Do's and Don'ts for Celebs in the New Year!

2013 is only moments away and this means, it’s a good time to start afresh. For our Bollywood stars, this means they get to put the past behind them—the flop films, controversies and any other pieces of the year they’d prefer to forget. But there are some of our favorite Bollywood actors who need some help in making these resolutions. And who better but us to help them!

Bipasha Basu
It’s a real easy one for Bipasha Basu. All she really needs to do is fine a man who will marry her and her problems with be solved. And while she’s at it, can she please sign a film in which we do not need to see all of her body? I would like to see a fully clad Bipasha for a change.

Shah Rukh Khan
Shah Rukh Khan should vow to stay away from drinking, cricket, slapping people and lastly, he should run in the opposite direction from Priyanka Chopra.

Saif Ali Khan
Maybe post marriage, Kareena Kapoor can learn to cook. That way, Saif Ali Khan will stay away from hotel restaurants and thus, will not go around hitting other guests.

Rani Mukherjee
Get married and stop acting, Rani. Please spare us with another nonsensical film where we are forced to watch you overact and belly dance. Please.

Priyanka Chopra
Stay away from married men.

Ajay Devgn
Honestly Ajay, all this hoopla you created around Son of Sardar is very unlike you. Please go back to your subtle ungimmicky ways, please. We like you in silent mode.

Shahid Kapoor
If you follow Shahid Kapoor on Twitter, you know that he has serious issues with grammar and spelling. This year, maybe the actor can take some English lessons to help improve his tweets.

Karan Johar
K Jo should just promise he won’t torture us with anymore cheesy films or another season of Koffee with Karan in 2013.

Katrina Kaif
Do not kiss any co-stars in 2013 because she makes kissing looking icky and uncomfortable.

John Abraham
Please solve your issues with Bipasha and give us a break, John. We’re tired of listening to the stories and gossip.

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First published Bollywood Hungama, December 31st, 2012

100 Word Review: Housefull 2

Housefull 2 is about fathers who are looking for some guy called Jolly to marry of their individual daughters. After a lot of confusion in a London mansion and some crazy situations with the four Dads, the girls are married off. The highlight of the film (for me) was as follows: Shreyas Talpade speaking Sindhi, Anarkali Disco Chali and yes, Akshay Kumar’s “Ayeee…Kyun thak rahe ho?” line. Besides that, Housefull 2 should really come with a disprin because it gives you a headache the size of Sajid Khan. The music is horrid as is the execution. Brutal waste of time.

Oh Ho, Bollywood!

The Khela Awards: These are real!

You know how I have this love-hate relationship with Bollywood? Yeah, basically I’m in a detest can’t-stand-you frame of mind with Bwood right now. It just doesn’t fail to irk me every few weeks. For starters, this happens to be the worst time of the year: award season. Great. So now, we’ll see over a dozen award ceremonies which will display the same shindig over and over again. Vidya will bag the best actress awards while others will split between Ranbir and Shah Rukh Khan – depending on which award function he hosts and so on. Bollywood ke raajneeti ka kya kehna? And then the dances, the clothes, the controversies, blah blah blah; it’s just such a hassle. Uff! Yes, in this aspect, I’m a hater. I hate on Bollywood award functions. In my opinion, they all should be banned. It’s no surprise Aamir Khan prefers to sit at home rather than attend any of these useless shows. This is the one time I prefer the west and their award functions over our lackluster ceremonies. At least there’s no nonsense with them. The stars attend wearing elegant clothes (no paan chewing, chappals wearing or tieless heroes here), win awards, speak for a quick minute and bounce. They last all of two hours. Anyone else find them uber super boring?  

And if that isn’t enough, here’s the latest on John Abraham and his new beau Priya something-or-another. Apparently, the very hot Abraham fell for his new girlfriend while he was seeing Bipasha. I just have one question: so what? Whoever said Bipasha was the ideal girlfriend? Everyone knows she was out painting the town red with a number of guys from all over the globe. And all this, by the way, while she was with John Abraham. So if her eyes, mind, body and lips can wander, why can’t his? C’mon people, we live in a chalta hai world. This should hardly be controversial.

Then there is all this hoopla over Sonam Kapoor dropping the F-bomb on Twitter. Okay, so I don’t love the girl, but are you kidding me? To all those of you who are sitting and judging her for using the word “fuck” (yes I said it, sue me already), I suggest you really stay at home and lock yourselves in your closet. It’s fine if you don’t use profanity but why is it a big deal if a wannabe actress says it? Normal people who have regular jobs use it on a minute to minute basis, no issues there. Please don’t even sit and tell me that just because she’s a celeb, she can’t use it. Sonam Kapoor is not washed in milk. She used a word which every judgmental person out there has used at one point in time. Nor does the Kapoor girl claim to be the ideal citizen or a role model, and if you regard her as your “idol” then really you need help anyway. This is the first time, and last time, I’ll side with Sonam Kapoor, but grow the eff up people.

