Do's and Don'ts for Celebs in the New Year!

2013 is only moments away and this means, it’s a good time to start afresh. For our Bollywood stars, this means they get to put the past behind them—the flop films, controversies and any other pieces of the year they’d prefer to forget. But there are some of our favorite Bollywood actors who need some help in making these resolutions. And who better but us to help them!

Bipasha Basu
It’s a real easy one for Bipasha Basu. All she really needs to do is fine a man who will marry her and her problems with be solved. And while she’s at it, can she please sign a film in which we do not need to see all of her body? I would like to see a fully clad Bipasha for a change.

Shah Rukh Khan
Shah Rukh Khan should vow to stay away from drinking, cricket, slapping people and lastly, he should run in the opposite direction from Priyanka Chopra.

Saif Ali Khan
Maybe post marriage, Kareena Kapoor can learn to cook. That way, Saif Ali Khan will stay away from hotel restaurants and thus, will not go around hitting other guests.

Rani Mukherjee
Get married and stop acting, Rani. Please spare us with another nonsensical film where we are forced to watch you overact and belly dance. Please.

Priyanka Chopra
Stay away from married men.

Ajay Devgn
Honestly Ajay, all this hoopla you created around Son of Sardar is very unlike you. Please go back to your subtle ungimmicky ways, please. We like you in silent mode.

Shahid Kapoor
If you follow Shahid Kapoor on Twitter, you know that he has serious issues with grammar and spelling. This year, maybe the actor can take some English lessons to help improve his tweets.

Karan Johar
K Jo should just promise he won’t torture us with anymore cheesy films or another season of Koffee with Karan in 2013.

Katrina Kaif
Do not kiss any co-stars in 2013 because she makes kissing looking icky and uncomfortable.

John Abraham
Please solve your issues with Bipasha and give us a break, John. We’re tired of listening to the stories and gossip.

~
First published Bollywood Hungama, December 31st, 2012

The Worst of Bollywood in 2012!

We’re all about celebrating the best in Bollywood. But the best is so overrated. We really don’t pay enough attention to what didn’t work, what failed, flopped and the worst of the year. This year, we want to take a few minutes to give thanks to the people who helped us realize the best from the worst. Thank you for taking the effort to create….disaster!

Worst Hair
What the otherwise pretty Tanushree Dutta was thinking when she chopped her long tresses for this rather obscure cut, is beyond anyone. Her reasons are personal and spiritual but for an actress who is known for being quite fashionable, this was one big major fashion faux pas on her part. Here’s hoping she goes back to a more stylish one that isn’t so weird.

Worst Comeback
Sorry Karisma Kapoor, but your straight face and non expressive acting really didn’t cut in your comeback film Dangerous Ishq. There was nothing dangerous about the film except the wretchedly boring story and your impact-less acting. For a powerhouse actress who in the past, has jutted out some of the most fiery and top notch performances in the industry, what a letdown.

Worst Lyrics of the Year
In an equal two-way tie, it’s Po-Po-Po from Son of Sardar and Ishq Wala Love from Student of the Year that take the cake for the worst lyrics of 2012. If you actually sit to listen to the both of them, you may want to shoot the lyricists for writing such horrendous lyrics. What on earth ‘po-po-po’ means, is beyond a normal persons intellectual understanding. But the bigger question is, what other means of love are there besides ‘ishq wala love’? It’s like saying water wala ice! Note to lyricists: we are intelligent beings. Please do not insult our intelligence.

Most Irritating Song of the Year
Son of Sardar’s title song has to be not only the most irritating song of the year, but of the decade even. The song refuses to make any sense, is choreographed horrendously and cannot seem to leave your head once you hear it!

Worst Hollywood Rip Off of the Year
It’s bad enough that we seem to lack enough inspiration in India that, we need to look west for remakes and rip offs, but the fact that we make them so damn badly really is disturbing. This year we were given Players, The Italian Job remake, starring all the worst actors in India. And while you make have expected it to be watchable, it was just the opposite. Boring, useless and heavily infused with bad performances, Players makes The Italian Job look like it should have been nominated for an Oscar!

