The Urban Rickshaw: Of Kim and Barbies!

The Urban Rickshaw is my attempt at a monthly column. Why the title? Umm, quite simply cause I’m as urban as they get (ironically, I currently reside in the burbs of California but boo hoo) and the autorickshaw is my most favorite mode of transport. There’s no real smart funda here. But figuratively speaking, The Urban Rickshaw aims to take you on a “ride” through issues and news that affects modern, urban folks— much like us. All this as you chill on my rickshaw, of course.

Kim Kardashian…if only she were Desi 

They knew early!

So for all this talk about love and nuptials, Kim has really put herself in quite a predicament with her 72 day marriage, no? While the international media is calling this a staged act, a publicity stunt and so on, here’s a Desi girl’s take on the her quickie marriage and even quicker divorce. Personally, I’m slightly more conservative when it comes to marriage— this is my OTT Desi opinion, but I think marriage is a bond forever. No matter how hard it gets. Please note: I am a byproduct of a “broken home” putting it politically incorrectly. My parents worked at it for seventeen years before they called it quits. Kim’s 72 days is a complete sham in comparison. On the other hand, if I shed my conservative mask, I think she knew she was doomed from the beginning. For all those who followed Kim and Kris Humphries from their courting to marriage, you figured out rather early that he was a royal jerk. That said, she could have easily called it off, one would think. Problem is she would have lost out on close to $18 million buckaroos. Ain’t nobody gonna give that up. And so, it made more sense for her to live with the jerk— yes, that is what we are naming him forever, stick it out for a few days, all of 72, and then ta-ta bye-bye. Now if Kim were Desi, she may have stuck it out a bit more: 720 days at least. Then we probably wouldn’t have deemed her pathetic and so on. Where do I lie with this? On the fence. So I put this to the one woman who would give me the best explanation: my grandmother. Her answer: “What do Americans know about marriage? It’s a joke for them. And a woman is incomplete without a man, you know (this was a stab at me, by the way). Now everyone will look at her and say, ‘See she couldn’t even keep her man.’” On a side note, I refused to tell her this was her second marriage. I was too worried she’d have a heart attack.

Barbie Gone Deglam

Barbie the Nerd

I really thought it was only our Bollywood actresses who went about scraping for deglam roles because they believed it would add substance to their careers. Negative. The makers of Barbie have come out with this new angle to Barbie called, “I Can Be”. The idea is to normalize Barbie. So now instead of Princess Barbie and Prom Barbie, you can have Architect Barbie—which is apparently the 2011 career of the year (where they got this from, I have no idea). Is anyone else really bummed by this? I’ll be the first to admit it. I loved Barbie as a child. But I liked her cause she was out of the ordinary, popular and perfect. Barbie didn’t go to school, struggle with acne or bullying. She was OTT and that was the magnetizing factor. She was anything but regular. By normalizing her, Mattel has totally taken away the Barbie novelty factor. What upset me even more was when I saw Computer Engineer Barbie. Imagine all the sleazy Desi guys at Cisco Bangalore. The thought of a Barbie working in their office must really make them want to work “harder”. In the words of Twitter, #epicfail.

And keeping with the theme of autorickshaws, guess what? Mumbai rickshaw wallahs will now be given a lesson or two in politeness and etiquette. Yeah, no more rude crude drivers. What more could you want? The best mode of transport and good service too. Oh and soon, you’ll be able to dial and call for a rick. It just gets better!

Dodging the Marriage Question!

Ever since I’ve turned 25, my life has been plagued by a single question: “When will you get married?” In all honesty, I never thought I’d be bothered incestuously by this question because in my mind, I had it all planned out. A stable job, a committed relationship followed by marriage. All this by at 26. So the fact that I am actually writing about being pestered to get married says two things: 1) I am clearly older than 25, and 2) my plan failed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all flustered or irritated that my plan didn’t work. In fact, praise the lord it didn’t because I would most likely have married the wrong man and never succumbed to my real passion: writing. Anyway, this is all irrespective. So here I am, loitering between 25 and 30 being told on a daily basis that I should be taking the plunge. Amidst all the nagging and blackmailing, I look to my close friends for solace and comfort. Girls similar to my age who understand the pressures but choose to take in-one-ear and out-the-other attitude simply tell me: “Don’t settle for settling!”