Next week we’ll be “treated” to Karan Johar’s adaptation of Agneepath. I’ve been called a KJo hater— which I am, I’ll admit it. And thus, this is one film I am not at all looking forward to. The music so far has been rather average and I’m a bit worried about Hrithik in this film. I know he’ll do his thing but even then, comparisons to the great Amitabh Bachchan are inevitable. However, the real reason to watch the film seems to be Sanjay Dutt. I’d watch out for him— this film is going to change his stance in the industry; that’s my prediction.

With that I’m all Bollywooded out. Shutter down, dhukhaan bandh.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bare Chested in 2011!

If yesterday was for the men, today is for my ladies. The “All Garam, No Sharam Awards” is all about display (get used to this word, you’re gonna see a lot of it). And while women have a lot to show off (boobs, booty, legs, midriffs, etc), men on the other hand have a lot less that can they can openly exhibit; for the most part, we have to use our imagination. But we all love our men only one way: shirtless. In 2011, quite a few of Bollywood’s leading actors took their shirts off (hubba-hubba) only for us to swoon. Now if they have no shame in taking it off, why should we feel sharam in admiring toned oiled chests? Sharam ko maaro goli. Check out the top five men who dared to bare.

Special Mention:
You know what’s so sad? That there is no good image of Farhan Akhtar without his shirt from Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara. And I just don’t get why there isn’t one. I eventually had to settle for this print screen image but even then, Farhu looks incredibly H.O.T. If it were possible to be any more desirable, Farhan has increased his hot factor with his shirtless act in ZNMD. He makes the cut but not quite and thus, receives a special mention this year.

5. Salman Khan
Is it possible to skip out on Salman Khan on a shirtless list? I think not. He is after all the godfather of not-wearing-shirts in India. This year we were literally gifted with one song in which he strips himself of his silky-satiny black shirt to expose his infamous chest. Sallu miyan is one lad who knows how to make the ladies go weak in their knees. His chest is by far the most popular in Bollywood. It could easily win an award of its own.

4. Ranveer Singh
In my opinion, he is one of the most overrated obnoxious wannabe actors of recent times. But there is no denying his newly exposed body. Not sure how he managed to work it so quickly but whatever it is, Ranveer Singh’s new hot bod has the young college ladki’s going fida over. Add to that his attitude, his sexy tan, a pretty bulgy package, and Ranveer is on his way to finding a huge fan following.

3. John Abraham
One of the only reasons to watch Desi Boyz and okay fine, even Force, this year was because it allowed us to look at a shirtless John Abraham. His acting is incredibly mediocre but this body, now that is quite a view. For me, it’s more Desi Boyz than Force which made me feel lightheaded. His stripping scene and pole action was quite the vision (read:sexy!). He can add hot chest to that perfect bubble butt of his now.

2. Arjun Rampal
He will and will always be a terrible boring substandard actor but Arjun Rampal hides a hot body behind his clothes. Lucky for us, we got to see a whole lot of it courtesy of Ra.One. He’s always been quite the fitness freak but it’s only now that we get to see Rampal exposing a bit more– he should really walk around shirtless a lot more. Abs, packs and muscle intact, Rampal sizzles. The movie is nothing short of a maha headache but his bare chest one reason to watch.

1. Hrithik Roshan
No one but India’s answer to the Greek Gods, Hrithik Roshan, can top this list. How on earth he is so fine, is beyond me but he does work out hard for that beefcake body. If it possible for anyone to get more toned, hotter, sexier as time goes on, then it’s Roshan alone. Besides him, there is really no other man in India who can walk around looking so darn perfect. He’s what I like to call, “Sex on toast…with extra butter.” Tell me you don't want him.

Guessing you need a tall glass of cold water? Go for it. As for me, well, I’ll have another sharam-free countdown for you to lose control over tomorrow.

100 Word Review: Desi Boyz

Apparently when recession hits, the best alternate job includes becoming an escort; irrespective of your gender. (Poonam Pandey explained?) Jerry and Nick do the same but in the bargain land up losing a lot more than they expected including dignity. Desi Boyz is total time pass. Akshay and John are simply average with the latter slightly ahead courtesy of his shirtless scenes. Deepika is meh, but Chitrangada is super fiery hot! Sanjay Dutt makes you want to puke. Debut director Rohit Dhawan does well though; the film keeps you awake; thankfully. Watch for the music and for hot “topless” John.

100 Word Review: Force

Force is basically John Abraham’s return to action films which I think is how he marketed himself initially. It follows the life of a non-committal police inspector who runs after drug peddlers but stays far away from love. However, when he finds the love of his life, he is forced to intermingle his love and work which causes major conflict. I must say that I was thoroughly impressed with John Abraham. He really can act. Who woulda known? Genelia D’Souza is her usual bubbly self. As a film, Force is interesting and gravitating, which was unexpected. Watch for the thrills.