Worst Jodi of the Year
We can barely manage Bipasha Basu on her own and then you go and pair her up with R. Madhavan. Mayhem! In Jodi Breakers, the duo came together for the first time as people who are looking to break up couples. In reality, the only jodi that needed to be broken was theirs. Lack of chemistry, an overweight Maddy and a-sexy-try-hard Bipasha who really needs to let it go already makes their jodi one of the worst in the history of mankind.

Dumbest Controversy of 2012
Aside from all the Shah Rukh Khan hoopla that occurred this year, it was the Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s post pregnancy weight gain drama that somehow caught the eye of the paparazzi only to be blown extremely out of proportion. They speculated, mocked, poked fun and called her all sorts of names. Clearly, the media had nothing else of importance to discuss.

Worst Item Number
Congratulations Kareena Kapoor! You win the award for the worst item number this year vis-à-vis Dil Mera Muft from Agent Vinod. So here’s the deal. She’s hot and a fabulous actress but Bebo is hardly the best dancer in the industry. And then you put her in a mujhra number? It spells disaster from the get-go. In an attempt to appear ‘different’, Bebo comes out looking rather silly and totally ruins the mujhra mood.

Worst Sequel
The deal with sequels is simple: don’t make them. While her television serials may go on for years, Ekta Kapoor needs to understand that films are a totally different ball game. When Kya Super Kool Hai Hum released, we knew it was going to be a total leave-your-brains-at-home film. But what we didn’t realize was the extent of nonsense that was going to be thrown our way. A sequel which makes the original look bad; that is Kya Super Kool Hai Hum.

Worst Onscreen Kiss
Why Katrina Kaif needed to kiss Shah Rukh Khan so many damn times in Jab Tak Hai Jaan, no one knows. But at least make the kiss somewhat believable! SRK has proven that he may be able to romance any actress onscreen, but the man cannot kiss. Let’s leave the smooching to Emraan Hashmi, please.

Worst Actress
Dear Farah Khan, you are not an actress. Shirin Farad Ki Nikhal Padi is enough evidence. You are barely a director. Please stick to choreography.

Worst Actor
For an actor that can really wow you with his performances, Ajay Devgn really failed with Son of Sardar. He failed to make us laugh, make us garner any interest in the film and failed to entertain. In what looked like a spoofy piece of acting, Ajay fell flat on his face with SoS. Definitely a performance he’d like to forget.

Worst Film
Shirish Kunder found himself in quite a tight spot with Joker. For starters, he believed he had a hit on his hands and thus, went on to make fun of Ra.One only to get slapped by SRK. Then Akshay Kumar decided to stay away from the sci-fi flick and when it hit cinemas, the only people who saw the film was most likely aliens who sat in their invisible form. A flop on all accounts and by far one of the silliest films to be made in Bollywood, Joker wins top prize at this ‘Award Function’.

~
First published Bollywood Hungama, December 28th, 2012

All Garam, No Sharam: Back with a Bang in 2012!

For the first installment of the All Garam, No Sharam Awards of 2012, you are treated to a nonstop back-fest. Like I always say, a sexy back, is just something else. It tells the world, ‘I’m strong, confident and of course, incredibly sexy.’ And because it happens to be one of the most underrated parts of the female body, you know I had to pay extra attention to it. Irrespective of the season or reason, a back can be exposed and displayed. Our Bollywood ladies know this only too well. Check out some of the best backs that have been paraded this year.

5. Chitrangada Singh
This is Chitrangada Singh’s first time on the backless chart. The dusky beauty has every reason to be on the list with her back expose at the Filmfare Awards this year. She is hardly one to back down from showing some skin and in her solid chalky dress which she rocked, all she had to do was turn around to make her sexy quotient known.

4. Bipasha Basu
A backless countdown is incomplete without Bipasha Basu. While the actress has hit a somewhat slump vis-à-vis her career, she refuses to back down from being one of the fittest and sexiest actresses in the industry. At Karan Johar’s big birthday do, she turned up in a black backless number which caused the shutterbugs to click, click, click. Second time around, she posed in a white graceful serene dress for Filmfare exhibiting her toned perfect back. Sexy and how!

