Love Shove.

Lately, I've found myself playing Agony Aunt to many of my friends. Of course, all their issues are pertinent to love and relationships. But what is most interesting is how I am somehow the "Go-To" friend especially since I know absolutely zilch about ishq, mohabbat and related fundas. However, when it comes to giving solid advice, I'm the queen. Somehow it flows from me like I was meant to advise my close gals on how to deal with guys. Most of the time the issues are simple. "He isn't committing. What do I do?" or "He's so hot and cold! Main kya karu?" And while when I was in both frustrating situations, I said and did the completely wrong things, I know exactly what my girls should do and the advice always works. (Times like this I really want to add the hashtag: #givesadvicelikeaboss! Booyah!)

The other day a friend and I were conversing about the ideal man. We decided that the perfect guy should have certain attributes that we both individually required in our men. I listed my top ten; she did the same. Then the conversation turned to, "Well what if he has eight of the ten? Do you let go cause he's not got it all?" I immediately realized that there is no such idea as the perfect man. Or woman even. We're all filled with flaws and for the most part, those flaws make us human. I would in reality, hate living with the ideal man. There would be no room for error and so there would be no moments where I was pissed off and needed to be pacified. It's those situations make relationships such fun, no?

I'm not one to settle. No way. If I had to, I would have already married a kinda-sorta perfect man who had it all except the ability to love and keep me happy emotionally. I would be well settled in a beautiful house and so on. But that's not how it works. Remember that dialogue from the Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna? It goes:

"Kehte Hai, ke shaadi ki bunyaad beintihaan mohabbat honi chahiye;
Aur kuch nahin.
Kyunki agar bunyaad galat ho, toh rishte toot jaate hai."

Somehow it resonated with me. Ultimately, it all comes down to the L word. Because when all the extras end - the money, the holidays, the jewelry and the fancy car, you need a man/woman who will sit in bed with you and stare at the ceiling. Only a person who loves you deeply, passionately and unconditionally, can do that with you. I once heard Sushmita Sen talk about her affair with Vikram Bhatt. When asked if she was wrong to be in a love relationship with a married man, she replied, "All I know is that I was in love. There is no other reason." There is never any other rationalism when it comes to love.

At heart I'm a romantic. I want a grand love story which ends with nothing but love. Kya karu, after all, Main Prem (love) ki Deewani Hoon!

Why I'm Single? Blame Bollywood!

As you get closer to 30, life becomes the biggest oxymoron in the world. You're a lot comfortable in certain spaces, i.e. career and lifestyle, but god forbid you happen to be approaching the big Three-O, you're Desi and you're single, well, you're happiness is screwed. People can't fathom, accept or understand even, why on earth I've apparently chosen to be alone at 28. On a daily basis, I am asked in a number of ways, "When will it be your turn?" Sometimes, it's out of sheer concern and thus, I'll get a nice pat on the head followed by a quick blessing by an elder. Other times, it's out of spite. The tone changes and judgements run through the mind of the asker (that's not a word by the way) who is either flashing a rocky diamond engagement ring or is 'happily' married. Honestly, depending on my mood and who's asking, I change my answer. But nowadays, I have been asking myself that very question: "Why am I single?" And then today, an revelation occurred. As we turned around the bend into our building complex, we prayed for one parking spot; instead we found three. I turned to Mom and said, "You shoulda asked for a million bucks!" Her response: "That won't come so easily; but a silly parking spot will." In jest, I replied, "You shoulda asked for a husband for me then!" We laughed and then as I unloaded groceries from the car, in true Bollywood fashion, I realized: I'm screwed.

Yeah, not happening.

Of course, I'm single; I'm  addicted to Bollywood! Anyone who is as fanatical and passionate about Hindi films as I am, wants the ultimate Bollywood love story. It can't be one which is easy, simple or straightforward. No way! And it can't be one that doesn't have some takraar to begin with. In an ideal situation, I'd bump into him as I walk home from the library (when was the last time I did that again?) and my books would fall. He'd help me pick them up as I would murmur cliched lines, "Dekhke chal nahin sakte?" Our eyes would meet and he'd realize I was the girls of his dreams. I'd walk in the opposite direction wondering what happened as we'd break into a song and dance montage in our minds. I think I'll stop here - you get the idea and if I continue, I'll go on for ages creating a script you've seen millions of times.

