Republic Day in India: Just Another Holiday?

Yet another Republic Day dawns on India and the country will celebrate. Not because they happen to be the biggest democracy in the world but simply because they have a day off from work and school. The symbolism behind 26th January is simply to mark the arrival and acceptance of the Indian Constitution. But over the last few months, has the country really earned any real reasons to be proud of itself?

Throughout 2012, India has behaved like one of the most undemocratic countries in the world. And in all honesty, it hardly surprises me that the country is excited for Republic Day for a rather lazy reason. If we quickly review the year that was, you’ll realize that India is clearly falling in a backward spiral that bares an uncanny resemblance to a neighboring country.

India is a country that quickly forgot about three ministers who were caught watching ‘objective videos’ (read: porn) during an assembly session. While we laughed and outraged for a day, we let the government sweep such an issue under the carpet. We then allowed a state funeral for a dictator, Bal Thackeray. The city of Mumbai was shut down and immobilized for a day as people were forced to pay respects to a man who has ruled over a city via a non-functioning government for years. And then, when a young girl from democratic, free-speech allowed India decided to question the need for such an extravagant funeral and for the shut down of Mumbai, her Facebook post landed her in jail. If that wasn’t Taliban-like enough, the whole world watched (and is currently watching) how we as a country reacted to the brutal gang rape of young girl on a bus in Delhi. Onlookers were too afraid to get involved because of sheer fear of the local corrupt police. We saw government and religious leaders make obscure conservative comments, take no responsibility and attempted to play down the issue. And when the otherwise passé people of India stood up against such an atrocity, they were beaten by the police as they protested in and around Delhi.

The problem is that we are more concerned with stupid issues that do not really matter. We’re more worried about why Oprah Winfrey made India appear outdated in her documentary. Well, the fact of matter is if you behave in such a fashion, then what else do you expect? Instead of worrying about her eating her chapatti with two hands, we should really be worrying about how we ought to teach the men in India to keep both hands to themselves. In a secular country with such a huge democracy, India now needs to worry about the future of its state more than ever. The country is moving at a rapid pace in the wrong direction. If you will behave and govern the country in a Talebanesque fashion, what example are you setting for future generations and to the rest of the world?

It is during such times that one looks to the government for strict firm action and swift change in education, social reform and attitude. They call on generation X to take charge and run the country. But do they realize that they hold on to them by a tight leash? They tell them to speak their mind but teach them lessons of inequality and gender differences. And when something horrendous happens, they point fingers at the influx of western cultural influences, films and other idiotic reasons. Our educated ministers are nothing but mute goats while the uneducated run the country in a most undemocratic old fashioned manner – the only way they know best.

The West looks at India and laughs now. Filled with corruption, rapes, poverty and nonstop drama, this is the country that is regarded as a ‘future superpower?’ Democratic countries allow their people to grow; they teach them how to be better citizens.

Today, I’m sure I can speak collectively when I say that as Indians, we are incredibly proud of our heritage and our country. It’s our ministers we’ve been put down by repeatedly.

So on this day, what should the people of India hope for? Well, for starters India needs to wake up from the 1936 bubble they are currently engulfed in. Then, they need to stop it with the ‘chalta hai’ attitude. Change can only come when they group together and demand it. That is how a democracy works. Social reform is one that future generations will need to take on themselves. And above everything, they better hope all their Gods come together and protect from falling in a downward pit and pray for a brighter modern tomorrow.

Personally, I’m a diehard Indian. Amidst the failures of the country, I still see beauty and hope. And as usual, in true filmy fashion, here’s one that always resonates with me, “Koi bhi desh perfect nahi hota use perfect banana padta hai.”

Vande Mataram! 

'The Obnoxious Case of the Incredible Indian Men'

I’m convinced that many Indian men in power, i.e. political and religious leaders, do not have a connection between their brain and mouth. They lack sensitivity and are clearly living in an 1823 bubble which is the only explainable reason for their ignorance and their backward mentality. How else would you explain the nonsense they have been uttering over the past few weeks regarding Delhi rape case which has left India and the international community shocked?

It all began with the President’s son who decided to call the women protesting ‘highly dented and painted’. For starters, that hardly makes sense. I’m assuming this figure of speech is normally used for vehicles. I think. But what exactly is a ‘dented’ and ‘painted’ woman? If I try to make sense of his statement, I’m gonna go with the fact that’s he is a male chauvinist who cannot fathom the fact that modern Indian women are no longer ready to stay repressed and thus, are coming out by the hundreds to stand up for their gender. He is yet one of those outdated men who believe that Indian women should shut up and stay at home. Too bad his sister couldn’t be one of those women; she happens to be a dancer.

Next up was Mr. Mohan Bhagwat, an RSS leader, who decided that in his demented jaded head that rapes only happen in India and not in Bharat. Are you confused yet? Don’t worry, I’m as muddled. What I think he was getting at is that ‘India’ refers to the more urban areas while ‘Bharat’ is the rural parts. This basically infers that rapes only happen in cities and not in villages or less developed areas. Errr, really? Here’s some trivia, just for Mr. Bhagwat. Seventy-five percent of rape cases have been reported from rural India.

Then there is the great Asaram Bapu—I had no clue who on earth he was until he stated that the victim was as guilty as the rapists. His theory was that the victim should have begged and not fought back. If she would have called them her ‘brothers’, they would have not raped her. Yes, when this poor was getting raped and stripped of her dignity, she should have done just this. Mind you this is coming from a man who also claims women should be restricted to home chores and is against the westernization of Indian society. The bigger question here is would he tell the ladies in his own family to fall at the feet of rapists and call them their brothers too?

And this is just two of many absurd theories, comments and statements that have come from a number of well-known leaders across many arenas in Indian political and religious groups. 

What is most irritating about the fact that these religious leaders and politicians are politicizing the issue with their backward statements, is that a bulk of India actually supports these people and thoughts. They do not feel the need for these men to apologize for their insensitivity. This theoretically means that this rigid mindset has already been set set in stone and so such beliefs will fall to their children and so on. Ultimately, this starts a domino effect that cannot be eradicated at all. Such outrageous and demeaning comments only further these old-fashioned and incorrect beliefs which do nothing but encourage more men to ill-treat women. Instead of preaching to the men to realize that women are their equals and cannot be looked down upon, they choose to further promote atrocities against women in India.

All of a sudden, the road to liberating women in India seems long and rocky filled with potholes in the form of men like the above, who simply cannot see past the old school depiction of Indian women. One can only hope the likes of Mata Lakshmi, Durga Maa and all the female goddesses up there, give strength to the women of India as they take on this battle to secure themselves and the future of Indian women.

