Pura Review: Agent Vinod

A really hot Saif Ali Khan and an even hotter Kareena Kapoor has to equal scorching heat, no? Negative.Nyet. No. Nahin. Agent Vinod was one of the films that I was really looking forward to in 2012. "What’s not to like?" I thought. Action, romance, drama and an extremely fit Saifu, this could easily be the ‘Saif Ali Khan’ film we’ve all been waiting for. Yeah, right.

Agent Vinod (Saif Ali Khan) is your usual RAW agent who is on a mission as the film begins. He is quickly told to handle a rather dire situation after his partner (Ravi Kissen) is killed. The mission takes him all around the world before he finally figures out the complicated situation which may result in nuclear war. In between, he meets Iram (Kareena Kapoor), who assists him and naturally, the duo fall in love. He saves the day and all is well on planet earth. Oh, and there is a hint of a sequel. Yeap.

Agent Vinod is easily the worst 3 hours, yes 3 hours, I’ve spent in 2012. In fact, I demand my money back. But more than a waste of time, Agent Vinod is disappointing. As a Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor fan, it hurts to be given a film that does nothing for you. If Agent Vinod was sex, it would be the worst sex ever. It’s missionary, unorgasmic and definitely lacked any sense of heat. Boring. The first half of the film confuzzles you and just when you think you’ve got the gist of it, it bamboozles you into complete confusion. You’re apparently “treated” to spectacular visions of different sights around the world but if you ask me, they’re just showing off. It doesn’t add any value to the film! In fact, the script could have been adjusted and shot in India completely. The length of the film is one of the biggest drawbacks. There were umpteen moments when I believed the end was near. But nope. Anti climaxes again, and again. Director Sriram Raghavan disappoints and how with AV. It’s hard to believe that this is the same director who gave us the uber suave Johnny Gadaar gives us this. Oh, and another bone I have to pick is how badly and ineffectively the awesome music of the film was used.

The only real reason to watch Agent Vinod is for Saif Ali Khan. He’s slick, suave and super sexy. However, not even he can save the film from its lackluster, substance absent and overloaded on style, script. Kareena Kapoor is plain average. Her role is limited and lacks any sense of matter. The smaller roles played by the likes of Ram Kapoor (super!), Prem Chopra (awesome) and even Rajat Kapoor all manage to aid the film as well as they can.

Agent Vinod is a snooze fest. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to work in any department like it seemed to promise in the promos. Instead, you’re left with a headache and depending on where you are in the world, a few dollars short in your wallet. Maybe we just can’t get James Bondesque film right in Bollywood. And if that is the case, then spare us Bollywood. Give us some dancing around the tree instead but just do it right. Pliss.

Five Reasons I Love Ram Kapoor

For everyone that knows me well, you know that I absolutely adore Ram Kapoor. Yes, he’s that overweight guy that all my Twitter dosts always pokes fun at. You know who you tweeps are. I've been crushing over Ram Kapoor since his Ghar Ek Mandir days. It deepened during Kasam Se and furthered when he played big bhai to Rakhi Sawant during her Swayamwar. But it has reached its all time high right now as he plays Mr. Ram Kapoor in Bade Ache Lagte Hai. You can call it an obsession or an infatuation; I call it sheer love for the sweetest, cutest man on Hindi television who happens to bear an uncanny resemblance in every which way, to my favorite Uncle. But because everyone cannot fathom, understand or comprehend my ishq, pyar, mohabbat for Mr. Kapoor, here are five reasons why.

5) Ram Ki Baatein
There are so few men on the telly who speak Hindi as well as they do English. In both languages, Ram Kapoor is never wrong in grammar, pronunciation and his accent is pretty gosh darn hot!

4) Ram Ki Adayein…Uff!
Ekta Kapoor, whom I adore by the way, happens to put Ram in a number of rather odd situations vis-à-vis Bade Ache Lagte Hai. But the manner in which Ram emotes, expresses and reacts literally makes me go haiiiiiiii.

3) Ram Ki Talent (too much confusion over the Hindi word for 'talent')
Unknown to most people, Ram Kapoor is pretty darn talented. Yeah, so he can do the serial thing really well, but I loved him as the obnoxious fool in Monsoon Wedding and then as the awesome uncle in Udaan. Oh, and he can dance too!

2) Ram Ki Muskarahat
Ram Kapoor, all you have to do is smile and basically, my day is made. Not only is tres sexy, but mucho cute. There’s a slight cheekiness to his smile which makes it even more  endearing.

1) Ram Ke Motapaan
He’s fat and what? Or rather so what! Ram Kapoor makes fat look sexy. And he is the sexiest man on Hindi television.

So he played a rather tharki character in Ek Main Aur Ek Tu and it looks like he will be doing a repeat in Agent Vinod, but even then, I’ll take him.

Pura Review: Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

Ever since Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu released, all I seem to be reading are replica reviews that call it a “coming of age” film. Basically, this is a new genre formed by the critics which our filmmakers are trying to take undue advantage of; better known as a fad. And the one filmmaker who is literally cashing out on this trend is none other than Karan Johar. So yes, he’s back in producer form with Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu which stars the very cool Kareena Kapoor and chocolate boy, (he’s yet to evade himself from that tag) Imran Khan. Naturally, it screams I Hate Luv Storys hangover simply because it possesses the same aura and vibe also known as cheese factor.