As I walked up to my front door, I had perhaps one of the biggest reality checks of my life. I'll never have a Bollywood love story; they don't exist. He will not bump into me, and no, he will definitely put a red dupatta on my head to hint that I'll make a beautiful bride. And no, I'll never get a song to be manaoed when I'm upset or angry. "All that only happens in the movies." Whoever said that knew exactly what they were talking about. So the next time someone asks me, "Why aren't you married?" or "When will it be your turn?", I'm simply gonna answer, "Ask the Bollywood Gods. They've shelved my love story for now." Hmph.

Clean Bowled!

Just today I told a friend on Facebook, who wants to date a guy who can play the guitar, that I officially want to marry one that plays cricket. In all honesty, my immense and intense love for cricket is not new. In fact, I've always loved the sport. My feelings for it however, had really been repressed. But that's in the past, I'm all about the sport once again. Okay so getting back to marrying a cricketer, he doesn't necessarily have to be a professional cricketer but basically one who loves the sport as much as I do and plays pretty gosh darn well. In light of this new found realization, I sat down to think about all my favorite cricketers. The following men have won my heart for various reasons. Hey, I'm not one of those girls who swoon over cricketers who are just absolutely cute and how - na ji na! Play good cricket along with being cute works even better for me. Okay so the gentlemen who have bowled me over and how, here we go.

Bowled Middle Stump: Sachin Tendulkar
If anyone in the Indian team knows how to make my heart beat, it is Sachin Tendulkar. Besides being the best in the world, he also happens to own an amazing personality, a humble heart and a cutesy smile. But what really works for me is some of his best shots. When he hits his classic cover drives, I find my heart pacing until the ball reaches the boundary line. The maestro's late cuts, straight drives and his cut shots make me want to collapse. And it's not because it's a great shot, but the manner in which he places the ball along with immense skill just works wonders for me. Add to that the fact that he bowls one hell of a legspin, and voila, the master blaster can blow you away! A great father and a fabulous husband, Sachin really is one helluva dude.

Caught at Slip: Rahul Dravid

My crush on Rahul Dravid ended the day he decided to marry. Hmph. I've always had a soft spot for "The Great Indian Wall". His genuineness and down to earth temperament won me over the first time I saw Dravid play. While he does take some time to set in, when he's completely in the groove, he is hard to destruct. Dravid is known for being one the most technically perfect cricketers that has graced Indian cricket. His pull shots and cover drives are beautifully timed while his fielding at the slips, he rarely failed to miss a catch. And with a smile like that, he definitely does have his share of share of girls running after him. Myself included!

LBW: Kapil Dev

We all have our favorite veteran cricketing stars. My favorite retro cricketer is definitely, Kapil Dev. My fondness for him began after I realized that the cricketer bared an uncanny resemblance to my late grandfather. And it didn't end there. Their personalities and incredibly humble nature matched too. When talking about his skill, well, jitni tareef karu, utni kaam hai. An all rounder, a fabulous successful captain and a patriot, Dev saab is one man who literally is cricket personified. He exuberates "The Gentlemen's Game" with his polite nature and simplicity.

Googly: Virat Kohli

Currently, this young cricketer is making my heart swoon and how! Whether it's his fiery attitude, his cute smile or his batting abilities, it all just works for me. I only took notice of Kohli very recently, so really, my admiration for him is rather new. However, I really do believe this lad is going far. His fielding is always top notch which is great as he sets high standards for the rest of the team to keep to par and he performed pretty well at every World Cup match this tournament. But more than anything, he's superly duperly utterly butterly cute. Works for me!

