of some at least decent movies.

Love,
Roshni