Hottest Bods of 2012!

To call 2012 a hot year would be an understatement. There were a number of shirtless actors and navel showing actresses that dared to bare and show. It was some of the youngins’ who made sure they strut their stuff and how, while some of the more veteran actors were more than thrilled to reshow their toned bodies to their fans all over again. Here’s a quick look at the bodies of the year.

Paoli Dam
A new face to the industry, Paoli Dam, came and showed the world exactly what they wanted to see. In her debut film, Hate Story, she played a girl out for revenge and used her body to that effect. Audiences were treated to much more than they expected as the dusky beauty showed off her toned silky body. Her bold enactment had industrywalas and moviegoers shocked but asking for more!

Varun Dhawan
In Student of the Year, Varun Dhawan walked around shirtless quite a bit. And no one was complaining. Six pack intact, he quickly became one of the newbies that made the girls swoon and how. After months of working out, the actor displayed his body in all its glory. Setting high standards for him and his contemporaries, Varun is out to take on the industry, bare-chested.

Deepika Padukone
Whether it was in her number of magazine covers or as Veronica in Cocktail, she Deepika Padukone screamed hot bods in 2012. While everyone knows the actress works hard to keep her body as hot as it is, she believes it oozes out of her personality. That said, D-Pad continues to hold the title for yet another year as one of the hottest actresses in the industry.

Siddharth Malhotra
Joining his buddy, Varun, is Siddharth Malhotra. The slightly taller actor matched up to his co-stars hot bod and how. While the ladies couldn’t choose between which lad they preferred shirtless, especially since Siddharth too walked around on set amidst a shirt. Toned and tempting, Siddharth puts up great competition for many a fellow actors.

Sunny Leone
To leave out the hottest thing to hit Indian soil and theaters in a while, would be blasphemy. Sunny Leone happened to hit cinemas and show everything she possibly could vis-à-vis Jism 2. Add to that some sexy steamy scenes displaying her backless, topless and in the shower, and Sunny became one of 2012’s sexiest actresses.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 27th, 2012

Hottest Couples of 2012!

To be brutally honest, there wasn’t too much heat this year vis-à-vis onscreen couples in Bollywood. Actually, it was quite a thanda year with very few sizzling duos heating up the screens. That said, we actually managed to find a few couples that created somewhat of steam with their pairing and even created some dhamaal. Some you’ve seen before and others are brand new to the arena but that hasn’t stopped any of them from producing performances that were scorching high in temperatures.

Ayushmann Khuranna and Yami Gautam
His deep dimples and her striking smile made the ladies and men, respectively, go absolutely bonkers. But together, Ayushmann and Yummy Gautam, as she now fondly called by her male fans, did not fail to translate their chemistry onscreen. Not only were there a number of cozy scenes but a few kissing scenes which the couple happily indulged in via their debut film, Vicky Donor. Between the both of them, they managed heat up screens quite intensely. And yes, you may see them again in an upcoming film soon.

Arjun Kapoor and Parineeti Chopra
Arjun Kapoor very quickly became the newest star son and heart throb of the nation. His rugged personality matched with a cute grin charmed the ladies and co-star Parineeti Chopra too. This was evident in their onscreen performance as the couple that couldn’t be in Ishaqzaade. Whether it was the sexual tension that generated in the earlier part of the film or the love making scene later on, they were convincing enough for rumors to circulate and cause the media to question if there was some ishq happening between the duo in real-life.

Saif Ali Khan and Deepika Padukone and Diana Penty
Fine, so this isn’t a couple but it really doesn’t matter in the case of the Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone and Diana Penty in Cocktail. Between the three of them, the actors all played pass the parcel as they swapped friends and girlfriends too. The Saif-Deepika chemistry is a no brainer but the Saif-Diana angle had audiences asking for more. And for those of you who are wondering about the Deepika-Diana angle, well sorry to burst your bubble but Bollywood doesn’t swing that way…just yet, at least.

Salman Khan and Katrina Kaif
This is the perhaps the first time we actually witnessed a real sense of affection between Salman Khan and any actress. Naturally, when his co-star turns out to be Katrina Kaif, you aren’t half as surprised anymore. That said, in Ek Tha Tiger, the chemistry wasn’t just loving but sexy in a number of ways. In fact, critics claim this is one of the major reasons as to why Ek Tha Tiger worked. And while we may know of their off screen relationship status, for now we’ll take them creating fireworks on screen any day!

Randeep Hooda and Sunny Leone
You naturally expect scorching rising extra hot temperatures when Sunny Leone is around. What use would it be otherwise to cast an actress from ‘adult films’ in a Bollywood film? But when you add the über sexy Randeep Hooda to the equation, then the heat seems to multiply. In Jism 2, it was the palpable bold scenes between the two which had moviegoers flooding into cinemas. Whether it was the uncountable kisses or backless sequences which included a massage or two, Randeep and Sunny worked it.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 22nd, 2012

Why, Bollywood, Why?