That very statement got me thinking. Ultimately what is the definition of “settling down”? I look at myself as being very settled in life vis-à-vis a secure job, good friends, a solid income, roof over my head and success at a constant pace. Technically, isn’t that being settled? But no. In actuality, the Indian culture insists that 'Settling Down' requires you to be married, change your last name and have a man in your life. And until you can check off each of those criterion, you are pretty much unsettled. But you know what’s the strangest part of this entire scenario? The mere fact that as Indian girls, we are told to never settle. “Never settle for the anything but the best,” we are told whether it’s our grades, a job or a car. And mind you, these material artifacts are temporary while a marriage is theoretically forever. But who can question the numerous contradictions that exist in our society? Forget the fact that it hasn’t changed in eras but who has the energy to sit and explain that times have changed.

So what do you do in such a situation? Instead of sitting and cribbing about it, here's my two-pence at easing your pain. Over a girl's night filled with wine and cheese, a bunch of my girlfriends and I wrote a list of ways to answer, avoid or simply dodge the dreaded marriage conversation.

1) Next time you are asked, “When will you get married?” or the likes of it, answer with the following: “When God puts him in my life.” Who has the audacity to question what God has in store for you? Watch how the questioner simply looks away never to ask you the question again…or for a while at least.

2) If you find yourself stuck in a situation where you’re cornered by your parents, in one of those “come sit with us” moments, we suggest you simply tune out. Think about your upcoming Friday plans. This is the ideal time to plan your outfit and shoes.

3) My personal favorite is when I am asked by my Grandmother, “When will it be your turn?” I simply say to her sweetly (don’t want to upset my cutesy Nani), “I’m ready to marry. In fact I’ve even found the man. Please let know I’m ready.” And after she laughs, I add, “I won’t say a word! I’ll just land up at the temple ready in a designer red sari!” While this is only a temporary dodge, it is more than likely the conversation will move from your wedding to Ranbir Kapoor’s last or upcoming flick.

4) And lastly, when in doubt, quote women who married late in life. I always find myself using Aishwarya Rai Bachchan as a prime example. The lady married at 33 and look at who she got? The very suave and cute Abhishek Bachchan. So who knows!

The lesson here is simple ladies. You will be questioned and how. But if you won’t even settle for a bad haircut, should you settle for just Mr. Alright-Kinda-Sorta?

First published: The Brown Girl Mag

Why I'm Single? Blame Bollywood!

As you get closer to 30, life becomes the biggest oxymoron in the world. You're a lot comfortable in certain spaces, i.e. career and lifestyle, but god forbid you happen to be approaching the big Three-O, you're Desi and you're single, well, you're happiness is screwed. People can't fathom, accept or understand even, why on earth I've apparently chosen to be alone at 28. On a daily basis, I am asked in a number of ways, "When will it be your turn?" Sometimes, it's out of sheer concern and thus, I'll get a nice pat on the head followed by a quick blessing by an elder. Other times, it's out of spite. The tone changes and judgements run through the mind of the asker (that's not a word by the way) who is either flashing a rocky diamond engagement ring or is 'happily' married. Honestly, depending on my mood and who's asking, I change my answer. But nowadays, I have been asking myself that very question: "Why am I single?" And then today, an revelation occurred. As we turned around the bend into our building complex, we prayed for one parking spot; instead we found three. I turned to Mom and said, "You shoulda asked for a million bucks!" Her response: "That won't come so easily; but a silly parking spot will." In jest, I replied, "You shoulda asked for a husband for me then!" We laughed and then as I unloaded groceries from the car, in true Bollywood fashion, I realized: I'm screwed.

Yeah, not happening.