3. Kareena Kapoor
Bebo darling may be a married woman now but she isn’t about to ditch her glamorous avatar for anything or anyone. Post her wedding, she was clicked in a newlywed dulhan inspired red sari. And just when you thought she’d gone the sati savitri way, she turned around to show off her backless choli. But this is how she is, surprising you when you least expect it. I want to add that nothing screams sexy like a woman in a backless desi outfit.

2. Malaika Arora Khan
She is by far, the yummiest mummy in town and this is her USP as far as she is concerned. So when you see Malaika Arora Khan showing up backless, it shouldn’t really surprise you. But it never fails to sit and gape at how she finds innovative ways to pose and flaunt her sexy body—back included. Check her out in this backless romper which puts her back and a whole bunch of other things on show.

1. Deepika Padukone
My favorite fashionista Deepika Padukone will more than likely make (and top) most of the lists at the All Garam, No Sharam 2012 Awards. And why not? She knows exactly how to show off every part of her ultra toned body which she works super hard for. D-Pad in a backless low (how low!) dress at the Filmfare Awards had tongues wagging while she calmly strut her stuff down the red carpet. If anyone knows how to bring sexy back, it definitely is Miss Padukone.

Alright, that’s it then, the backs of 2012. While you sit and ogle, gain inspiration or simply admire these ladies and their backless moments, I’ll be right back.

Fashion Fail: B-town ladies who messed it up!

There are those who are fashion forward. And then there are fashion fools. While the former know how to keep it chic and chick, the latter choose to pile it on and well, commit some of the most classic fashion faux pas known to mankind. Within the film industry they come in two groups: the stylish and the garish. The stylish, we mimic; the garish drive you ballistic. Here are some ladies who failed to get the: 'Please take a second look before you leave your house' memo and landed up looking, well, looking like this.

Kajol

She gave the fashion disaster world hope, she really did. But Kajol has proved that once a fashion victim, always a fashion victim. She's never really been one of the more stylish actresses around. In fact, she was branded as an actress with zero style quotient and we had made our peace with it. 'At least she can act,' we told ourselves. And then 2012 she came out ready to rock the fashion world. Then this happens. At the recent GQ Men's Award, Kajol turned up, husband by her side in a silver Prabal Gurung dress looking well, odd. The dress fit awkwardly around her body making her look wider while the length of her gown exposed her legs and ghastly shoes. We'd much rather see her in classic ethic wear which she manages to carry off with finesse.

Bipasha Basu

For an actress who has such a hot bod, Bipasha Basu sure got it wrong with a Shrivan-Narresh sari. First and foremost, the color palette didn't work for the dusky beauty and all that skin show, which was supposed to make her look like a Kama Sutra model, we believe, made her look vulgar instead. While the bikini blouse normally looks flattering on svelte actresses like herself, it just didn't work for Bips. The thin straps made her shoulders look broader and sari itself looked like a bed sheet. Add to that a dated hairstyle and someone please call fashion police!

Rani Mukerji

So I guess for Rani, it was convenience meets fashion, i.e. night wear meets sleep wear. Ms. Mukerji turned up to best bud Karan Johar's birthday bash in a silver unfitted gown which could have easily doubled as a night gown. Not only did she look incredibly bulky, but there was nothing relatively good about her look. Even the deep back couldn't help sex up her outfit. And that awful up do make her look a lot older. Sadly her career and fashion sense are in need of help, pronto!

Shenaz Treasuryvala

If you're not a well known actress and you are limited on the work you do, shouldn't you really be more cautious about your sense of style at least? You'd think Shenaz Treasuryvala would be a bit smarter with her choice of clothing in hopes to bag a film or two. But instead, she gives us a drabby take on a cut out top and an unnecessarily striped skirt. And what is up with those awful wedges? No, no, no, Shenaz! We know you like to keep it sexy, but this is trashy.

Ekta Kapoor

She may be the queen of soaps but she sure doesn't have the fashion sense of one. Where do we even begin with Ekta Kapoor? Whether it's her wretched choice of shoes - those chunky platforms slippers, which follow her everywhere, or her choice of clothes which no one really gets, it's just fashion mayhem for the savviest Kapoor in town. Normally, most of the rather awkwardly fashioned ladies in Bollywood seem to get it right with their ethnic wear. Not Ekta. She fails in that department too. It's rather sad though, she does have a pretty face.