Oh and before I end, there is also one more idiot—a minister from Chhatigarh, who claims that there is no ‘clear answer’ for the crimes against women and thus, it is because ‘the stars are not in position’. Right.

SRT: Now That The God is Gone....

Person X: “The Indian cricket team sucks! You lot are useless. (Insert team name here) are much better.”
Me: “Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. Enough said.”
Person X: (silence)

This is probably my nth blog post on the maestro, but as a fan, you can never get enough of his brilliance. And then he goes and retires on you only to crush you. But no one will ever come close to Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. No one.

I refuse to sit here and speculate as to why he chose to retire from One Day Internationals. I don’t know if it was a personal decision, a board decision or even a decision made under pressure. All I know is that without jersey number 10, the Indian team is incomplete. In the land of cricket, we lose a god; a man who spoke less with his words but more so with his bat. As a young cricket fanatic, the amount of times I’ve stayed up late watching him bat with my mouth open only to fall asleep in school, are countless. But nothing was more important than watching SRT play his master strokes.

To call Tendulkar talented is an understatement; he defines Indian cricket. Yes, he’s has his share of blows – physical and personal, but he’s always jumped right back into the game. It doesn’t matter how big the blows – his father’s sudden demise, tennis elbow injuries and simply being out of form, he proved his critics wrong by getting back in and hitting like the master he is.

Perhaps it is too early for him to retire; many will say so. But it doesn’t matter what we think, believe or claim. The fact of the matter is that we have bid adieu to one of the finest cricketers in the history of the sport. Never again will we witness such beautiful cricket and for that, we must thank him for a treat that lasted over twenty years. While we sit and watch Sachin reruns, reminisce over our favorite SRT moments and tell stories of his brilliance to our children, we also know we will never see anyone quite like him ever again. There will be some who come close but no one will ever match the man to the T.

And while this will definitely not be my last Sachin Tendulkar post, it will be the only one I wrote with teary eyes. SRT, you will, are and will always be India’s number one son. We love, respect and salute you for your contribution to the country, the sport and our lives. The crease will seize to be same. That, I assure you. Alvida Master, Alvida.

Dear Indian Government: SAVE OUR GIRLS!

A rape in India means a couple of things; candlelight vigils, panel discussions and of course, lots of outrage in the form of protests by human right activists. But what use is all of this? In the past, what has any candlelight vigil done besides waste precious candles that could be given to the poor for heat and light? And why do these panelists waste our time screaming and shouting about how the government needs to pucker up when they leave the discussion only to forget the incident? And more importantly, how many more times will these human right activists take to the streets to be unheard?

Post the gang rape of this 23-year-old girl on a moving bus by a men who were ‘looking for a good time’, people have come to realize that this is apparently ‘now’ unacceptable. Really? Only now? When has it ever been acceptable to rape a young girl? This is not an unknown problem in India and especially not a mysterious issue in Delhi. It is in fact, perhaps, one of the most normal pieces of news to read on a regular basis. But the government of India continues to let go of rapists in the country like they would a petty thief. Promises of harsh punishments are hardly upheld and a lot of the time these rapists are put in jail, the issue sidestepped and the Indian public are subjected to yet another case of red herring.

Many middle class young girls in Delhi, who do not have the privilege of a car and/or driver, will tell you stories of how sexual harassment is practically an ‘everyday experience’. Groping, eve teasing and being followed are normal practices in Delhi. And these cases are simply not reported any more simply because these girls know nothing will happen of it. Instead, they will more likely fall victim to even more severe molestation which may include rape. Ultimately, what the Indian government has done is given immense power to these wretched disgusting men as they encourage violence.

In the past, the uneducated folks of the Indian government have come out to defend the rapists claiming that girls should not dress ‘provocatively’, live a 2012 lifestyle which consists of socializing, drinking and living a life of their choice. The idea is simple; men are allowed to go out, have a gala time, drink and be merry but you, as an Indian woman are not because if you do, you are asking to be raped. You see, because you are an Indian woman. You must live like they did in 1924, not like they do now in the New World. So this means that if you are in traditional wear, i.e. salwar kameez and/or sari, you will not be raped, yes? Additionally, an expose by Tehelka states that police officers also claim that if you are indulging in sex with ONE man, you are allowed to be raped by him and his friends. Women should not keep the company of men because that is also a trigger for rape and oh, if you’re mother is divorced, then it’s your mother’s fault. Why is she divorced? Cause she is a slut. So, by default, you are a slut and all sluts must be raped. And lastly, you should be raped because you report the rape. A good Indian girl would never complain of being raped. So if you did, you either deserved it OR you weren’t really raped. Taking all of the above into account, therefore, Indian women on some level everywhere deserve to be raped. There you go.

Here’s some perspective. Currently there are 890 pending rape cases in India and the most likely punishment for the rapists ‘will not be less than 7 years but it may be for life or for a term which may extend to 10 years. The person shall also be liable to fine.’ This is all they will get. Till date, no rapist has served a life imprisonment for a rape crime since this is reserved for cases of murder and ‘waging war against the country’.

Apparently, India is the most democratic country in the world. Apparently, India also worships its goddesses because they hold the most power amongst all its deities. And apparently, this case will be fast-tracked. But this all is just small talk for a country which still allows khaps to exist, where a dictator is given a state funeral and where a terrorist is given first class treatment after it comes into a city and causes mayhem for three days.

Till now, the government who needs to stand up and take responsibility has yet to come out and offer its condolences to the family of the victim. They choose to shamelessly sit on the sidelines and act as though this is yet another minor crime. It is not. There is no protection for the girls of India and thus, time has now come for the women of India to come learn to protect themselves. They have no choice. They cannot depend on men – irrespective of the relationship to them, to save them from harm. Indian women are not only raped by strangers but in many cases, by men in their family too. This is shameful on so many levels. Men supposedly worship the women in our families; call them Lakshmi, Durga, Mata, vow to protect their sisters while the women fast and pray for their long life. All for what? So that they may be raped one day. 

What will happen to this poor girl, no one knows. But the time to take a stand is now. Asking the men of India to grow some balls and protest against this heinous crime may be too much. Thus, the women have to come together now to demand protection from the government.

To end, I’ll say this. A young Indian girl was heard saying to an Indian news channel, ‘I’d rather be shot by a deranged man in America than be raped on a moving bus in Delhi.’

Oprah Winfrey: An Idiot Abroad!

Hands Off!

Dear Oprah Didi,

Before I start to tell you how stupid you are, I just want to ask you one quick question: Tere kya dimaag karaab ho gaya hai? Are you nuts? In a way I can understand. You’re from America, na? You lot are so ignorant. You eat sandwiches with a fork and knife. Poor us, we’re still living in the 17th century, you see. We still eat with our hands. No, no, it has nothing to do with traditions <insert sarcasm here>.