Of course, I'm single; I'm  addicted to Bollywood! Anyone who is as fanatical and passionate about Hindi films as I am, wants the ultimate Bollywood love story. It can't be one which is easy, simple or straightforward. No way! And it can't be one that doesn't have some takraar to begin with. In an ideal situation, I'd bump into him as I walk home from the library (when was the last time I did that again?) and my books would fall. He'd help me pick them up as I would murmur cliched lines, "Dekhke chal nahin sakte?" Our eyes would meet and he'd realize I was the girls of his dreams. I'd walk in the opposite direction wondering what happened as we'd break into a song and dance montage in our minds. I think I'll stop here - you get the idea and if I continue, I'll go on for ages creating a script you've seen millions of times.

As I walked up to my front door, I had perhaps one of the biggest reality checks of my life. I'll never have a Bollywood love story; they don't exist. He will not bump into me, and no, he will definitely put a red dupatta on my head to hint that I'll make a beautiful bride. And no, I'll never get a song to be manaoed when I'm upset or angry. "All that only happens in the movies." Whoever said that knew exactly what they were talking about. So the next time someone asks me, "Why aren't you married?" or "When will it be your turn?", I'm simply gonna answer, "Ask the Bollywood Gods. They've shelved my love story for now." Hmph.

Clean Bowled!

Just today I told a friend on Facebook, who wants to date a guy who can play the guitar, that I officially want to marry one that plays cricket. In all honesty, my immense and intense love for cricket is not new. In fact, I've always loved the sport. My feelings for it however, had really been repressed. But that's in the past, I'm all about the sport once again. Okay so getting back to marrying a cricketer, he doesn't necessarily have to be a professional cricketer but basically one who loves the sport as much as I do and plays pretty gosh darn well. In light of this new found realization, I sat down to think about all my favorite cricketers. The following men have won my heart for various reasons. Hey, I'm not one of those girls who swoon over cricketers who are just absolutely cute and how - na ji na! Play good cricket along with being cute works even better for me. Okay so the gentlemen who have bowled me over and how, here we go.

Bowled Middle Stump: Sachin Tendulkar
If anyone in the Indian team knows how to make my heart beat, it is Sachin Tendulkar. Besides being the best in the world, he also happens to own an amazing personality, a humble heart and a cutesy smile. But what really works for me is some of his best shots. When he hits his classic cover drives, I find my heart pacing until the ball reaches the boundary line. The maestro's late cuts, straight drives and his cut shots make me want to collapse. And it's not because it's a great shot, but the manner in which he places the ball along with immense skill just works wonders for me. Add to that the fact that he bowls one hell of a legspin, and voila, the master blaster can blow you away! A great father and a fabulous husband, Sachin really is one helluva dude.

Caught at Slip: Rahul Dravid

My crush on Rahul Dravid ended the day he decided to marry. Hmph. I've always had a soft spot for "The Great Indian Wall". His genuineness and down to earth temperament won me over the first time I saw Dravid play. While he does take some time to set in, when he's completely in the groove, he is hard to destruct. Dravid is known for being one the most technically perfect cricketers that has graced Indian cricket. His pull shots and cover drives are beautifully timed while his fielding at the slips, he rarely failed to miss a catch. And with a smile like that, he definitely does have his share of share of girls running after him. Myself included!

LBW: Kapil Dev

We all have our favorite veteran cricketing stars. My favorite retro cricketer is definitely, Kapil Dev. My fondness for him began after I realized that the cricketer bared an uncanny resemblance to my late grandfather. And it didn't end there. Their personalities and incredibly humble nature matched too. When talking about his skill, well, jitni tareef karu, utni kaam hai. An all rounder, a fabulous successful captain and a patriot, Dev saab is one man who literally is cricket personified. He exuberates "The Gentlemen's Game" with his polite nature and simplicity.

Googly: Virat Kohli

Currently, this young cricketer is making my heart swoon and how! Whether it's his fiery attitude, his cute smile or his batting abilities, it all just works for me. I only took notice of Kohli very recently, so really, my admiration for him is rather new. However, I really do believe this lad is going far. His fielding is always top notch which is great as he sets high standards for the rest of the team to keep to par and he performed pretty well at every World Cup match this tournament. But more than anything, he's superly duperly utterly butterly cute. Works for me!