It's fine if you want to do be different to make a fashion statement, but ladies, the only reason you should be dressing this way is if you're starring in a Ram Gopal Varma horror film. Which none of you are…are you?

~

First published Bollywood Hungama, October 20, 2012 

Filmy Fashion Files: Current Trends!

Being a fashionista in Bollywood is hardly a task for our A-listed actresses; it’s a way of life. Whether they’re spotted at the airport, at big industry dos or even at charity events, they’re dressed to kill…and ready to be clicked by the media who cannot seem to get enough of them. Not only do they follow trends, they create them too. This season, they seem to be accessorizing and sporting clothes of different styles and prints. And if you’re looking for some fashion inspiration, here’s your low down!

While the city of Mumbai doesn’t seem to have autumn as a season, our Bollywood stars are not ones to stay too far behind in keeping up with fall trends. The first of which is the scarf. Whether it’s short or long, silk or wool, Bollywood loves this accessory right now. Gauri Khan was spotted wearing hubby SRK’s skulled out scarf while Kareena Kapoor, who is rarely spotted devoid of a scarf, takes to longer, chunkier ones. Styling and scarf tying, is totally at random, of course. While some choose to go fancy, chic or bohemian, others prefer a more casual “tossed-around-my-neck” look.

Another accessory that seems to be making it to the ramp and at events is the chunky neck pieces. But there is trick to wearing neck wear of this caliber: keep the outfit simple. Check out how the actress of the moment, Sridevi, keeps her green dress to a complete minimum while she pairs it with a beaded necklace. And if you’re going to opt for even more solid colors, add a pop of color to your neck with your neck piece to add that extra oomph ala Kangna Ranaut to make a statement.

The dhoti pant has come a long way in Indian fashion. But it’s only now that it has been westernized and styled enough also, to make it a fashionable to sport at events and parties. Whether it’s Priyanka Chopra or Chitrangada Singh, they all seem to be donning the dhoti in a variety of colors, prints and lengths even. Add a pair of heels or some good old fashioned mojaaris, and you’re good to go.

It doesn’t look like bright lips are going anywhere, anytime soon. Whether it’s the dusky Bipasha Basu or the porcelain skinned Kareena Kapoor, they all seem to finding bright pinks and cherry reds to paint on their pouts. The key is to pick a color that suits your personality and skin too.

When it comes to footwear this season, our Bollywood celebs will keep themselves heeled but studded too. The rocker look seems to be dominating their feel this season as they will be spotted with metallic studs of all shapes and sizes scattered all over their shoes. But it’s Deepika Padukone who’s rocking it out in her studded heels on this month’s Vogue cover. You can expect the rest of the actresses to follow suit right about….now.

~


First published BollywoodHungama, October 13, 2012

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Boobalicious in 2011!

It’s finally that time folks, where we crown the diva who has worked, what is perhaps the most crucial asset to any heroine in Bollywood. Yes, guys and dolls, this is mother of the All Garam, No Sharam Awards: The Rack of the Year. In the past, our actresses have been slightly conservative with the amount of cleavage they display. Now however, actresses are hotter than the Sahara in July and displaying boobage hardly generates much shock value. This year there have been ladies who have let it all out (if you know what I mean) and others who’ve messed with your head and teased you. Either way, they are all deserving of a mention. Here’s counting down the top five ladies who’ve done it shamelessly in style.

5. Kangna Ranaut
Where did those boobs come from? That is the real question here. Known for being flat-chested and how, it surprised moviegoers when all of a sudden Kangna Ranaut was seen looking boobalicious in Rascals. Whether it was in her white bikini or in the low-necked dresses she sported, her new “friends” were in the limelight. And you can be sure, you’ll see more of them in the future.

4. Bipasha Basu
There was a time where Bipasha Basu’s honkers made tongues wag among other things. And while they still make eyes widen, we see far too less of her…and her boobies. So this year, we caught her exposing her assets at the IIFA 2011 Fashion Show where she walked the ramp for Sabyasachi Mukherjee. Small choli intact, Bipasha strut her stuff as she revealed her babies.