Caught Behind Wicket: Mahendra Singh Dhoni

Smart. Savvy. Shrewd. Dhoni, India's most successful captain, is one guy who took time to win me over. Everyone was screaming about Dhoni and I would simply yawn. However, his quiet but sly nature wasn't one to be taken for granted. Whether he's captaining behind the stumps or batting on the field, he knows his place in the team and is all about motivating the team. His choice of pronouns must be noted. It is rare that he uses "I" or "him"; it's always "we" and "us". Good call! His captains innings at the 2011 World Cup final did it for me. Dhoni won me over and I was out!

Future pati dev, wherever you are, whoever you are...are you taking notes?

If You're Happy and You Know It!

If you're happy and you know it...you should do what? We were taught to clap our hands. But how about I just list things that making me happy right this minute? Apparently, it makes you feel amazing! Let's try shall we?

1. Knowing that I will sleep in a few hours!
2. A phone call from last night
3. The soundtrack from Aisha
4. The fact that I only have two more days of work
5. Hindi movies
6. Planning my trip to New York
7. Good Hindi movies
8. The Sun
9. Good memories
10. Dancing!

All happied out!! :D

Thank You Universe

I have become an huge avid follower of Metaphysics. And in case you're confused as to this incredible type of science, it basically is a "branch of philosophy" that combines studying and knowing, i.e. believing that the universe knows what is best for you, asking it for something knowing that it will give you just that if it is the best for you. I recently had a full-on metaphysical encounter. I merely asked the universe for a sign, manifested it and badda-bing! My sign arrived in the beautiful of ways. And for that, I am eternally grateful to the universe. It also made me realize, that I do have immense appreciation for numerous things in my life. The top 10 are...

10. An Education. I love that I have a passion to learn. It has made me who I am today.

9. Choice. I can't imagine having to conform or be forced into anything. I choose who I am today and forever!

8. Smiles. It makes my day; smiles and smiling.

7. A Roof. Shelter is a mere commodity we take for granted. I love my home!

6. Sleep. It makes a long hard day more meaningful. For sure!

5. Compliments. Who doesn't love a compliment...or two, three, four!

4. Great Friends. You can't pick and choose your family; but you can your friends. I love my buddies!

3. An Amazing Family. My family is my backbone irrespective of the ups and downs. I love them!

2. Love. In all its facets, its the most amazing feeling.

1. Life. Here I am alive and kicking because I am lucky enough to have been given this life!

Lara Scores!

I absolutely adore Lara Dutta. She's smart, savvy, grounded and pretty. And even though I don't care too much for her constant relationship issues, it is understandable since the girl is so hot. After breaking up with long term boyfriend Kelly Dorji, Lara was seen in the company of Dino Morea. It didn't work out with him and so she find solace in the arms of Mahesh Bhupathi with whom she has been making a number of public appearances. They were seen together at the IIFA Awards in Sri Lanka and then swiftly made their way to South Africa for the FIFA World Cup.

Word has it that besides indulging in some soccer (or football, whichever floats your boat) Lara also hit the casinos and apparently made quite a bit of moolah. Happy with her winnings, she head back home and was in for an even bigger surprise. Bhupathi and his ex-wife managed to sort out their issues regarding marriage all that jazz, thus making Lara dually happy.

Lucky Lara!

Dear Newly-Engaged and Newly-Married Couples,

When I first heard of your engagement, I was extremely happy for you. I am always happy when my friends and family give me good news. And wedding news is always great to hear. However, why is it that after you fall into the "engaged" or "married" status, you immediately become a guru in love, relationships and marriage? And what's worst, is that you feel the need to impose your choice of engagement or marriage on me! Why? Its bad enough that I have to listen to your nonstop banter about nothing except wedding preparations or how amazing married life is, but then you come out and lecture me on being single; like I'm some kind of untouchable! In all honesty, its really not required as I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions about love and marriage myself. If and when, I do need advice, you can be sure I will come to you. Until then, please spare me the horror.

Enjoy your engagement and your marriage, but there is simply no need for you to sit and go on about how marriage has "changed" you or how there is no such thing as the "perfect man" and I shouldn't "be so fussy". I don't remember you consulting me before you decided to take the plunge and thus, it is a tad bit unfair that you choose to lecture me on the joys of relationships.