Caught Behind Wicket: Mahendra Singh Dhoni

Smart. Savvy. Shrewd. Dhoni, India's most successful captain, is one guy who took time to win me over. Everyone was screaming about Dhoni and I would simply yawn. However, his quiet but sly nature wasn't one to be taken for granted. Whether he's captaining behind the stumps or batting on the field, he knows his place in the team and is all about motivating the team. His choice of pronouns must be noted. It is rare that he uses "I" or "him"; it's always "we" and "us". Good call! His captains innings at the 2011 World Cup final did it for me. Dhoni won me over and I was out!

Future pati dev, wherever you are, whoever you are...are you taking notes?

Vivek to get Hitched!

Congratulations Vivek Oberoi! Yes, the actor is all set to tie the knot come this October. The actor has had a wretched past with relationships ala Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. However, the actor never gave up on love and thus, he has finally found himself tying the knot with Priyanka Alva. It is arranged but the Vivek and Priyanka do know each other as they worked closely together while volunteering from an orphanage. Apparently, Vivek fell in love with Priyanka's simplicity and honesty.

Those are all the details we have for now, but take a look at a picture of the would-be Mrs. Oberoi!

Dear Newly-Engaged and Newly-Married Couples,

When I first heard of your engagement, I was extremely happy for you. I am always happy when my friends and family give me good news. And wedding news is always great to hear. However, why is it that after you fall into the "engaged" or "married" status, you immediately become a guru in love, relationships and marriage? And what's worst, is that you feel the need to impose your choice of engagement or marriage on me! Why? Its bad enough that I have to listen to your nonstop banter about nothing except wedding preparations or how amazing married life is, but then you come out and lecture me on being single; like I'm some kind of untouchable! In all honesty, its really not required as I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions about love and marriage myself. If and when, I do need advice, you can be sure I will come to you. Until then, please spare me the horror.

Enjoy your engagement and your marriage, but there is simply no need for you to sit and go on about how marriage has "changed" you or how there is no such thing as the "perfect man" and I shouldn't "be so fussy". I don't remember you consulting me before you decided to take the plunge and thus, it is a tad bit unfair that you choose to lecture me on the joys of relationships.


So basically, spare me the speeches, lectures and banter.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Roshni

P.S. Just because you have a marriage certificate, it doesn't make you a certified matchmaker either.

I Dhon(i) Care!

What is the big damn deal with Mahendra Singh Dhoni getting married? For starters, he has an attitude up his a$$ which is beyond me. Yes, you are one of India's most successful captains but that doesn't explain the extra attention he seems to getting regarding his shaadi. Buddies John Abraham and Bipasha Basu too got dragged into the entire hoopla when the media claimed that they would be hosting a party for the new wedded couple. Bipasha later rubbished the news. 


So the bride is apparently his school friend who erm, somehow is seven years or so younger to him. Er...that doesn't make them school friends technically. But okay, if you say so. And in case you need a reminder, Dhoni has been linked to numerous ladies including Deepika Padukone. But in the end, he had to settle for a nice simple girl and badda-bing, they were wed literally overnight. 


Our advice to Sakshi Mahendra Singh Dhoni is simple: get used to being under keen eye of the camera. Yes, they catch everything. Check out her rock and her unmanicured fingers (ew!). There is never an excuse for undone nails which are painted bright red. 

That said, congrats on the wedding Dhoni but I'm tired of seeing his wedding pics. Yawn.


Source: Mid-Day

Mocking Marriage

Marriage reality shows are granted highly entertaining and incredibly enticing to watch. And they exist all over the world. If the U.S. has The Bachelor, then India isn't far behind with not one but a whole range of marriage related shows. We have Rakhi's Swayamvar, Rahul's Dulhania's, The Perfect Bride and so on. Fine, I watch them and laugh at how these "famous" personalities attempt to marry regular folk while making a complete mockery of the institution of marriage. If Rakhi's lead up to a non-wedding wasn't misleading enough, this season we were introduced to the immensely popular, for absolutely nothing or for the wrong reasons really, Rahul Mahajan who was wooed by a number of actually pretty girls. And lastly, last year there was The Perfect Bride which housed, literally, tried to find the perfect bride and groom in India.