Let me educate you, cause it seems like you need it, Didi. You see we eat with our hands because we are not ashamed to sit and enjoy our food. As children, we are taught of the simplicities of life. Eating with our hands is one way in which we are able to fully engage in using all our senses while we indulge in our daily meals. So yes, Oprah Didi, we STILL use our hands to eat and you know what? We’ll probably do it forever. I’m more curious to know how you eat your fried chicken, pizzas and burgers. It’s rather sad that you associate how we eat with our progression as a country. Shame, Didi, shame.

I refuse to sit here and talk about how stupidly you depicted yourself and the western world via your show. We’re already used to the stereotypes that the west associates with India – we have cows everywhere, we’re poor, all of India is a slum, blah blah. But if you, a person who claims to be open-minded, unbiased, well-educated philanthropist, can make such immature comments, then really, I have no hope for the rest of the western world. By making such an ignorant and tacky statement, you’ve insulted India as a nation and as a culture too.

Your insensitive remarks on how a home in a slum begins before it ends made me yawn. Really? You think we’d be offended by that? Spare us. We know you westerners think India made up of nonstop slums and poverty. But let me tell you this. The family you visited in a tiny hole they call their home, is probably 20 times happier than you’ll ever be in your multimillion dollar mansion. In India, we don’t denote happiness and love with the size of our homes; we correlate our joys with our family unit.

But what really surprises me is that you, an African-American, who knows what exactly what it feels like to be a victim of racial profiling and stereotypes, has actually made such disgusting statements. Maybe we expected you to be more sensitive of our culture but you failed and how. So from now on, whenever African-Americans are projected in the wrong light, i.e. they’re all drug addicts, etc, I too am going to shrug my shoulders and pull an Oprah Winfrey: “Aren’t all African-Americans drug addicts…STILL?”

Just some FYI: we STILL eat with our hands, we STILL engage in arranged marriages, we STILL live in joint families and among many other things, cows STILL roam our streets. But you know what? We like it that way. In fact, we love it that way.

Also, by mingling with Bollywood stars and wearing designer saris, you don’t get even a slight inkling of experiencing the real India. Uhh and also, Ash and Abhi probably also STILL eat with their hands.

Peace out,
A-Desi-Girl-Who-STILL-Eats-With-Her-Hands

Doctor KK Talwar of the Medical Council of India,

You are a disgusting man. How dare you sit on a public platform and act like you’re doing the country a favor by merely existing? Did you not feel even an ounce of remorse for every single person whose life has been destroyed by the malpractice of sick doctors? And when you were question by Aamir Khan as to a commitment, you simply shook your head. Sick. We all saw you looking to run out the nearest studio door as a wave of guilt came your way. Your hesitation and lack words towards making any changes, or reform, is unacceptable. You’ve been in office for nine months. Is that not enough time for you to have made any changes?

I was totally shocked by your inadequacy to answer even simply questions which any Chairman of a medical council should/would know. How on earth should we expect any changes in Indian healthcare when you have no idea as to how many doctor’s licenses have been revoked. I could have told you that and I have close to zero knowledge about the Indian healthcare system except that it is in dire need of reform. How should I, an aam aadmi, be expected to understand the policies of the MCI when you are unable to comprehend them yourself?

I’d love to take a peek at your bank account over the last nine months. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if overnight, you’ve found yourself X amount times richer courtesy of all the ‘work’ you’ve done. Look, I’m not saying that it is your solo job to eradicate corruption from the medical field, but for heaven’s sake, make some bloody changes. When the women of a village find themselves devoid of a uterus, then really, some real big changes need to take place and now.

Post the show, I sat to google the reactions that people had towards your appearance on Satyamev Jayante. The consensus was clear: you are nothing but a sham. The manner in which you presented yourself and the MCI was simply disgusting. As an Indian, I expect nothing from you, nor do I expect any changes from the MCI.

I believe that change will only happen in the generation that follows. It is through them that hopefully we will see changes in the Indian healthcare system. Until then, I hope that the citizens of India, who have lost loved ones, body parts and those who are still footing huge bills after no fault of their own, realize ultimately, as usual, they will have to take things into their own hands.

Apparently, you’ve been felicitated with a number of awards and recognition too. But for what? You reek of corruption, deceit and guilt.

Gross.

Pura Review: Agent Vinod

A really hot Saif Ali Khan and an even hotter Kareena Kapoor has to equal scorching heat, no? Negative.Nyet. No. Nahin. Agent Vinod was one of the films that I was really looking forward to in 2012. "What’s not to like?" I thought. Action, romance, drama and an extremely fit Saifu, this could easily be the ‘Saif Ali Khan’ film we’ve all been waiting for. Yeah, right.

Agent Vinod (Saif Ali Khan) is your usual RAW agent who is on a mission as the film begins. He is quickly told to handle a rather dire situation after his partner (Ravi Kissen) is killed. The mission takes him all around the world before he finally figures out the complicated situation which may result in nuclear war. In between, he meets Iram (Kareena Kapoor), who assists him and naturally, the duo fall in love. He saves the day and all is well on planet earth. Oh, and there is a hint of a sequel. Yeap.

Agent Vinod is easily the worst 3 hours, yes 3 hours, I’ve spent in 2012. In fact, I demand my money back. But more than a waste of time, Agent Vinod is disappointing. As a Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor fan, it hurts to be given a film that does nothing for you. If Agent Vinod was sex, it would be the worst sex ever. It’s missionary, unorgasmic and definitely lacked any sense of heat. Boring. The first half of the film confuzzles you and just when you think you’ve got the gist of it, it bamboozles you into complete confusion. You’re apparently “treated” to spectacular visions of different sights around the world but if you ask me, they’re just showing off. It doesn’t add any value to the film! In fact, the script could have been adjusted and shot in India completely. The length of the film is one of the biggest drawbacks. There were umpteen moments when I believed the end was near. But nope. Anti climaxes again, and again. Director Sriram Raghavan disappoints and how with AV. It’s hard to believe that this is the same director who gave us the uber suave Johnny Gadaar gives us this. Oh, and another bone I have to pick is how badly and ineffectively the awesome music of the film was used.

The only real reason to watch Agent Vinod is for Saif Ali Khan. He’s slick, suave and super sexy. However, not even he can save the film from its lackluster, substance absent and overloaded on style, script. Kareena Kapoor is plain average. Her role is limited and lacks any sense of matter. The smaller roles played by the likes of Ram Kapoor (super!), Prem Chopra (awesome) and even Rajat Kapoor all manage to aid the film as well as they can.