3. Kareena Kapoor
Bebo is not only bootylicious and poutalicious but the pretty Kapoor also has one of the hottest racks in the industry. Kareena’s Chammak Challo number showed quite a good amount of boobage which looked incredibly hot behind that sizzling red choli. Sadly, there are no good images that do justice to her jobes in the song. But to confirm her that she is indeed boobaclious, this should do.

2. Mallika Sherawat

She has one of the best set in the industry, hands down. Perhaps if we appreciated Mallika Sherawat’s beamers a bit more, she’d ditch Hollywood for us. This year we saw play item girl to a number of movies but she did grace us with a sizzling FHM cover where her perfectly round perky breasts were displayed in full tashan. Oh and she did this topless cover shoot as an apology for Hisss. Thank you M.S. Thank you so much.

1. Vidya Balan
Viyda Balan may have starred in a film called The Dirty Picture but there was nothing even remotely grubby about her and her blinkers performance. They were all over the place! In fact, we saw nearly every angle of her breasts which spilled out of her choli and took over the screen. Despite the fact that she was rather chunky in the film, she still rocked her bosom exposure which were lifted, smushed and enhanced. However you look at it, she is this year’s queen and her boobs take the crown for the best guns of the year.

It's a wrap folks! That ends this year’s installment of the “All Garam, No Sharam Awards”. Thank you all for audaciously indulging in the best of besharami in 2011. Here’s hoping 2012 will be more shameless and hotter! Until next year, ta-ta.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bringing Sexy Back!

The "All Garam, No Sharam Awards" of 2011 begins by counting down the top five hottest backs that have been displayed by our leading actresses this year. I had to begin with this one because a ladies back is easily one of the most underrated parts of her body. A woman who can cover up and put her back on for show says, "I'm confident and sexier than the rest." True story. Screw the boobs and booty, a sexy back is something else. Back to countdown- pun unintended, the criterion for this one was simple: silky, smooth, sexy.

6. Mahi Gill
She was supremely hot in both her films this year. However, it was Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster that made us all stand 'up' and take notice of Mahi Gill. She is one actress who has been exhibiting her sexy back in a variety of attires throughout her time as an actress, but in 2011 we saw her go Desi-glam with her last film. Of course, her backless sari blouses and cholis made the men swoon and sweat while women went green with envy.

5. Anushka Sharma
The otherwise conservative actress who chooses to keep herself rather covered in the past, let it go this year. Who woulda known Anushka Sharma had a sexy back? We’ve all seen her tiny waist but clearly she was hiding her lean back from us. I hear she also puts it all on for a look-see in Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl. But the question still remains unanswered: why was she hiding it? We may have not known but I know one person who definitely did: Ranveer Singh.

4. Katrina Kaif
Katrina has always had one; a sexy back that is. But she is really “bring it back” with her Maxim shoot. Now you've seen her in many avatars, but this one beats any one in my opinion. For those of you who thought she couldn't get hotter, check this out. And by the way, how silky mulayam is her back?

3. Deepika Padukone
It’s no surprise that D-Pad (what kinda moniker is that?) is on this list. You will probably see her again on another list later on but for now, check out a pink-cladded Deepika and her dress which goes down, down, down only to expose what is easily a beautiful back. P.S. She's one hottie who can really work that side cleavage too, no?

2. Bipasha Basu
You know what’s weird? We’ve practically seen every part of Bipasha’s hot body but how many times have you thought, “Wow! She’s bringing sexy back?” Never na? Neither. Our eyes wander all over Bips but let’s be nice and pay some appreciation to her back? Naturally, she works it and how. But that's what Bips does best; show and show some more.

1. Vidya Balan
After losing the Aunty tag (finally), it's Vidya Balan who takes the cake and the cherry this Dirty December. While she too will make more appearances in a few more countdowns, Ms. Balan is literally screaming come hither in her completely backless Desi avatar. Devoid of a sari blouse and draped in a white sari, she's working it and ain't no body complaining. Mind you, this is pre The Dirty Picture. Post, of course, we were "treated" (if you choose to call it that) to much more from the lady. But that was her jiggly side. This is her, toned and tan tana! 