I have nothing else to do but ask the following stars one question: Why?

Why does the Heroine promo not excite me? Why does it look like an extension of Fashion? Why does it look like it lacks a plot?



Why was Mr. Amitabh Bachchan asked to run with the Olympic torch? What has his contribution to the sporting world been?

Why does Sherlyn Chopra think she deserves a Bharat Ratna Award after she posed nude for Playboy?

Why is Sunny Leone wearing clothes in Jism 2 when she plays a porn star?

Why do Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor think that news of their wedding happening and then not happening is such a big deal?

Why does Aamir Khan think we'll miss Sunday mornings without him vis-a-vis SMJ?

 Any answers cause I'm stumped.

Is it Ta-Ta, Bye-Bye for Priyanka Chopra?

I think this piece needs a disclaimer before anything else. So here is.

The Disclaimer: I am NOT a Priyanka Chopra hater. Really. Not at all.

That said Piggy Chops is in a bit of a tight spot sadly. She finds herself devoid of actors who are willing to star with her courtesy of her rather iffy ways. Now if we get started, we’ll be here for ages. But in a nutshell, Akshay Kumar and Shah Rukh Khan cannot star with her anymore after both their wives have expressed their discomfort towards her “close proximity” towards the men. In turn, Hrithik Roshan has decided he too will keep afar from Chopra Madam after SRK’s wife, who happens to his Roshan’s wife’s best friend, made it clear she didn’t like PC. Salman Khan and Ajay Devgan have had issues with her for ages now while Abhishek Bachchan chooses to keep his distance from her after some award ceremony song choice hoopla. Saif Ali Khan stays away because of Bebo. Shahid Kapoor, her ex-beau, chooses to keep her far and wide for obvious reasons while Aamir Khan sees no reason to star with her. Lastly, there is Ranbir Kapoor who doesn’t want his pairing with her to go stale and so will not sign anymore films with her. Not for a while at least.

The above actors are considered Bollywood’s A-listers which means she’s left with a handful of unpopular actors to work with. Not exactly a good situation for PC, no?

But fikaar not, Priyanka, you’ve been voted number 69 on Ask Men UK’s Top 99 Women of 2012. P.C. fans rejoice quickly before I absolutely shred this piece of nonsense. Done? Ho gaya? So basically this piece is nothing but a farce because this list also has includes Sunny Leone and Frieda Pinto. Need I say more? But let’s get down into the nitty-gritty’s of it. AskMen UK claim she makes the list because of her talent. Done; that she is. But very quickly, I’d like to remind everyone that the last hit film Priyanka had was back in 2008. Post then, she’s had a string of flops: Kaminey, What’s Your Raashee?, Pyaar Impossible, Anjaana Anjaani, 7 Khoon Maaf and Don 2. Agneepath was all about Hrithik Roshan, Rishi Kapoor and Sanjay Dutt; let’s be honest here.

So Nosy!

And then, they go on to describe her quite aptly, “bee-stung lips, coffee-coloured eyes and voluptuous, hourglass figure…” But hold up, “bee-stung lips?” More like Botox filled courtesy of plastic surgeon Daddy Chopra. And how could they forget to mention her nose job which has completely changed her profile – trust me, I’ve paid very close attention. But all this is fine. It’s the next part which pisses the crap outta me. “Chopra will be exposing a new side of herself to Westerners when she releases an eagerly awaited English-language album later this year.” Uh, okay. I’ve heard her sing and trust me, she is quite average. And if you have to sing because your shampoo bottles claim you're fabulous, no problem, but cut a Hindi album at least! Why do you need to impress the westerners? How many Western artists want to “impress” the East and thus, cut a Hindi album?

Look, I’m not hating; think of this as a reality check for Priyanka Chopra. Basically, the actress needs to shed her “I’m too cool for school” attitude and she’ll be fine. In the meantime, PC has quite a task ahead of her which should begin with finding co-stars. Pronto.

Kuch Sexy Baatein...

Savita Bhabhi: Inspiration?

There’s a particular part of Hong Kong, quite central to where I lived, where Desi hookers stand around. And these are not hot women but those overweight sweaty ones. They call out to men of all colors, “Sir, sir, come come, I show you good time.” When I would see every other man except Desi men flocking to them, I used to stand in shock. Eventually I figured out that it had a lot to do with being exotic. Men— mostly foreign men, were turned on by these dark skinned women who wore saris that reeked of perspiration and fried onions. They also didn’t mind the big sweat patches that were visible in their sari blouse underarms. It was a big WTF moment for me. But that was my first encounter/understanding of hookers.