Agent Vinod is a snooze fest. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to work in any department like it seemed to promise in the promos. Instead, you’re left with a headache and depending on where you are in the world, a few dollars short in your wallet. Maybe we just can’t get James Bondesque film right in Bollywood. And if that is the case, then spare us Bollywood. Give us some dancing around the tree instead but just do it right. Pliss.

First Khan, Now Clooney!

You know that the international media has hit an all time WTF when they decide that THE George Clooney is gay. Who are these journalists and what on earth has them even remotely thinking (or believing) that the eternal bachelor George Clooney would be gay? Not that there is anything wrong with it and in a way, I wouldn't be surprised but he really doesn't possess one itty-bitty molecule of queerness. But maybe it’s just that; the fact that he refuses to succumb to marriage and instead would rather keep (and enjoy) the Casanova label. But by that logic, it would mean that apna Salman Khan would have to be gay too? The Indian media has called Sallu a bunch of names; gay is not one of them.

Bollywood stars including the forever-married-and-committed Shah Rukh Khan, now-married Ritiesh Deshmukh, I-love-my-Bebo Saif Ali Khan and screw-you-all-I’m-dating-a-hottie Sajid Khan have been battling gay rumors forever now. When questioned about their sexual orientation, they all denied being attracted to men or one another even. Somehow none of us believed them and for the most part, we still don't. “Lies,” we say. SRK and Karan Johar waking up next to one another are now open jokes between the bum chums (my favorite name for them) with the latter even producing an entire bromance film, Dostana, based on the closeness between two men who were not gay. Was he trying to tell us something? Er, probably not. KJo is really not the "read between the lines" kinda filmmaker. A movie with a message from Karan Johar? I may just die of a cardiac arrest.

As a society, Indians are rather anomalous about homosexuality. Transgenders have been around for centuries now, we’ve grown immune to them. Indian men love the idea of some girl-on-girl action. “Two girls getting it on is just a scene from heaven,” a male friend said to me. But talk to him of two men getting down, and he shudders, “Gross.” Indian women, on the other hand are a lot more nonchalant towards homosexuality. We’re really not all that bothered by it whether it's man-on-man or woman-on-woman. "Do your thing!" I always say. However, my issue is with bisexuals. It is so wrong for you to bat for both sides—that is just plain selfish. Pick one already!

Our government, on the other hand, is rather iffy about homosexuality. They don’t know what to make of it. They can’t be progressive about it because of India’s ancient history and yet, they cannot sit and condemn it because of the progress we've made as a society. Thus, every time they are questioned about homosexuality, they choose to take the fifth. They stay miles away from the topic. And if any politician does make a controversial statement on being gay in India, the rest simply run in the opposite direction. Mind you, within the government itself, there is one particular man who is loved by the gay community: Rahul Gandhi. They love him for being a hottie, no other reason, really.

Bollywood on the other hand, love homosexuality. They poke fun at the subject as we’ve seen at a number of Bollywood functions, they make movies where the gay are mimicked and unknowingly create gay icons. The likes of Imran Khan, Ranbir Kapoor and even Abhishek Bachchan have all in some point in recent time been deemed gay icons. Two of the three are chikna stars while one can wear a pink shirt with great style. You figure out which is which.

That said, it’s the lads who are more than comfortable to play the gay card on screen. They actually enjoy each others company much more than they do the women. Whether it’s SRK and Saif in Kal Ho Na Ho, whose chemistry was the highlight putting Preity Zinta to shame or John Abraham and Abhishek Bachchan in Dostana, who even locked lips with one another and not the heroine of the film. The comfort level is incredible. Bromances work wonders too. The small budget Pyar Ka Punchnama and critically loved Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara were all about the boys. The former made snide jokes about women and sex while the latter was a more mature take on male bonding. These are the movies we enjoy though—a bunch of lads hanging out, being boys. When was the last time you saw a film about a bunch of Desi girls who a) actually liked one another, and b) were not bitching? And no, Aisha doesn’t count. Sadly, a film which displays women who are “close” often becomes a B grade film and probably explains why we’ve had only a handful of such films.

In India, you have to be gay at some point in time if you’re famous. You just have to. You can be married with children and linked to every actress you’ve worked it but you will be gay eventually. Everyone but Salman Khan. He is the only really completely 100% heterosexual man in Bollywood. Mind you, he’s unmarried, no children and currently, is keeping his distance from women. Right. I’ll say this though, there has to be at least one gay man in the industry. But until he grows enough balls to come out of the closet, we’ll sit and play the guessing game. And I think I have a good idea as to who could possibly in the running. What? Don’t look at me, I’m not telling.

Here's an FU to the System

If at any point in time I was being harassed by sadak chap gundas, I’d expect to be helped. Not because I’m a single girl— trust me, I can take care of myself, but more so because it is the ethical thing to do. And if my man (provided I had one), was roughing it out with these goons, I would not expect bystanders to watch like they were watching some film ki shooting. So when I heard about Keenan Santos and Reuben Fernandez dying at the hands of hooligans who have no respect for women, I really felt the need to express my sadness, grief and anger.

By now, everyone knows what happened. Two innocent boys were just looking out for their women and in the bargain were stabbed to death. And while you’d expect the goons to be charged and punished almost immediately, that is not the case. But what do you expect from India, right? In a country where the system can screw you over, you hardly expect justice for young heroes. It so happens that these cowards, who obviously do not even have respect for their own mothers and sisters, have connections with the other goons in the country, the politicians. So how does one expect any justice for these lads?

Welcome to India, where we simultaneously deal with female infanticide on a daily basis, insist our country is Bharat Mata and pray to female goddesses for power, money and wisdom, a shameless man eves teasing women on the streets of Mumbai is ironical and of course, wrong. Where do you place him? He clearly doesn’t realize the respect we place on women in the country. Why not? Probably uneducated, illiterate, power and money hungry. Who do we blame for this? The government? Society?

This is not about anything but how eff’ed up the system is. When young Indians come out to do what our police should be doing and land up dead in the bargain, then you bloody hell know there is something very wrong. The system has to be defeated. If you commit a crime, irrespective of you who the hell you are, what connections you have and which social strata you belong to, you have to be punished.

What does the death of two innocent boys who only wanted to protect their girlfriends tell us? Besides the obvious— a flawed corrupt system; it tells us that the people of Mumbai are not safe on their city’s streets past 10 pm. For ages now, we’ve thrived on this very idea. "Mumbai is safer than Delhi," we tell everyone. Not the case anymore, clearly.