While most will claim this one is for the men, ladies, you have to take a minute to hand it to these women for exhibiting a side that is not appreciated enough. Fine, that is hardly a good enough reason. So tomorrow, I promise a countdown especially for the ladies. Until then, be right back. Now that one is pun intended!

The Bollywood Spit Chain!

In Bollywood, the phrase, “What’s yours in mine,” applies in every which way. Sometimes its films; other times, its people. It’s as though our stars love to play Pass the Parcel with regards to the special ones in their lives of course. And so if actress A is seen in the bahon mein of actor B, very shortly after, she can be seen in the arms of actor C too. Growing up in school, we adopted a Spit Chain theory. Via this funda, we were able theoretically determine which of our mates had “swapped spit” unknowingly. When it comes to our Bollywood stars, they happen to be rock stars on screen and even in the chain. While in some instances, the chain can get complicated (read: knotted and how), it is interesting to see how many of our favorite celebs are spittingly connected to one another.

Kareena-Shahid-Bipasha
This one is hot off the press. While Kareena Kapoor’s most grandest performance has been her rendition of Geet in Jab We Met with Shahid Kapur, it was her relationship with her co-star which had tongues a-wagging. However it was very quickly after JWM that their relationship came it an end. The actors then moved on to other people. Bebo found solace in the arms of Saif Ali Khan while Shahid was seen out and about with a bunch of ladies. But more recently, he’s been spotted with love bites courtesy of his latest lady love, one Bipasha Basu. After her breakup with John Abraham, the fate of Bips’ love life was rather misconstrued. However, Shahid and Bipasha, have chosen to keep their newbie relationship on the
down-low…for now at least. And in more recent news, Bips has supposedly moved onto Rana Daggubati. Oh Bips, how quick she moves.

Nitty-Gritty’s: Bipasha and Saif have been said to been seeing each other at one point while Bips and Bebo haven’t seen eye-to-eye on too many occasions.

Karisma-Abhishek-Ash-Salman
Karisma Kapoor and Abhishek Bachchan were the golden couple in Bollywood after they announced their engagement. However, their engagement saw the same fate as their movies together: flop. While Karisma went on to move on from Abhishek to one Delhi industrialist, Bachchan junior found himself gravitating towards a newly singled Aishwarya Rai. She of course, had gotten out of a controversial relationship with Salman Khan and Vivek Oberoi. Very quickly, shading from the media’s glare, they indulged in quite a romantic relationship and soon, found themselves marrying with a baby on the way.

Nitty-Gritty’s: Salman Khan and Karisma Kapoor happen to be incredibly good friends and have starred in a number of hit films together.

Raveena-Shilpa-Akshay-Twinkle (with a pinch of Priyanka)
Back in the nineties, it was Raveena Tandon and Akshay Kumar who were happening in Tinseltown. Their raunchy dance numbers and many films together had people talking and how. Rumors even spoke of a hidden marriage between the two. However, all fell apart with Raveena choosing to marry an industrialist while Akshay moved on to the very svelte Shilpa Shetty. In a hush-hush relationship, they danced to a Chura Ke Dil Mera until overnight Akshay appeared on stage married to Twinkle Khanna. Shilpa became a thing of the past. But it was not all blissful sadly. Twinkle and Akshay appeared to be hunky dory until Priyanka Chopra entered the filmy scene…and Akshay’s life. A sizzling affair between the two began until he was caught red-handed by his wifey and thus, quickly decided to lead a life of ghulaami.

Nitty-Gritty’s: In between Raveena and Shilpa, Akshay was seen out and about with Pooja Batra too.

Ranbir: Sonam-Deepika-Katrina-Nargis and so on...
Now where to start with Ranbir Kapoor’s Spit Chain? His starts far beyond anyone can even remember! As far my Bollywood memory can take me back, he’s been seen smooching nearly every heroine of his. It all started with his first co-star Sonam Kapoor. Now the duo have gone on to say they never had a love relationship. “We grew up together!” they said in unison. And then Ranbir was in a full-fledged pyar with the long legged Deepika Padukone. They were seen everywhere together until she wanted more; shaadi that is. He said, “No!” and waved adios. Moving on swiftly, he found himself in the company of Katrina Kaif. Yet again a round of, “We’re just friends!” happened. We yawned until he grew bored of her and then he was seen chilling on the sets of an upcoming film with newbie costar, Nargis Fakhri.

