Desi, Chokri and Nearly 30? You Need This!

So sitting at the salon the other day, I stumbled upon this fabulous article: “Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by The Time She’s 30”. I read, laughed, agreed with most of it and then digested it all. Now, this was obviously an American magazine which meant, I couldn’t relate to a lot of it. For the most part, we Desi girls lead different lives courtesy of our values, et al. But the article lingered in my head for a while and I couldn’t help but wonder about what things we Desi girls should have and know by age 30. And please do not ask me for my age. I’m as young as I look which of course, is 16. Right? Okay the list. Ready?

By 30, you should have:

A past that is controversial/juicy enough that you could easily turn it into a Shobha De-esque book or an Ekta Kapoor serial.

Cried yourself to sleep over a broken heart with your favorite melodrama/sad song…in your head.

Gotten drunk while watching a Hindi film in the cinema.

Full on tashaan.

Seen the Kama Sutra and laughed at how pretentious it is.

A signature drink ala Screw Driver or Whiskey…Patiala.

Drunk yourself silly and walked around the city singing, “Yeh Dosti” with your best friend.

Figured out which Bollywood actress you hate because you’re insanely jealous of how beautiful she is and no other reason.

A pair of fabulous heels and kohlapuri chappals.

Taken a trip with your girls to Spain thinking you’re gonna change your life after watching Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

Crushed over a Hindi telly star.

Mastered the art of shying, crying and being coy.

By 30, you should know:

Which designer will be designing your trousseau and who will perform at your Sangeet (applicable to the unmarried ladies).

That Bollywood is a complete sham which has given you unrealistic expectations of men and life.

That said, you should know which Hindi movie you’d most like to model your life around.

How to roll a perfectly round roti and make amazing chai.

How to kill a coachroach with your chappal.

The names of your future children.

That all Desi men are mama’s boys and you cannot do anything about it.

How to drown out emotional blackmail and guilt trips from Mom and Dad.

Mastered at least three Desi dishes.

How to smartly dodge the “Teri shaadi kab hogi?” question (also only applicable to unmarried gals).

That Facebook has been overtaken by gossiping Aunties and Uncles. Please update your statuses and pictures accordingly.

Which Hindi serial you watch secretly while you diss it out to the rest of the world.

I Wear India!

Since I sadly do not reside in India, I find myself gravitating towards anything that's everything that is Indian. I wear India. Literally. The idea of staying close to home works best for me when I adorn something Desi. It varies with what I'm wearing of course, but as the Desiest Desi girl ever, I choose to daily wear something that's Indian. No, I don't wear fancy outfits - c'mon, you can be Indian without wearing a dupatta daily. It's all about accessorizing, matching your jeans and tees with a little something-something that makes you want to bust a thumka to Desi Girl. More recently, after my sister came back from her trip where she shopped big time for moi, I found myself abundantly . Take a look and what's been going on with me and how I wear my Indianness!

India - Sri Lanka World Cup Final: You
know I was wearing my India tee
in style!

I love a good pair of kohlapuri chappals!

Lord knows I need as much peace (Om)
as I can get in my life! 

How hot are these? Love 'em!

Dev vs. Dhoni, 1983 vs. 2011

We all gush over Sachin Tendulkar and for good reason; there will never be a cricketer like him. Never. His passion for the game and his love for the bat is practically unheard of. But if there is one man who comes close to sharing his passion for cricket, in my opinion, it would have to be Kapil Dev. What immediately strikes me the minute I see Dev at any event, in an interiew or even in photographs, is his smile. It depicts humility which is rather odd since he is easily one of India's most successful captains. Better known as 'The Haryana Hurricane', Dev has taken Team India out of many sticky situations in the past but it is his achievements that set him apart from the rest. He retired in 1994 but not before he achieving some of the biggest numbers seen in the cricketing world at that time. Even then, he stood as humble as ever. In 1983, 'Kapil Dev and his Devils', as they were known went on to win and bring home the World Cup. But not without a big fight. Under his captaincy, they took on every other team and walked in as underdogs. What happened next is history. They won the cup honoring India making the his team, the champions.

But those times were different. Cricketers played for the sheer passion of the game. There were hardly any endorsements and cricketers had alternate jobs to being just cricketers. This in turn meant that players played 100 percent for the country when they did get their chance to and also for their love for the game. My mother often tells me that cricketers had alternate jobs too and when the season was over, they went back to being a part of the junta. Nowadays, we're stuck with players who are seen making Crores via endorsing brands and scoring nil on the field. It's probably wrong to make comparisons, but it is vital to do just that. With M.S. Dhoni as captain of the current Indian team, India has done gosh darn well. Today, Team India stands strong and in quite a viable place to win the World Cup. Thus far, the team has performed pretty well under M.S. Dhoni's captaincy and while Dhoni may just take India to the finals, even win the cup, he will never be like Kapil Dev. Dhoni is in fact, known for being one arrogant fellow. Humility is hardly a trait he has (or ever will) master. In fact, I can almost imagine his arrogance level to reach further heights if India wins the cup. But what is it that separates the boy (Dhoni) from the men (Dev). Here's my five reasons.