I think it’s fabulous that the youth of India are unhappy with the incident and are coming together to ensure that such a tragedy doesn’t occur again. There is zero tolerance for such terrible behavior. But no candlelight vigil, no protests, no Anna Hazare style andolan will help change what has happened. It is up to the youth to bring this issue to the forefront so much so that the system has to change. If this is how it is now, then you can only imagine what the city will come to in the future.

As for the criminals, they seem to be showing no remorse I hear. If this is how they show their mardangi, then castrate them I say. They’ve lived life thinking with the wrong head; eliminate it. Trust me, saari ki saari mardangi nikaal aayegi. And if you were one of the bystanders who stood and watched, I hope you never cross paths with me. Cause the gaalis you’ll hear from me, you’ll wish you weren’t born. You’re as guilty, if not more guilty.

It’s really hard sometimes to blog about issues that bug me sitting on the opposite side of the hemisphere. This is one such case. If this case isn’t fast tracked, given special attention/consideration and the criminals aren’t punished severely, I’ll be bloody pissed off. I do hope justice prevails for both the young boys. They deserve it. These are in every sense of the phrase modern day heroes. #Respect.

Diwali Aayi Re!

Every Diwali I blog about how much I love the festival of lights and how happy it makes me. This all stands true till date; I love Diwali! The lights, the mithai, the cheerfulness and joy, it all makes me feel incredibly delighted. For five days, I take on responsibility and become the official diya lighter in my house— a position my sister and I would fight for as kids. But you already know how much I love Deepavali so why on earth should I write about my love for this festival again? Bolo bolo! Acha choro. So this year, I’m displaying my love for Diwali in a totally different way by counting down my favorite Diwali songs! If you know me well, you know I love combining my love for Bollywood with anything and everything. Why should Diwali be left out then, no?

Growing up, one of the first Diwali songs I was introduced to, was from the film, Shirdi Sai Baba. Incidentally, my Father is a huge Baba Bhakt and thus, I grew up believing in Shirdi Baba too. Deepavali Manayi Suhani is by far one of the most beautiful songs depicting Diwali in all its glory through the eyes of Sai. While most modern Diwali songs are a bit more superficial, this one is more spiritual and deep. 

I don’t know why but somehow I associate most festivals with Govinda. So really, it’s not a surprise that one of the most popular Diwali songs has to feature the dancing actor himself. From the film Aamdani Atthanni Kharcha Rupaiya, we see the simplicity of Diwali from those who cannot celebrate with big pomp and glory.

This one you’ve probably not heard, but it’s really quite a cutie-patootie song. Sung by some of the more popular pop singers, Diwali Aayi Re, is a modern take on Diwali which involves special effects and the likes. This is Diwali in the future, just over four ago.

Going back in time, one of the most popular Diwali songs is actually from the 1959 film Paigham. Forget that the film stars Dilip Kumar. Forget that this song is picturized on the very awesome Johnny Walker. But for heaven’s sake please listen to it for one reason: Mohammed Rafi. This one puts you in a lovely time capsule and sends back to the fifties where films were magnetic and majestic. Diwali has never looked so retro and lovely!

I am a huge Mukesh fan. And an even bigger Raj Kapoor fan. So even when you put the two together and give me a rather sad Diwali song, I’m still gonna listen. Nazrana, I’m told is a beautiful film, but the song is simply beautiful.

My favorite Diwali song is the Happy Diwali number from Home Delivery. In fact, come Diwali day, this song plays on repeat in my house. You know how I talk about that giddy feeling I get when Diwali comes around? This song only furthers my happiness. I’m not sure what it is about this song but I smile and tear at the same time. It’s just such a feel good track!

On that happy note, here's wishing all of you a very Happy Prosperous Joyful and Loving Diwali! May Goddess Lakshmi shower you and yours with abundance always! 

Happy Diwali!

Karan Johar - Paris Hilton: #SamePerson

Karan and Paris: Same to Same

I’m a bit amused at all the hoopla surrounding Paris Hilton’s arrival to India. I’m also slightly unsure as to why it’s even a big deal. Sure she's here to launch some accessory line (yeah, I won't be buying. I like my accessories as Desi as they get) but so what? As of now, I’ve received a number of emails asking me if, “I’d like to party with the Heiress, the icon, the falana.” Of course, I smirk and hit the delete button. But again I ask, what is the big bloody deal? And then I started to ponder about a few things. For starters, who is the equivalent to Paris Hilton in India? And if we have one, would they receive the same ruckus as Paris is?

Let’s first define what makes a Paris Hilton who she is. Bratty tendencies. Sex tape. Social butterfly. Hit reality show. Money bag. Celebutante. What is she famous for? Nothing really. The girl lacks any talent nor does she really have any vocation. Keeping that in mind, here are a few options for equivalents from India.

Parmeshwar Godrej: She doesn’t really work. Too old.

Sonam Kapoor: As much as I believe she lacks any sense of talent, she does work hard. And no sex tape. Blah. 

Siddhartha Mallya: He’s pretty much famous for his last name and nailing Deepika Padukone.

Karan Johar: For some reason, I feel like K Jo is the closest thing to Paris Hilton that we’ll ever get in India. The only thing lacking from ensuring K-Jo’s position as Paris Hilton’s parallel— a sex tape. And I’m pretty sure there is one lurking around somewhere.

So crowning Karan Johar as India’s answer to Paris Hilton means that she would receive the same reception in country XYZ, yes? Don’t count on it. Look no Indian celebrity gets the same reception as the Hilton Heiress does because they are a) not as important and b) not as well known. And this after Karan Johar’s My Name is Khan is really a worldwide ‘phenomenon’ or so he claims. The number of times we hear of K Jo chilling in Los Angeles or in London is uncountable. But how often do you hear of the media going nuts over Karan Johar’s arrival being newsworthy? And really, how many invitations do you get to party with Karan. More importantly, if you did receive such an invite, why on earth would you even go? By the same token, why on earth would anyone want to party with Paris? She speaks like a lame duck, lacks any sense of intelligence but more importantly, and this one is for the guys, she is definitely not going to make a sex tape….with you. Just saying.

I think we need to really reevaluate who we think is important enough to party with. For example, I’ll party with Jennifer Lopez, she’s still more real than Ms. Hilton. But if you think I’ll spend money on partying with Paris Hilton, then er, no thanks not really. And since she can swim in money, why on earth should I even have to pay a dime! Hello! If people in America are not gonna pay any attention to Karan Johar, then peace out. I ain’t gonna bother with Paris. Even if Karan can’t spell and I’ve promised not to be friends with him until he learns how to spell Koffee, I mean Coffee. Oh look, yet another similarity. They both can’t spell. If you needed anymore consolation… well here it is. Over and out.