Nitty-Gritty’s: Supposedly there have been a couple of gals in between. But who’s keeping count?

Emraan Hashmi: He in himself is an institution in the world of The Spit Chain. The actor has swapped saliva with so many actresses, it really is hard to keep track. Thus, the kissing/serial kisser takes the cake and cherry when it comes to The Spit Chain and so, courtesy of Emraan Hashmi, the entire industry has practically kissed on another.

Nitty-Gritty's: Mallika Sherawat claims Hashmi isn't such a fab kisser after all but who believes her....right?

Bollywood: Hai Tamasha!

Is she? Is she not?

I love Bollywood. I love it for the stereotypes, the prejudices, the forgery and especially for the drama. Lately, we've been hit with heaps of high drama from my favorite film industry. From Ash's pregnancy to Uday Chopra deciding to call it quits in films and Amisha-Bipasha's feud over wearing similar dresses at the IIFA this year. Either way, it makes my masala-filled mind work overtime, as I try and figure out why there is so much gosh darn high or haiiii, tamasha!

Let's start at the top. So Aishwarya Rai Bachchan is preggos. A stalk (what is a Desi stalk called by the way?) will visit the Bachchan's home in four months from now. Hold on a minute. Four months? So Ash has been tugging her little one along for five months now? Uh, okay. So basically, she knew she was going to be a Mommy when she signed on Heroine and when she out in Cannes promoting the film. Does anyone else all of a sudden see why Madhur Bandarkar might be a wee bit upset? I do. I've always said that Ash is a pro-manipulator. She can work her charm, plastic charm that is, but really, being so selfish in life is a new side to Ash. It really makes me question her priorities: motherhood or fame?  But what I cannot understand is where all this "pregnancy discrimination" is coming from. She is with child! How on earth does anyone expect to see her act in a film while she's piling on motherhood pounds? In fact, if anything, she should be opting out from the film herself or, madame Ash, you shouldn't have signed on the film in the first place! As for rumors of her being seen at an IVF clinic in Bangkok which specializes in ensuring baby boys, well, I don't know what to say about that. I understand the need for her to produce a male heir to the "throne" and we all know her womb is slightly old, she is in her late thirties, but a clinic? Really?

Monkey Chopra

Havoc broke all over Twitter when Uday Chopra, yes "the" U.C., announced that Dhoom 3 was going to be his last film. Twitter erupted into utter chaos. "Why! Why?" they questioned, "Why was he doing this to us?" No one could understand why the youngest Chopra was quitting films. So devastated was Twitter by this announcement, he actually began to trend clearly indicating that no matter how small (or big) your news is, if people care enough, you will trend. With his declaration, ends an era in Hindi films. What does his retirement mean for Hindi cinema? For starters, the YashRaj officially has no acting heir to their kingdom. They were counting on Uday to take the family name ahead with his acting "talents". However, it wasn't meant to be. The curtains fell rather quickly for U.C. But who will we poke fun at? The thought of having no Uday to sit and laugh at during films that he made for himself, well, that is so unfair. He didn't even think about us before deciding to quit. Haiii. I guess if we ever do "miss" Uday, we could pop in Pyaar Impossible; that one never grows old. For now though, it's shutter down, dhukand bandh for U.C.

Wonder if they remember
these days....

And as for, the Amisha-Bipasha dress ordeal, I vaguely remember the girls indulging in major beef back in the day. Maybe this is Bollywood God's way of telling you girls to let it go. How much will you ladki's fight anyway? So you wore similar dresses. It's not as though anyone was looking at you both. Let's face it; Amisha's career is DOA while Bips' is headed the same direction. My advice, Amisha no one cares about you, so let it go. Bipasha, cut the crap, kiss and make up; you're gonna need a few friends now since films ain't working for you and Amisha looks like she could be your best bet.

Hai Ram; the tamashas! Amidst the grueling heat, all this talk of drama really makes you want to indulge in an ice cool Limca or some chickoo kulfi. But since, I'm stuck on the wrong side of the world, I'll make do with some ice cold water, limboo maar ke.