Now of course, I’m older and wiser so I know that prostitutes are banging– literally. I know why some men turn to prostitutes. Some have prudish women, others have no women. But all this has struck a curiosity in my mind. Clearly hookers know how to work themselves around a man in bed but what about romance? When I posed the question on Twitter, I was pretty much ignored. Obviously no man would admit to indulging in sex with a prostitute but I’m still totally consumed by this idea.

Definitely Can't Work a Pole...

Women like the now infamous Poonam Pandey aren’t born out of thin air; they’re created by a need for they saw a demand. The need, of course: men who look for ways to let go. And while I find her repulsive for a number of reasons, i.e. she can’t count and looks like a chewed up duck, I have to admire her keen sense of economics vis-à-vis her understanding of supply and demand. And then there is the new superstar and future item girl, Sunny Leone. Very recent, she charmed India with her cutesy antics in the Bigg Boss house even though I was slightly disappointed with her pole dancing routine—porn stars should know her way up and down a pole better; amateurish show. And the Bigg Boss housemates couldn’t see it for some oddball reason. She screamed porn star to me what with those stripper shoes and choppy bangs but it wasn't until much later that she eventually confessed her vocation. But yet again; smart girl. She realized her demand in India would give her tremendous scope and well, she provided Ms. Pandey with some serious competition. However, she's left Poonam far behind with a Bollywood film.

So since the men were gonna take the 5th on their love for porn stars and the likes, I decided to put this to the ladies and the consensus was clear: men want women who are freaks in bed. Even women realized that this is a true story. Usher sings, “A lady in the street but a freak in the bed,” and my favorite RnB singer couldn’t croon it more honestly. Look, it’s 2012. Men, especially Indian men, want to come home to women who will wink at them and look at them with bedroom eyes. And if you’re a prude, well you can be sure he’ll develop wandering eyes. If you won't give it to him, darling, someone else will. I’ve seen and heard of men who stray and their wives are completely bewildered by why that is so. Ladies, you basically told him to, what with your cold ways in bed. No one is asking you to be a porn star but would it really hurt to learn a position or two from the Kama Sutra?

I’m a bit fumbled about what my point is here. Okay so basically I think that men cheat because we, as women, compel them to. I’m not saying it’s okay; NO. It’s never acceptable. But the secret to keep your man is good sex…and food. Oh combine ‘em for a rollicking time! Okay okay, focus. Point is, have freaky fun frolicking sex with your man and he’ll never stray or look for sex outside your bedroom. As for porn stars and love, well men will always love ‘em. You can question their taste for such lusting over them but what to do?  They’re just trained to love them by default— genetic, you see.

Bollywood in 2012: Biggies to Avoid!

I wish I could sit here and gush about all the films you should watch in 2012. But I’m hardly a kiss ass. The mere fact that I actually liked a Karan Johar production, Agneepath, is making me question my taste. I think it’s the blood and gore that is normally absent in cliché K Jo productions, which allowed me to fully enjoy Agneepath. Anyway, so there are a bunch of films headed your way this year. While most of them will house big honcho stars, this is hardly a good enough reason to watch them. In fact, there are a bunch of films which are going to plummet at the box office irrespective of the actors. This is where I come to your rescue. You see, I’ll see all these films next year—I'm a sad Bollywood buff clearly. But here are the films I’m dreading this year. And if you’re stumped for time, these are a few films you should probably avoid; in my opinion at least.

Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

Is it me or does Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu possess the I Hate Luv Storys vibe? And if that is indeed the case, this is going to be one helluva cheese fest. Imran Khan is hardly one of the most talented actors we have which means we’d have to depend on Kareena Kapoor to do most of the acting here. And if that is the case, then I’d much rather see her in a film that holds more substance. There is really only one reason to watch the film; the title song. FYI, this is a Karan Johar production. Need I say more?

Ekk Deewana Tha
I’m sorry but why on earth would anyone give ham king stoned face Prateik Babbar his own film? And who is Amy Jackson? Enough said.

Jodi Breakers
For starters, Bipasha Basu needs to quit already. We’re so done seeing her rack, legs and navel over and over again. We get it; she lacks talent and thus makes up for it by exposing her more endowed parts. And then there is R. Madhavan whom I love, but something about his jodi with Basu makes this film look rather red light district-ish. I’m not sure what the makers were thinking but when I saw the first look, I swear I thought the film was about a pimp and his harlot. The latter being Bipasha, of course.

Agent Vinod
I absolutely love Bebo and Saifu (Saif Ali Khan) but I am incredibly skeptical about Agent Vinod. For the sake of Saif, I hope I get to eat my own words but for now, courtesy of the choppy, rather iffy promo, this one looks like it isn’t going to work.