So basically, spare me the speeches, lectures and banter.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Roshni

P.S. Just because you have a marriage certificate, it doesn't make you a certified matchmaker either.

What is Love? Pyar? Ishq? Mohabbat?

The answer to the above question: who knows. Basically a person like myself, an avid Hindi film watcher is screwed for life when it comes to love and marriage. I expect a man to do everything a Bollywood hero would do! Fight for me, shower me with sweet nothings, dance with me to my favorite songs and even place a dupatta over my head to tell me I'd make the most beautiful bride as I would coyly look away feeling shy. But life ain't no Hindi movie and in reality, no man will do any of the above. This means that the man I am looking for doesn't actually exist. And thus, I am f**cked.

But why should I only and merely blame Bollywood. Hollywood is no less. I found myself flicking channels this evening and stumbled on the ever romantic A Walk to Remember. Needless to say, I cried and sobbed over the romance and depth of love the couple felt for each other. I want a man to name a star after me! Okay, I wouldn't go too nuts if he didn't but you get the idea. Why do films do this? Why do they give us unrealistic expectations about men (and women, I guess)?

It is really hard for a girl of 27 to be single. Believe me, the world looks at you like you are an alien. Ideally, a girl in her late twenties should be married or engaged at the very least. Not waiting for her Bollywood hero to come along and sweep her off her feet. But what can I do? Like I said, my passion in life, Hindi cinema, has also screwed me for life. So I guess until I don't find a man who will sing when confessing his undying love for me, I'll wait. He is out there because as Madhuri Dixit said in Dil Toh Pagal Hai, "Somewhere someone is made for you". Yes, I had to end on a filmy note.

My India; My Valentine

Valentine's Day is about love, pyar, ishq, mohabbat right? But whoever said we were limited to loving another person? I don't remember that being a part of the rules. And thus, I have decided that this year, my Valentine will be none other than my favorite country: India. Never will it leave me, never will it betray me and never will it hurt me. It was while watching one of my favorites, and a film that was highly criticized, Delhi 6 that I realized how much I love India. Irrespective of how much people (and the film) spoke about how India doesn't work and yet does, amidst the non-working part, I see beauty. Where else in the world will traffic stop, pandits called and hoards of people gather to watch the birth of a cow? Where else in the world would you find a temple filled with bells which promise to grant you your inner most desire provided you ring it will a true heart? And where in the world would you would find a country where strangers can become your own? I love it, love it, love it.

So this year, my heart belongs to India. It goes dhak-dhak for a country that works amidst the chaos. But it happens only in India. Happy Pyar Day Hindustan!

My Baabul

I'm not sure why B.R. Chopra's Baabul didn't work with audiences and at the box office; the film is so applicable to modern day where unfortunately daughter-in-law's are not considered daughters and widow's are still "abshagun." And as much as its sad, it is still a part of Indian society. Praise the Lord, my own Baabul is nothing like that. The word "Baabul" is an old Hindi term which emphasizes the affection or love between father and daughter. Usually used during weddings at the bidhai ceremony, the word in itself holds much emotion. While watching the film today, I was bought to tears and remembered my own Dad muchas.

My Baabul. Where do I begin with him? I call him Drona, Dad, Daddy, Daddyo, Bapu and he, Rosh or Bak-Baaki. My father is the only man in the world who will listen to my nonstop banter with utmost interest and actually discuss the randomness that is me. I've always been the most talkative one amongst my siblings and as a child, I would wait for my Baabul to come home from work only to tell him my entire days worth of nonsense. He knew that if I didn't tell him, I wouldn't be able to stomach my food and would listen patiently after a crazy day at work. I've inherited a rather strange and perhaps even lame sense of humor from my Baabul but no regrets; he gets my jokes, and vice versa. We also share a strange hobby: random movies. No one in the world may watch and enjoy a movie, but my Baabul and I will enjoy it like it was a masterpiece. We kick butt in Antarkshari, watch cricket online together and will debate every political issue on the planet. I can't do any of this with anyone else in the world but my Baabul.