Biased Bipasha Basu

Bipasha Basu has always been one of the most honest and educated actresses who speaks sense. But the actress went on to totally piss me off today. Her yummy boyfriend John Abraham was caught in 2006 for rash driving after his bike collided with a cyclist. He injured two including himself and while he rushed the victims to the nearest government hospital and drove himself to a posh luxury hospital. And of course courtesy of the Indian judicial system, he only received his sentence for his crime now in 2010. It wasn’t too much – just 15 days in jail. Needless to say, he managed to put bail and thus, is still out and about.

Now what irks me about Basu is the manner in which she handled her beau’s sentencing. Absolutely nothing about his accident screams decent. The fact that he was driving rashly and caught means that the actor was not being the so-called law abiding citizen he claims to be. Fine you wear a helmet and preach the importance of it, but when you drive like you own the street and then manage to hit two innocent pedestrians on cycles, and then you drive them to a government hospital when he gets treated at a classy treatment facility. Uh… so the government hospital isn’t worthy of you? Or maybe it’s the other way; the citizens aren’t worth the expense of the renowned Lilavati Hospital. Whatever it is, it basically proves one thing: John Abraham, you ain’t no angel.

Alright so he finally gets his judgment and apparently, when it was read out to him, the actor went pale in the face. Of course he did. Which actor wouldn’t? After all, a prison cell in Mumbai wouldn’t be anything like your Pali Hill apartment. But then the highlight of all this are the comments from Bipasha Basu.

Her first statement was, “He is not an irresponsible person. In fact, he’s very conscious of his social responsibilities. Its unfair to punish him for an incident in which he was hurt the most.” Are you for real? The fact that he was out and driving like a maniac proves that irrespective of who was hurt most, he was the offender. And just because you happen to be a celebrity, it doesn’t mean that he deserves special treatment.

And then the icing on the cake was, “As an individual and a citizen of this country, I can only say what I feel. And I have to say, with due respect to the legal system, that John doesn’t deserve this. Just because he happens to be a star, he’s an easy target. The same offence committed by a non-celebrity would most likely be treated differently. Since he rides a bike, he’s very careful about road rules. He doesn’t allow any of his friends to drive out on a bike without a helmet. He doesn’t bribe the cops, he pays his taxes… what is he being punished for?” Really Bipasha. We expect much more from you. If a “normal” person had committed the same crime, you wouldn’t have heard of it because he would have been sentenced immediately and I guarantee he would have been imprisoned for more than 15 days. In addition, he would have been the subject of physical abuse. And IF by chance you would have heard of the incident, you would have said that the judicial system was right to punish him for such a crime. So don’t give us this bull.

The Indian government has to come down hard on wreckless driving because far too many rich kids and celebs like John Abraham believe that they can get away with it. In the meantime, people die and suffer at the lost of a family member who is a son, a father and an earner for the family. So next time Bipasha, save it. We know celebs want special treatment. But you ain’t getting it.

Bips-John: Finito!

Bipasha Basu and John Abraham are official over. Yes people, after 10 sexy years, they've decided that it really isn't going to be happily ever after for them. Rumors making the rounds include Bipasha insisting on marriage with John not interested in being tied down. In addition, their nonstop link ups is also said to have caused the couple to rethink their relationship before ultimately calling it quits.

Bipasha has repeatedly denied their break up but sources close to the couple claim otherwise. In fact some have gone on to tell publications that John has completely stopped thinking about Bipasha. However, they will still make public appearances together. Reason, unknown.

Sadness.

Bipasha Defends John

I understand that Bipasha Basu loves her beau and is protective over him, but her comment regarding John Abraham's punishment after he was caught for rash driving back in 2006, was uncalled for. Four years ago, John was booked when his bike collided with a cyclist and injured two other people including himself. He quickly rushed the victims to a local government hospital and then himself to a luxury private hospital. Forget the fact that this act in itself seems utterly bullsh*t for obvious reasons, but it is only now in 2010 that the sentence has finally come for the actor. He was sentenced to 15 days in jail and apparently when he was sentenced, went "pale".

Girlfriend Bipasha Basu claims, John has been treated unfairly. "As an individual and   a citizen of this country, I can only say what I feel. And I have to say, with due respect to the legal system, that John doesn't deserve this. Just because he happens to be a star, he's an easy target. The same offence committed by a non-celebrity would most likely be treated differently," she claims.

Ms. Basu, if this situation did occur with a "non-celeb", a) you wouldn't hear about it, b) he would have been beaten black and blue and c) you would have claimed it was a fair judgment. So please don't fool us. Celebs get partial treatment all the time and since you claim John is such a good citizen, what is 15 days in jail? A fair punishment if I may say so. 