P.S. I just read that the likes of Simi Garewal and Karan Johar have actually snubbed Paris Hilton's visit. Yeh lo. Yehi suna baaki reh gaya tha.

100 Word Review: Khap

Khap tells the tale of a clan in which inter-clan marriages are strictly forbidden. In fact, if couples do engage in a loving relationship and are caught, they find themselves murdered better known as Honor Killing. A young girl and boy from a city find themselves in such a dire situation and are forced to face the consequences of the Khap. The film is hard hitting and strong as a plot. Hard-hitting powerful performances by Om Puri and Govind Namdev. However, one only wishes this Ajai Sinha directed film received more attention and even a stronger star cast. Must watch.

Divine Ganpathi Intervention!

My cousin's Ganesh murthi in Pune! 

I love everything about being Indian. The festivals, the culture, the mechanics, even the drama that comes with Desi families. As a young girl, I grew up in Hong Kong but my culture was one aspect that was deeply rooted courtesy of my parents. We celebrated every single festival; Hindu and otherwise. If Diwali was huge, then so was Chinese New Year and even Independence Day. But at the same time, Christmas was one festival we all looked forward to; tree, presents et al. So why all this talk about being a cultured Desi girl? Well because it happens to be one of my favorite festivals this week: Ganesh Chaturthi!

What’s interesting, is that I grew up a Krishna Bhakt (thank you Chinmaya Mission), then slowly gravitated to Lord Ganesh and then in the last few years, to Lord Shiva. While I believe heart and soul in all avatars of the almighty, Lord Ganesh has always been one god who stuck by me and vice-versa. That too, every step of the way. My small glass Ganesh has been with me for over a decade now. He was with me through college; when exams were driving me nuts and in times where life hit an all time low, it was Him that I held in my hand as I cried myself to sleep.

In more recent times, I’ve seen my devotion come to life in different personal ways. I’ve never experienced Divine Intervention but now more than ever, when I’ve needed some guidance, some blessings and a lot of reassurance. And the funny thing is, whenever you ask for that with true devotion, He will listen and in small way, give you a sign to indicate that He is watching over you. And how.

As Ganesh Chaturthi came closer and somehow my life got slightly confusing, I asked Lord Ganesh for guidance. What He did was not short of a miracle. And not once, but twice. While I’m choosing to keep my experience with Lord Ganesh personal and private, it reassured my faith and devotion in the almighty.

Today I sit a firmer, more convinced devotee. I now know, He will and is watching over me. This after years of believing I was God’s abandoned child. How wrong was I? He’s here. And now more than ever, I know it and believe it.

Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Utterly Butterly Useless: Rahul Gandhi

You remember how I absolutely loved Rahul Gandhi and I couldn’t get enough of him? Yeah, that’s not the case anymore. I’m just appalled by how Rahul Baba has been behaving and reacting in the last few days what with all the Anna Hazare hoopla. Good manners and tezheeb all the sewers. Everyone knows that Manmohan Singh is capable of zilch without his master’s (Sonia and Rahul) guidance (read: orders). And so in times like this, where a man of prominence and age is fasting unto death until his demands are not made or at least negotiated with, you would expect the Prime Minister to come out and lead. But nope. That isn’t going to happen because his puppeteers were not around what with Sonia being ill and Rahul attending to mommy while the country goes up in chaos.

I honestly found myself comparing Rahul Baba to the Shiv Sena. When the 26/11 attacks were being carried out in Mumbai, Raj Thackeray was MIA. This time round, it’s Rahul Gandhi who has fled the scene of action. It was only after the dust settled did they appear to scream and shout inept chants. All we heard was “falana falana”. So in reality, how are Gandhi and his party any different from the Shiv Sena? In times of need and leadership, they both hide from taking charge. Scared much?

And then there is the other angle. I have a feeling that one of the reasons Rahul Baba is really upset is because Anna is getting a lot of attention. In fact, he has very quickly become a renowned youth icon. And considering Rahul was all about targeting the youth of the country, perhaps he feels slightly threatened. That too by a man who is seventy-plus and not as hot. How dare Anna do that? Win the popularity contest! It is probably for this very reason that he finally crawled out of his Italian hole and decided he needed to say erm, something. Basically, he spoke nonsense. And while he claims he is “concerned” for Anna’s life and health, you can’t help but wonder exactly how much he really cares.

But in reality, Rahul Baba really needs to watch out. See, the country has come together to fight against corruption; a deep-rooted predicament in India. So right now, they don’t give two hoots about Rahul Gandhi or any Gandhi for that matter. To them, the Gandhi’s initially tried to stop a protest vis-à-vis arresting Anna on day 1 of the fast. Democracy, tu hai kahan? A totally utterly-butterly undemocratic move by the Amul Baby and his band of boys - That said, if something does happen to Anna considering his health is deteriorating by the hour, who will be blamed?

Look, I don’t really completely understand the Jan Lokpal Bill which is ultimately the problem I think – but that’s another blog post. However, I do feel that the manner in which the government is running currently is just plain undemocratic. Check it out. If the bill does pass, word for word, then perhaps the MMSs' government is scared of how many of its own corrupt people will be exposed.

Let’s be honest, Rahul Gandhi has not contributed anything of significance to the country. Unless you consider his dashing good looks (can't deny him of it) and suave ways somewhat of a contribution. However, at the end of the day, he is still India’s Amul Baby. Moral of the story: herowala looks and an eminent last name do not maketh a political leader. Off you go now. Crawl back to mommy’s lap.

** This was written before Anna’s fast came to its end. Just forgot to hit publish. Me is a duffer. 

Flawed Beauty: India at 64

Every year on August 15th, I blog about one event: India's Independence. Today, strangely, I'm a rather odd state of mind. I woke up this morning ready to rant on about what a proud nation we are. Independent,. modern and savvy. So why is it then, I find myself lost amidst negative comments from locals. Some call our independence an "illusion" while others question what the point of our independence is? Today is a day where we are supposed to remember the teachings of Gandhi. But what do we really have to remember? That we're independent of a country that ruled over us for years before we finally kicked them out? But over 60 years later, are we really independent? Till date, we hear of stories of the female infanticide, dowry, corruption and even caste discrimination. Not really independent from our mentality or thinking.

This word, "independence" is totally taken for granted. Physical independence was the initial problem. And so through brave hearts like Gandhi and Nehru, we drove out the British. That act in itself was a foundation for what should have followed. However, here we are 64 years later, still reeling in issues that are rather sticky. Ultimately the problem is simple: a lack of education. And let's not confuse education with literacy. There is a huge difference.