As I saw Amitabh Bachchan give away Rani Mukherjee in the film, my eyes welled up thinking that one day I would have to drop my father's name for another middle name. But more than that, the thought of my Baabul having to give me away makes me tear as I blog. They say that God couldn't be around so he created parents; whoever said that couldn't have said a more truer thing. But father's are people who never get enough due. They are the ones who stay away from their kids the longest because they need to ensure their children are well taken care of. My Dad was no different but he taught us such important lessons in life, I only hope I can teach the same to my children.

As the lyrics of the title song go, "Kaheta Hai Baabul, O Meri Bitiyan, Tu To Hai Mere, Jigar Ki Chitthiya..." I know my Baabul feels the same way... and I'll always remain my Baabul's girl.

And Dad, I have decided to add another name to the list, Baabul it is. I know I tell you this everyday, but I love you heaps and loads Baabul.

On Life Partners

As I sit and contemplate over my now dead love life and am surrounded by pressures to get hitched, I think back to my days when I was surrounded by men. Now it all seems so childish and silly. At that point in my life, all I did was date and get overly involved in those relationships. I feel so much more content and stable now in my life without a man but that doesn't meant I don't feel lonely or long for some lovin' sometimes. I do but I now know what I want from my man; some space, love and ambition. Strangely, the couple who I believe are the ideal couple in my mind are a couple who had no space between themselves, and lacked ambition in their own lives but loved each other immensely: My Grandparents.

My Mom has reiterated over and over again how important my Grandmother's presence was in my Grandfathers life. He would never go anywhere without her. In fact the couple were childhood friends who played with one another pre-partition in Pakistan - aw how cute. The partition split not only the country but their friendship too. It would be years until the duo would meet again. And when they did, my Grandfather fell in love with the most beautiful woman to walk the earth, in my opinion at least. They met and liked, he wrote love letters which she read chup-chupke and then confided to her brother about. When her father was asking around for prospective grooms to marry, it was my Grandfather's brother who bough forth the proposal. My Grandmother agreed and they were one again...forever. Coyly, my Grandmother said to me recently while reciting the story, "I wasn't interested in your Grandfather. He had so many pimples...it was his love letters. He wrote so well... I fell in love." Fortunately, I managed to inherit the writing talent from him. They shared everything from then. They had no secrets. As a single unit they faced the best of times and the worst of times together.

When my Grandfather passed away from cancer back in the nineties, I worried for my Grandmother. How would she manage without my Grandfather. But she has done and how. Not a day goes where she doesn't miss him. In fact when we send her flowers for any occasion, she puts it in front of her late Husband's picture and talks to him about us. They don't make men like him, nor do they make couples like them or marriages with so much love and understanding like them. And because I'm a spoilt brat, I refuse to give in and settle for just anyone. Until then I'll wait for the ideal man in hopes to be exactly like my Mummy and Daddy.

I think the post may stem from watching Life Partner last weekend which made me go aww and oh over Fardeen Khan. I've always been an avid fan of the cool Khan. He's so perfect -- cute, well-mannered, well-spoken and modern. Who wouldn't want him? But he's taken so I'll have to find my own version-- second best works I guess... but that's as much as I'll settle for!

Inspiration: Seek and Sought

I am always looking for inspiration. Not to write but inspiration to move forward in life and become someone. Like I always say, I don't believe for one minute that I was born to be a nobody. God put me here to make a difference - I just know it. For the most part, it comes in the form of a quote, or a line in a song, or a book I may read. But honestly, most of my spark to get on with it has come from good cinema. And perhaps, it wouldn't have been any other way. Thank goodness, that in more recent time, Hindi film makers have finally realized the importance of a good script. And while the actors may not be popular ones, their work is commendable enough to create a solid impact. How do I know I've been inspired? I shed a tear...or two.

