Oprah Winfrey: An Idiot Abroad!

Hands Off!

Dear Oprah Didi,

Before I start to tell you how stupid you are, I just want to ask you one quick question: Tere kya dimaag karaab ho gaya hai? Are you nuts? In a way I can understand. You’re from America, na? You lot are so ignorant. You eat sandwiches with a fork and knife. Poor us, we’re still living in the 17th century, you see. We still eat with our hands. No, no, it has nothing to do with traditions <insert sarcasm here>.

Let me educate you, cause it seems like you need it, Didi. You see we eat with our hands because we are not ashamed to sit and enjoy our food. As children, we are taught of the simplicities of life. Eating with our hands is one way in which we are able to fully engage in using all our senses while we indulge in our daily meals. So yes, Oprah Didi, we STILL use our hands to eat and you know what? We’ll probably do it forever. I’m more curious to know how you eat your fried chicken, pizzas and burgers. It’s rather sad that you associate how we eat with our progression as a country. Shame, Didi, shame.

I refuse to sit here and talk about how stupidly you depicted yourself and the western world via your show. We’re already used to the stereotypes that the west associates with India – we have cows everywhere, we’re poor, all of India is a slum, blah blah. But if you, a person who claims to be open-minded, unbiased, well-educated philanthropist, can make such immature comments, then really, I have no hope for the rest of the western world. By making such an ignorant and tacky statement, you’ve insulted India as a nation and as a culture too.

Your insensitive remarks on how a home in a slum begins before it ends made me yawn. Really? You think we’d be offended by that? Spare us. We know you westerners think India made up of nonstop slums and poverty. But let me tell you this. The family you visited in a tiny hole they call their home, is probably 20 times happier than you’ll ever be in your multimillion dollar mansion. In India, we don’t denote happiness and love with the size of our homes; we correlate our joys with our family unit.

But what really surprises me is that you, an African-American, who knows what exactly what it feels like to be a victim of racial profiling and stereotypes, has actually made such disgusting statements. Maybe we expected you to be more sensitive of our culture but you failed and how. So from now on, whenever African-Americans are projected in the wrong light, i.e. they’re all drug addicts, etc, I too am going to shrug my shoulders and pull an Oprah Winfrey: “Aren’t all African-Americans drug addicts…STILL?”

Just some FYI: we STILL eat with our hands, we STILL engage in arranged marriages, we STILL live in joint families and among many other things, cows STILL roam our streets. But you know what? We like it that way. In fact, we love it that way.

Also, by mingling with Bollywood stars and wearing designer saris, you don’t get even a slight inkling of experiencing the real India. Uhh and also, Ash and Abhi probably also STILL eat with their hands.

Peace out,
A-Desi-Girl-Who-STILL-Eats-With-Her-Hands