But is it fair to blame all the above issues on the uneducated/illiterate? As educated Indians, we too have a responsibility towards our country. The first of course is simple. Vote. The illiterate do not know the difference between their politicians. They're hungry for anything and thus, will place their vote in those who provide them with empty promises. Every time a metro voter chooses not to go out and vote, you allow one more corrupt politician to gain another illiterate vote.

The youth have a responsibility to get involved. It's your country, your future. If you're sick of the system, then get up, get out and do something. There is no point sitting on your young buttock watching your country falter at the hands of ministers who are filling their pockets. And if you're told you don't know what you're talking about, bachche ho tum and all that jazz, then instead of shrugging and walking away, take a stand. The power of the youth should never be underestimated.

Look to say we're not an independent strong nation is totally false. This is one of the reasons we're attacked by terrorists regularly. They fear the pace at which we're progressing. But this is not a reason to back down. In fact now more than ever, we need to get it together. The time is now. Our freedom fighters say, "This is not the India we fought for." It's now time to make it that India.

Today happens to be one of my most favorite days of the year. I miss my summers in Bombay where I'd run down to my building podium in my pj's to watch the tricolor go up. A moment of pride would fall over me. And even though I'm on the opposite hemisphere today, my heart beats saffron, white and green. I am and will always be a proud Indian. Jai Hind!

Political Fashionista: Hina Rabbani Khar

I absolutely love the way the Indian mentality works. It's hypocritical and wrong, controversial and sometimes correct. We go on about how we're such a cool culture; how we've matured. But the reality of it is we still live in a time capsule when it comes to certain issues. So check it out. The very pretty and modern, by Pakistani standards, Foreign Minister Hina Rabbani Khar steps foot on Indian soil in hopes to mend Indo-Pak relations and of course, we (junta, media and critics of all kinds), immediately tagged her an emerging fashion icon not a core-shaking change-bringing minister. She, needless to say, was not too thrilled with the title. A quick note to the Paki Foreign Minister: the minute we see you sporting Cavalli shades, 17 Lakh Hermes Birkin and Jimmy Choo heels, we officially crown you a stylista among other monikers.

But what I loved most was the abundant amounts of lechery that was displayed by the men of India who were interested in her visit. They paid ‘special’ attention to her. I, however, am more interested in how our own politicians looked at the pretty good looking minister. Everyone knows how lecherous our ministers can be. Hey, some of them are convicted criminals for goodness sake!

I really don't think anyone took her seriously, sadly. Maybe it has something to do with her being a prominent Pakistani female. As women we look to them as oppressed women - becharis and all that jazz. So when we see a modern Pakistani in a position of power, we're almost intrigued. But then, we also put her down to nothing by belittling her nothing but a Fashionista. The men are no different. They don't take her seriously because she's a Pakistani female minister who happens to be pretty god-damn hot. So in totality, India doesn't look to her as a woman who will make a difference to IndoPak relations.

She has been given a byline too: "A breath of fresh air." But I don't really understand what that means. The bigger question is, would we have perhaps paid a bit more attention to the issue at hand if the Pakistani Foreign Minister were a male? Perhaps then we would have actually been more concerned with what he came to achieve versus Khar's Cavalli shades.

I don't know what will happen with Indo-Pak relations. I'm not sure we really will be able to solve the underlying issues; there are far too many under rooted historical, political, social and even religious problems which have been long drawn out. But there are people on both sides of the border who are willing to try and bring some changes to the relationship of India and Pakistan. But if all we can do is demean them, then really what changes in our herd mentality are we so proud of?

M. F. Husain: An Artist Denied

Mother India: M.F. Husain

I'm no artist. In fact, I really admire those who can draw, paint, design and so on. Admiration for the artsy ones, is definitely one trait I own. I dream of my own home with white walls and fancy expensive paintings which requires you to ponder over what it could possibly be. That is the real beauty of any piece of art. So it really bought tears to my eyes when the absolutely amazing Maqbool Fida Husain passed last week. What a life, the man had led. It wasn't his paintings which were mashallah phenomenal in depiction and execution, which kept him in the limelight but also his incredible indifference towards religion and politics. He had no agenda but to be an artist and wanted freedom of art. However, this was not meant to be. He was ousted by Hindu religious groups when he painted a Goddess' Durga and Saraswati in the nude. Later on, his naked Mother India piece caused him to flee his home never to return as he knew he would be arrested. People close to the artist claim returning home to India is all he ever wanted. His self-imposed exile always made him feel lost claim many near and dear ones.

My question is simple: why was he criticized for his Mother India piece? I honestly believe that there are a number of reasons why the picture created such havoc in Husain's life. For starters, what does the painting depict? India exposed. And if you think about it, on a daily basis, we expose ourselves as a country that has potential to be a superpower but not quite. We have a corrupt split government, corruption out the wazoo, poverty and illiterate rates that cannot be controlled; are we not a naked country? Perhaps the piece was ahead of its time? In this day and age where India is hardly a prudish country, why is it we cannot open our eyes and accept a painting for the truth it is depicting. And we are the land of Kama Sutra! It isn't as though he has garishly depicted Mother India. Not at all. The painting shows a rather beautiful country that has been stripped naked by its people and politicians. So why again was he forced to leave his own land? Oh yes, because we cannot accept the truth.

It is rather upsetting to see an artist be denied freedom in his choice of work and passion. Every time he set out to achieve yet another artistic milestone, he faced roadblocks in the form of radical organizations who just could not see past their jaded veils. Strangely, after the man died, we all of a sudden find the need to see the good in a man who was all about greatness. Welcome to the well-known hypocritical India personality. He will be missed by people who understood him. And for those who didn't well, know this: Indian art will never be the same again.

Why India Could Never Have a Royal Wedding

And with that, they were married. Yes, the Royal Wedding of the century officially ended. Sigh. If you did manage to take a peek, you probably couldn't help but shed a tear at the regality and royalty that the wedding exhibited. Both Prince William (now Duke of Cambridge) and his new bride, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, looked, behaved and put on quite a majestic show. He was all smiles when he saw his blushing bride, calling her “beautiful” as she lifted her veil – very Bollywood, if I may say so, ghoonghat utka ke and all that jazz. As for her, wow, she really looked like a princess. But what worked the most for me was their youthfulness. They are not your traditional prince and commoner-turned-princess. Hardly. They dated eight years, co-habitated and then, finally, after she had been exposed to what could be her life, amidst the media and paparazzi, the Prince decided she was indeed, the one. We wanted a complete British imperial noble display, and we got it penny for penny. What was lacking? Lady Diana. Her presence was sorely missed. She would have been so proud to see her eldest son take a wife. You can be sure amidst all the "properness", Lady Di would have hugged her son and new daughter-in-law, a sight we, the audiences didn’t see once the nuptials were over. But somehow, you could feel her spirit was all around; abundant blessings for her son. And the Sun God too decided to shower his blessings on the couple – it actually made an appearance in April!