John says Sorry!

Who wouldn't want to be kissed by John Abraham? Men and women all over the world would die to come within a close range of him, kiss toh door ki baat hai. However, a very lucky singer, Sugandha Mishra, who happens to be one of my favorite singers from the current Sa Re Ga Ma Pa crew, received a kiss from John when he appeared on the show to promote his upcoming film Jhootha Hi Sahi. And while he didn't mind and she was on top of the world, this didn't go down well with the young singer's grandfather.

It was because Sugandha confessed her undying love for the actor, that he felt the need to plant a cute kiss on her cheek. This led to a huge outburst from the singer's grandfather who created quite the mayhem in her hometown of Chandigarh. The newspapers were bombarded with statements from Sugandha's grandfather who was upset at the kissing incident.

What happened next? John trekked his way back onto the show and apologized pubically for the incident on television. Poor John! No more public kisses for him - that's for sure!

Mirch Masala -- Coz' So Much is Happening!

Too much going on = A mirch masala session! Here's the best from Bollywood in single lines. Check it out!

Kangna Ranaut is out of the Salman Khan film which was meant to be directed by Mahesh Manjrekar. She is of course unaware of this fact or is nursing her wounds.

Arbaaz and Sohail Khan were visited by the Income Tax Officers who wanted to take a look at their assets after the success of Dabangg. Both Khan brother's chose to call the raid a "routine check."

Don 2 has begun shooting and already, SRK has found himself jumping off a 300 feet building.

Bipasha Basu feels that her beau, Mr. John Abraham, is not only physically strong but emotionally strong too. And so, feels the need to keep up with him in every way.

Time for Priyanka Chopra to settle down, says her parents. The family is looking for a non-filmi North Indian munda for their daughter.

Zero Dinero!

In this day and age, where Bollywood celebs are constantly fighting to be the number one and vying to be the highest paid actors, we find that some (very few) actors actually are generous enough to take on films with absolutely no to little pay. Check it out.

Bipasha Basu: The actress forgoed any amount of remuneration for her role in Lamhaa

Shahid Kapoor: When it came to his minuscle role in Paathshala, Shahid said no to any form of payment as he wanted the film to reach out to people.

Akshay Kumar: Believe it or not, Khiladi Kumar, who is known for charging immense amounts of money for his films, is taking absolutely nothing for Tees Maar Khan which is also co-producing.


John Abraham: No money was taken by John for Aashayein.


Imran Khan: As a thank you to uncle Aamir, Imran has taken nothing for Delhi Belly.

Salman Khan: The uber generous Salman Khan always does it free for his family. He charged nothing for Atul Agnihotri's Hello and friend Saawan Kumar for his film Love - The Love Season.

Shah Rukh Khan: And lastly, SRK, an actor who does nothing for free, actually worked on Bhootnath for zero paisa!

Mirch Masala

With so much going on in the news, I figured it would be a good idea to give you guys a bit of this, a dash of that and pinch of everything; thus, Mirch Masala.

And if we're talking spicy, then Bipasha Basu is as hot as they get. But the normally incredibly smart girl has a rather odd reason for not wanting to get married. Are you ready for this? She doesn't like to get dressed up and naturally would need to over-deck for her own shaadi. Erm... considering we've seen the actress really doll up on screen, this one is a really strange reason for not wanting to get married! And if I was getting married to John Abraham, I'd find no reason not to get married.

Poor Nysa Devgn, that's Kajol and Ajay's daughter. The young girl managed to somehow convince Dad to take her to Disney this summer only for him to cancel. With Kajol preggers and unable to travel, it was going to be a Father-Daughter week away but work came in the way and poor Nysa is finding herself stuck at home all summer.

Priyanka Chopra has come out to finally reveal what kind of man she wants: "I like the male chauvinist Punjabi." Much like all of us, P.C.'s ideal man has been distorted by Bollywood films. She wants a guy who will fight tooth-and-nail for her and called herself a "complete drama-momma". Either way, she isn't looking to settle down anytime soon -- five years from now is when she would like to indulge in holy matrimony. Now looking at her track record, all her ex-beaus have been pure bred Punjabis: Harman Baweja, Shahid Kapoor and even Akshay Kumar (does he count?). Hmmm... perhaps she is hinting at one of these men as a prospective husband?


Oh and lastly, India Couture Week has moved from Mumbai to Delhi. And of course, it is creating much drama! Some designers are not going, others are upset for other reasons -- you know how the fashion world works: Drama-Rama galore! Either way, I'm excited to see some outrageous designs from some of the best in the country. And and and I will be keeping a close eye on the front row to see which celebs come out to support the designs. 


Source: Mid-Day and Times of India