Welcome to Las Vegas where Rahul Kapoor (Imran Khan) lives a nine to five job courtesy of his commanding parents. On the flip side, there is the carefree and joshiley Riana Briganza (Kareena Kapoor) who lives in the moment. After a night of extreme drunkenness, they get married ala Vegas style. The duo find themselves in each others company while they file for an annulment and a deep friendship forms. Very quickly, Rahul falls in pyar, ishq, mohabbat for Riana who is not ready for any kind of relationship. However, he does manage to change his rather “stiff uptight” ways in the company of Riana.

EMAET is not a coming of age film and if you had to pick a coming of age film from Karan Johar’s lot, it would have to be Wake Up Sid which fits the coming of age genre bill to the T. However, EMAET is a coming of age for Hindi films vis-à-vis the ending of the film which, by the way, leaves big time room for a sequel. It’s not the same shindig. No running into each others arms or sudden realization of love, but a rather mature ending to what is easily any of the two: a chick flick or a cheese fest. Look, EMAET is hardly path breaking cinema but you cannot deny that is a nice easy breezy film which works best on a Sunday afternoon. The plot is simple and fun with some funky young dialogues. Shakun Batra does well with her film and clearly has a good understanding of modern day love and relationships.

The film belongs to Kareena Kapoor. As Riana Briganza, she is funky, fun and fabulous in every which way. Barring her horrid hair – which is rather ironic as she plays an unemployed hairstylist, she literally becomes Riana. That said, this film and role must have been child’s play for Bebo especially since she has done a lot deeper substance filled roles in the past. Riana is not Geet from Jab We Met. With due respect to the latter film, Geet was more rural; Riana is urban. Where do I begin with Imran Khan. I’m not a fan and so by the end, I was literally pakaoed by his enactment of Rahul Kapoor. I’m not sure whether it was the role or the hair, but Imran didn’t work at all for me. In fact, I was more excited to see Ram Kapoor, who plays a rich tharki, in the two scenes he bagged. I think Imran believed EMAET would be his Wake Up Sid moment. And in a way he is right; this is a wake up Imran and smell the roses moment! Boman Irani and Ratna Pathak Shah are as usual superb; she more than him.

And now, the flaws. First the music. This is not Amit Trivedi’s best with the title track taking the crown and Aahatein a close second.  Then there are a few minor details which Shakun should have really cross-checked. For starters, how can a wannabe ballet dancer, who has a steel ball in her foot, dance like a diva in Auntyji? And then of course, there’s the hair issue. For a hairstylist, they really should have given her some gosh darn awesome hair. If anyone needed Vidal Sassoon, it was Riana Briganza.

Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu has been compared to Hollywood rom-coms but in all honesty, why should we do that? We are totally capable of making great Hindi romantic comedies as we have in the past. The film is time pass, paisa vasool even, but strictly that. If you need reasons to watch the film, well then go in if you’re looking for a short cutesy film. And of course, for Bebo. She actually uses the word, “anal” in the film. C’mon now, do you need any more reason?

Hindi Serials: The Atyachar!

From 9:30 p.m. to midnight every weekday, I am tortured. And it's not physical harassment that I am forced into but television anguish. Yes, my mother, my sweet sweet mother, hogs the television for two and a half hours to watch her favorite Hindi serials. And it's pretty much nonstop. More than often I want to put my hair out, scream, shout and cry at how ridiculous the plots and situations tend to be. How on earth the writers think of such instances, is beyond me. And they swear that most of this inspired by real life. Really? Which modern day educated girl would allow herself to be treated to a life of bossing-around by her mother-in-lawless household. And then there is the couple who marry outside of their castes only to face seriously lame issues that makes you want to jump off the 78th floor. What surprises me is the number of people who actually spend hours a day glued to the idiot box watching these shows. And there are people like my mother who find themselves crying for some odd reason which is unknown to mankind.

I'll admit I used to be a soap junkie. Yes, I too was a serial addict. But then it hit me one day, when my toleration for nonsense hit the roof, that I needed therapy. And I've kept the receipts simply because I believe Ekta Kapoor needs to reimburse me. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore the woman. She's savvy, suave and gosh darn smart. But her sensibilities are far more intelligent I believe. Her business smart mind however, is just giving the masses what they want; drama, tamasha and mayhem.

Look, I'm not saying they should be banned but why can't we make soaps that actually make sense or is at least prevalent to issues that are relatable? I mean how many women really marry more than three times? How many people resurrect from the dead? How many people get face transplants? How many character live to be more than 100 years old? Considering that we live in times of terrorism, farmer suicide, fasting drama kings and are still dealing with female infanticide, it is terrible to see that as a society we are "turned on" by soap opera drama. The tamasha is hardly interesting anymore. And the argument that most fans throw my way is simple: we want an escape from our daily problems and thus, Desi soaps provide that exact getaway. Fair. But does it need to be so OTT? Why can't we tone down the drama, the music and the dramatics.

I say all this while I find myself seriously hooked to bad Hindi reality shows, every single singing program and am also Ram Kapoor's (yeah the fat dude) biggest fan. I am currently a Bade Acche Lagte Hain freak. Sigh. It always get it you no matter how hard you try to run. But it's okay right? If the soaps can be hypocritical, well then so can I, no?

100 Word Review: Love U Mr. Kalakaar

I’m a Rajshri junkie so I’m going to insist you catch Love U Mr. Kalakaar. A simple film about a struggling artist and a rich girl who fall in love but because of their social statuses, are tested. They go through ups and downs but of course, it’s a happy ending. Sweet, cute and entertaining, with a message, LUMK is a good afternoon watch. Tusshar Kapoor does superbly as does Amrita Rao. Ram Kapoor, Madhoo and even Prem Chopra were spot on and lovely. Rajshri is all about simplicity and with LUMK, they do just that. Sugar for your Sunday!