The patriot gene in me is always alive and kicking. No matter what, a good flick that demonstrates great nationalism always does it. I guess it inspires me to be a better person, to appreciate my country and know that eventually I need to ensure I make a difference. Chak De India, is one movie that never fails to enlighten me. Not only does it remind me of my hockey playing days where I was a rugged and somewhat angry girl who was happiest when she was whacking a ball and girls around but it also infused self confidence in me. I realize that if a bunch of girls who had to prove their worth, before being able to play at national level, can go ahead and win, then anyone can. And it's not about winning a hockey match but about achieving in life.

Fashion does that for me too. It reminds me of the many (many, many, many) times I've fallen, had to pick myself up and said okay, lets try again. Mistakes are inevitable and after all we are only human. The climax does it for me in the film. Every time I see Priyanka Chopra face her fears and man up while dealing with an emotional trauma, and walk the ramp, I find myself burning with extra passion.

And when I'm angry or need fuel to fire my anguish to make a difference in India, I watch Rang De Basanti, Swades, Bombay and A Wednesday. Collectively, these films all give me a 3 hour crash course on how my favorite country has a messed up political system which needs fixing. And the only people who can mend the chaos happens to be the youth, who are not the slightest bit interested. Okay stop. Don't get me started on all that.

Lakshya, Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander and Luck By Chance all tell me - "Roshni, life is not about taking the elevator...you need to walk up the stairs." And I think I prefer it that way. At least at the end, I can give myself credit for my successes. Like all the protagonists in the respective films, each had to fight to get to the top... some took the wrong way, others had to wait for their calling. In the end, success is yours to enjoy. No luck but hard work instead.

The one film that has inspired me to believe in real, unconditional love, which I wanted as a child and stopped yearning for after a few failed relationship, is Rubaru. Randeep Hooda is at his awesome self in this movie which really teaches you to cherish every moment in life and tell the people you love, that you do. Additionally, if a man loves you - he will do everything possible to save you from everything...including death in this case. I also learnt that men get comfortable fast and when they do, its not that they have forgotten you, they just know you're around. But what men don't realize is women need to be told they are missed, love and needed.

To sum it up, I couldn't put it any other way, "Vision is not enough, it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs." [Vaclav Havel]

Photo Credit: Get Entrepreneurial

Valentines Shmalentines

By Roshni Mulchandani

Yet again another February 14th has arrived, and yes, once again (for the nth time), I am all alone. Although, I have to admit that this year more than ever, I really don't care. However, I'm not sure what the big deal is really about. I agree with the pessismists who firstly, obviously are not in relationships and secondly, claim that V-day is just another money spending, Hallmark holiday. Technically, this is "my" holiday, what with Rati being cupid's wife in Hindu Vedic mythology and the Goddess of Loving[The picture above is Rati and her husband Kama].But if I go by that, I should be pro-love and excited for today. For the most part I love the idea of love, but naturally I have my days.

In the past, my idea of love has been very...childish. As much as I do enjoy being in love, in the past I feel like it has sucked out a lot from me. Most of my foolish mistakes were simply because I was in love with men who knew I loved them immensely. Clearly those men were not ones who would last a lifetime but I think personally I feel blessed that I made the decision to let them go and I think them for leaving me in some cases. Love, in my opinion, can only be handled by mature adults. I think I may just be saying this because I've grown up so much more in the past year. Finally, I have understood the importance of honesty, space and self-respect in a relationship. Those traits build the foundation from which you can pile on heaps, dollops and layers of love. Love nowadays is so "filmy." Everyone wants to dance in the snow, get wet in the rain, be showered with presents. But no one wants to be loved. I may have matured a lot lately, but when it comes to love, I still believe that if you are with someone who cares, loves and understands you, the superficial material "things" mean nothing. I've never cared for fancy cars or big diamonds. Instead, bring on the popcorn and a movie! I'm more than happy with that.

However, since I am alone this V-Day of 2009, I've decided that I will wish for love and peace all over the world. This year more than any other, we need love to help us get through the tough recession and constant terror in the world. I hope my message of love fills the air so people who are fighting can drop their weapons and learn to love instead of hate. Where is the time to hate, when there is so little time to love?

Photo Credit: http://4krsna.wordpress.com/