All this talk about shaadi made me wonder if we, in India, could pull off such a wedding? Amongst all the pomp and glory, there were a number of factors that really made the William-Kate perfect. Could India do the same? Here’s what they’d need to face.

The Big Ben Factor

I don’t care what anyone says about the British and their stern ways but they are one hell of an organized society. Every minute detail was taken care of at the wedding; especially the program and timing. The ceremony was scheduled to begin at 11 a.m. sharp. And it did. The Princes arrived followed by Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla who were scheduled to leave at 10:38 a.m. Guess what? Their cars rolled out of their driveway at precisely that time. Not even a millisecond late.

This would not work at all in India. It would literally be impossible for any couple (royal or celebrity) to arrive at their mandap promptly. No chance. If it isn’t the security or the traffic, it’s just not in our bleedin’ blood! You cannot expect the bride to be on time – even if she is ready on time, she’ll find a reason to come late. And while we may look at it as being fashionably late, you have to admit that a delay of more than 10 minutes is hardly chic; it’s tacky and impolite. And while we do it, the British frown upon latecomers. Tut-tut.

The Organization

The entire ceremony, the schedule, the service; all of it was perfect. There was no error; not a single mistake. Even the bride, who portrayed herself with complete dignity and poise, failed to falter at any point. From the minute the celebration began to the end, and even the surprise convertible ride the couple indulged in, it was all pomp and glory with no blunders.

Unfortunately in India, that really isn’t possible. There would be bloopers, faux pas’ and major lapses. We can barely get through a decent ceremony without some disorganization; a wedding of this magnitude would be terribly hard to organize, logistic-wise at least.

The Guests

There were 1,900 guests at Westminster Abbey. Most of them included some of the crème de la crème and most elite from British society, major politicians and international country officials. But the biggies were missing in action – sorry Madonna and Obama; you didn’t quite make the cut. Reason? The palace and local police were having enough of a security nightmare as they ensured the Royal Family was safe, the crowds weren’t going crazy and ensuring that mayhem didn’t break loose. Can you imagine if they had to deal with Obama attending the shabbang? Yeah, carnage! So instead, they decided, sorry Yankee President, you can stay right where you are. Not only that, but the guests weren’t given any formal seating. They were told to a group after which, it was up to them to choose their seats. None of this diplomatic seating plan jhanjat.

In India, this would be the biggest issue. Politicians and celebs always take center stage at all weddings. This means if any conflict are currently brewing issues in the political or starry world, it would be a nightmare trying to organize seating. After all, can’t have Shah Rukh Khan sitting by Salman Khan. And you can’t not invite them. That would be wrong, no? The media always follows where the stars are after all and so, they need to attend. Oh the spectacle!

The Outfits

What was the biggest kept secret of the William-Kate wedding? Her dress. We had no clue who the designer was, what the style was and how she was going to wear it. And when she finally revealed her stunning Sarah Burton lace number, we were gob smacked – at least I was. Every aspect of her presentation was kept a secret including her tiara.

What would be the biggest problem for any Indian royal (or celeb) bride? They could never keep the dish on their trousseau a secret. First of all, the designer wouldn’t be able to contain their excitement and if they magically did manage to, someone from their camp would reveal the details which would ultimately completely ruin the mystery of it all. In India, nothing can be kept a classified. True fact.

The Drama

There was zero nonsense leading up to the Royal Wedding. No ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends coming out with unknown details, no friends wanting attention, no secret lovers or illegitimate children for the bride or groom. It was simple and noble.

Cut to India. Remember when Abhishek Bachchan was about to tie the knot with Aishwarya Rai and how some random “commoner” (that’s what the British called people who are not blue blooded, i.e. from a royal background) came out to claim that she was Bachchan’s lover? Yes, that is the kind of hoopla we get in India. Everyone wants to get in on the hype. And the extent to which they are willing to stoop is rather sad.

Footnote: Apaprently, Abhi-Ash are the closest it comes to royalty in India - oh dear!

On the flip side, Check out Varun Gandhi's small Benares shinding; small, sweet and simple.

Listen I’m all about the Band’s, the Baaja’s and the Baaraat’s, and I love it Desi style too. The 3 to 4 days of nonstop dancing, banquets of food and the functions make it worthwhile. But there was something magical about watching William and Catherine walk down the aisle, ride their 1902 carriage and eventually kiss on the balcony. Yes, yes, it was regal (how many more times will I use that word?) but it also, quite simply put, lovely. Sadly, we don’t have too much royalty left in India, and the few royal families that are around, choose to have rather quiet intimate weddings. So we’ll have to make do with watching celebrities, politicians (kith and kin) and cricketers who are the equivalent to royalty in our country, do their thing when they jump into matrimony. But that’s how we like our shaadis; fun and frantic, crazy and chaotic. #ithappensonlyinIndia

Indo-Spring Fashion 2011: A to Z Guide

D is for Daring Lena Ka!

If you’re one to conform, then really this season, your fashion mantra should be to keep it different. Dare to be zara hatke if you will. If you’re one who normally keeps it subtle, change your palette bright with dhinchak fabrics that scream a new you. Remember, youngistan is all about being distinctive. They challenge the status quo. Keep in mind that you’ll be looked at – but who doesn’t want some attention, hai na?

Bollywood belts for the filmy ones!

Change up your hair, your accessories, your look, your style. Keep it cool, casual and yet desi; it is possible to do all believe it or not. Slip on some traditional jeans and pair it with some loose sheer tops, add a couple of bangles, a pair of kohlapuris, add a funky bag, and voila, you’re ready to face spring 2011 in the most Indo-cool of ways. Remember, no one likes to follow the crowd. Daring Lena Ka Bhai!

Indo-Spring Fashion 2011: A to Z Guide

C is for Churiyaans

Spring churiyaans (bangles, cuffs et all) are colorful this season. Whether they’re chunky cuffs or single slim bangle sets, they’re embellished with gems, rhinestones and colors. Most of the collections you’ll see will be set in metals – gold, silver and copper. But because you’ll soon find out that this season, other accessories will be smaller, this will allow for louder bangles and bracelets this spring. In fact, you overload up with bangles as you pile them up your arm in different styles, colors and textiles even. With lace being the fabric of the season, many bangles will be adorned with lace in all different colors. As for sizes, go large or small, thin or wide; whatever your choice, rock your wrists this spring. And while you do, remember what Priyanka Chopra rightly lip-synced, “Meri churi, mera kangna, yaad aayega tujhko sajnaa.” Wear 'em, so they'll remember 'em.