If SRK Got Slapped...

Can you imagine if Shirish Kunder got the chance to tell Shah Rukh Khan, “Thappad se darr nahin lagta saab, pyar se lagta hai." The tables may have actually turned. Shirish may have actually joined the likes of Karan Johar and hopped on to SRK’s bum-chums bandwagon. But then, there would have been no slap, no controversy and no jokes. All of a sudden the now infamous slap seems a lot more exciting. What the exact truth is on the SRK-Shirish Kunder slap story, we’ll never know. But I’ll say this, as much as I’m a declared (and crowned) SRK hater, I think he may have done the right thing by whacking Kunder.  Anyone who sports hair like that deserves a tight slap. However, keeping with my reputation of hating on the thug ala SRK, here’s a different angle to the situation. Since SRK has become the official slapper of the industry, I can’t help but wonder which stars would love to give King Khan a smack…or two.

Gauri Khan
Every wife at some point in time wants to slap their husband. I’m sure Gauri is one of those wives. The poor woman is probably so damn confused!  Who wouldn’t be? She could barely get her head around figuring out whether her husband was batting for the “other” team and here she is now dealing with rumors of her husband supposedly getting down with Priyanka Chopra. Perhaps a slap will knock some sense into her hubby.

Salman Khan
I’m sure Sallu miyan’s hand is itching to smack SRK; even if it’s one zor ka jhaapad. The duo cannot even stand to be in the same area as one another after their dosti went sour a few years ago. However, post the Kunder incident, where apparently Farah’s husband was heard referring to Salman a few times during the heated argument with SRK, you can be sure he’s waiting to get his hands on SRK.

Shahid Kapoor
Apparently, it was SRK who created many a rifts between Shahid Kapoor and his belle Priyanka Chopra. The reason? Cause he most likely wanted Piggy Chopps for himself, duh! Think Shahid wouldn’t mind taking a quick blow at the Don? I think so.

Juhi Chawla
She is one of his oldest friends and in recent times, Juhi Chawla, who stood by SRK through his thick and thin days, has been sidelined by the actor. Word has it that she’s so pissed off by how he practically ignores him now and thus, has decided to publicly oust him. She for one is probably fuming at the King. A red hot mirchi-filled thaapad looks like it’s on its way.

Sourav Ganguly
Dada is hardly one to slap anyone. But he does own many a cricket bat ergo SRK should be worried cause a cricket bat beating is far more painful than a mere slap. The owner of the Kolkatta Knightriders has in the past diminished Sourav Ganguly’s presence and revoked his captaincy only to falter. And while Sourav has yet to come out and scream about the incident, Dada and all of Bengal wouldn’t mind slapping him.

Shirish Kunder
Yeah, the slapee probably wants to get back at the slapper, no? While Shirish has claimed that he will not be taking this abuse to the cops, he still maintains his airy ways and is digging all the attention he is receiving vis-à-vis the slap. In fact, he should be thanking SRK for the popularity; otherwise Shirish was known for making flop films and of course, as Mr. Farah Khan. But yes, revenge will be on the Joker’s mind.

Okay SRK fans, I bear my cross. Peace. <Runs>

Bollywood Hungama blog link: If SRK Got Slapped....

April Agony

April has been one helluva stressful, incredibly painful and mind-bloggling month. While I turned 26 (yes, Happy Birthday to me!), I also found many reasons to be mad, angry and just plain pissed off. For starters, spring has not arrived yet, which may be the reason to my "April Agony." When will it start getting a bit warmer- is beyond me. But as my Dad always says, "It's freaky weather," so who knows. Having the sun and warmth around may actually do some good to my otherwise grim dampening mood. But besides that, it's basically been a month that hasn't really made me smile. In fact, April is going to be noted as one of my worst months in 2009.

Today I was maddened by none other than manipulative Shah Rukh Khan. Okay, so you own the Kolkatta Knight Riders, you go around claiming that you and the team love Sourav Ganguly. Dada this, Dada that, Dada- you are no longer the captain: you have been dumped. Uhh did you forget to mention that or did you realize it would be a better idea to announce it when you weren't on Indian territory. Of course, that has to be the reason. SRK is a smart lad who knows that Indians are passionate about cricket and especially the Prince of Bengal. So cricket lovers in Kolkatta are burning his pictures and effigies. I say DO IT! Keep em' burning people. SRK needs to realize that not every one is up for sale - much like him. And honestly, no Dada equals no way in hell the KKR are going to rise above the rest. As for Dada, he is one man who plays for the team and not his individual glory, which ultimately means, he will play like the prince that he is. In fact, he had no clue about the change in captaincy! New Zealand player McCullum can go ahead and captain. As it is, I'm rooting for the Mumbai Indians.

But that was just today. In the last few days, a few more disgusting ordeals have upset me. How does an 11-year-old girl die at the hands of her teacher for the simple reason of not knowing her daily lesson? So young Shanno is brutally beaten until she faints and falls into coma only to die. And then a group of boys in Mumbai intoxicate a foreign student, only to rape her later. The fools are then "shocked" that she screamed rape. HELLO! You rape a girl- she is bound to be a bit angry one would assume. Perhaps my anguish is being understood now? Goodness gracious.

Kasab, the only surviving terrorist of the Mumbai Terror Attacks has decided to call foul on his statement claiming he was under "duress" or tortured when he was asked for a confession. He has retracted confession and not surprised me. So basically, he is caught on television and still claims he is innocent. From here he then also goes on to say he was underage when he was caught and should be tried in a juvenile court. Right. So all this while he was signing and agreeing to be twenty-some odd years. Oh whatever - hang him already.

And then, if I wasn't angered enough, an email came popping to my inbox (courtesy of my father), that took my anger to another level. I found myself forwarding the email to a bunch of newschannels and newsreporters with hopes that they would publicize it and help the Indian public make a fair and just decision of whether or not these politicians are worthy of any votes. A fabulous (in my opinion at least) photographer who captured public leaders and other personnel of disrespecting the Indian flag and the National Anthem. Take a look at the pictures - need I say more?

On a happier note, and yes there were a few, Karan Johar along with Tarun Mansukhani put together a fabulous video for Lead India, encouraging the youth (and otherwise) to vote. Nice to see the stars realizing their social responsibilities. Check it out! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIyrQl5aJVQ) While we're on the topic of voting, India has begun and have had a fabulous record number of people turn out to vote. Keep it coming! Shiamak Davar is a darling - his New York Life ad film is heartwarming - Check that out too on TV! And the IPL has begun - besides the controversy regarding Dada, looks like a great time. Let's Go Mumbai Indians!