If you look beyond the entertainment factor, these shows make a complete farce of marriage; especially Indian marriages. You would imagine that a country that holds marriage as one of the most spiritual and vital bonds between any man and women, to be a bit more weary and conservative when it came to displaying marriage in this fashion. And by no means do I use the word "conservative" in a derogating manner. But in a country where the couple takes seven pheras around a sacred fire, it is rather odd that people would firstly succumb to such a way to a cheap and public way of choosing a life partner.

Dissecting each show individually, Rakhi made a fool out of herself when she repeatedly created drama for every small reason and then finally chose a groom. And just when you thought she was going to tie the knot and settle in matrimonial bliss, she breaks her engagement with the Canadian dude. For starters, a proper Swayamvar, the one of Sita's which is the most well-known Swayamvars, is yes, when a number of possible suitors who are put to the test made to endure a number of tasks. The best of the lot is chosen and, this is the best part, a marriage takes place immediately. Thus, technically Rakhi's Swayamvar defies the real idea of one and hence was nothing but a publicity stunt on every level.

Rahul's Swayamvar is one that made me want to cringe because on no level is this man even the least bit marriage material and this is an obvious fact for many reasons. Firstly, he has a terrible track record with women. Secondly, he owns a shady and disgustingly sleazy personality which makes me cringe, and how. And lastly, what on earth does he even do? Does he even have a source of income? What makes the show even more disgusting are the girls! These are not stupid girls but educated career-oriented pretty girls who could get better guys. Better than Mahajan for sure. Anyway, he swears his marriage will be genuine. Time will tell.

The Perfect Bride was yet another lame attempt to bring together couples. This was perhaps a bit more interesting because the show was not about any famous nobodies but regular folk. My favorite part was how the potential brides were made to live with their potential mother-in-laws. That made the show some-what watchable. Beyond that, yet another sham.

Such shows are incredibly disturbing. I'm not sure what kind of impression they give off to the younger generation who already believe that the idea of marriage is out-dated. I just hope that the viewers watch the show for purely entertainment value and no other reason.

Settle vs. Settle vs. Settling

It seems like all I hear around me is everyone telling me to "settle down." Where ever I go, "When are you going to get married and settle down?" OR "It's your turn now! Settle down now." The worst was my own mother today, "You really need to think about settling down now Roshni. You're coming of age." I sat at our lunch table, dumbstruck and gobsmacked. And then when I finally regained some sense of consciousness, I sat back and thought about the phrase in question: "Settle Down." In my mind, settling down always entailed having a job (check), income (also check) and a roof over your head (check again). So technically I am settled. However the Desi definition of that term is to get married, have children and indulge yourself in domestic bliss. And while that is perfectly fine, I don't understand what that has to do with settling down? Or perhaps, my family and friends are indirectly telling me to "settle."

I've never thought I would need to settle for just anyone. In fact, I vowed to never do that. To me, that just doesn't make sense. As it is my life has not been a bed of roses, and now I'm expected to marry the next man who enters my life irrespective of whether I firstly love him, secondly will be able to live with him and thirdly, will I be able to love him forever? But because I have a younger sister who is also of marriageable age and a grandmother whose only wish is to see one of her grand daughter's get married, I too must hop on the marriage bandwagon and conform like the rest. Uhhh...thanks but no thanks.

To settle is to agree to anything but the best, and I can't do that. I only deserve the best-- everyone does! If you choose to settle, that's your deal, but why should I do the same? I can't even settle for a bad haircut and I'm expected to settle for just any man? Whether its settling down, or settle down or just plain settling, it's not happening to me in this lifetime...or the next even if I can help it.

Photo Credit: East Coast Digital Radio

On Life Partners

As I sit and contemplate over my now dead love life and am surrounded by pressures to get hitched, I think back to my days when I was surrounded by men. Now it all seems so childish and silly. At that point in my life, all I did was date and get overly involved in those relationships. I feel so much more content and stable now in my life without a man but that doesn't meant I don't feel lonely or long for some lovin' sometimes. I do but I now know what I want from my man; some space, love and ambition. Strangely, the couple who I believe are the ideal couple in my mind are a couple who had no space between themselves, and lacked ambition in their own lives but loved each other immensely: My Grandparents.