100 Word Review: Dum Maaro Dum

Rohan Sippy is back again with yet another twisted film…which makes no real sense. Set in Goa, Dum Maaro Dum tells a story about love and deceit, ambition and money, drugs and sex. A desperate U.S. bound student, a corrupt cop, an ambitious air stewardess all get involved in a drug scam. DMD attempts to create a sense of mystery but only makes you yawn. Besides young Prateik Babbar, the rest of the cast, Bachchan Jr. included do an average job. But this is only because the script is so lackluster and confusing. Only reason to watch? Deepika’s item song.

Biased Bipasha Basu

Bipasha Basu has always been one of the most honest and educated actresses who speaks sense. But the actress went on to totally piss me off today. Her yummy boyfriend John Abraham was caught in 2006 for rash driving after his bike collided with a cyclist. He injured two including himself and while he rushed the victims to the nearest government hospital and drove himself to a posh luxury hospital. And of course courtesy of the Indian judicial system, he only received his sentence for his crime now in 2010. It wasn’t too much – just 15 days in jail. Needless to say, he managed to put bail and thus, is still out and about.

Now what irks me about Basu is the manner in which she handled her beau’s sentencing. Absolutely nothing about his accident screams decent. The fact that he was driving rashly and caught means that the actor was not being the so-called law abiding citizen he claims to be. Fine you wear a helmet and preach the importance of it, but when you drive like you own the street and then manage to hit two innocent pedestrians on cycles, and then you drive them to a government hospital when he gets treated at a classy treatment facility. Uh… so the government hospital isn’t worthy of you? Or maybe it’s the other way; the citizens aren’t worth the expense of the renowned Lilavati Hospital. Whatever it is, it basically proves one thing: John Abraham, you ain’t no angel.

Alright so he finally gets his judgment and apparently, when it was read out to him, the actor went pale in the face. Of course he did. Which actor wouldn’t? After all, a prison cell in Mumbai wouldn’t be anything like your Pali Hill apartment. But then the highlight of all this are the comments from Bipasha Basu.

Her first statement was, “He is not an irresponsible person. In fact, he’s very conscious of his social responsibilities. Its unfair to punish him for an incident in which he was hurt the most.” Are you for real? The fact that he was out and driving like a maniac proves that irrespective of who was hurt most, he was the offender. And just because you happen to be a celebrity, it doesn’t mean that he deserves special treatment.

And then the icing on the cake was, “As an individual and a citizen of this country, I can only say what I feel. And I have to say, with due respect to the legal system, that John doesn’t deserve this. Just because he happens to be a star, he’s an easy target. The same offence committed by a non-celebrity would most likely be treated differently. Since he rides a bike, he’s very careful about road rules. He doesn’t allow any of his friends to drive out on a bike without a helmet. He doesn’t bribe the cops, he pays his taxes… what is he being punished for?” Really Bipasha. We expect much more from you. If a “normal” person had committed the same crime, you wouldn’t have heard of it because he would have been sentenced immediately and I guarantee he would have been imprisoned for more than 15 days. In addition, he would have been the subject of physical abuse. And IF by chance you would have heard of the incident, you would have said that the judicial system was right to punish him for such a crime. So don’t give us this bull.

The Indian government has to come down hard on wreckless driving because far too many rich kids and celebs like John Abraham believe that they can get away with it. In the meantime, people die and suffer at the lost of a family member who is a son, a father and an earner for the family. So next time Bipasha, save it. We know celebs want special treatment. But you ain’t getting it.

Bips-John: Finito!

Bipasha Basu and John Abraham are official over. Yes people, after 10 sexy years, they've decided that it really isn't going to be happily ever after for them. Rumors making the rounds include Bipasha insisting on marriage with John not interested in being tied down. In addition, their nonstop link ups is also said to have caused the couple to rethink their relationship before ultimately calling it quits.

Bipasha has repeatedly denied their break up but sources close to the couple claim otherwise. In fact some have gone on to tell publications that John has completely stopped thinking about Bipasha. However, they will still make public appearances together. Reason, unknown.

Sadness.