Kyaa Super Kool Hai Hum
As if the prequel wasn’t bad enough, we’re treated to a sequel. So what can you expect? Sleaze, sex and Tusshar Kapoor. And I’m sorry but anytime Cool is spelt with a ‘K”, it deserves to be canned and avoided.

Dangerous Ishq
I absolutely adore Karisma Kapoor and I’m psyched to see her back on screen but Vikram Bhatt? And a 3-D film? I’m very worried. Known for his rather eccentric ways, Bhatt is hardly one who makes films that are exciting but more odd and obscure. Examples: Red: The Dark Side (did you see that one?) and Shaapit (or this?).

Tere Meri Kahani
Priyanka Chopra + Shahid Kapoor = Chaos. And I believe this has a lot to do with their on and off relationship in real life. But add some Kunal Kohli to the mix and what you have is a recipe for disaster. Oh and this film follows the lovers over a long (and I mean really long) period of time. Mausam anyone?

Joker
Shirish Kunder is an odd one, no? I’m not sure if he’s just one of “those” directors or he’s ahead of his time but either way, we don’t get it. With Joker, he seems to already believe he has a hit on his hand but the title of the film itself makes me cringe with fear. And then there is the Akshay Kumar factor. Lately, he’s been hamming a lot. In the end someone will be a Joker. Question is, will it be us or them?

Ferrari Ki Sawaari
Yeah, this one screams boring. Don’t believe me, please YouTube the promo.

Jism 2
I don’t care how much the men of India love Sunny Leone, she is not an actress. And while a film like Jism hardly requires the lead heroine to “act”, you do need to recite lines and emote. This porn star can barely work a pole, and she has a film. Psshhh.

So that’s my list; my call; my take. I’ll be watching all of the above and the rest but if you’re looking to catch only the best of 2012, pliss to be avoiding the above.

2012: Can You Handle Me?

Welcome to 2012 people! New Years Eve put me a pretty rad mood but totally screwed me over  health-wise. So my first good deed for the year is to give you some not-to-do drinking tips. 1) Do not drink on an empty stomach, and 2) Binge drinking is not a good idea; even if it is NYE. Now, if only someone had told me this earlier. So yes, it’s post the hangover and awful flu, which attacked me simultaneously, that I’m here now ready to bamboozle 2012. Everyone around me seems to believe that the year has gotten off to a pretty good start. I haven’t made up my mind just yet. But while I’m on undecided on the manner in which 2012 has begun, I’m sure of what I need to work on this year. No, these are not resolutions. They’re more like “rules and guidelines” for the year twenty-twelve.

Someone said to me that they like how my blog is an open book/diary; a peek into my life. I “awwed” and then realized that during the month of December, RWN became a sleaze fest vis-à-vis The Garam Sharam Awards. Alas that is so last year. While I intend on keeping up with more honest (read: blasé, bold, beautiful, boombaat and bombastic) pieces, this one is a bit somber one to begin the year with.

I solemnly swear not to sweat the small stuff. It ain’t worth it. As it is, mujhe Bade Acche Lagte Hain.

I solemnly swear not to take my body for granted. This is a genuine one.

I will try my hardest (sorry, cannot swear on this one) not to make fun of the following ladies: Frieda Pinto, Poonam Pandey, Sunny Leone and Karan Johar.

I solemnly swear not to get worked up with “people” who irk me for whatever reason. It’s not fair for me to judge other people if they are not affecting my life. If I must advocate or be an activist, it should be for a more legit causes like why Sunny Leone looks like a man to me.

I solemnly swear I will be audacious, more nonchalant, more verbose, more pompous and even more overbearing.

I solemnly swear to blog about more sleaze because sex sells and girls who write about it get a lot more hits. Being shameless is how you get famous, I hear.

I solemnly swear to finally figure out my relationship with Bollywood. This love-hate thing we have going on is not healthy. And secretly, Bollywood knows I adore him.
(Side note: Bollywood is definitely a man; it plays far too many games)

I solemnly swear to love the movies everyone hates and hate the ones everyone else adores.

I solemnly swear to further dig item songs as I am an item song whore.

I solemnly swear to use bigger words. Even if it yields presage complete upheaval and even stupefaction.

I solemnly swear not to call people names.

I solemnly swear that to switch loyalties to Canada if team India continue to play as complete assclowns. Crap, so much for no name calling.  

And lastly, I solemnly swear to continue being fabulous, bitchy and walk around like a Diva. That shouldn’t be too hard.

Any wager as to how quickly I will break one of the above? I think I may break one in oh, approximately 2.5 seconds. But hey, rules, resolutions and bridges are meant to be broken. And anyway, likhne mein kya hai?

This may actually be the year that cannot handle me; normally it's the other way around. Time will tell guys and dolls. In the meantime, have a fabulous 2012!