My Mom has reiterated over and over again how important my Grandmother's presence was in my Grandfathers life. He would never go anywhere without her. In fact the couple were childhood friends who played with one another pre-partition in Pakistan - aw how cute. The partition split not only the country but their friendship too. It would be years until the duo would meet again. And when they did, my Grandfather fell in love with the most beautiful woman to walk the earth, in my opinion at least. They met and liked, he wrote love letters which she read chup-chupke and then confided to her brother about. When her father was asking around for prospective grooms to marry, it was my Grandfather's brother who bough forth the proposal. My Grandmother agreed and they were one again...forever. Coyly, my Grandmother said to me recently while reciting the story, "I wasn't interested in your Grandfather. He had so many pimples...it was his love letters. He wrote so well... I fell in love." Fortunately, I managed to inherit the writing talent from him. They shared everything from then. They had no secrets. As a single unit they faced the best of times and the worst of times together.

When my Grandfather passed away from cancer back in the nineties, I worried for my Grandmother. How would she manage without my Grandfather. But she has done and how. Not a day goes where she doesn't miss him. In fact when we send her flowers for any occasion, she puts it in front of her late Husband's picture and talks to him about us. They don't make men like him, nor do they make couples like them or marriages with so much love and understanding like them. And because I'm a spoilt brat, I refuse to give in and settle for just anyone. Until then I'll wait for the ideal man in hopes to be exactly like my Mummy and Daddy.

I think the post may stem from watching Life Partner last weekend which made me go aww and oh over Fardeen Khan. I've always been an avid fan of the cool Khan. He's so perfect -- cute, well-mannered, well-spoken and modern. Who wouldn't want him? But he's taken so I'll have to find my own version-- second best works I guess... but that's as much as I'll settle for!

A Night with the Idiot Box

It was a regular Friday night. After a long week of nonstop work, work and more work (Did I mention work?), I plonked in front of the television flicking channels, looking for something interesting and yet not thought-provoking to watch. I finally settled for an old school movie by the name of Ballika Vadhu. More than anything, the title caught my name because I know that there is a television soap by the name, but a movie? The movie went on to show a young couple who are thrown into marital bliss by their parents. The plot is exactly what its title suggests, "Child Marriage." The extremely young, now veteran actor, Sachin and even younger actress opposite him play a school children who are married off to one another. Of course, in "those" days, young girls and boys are bought up from childhood being told that they will be married soon and learn wife and husband mannerisms at a young age. They are married and the movie continues to talk about a variety of topics: sex, emotions, joint families et al. It ends on a happy and more mature note but the movie really made me think. So much for looking for a non-thought provoking movie, the idiot box jutted out just the opposite!

In this day in age, where we take relationships, love, marriages for granted and especially nowadays where divorce is the norm, its was in some odd way fascinating to see school children leading married lives. The wife (If I can even call her that), had no knowledge of sex or even kissing. She was, however, was fully quipped when it came to idea's of prayer and food. This, in contrast, to children nowadays who know about sex, kissing and intimacy knowledge that technically only adults should know. Divorce of course was never an option. I would love to see how an innocent child of her age would have reacted to the word "Divorce." I can imagine her covering her ears like I said something that was completely evil.

If I try to understand the psyche or ideology behind child marriages, all I take from it is the mere fact that our ancestors believe that the couple quite literally grow up and old together, understand one another and are partners for a lifetime. But in the bargain, young children had to give up growing up and leading normal childhoods. My grandfather's sister was married at the tender age of 13 to her husband. She grew up with her husband who also grew, but she landed up being taller than him. While that is a more materialist perspective, it is still a valid one.

I would like to believe that child marriages are definitely a thing of the past but it is far from that. It still does exist in many rural parts of India. It is in violation of a Human Rights Act. However, young children do know more than I did at that age and much more than the young girl in the movie. She could have learnt a few things from the youngin's nowadays. On a personal note, here I am, nearly 26 and still go around claiming I am not ready for marriage. I wonder how I would have reacted if my mother had forced me into marriage at the age of 13 or 14. I think I may have fainted.