Brain vs. Heart

You may need a brain to play and win, but what's the point if you're heart isn't in it? Yes, Dhoni know the tactics, the skills and the tricks to win matches, but Kapil Dev, known for being an incredibly emotionally charged player, showed that it was beyond just that. Besides knowing the much-needed skills required to win matches, he did lead the 1983 squad to victory, he played dilon jaan se. How often do you see Dhoni coming out on the field and playing not for any other reason but sheer love of the game?

Societal Changes

Times have changed from 1983. In those days, there was hardly any pressure for the Indian team to perform. In fact, the public and even government didn't regard cricket as anything worthy of importance. And thus, with lack of support from Indians and the government, the Indian cricket team went about playing with absolutely zero expectations. And so, it may have been a lot easier to win the World Cup in that sense. Now however, the team faces immense pressure from not only the fans, who literally get ugly when a match is lost, but also from the Cricket Council in India and even the government who have their political agendas in store. What's most interesting is Dhoni's indifferent attitude towards any external pressure he receives. In fact we see him often claiming that he couldn't really careless about those pressures...just not in those words exactly.

All Rounder Factor

When making comparisons, it's important to discuss the real deal: skill. There is no denying Dhoni as a class wicket keeper and a hit quite a few runs. However, everyone knows that if India has produced one truly all rounder, it is in fact, Kapil Dev. Not only was he known for his great bowling, often taking India out of iffy situations via crucial wickets but even hitting vital runs when most needed. If that wasn't enough, he was one helluva fielder putting even younger players on the team to shame at times.

The Teams

We're talking about two totally different teams with regards to the 1983 team and the 2011 team. Kapil Dev lead a team which had great all rounders including the captain and ex-Indian coach Madan Lal. Unfortunately, the current team is limited with its all rounders. The 2011 team only has Yuvraj Singh as it's complete all rounder so to speak. While the 1983 squad found themselves filled with full time spinners, the current team finds itself stuck with part-time spinners to do most of the hard work. Keeping that in mind, the 2011 team finds themselves with a lot more work to do in order to win the cup.

Ecteras

Some teeny tiny details nitty-grittys too can be spotted. For starters, Dev was much more of an emotional soul while Dhoni is known for being a tad bit hot headed when the situation demands it. And the game has changed too. From a 60 over game, the matches are now 50 overs; the boundary lines have been bought in by a whole 10 yards; and lastly, cricketers are equipped with the best equipment money can buy from the biggest sponsors in the world.

Maybe it's unfair to the compare the Men in Blue (2011 squad) to the Men in Moustaches (1983 squad). Times have changed but despite all odds, the 1983 team walked in as underdogs and won the title. Our team today have walked in as favorites and have done everything to come to the semis. What will happen now? Time will tell. Until then, all we can hope is that Dhoni will take some inspiration and gyaan from Kapil Dev only to play a game for the country, for the team and for his passion for the sport.

Desi Girl Talks Cricket World Cup!

March 12th, 2011:
India vs. South Africa

Today Desi Girl, who adores, loves and breathes cricket, is unhappy. Yes, India did not do too well today and thus, I feel a bit blue (pun intended). South Africa. A beautiful country with a pretty gosh darn good cricket team. But hello, what chance did they stand in front of our maa da laadlas in blue, right? In a pre-match discussion with my father, he said to me, "Roshni, India doesn't need to win this match. They'll still move ahead. Don't stress it." And what did I do? I stressed. Quickly, I then went in search of some consolation and came upon the uber trustworthy Castrol Cricket Index. By sheer research in the form of their fabulous index system, I was informed straight off the bat that India's chances for winning the World Cup was all of...20%. Immediately, I went in research of how both teams have faired with each other in the past. In the bargain, I was given a whole range of numbers which included individual player stats. However, what truly amazed me were the comparison between teams. According to the Castrol Index: Team Performance , India stands on top with an index rating of 395 when it comes to Batting but they fall all the way at number 8 when it comes to bowling with an index rating of 189! And post the match, I would realize how true this index system turned out to be.

Howzatt!

*What a beautiful batting ground it was! Sigh. Nagpur, Vidarbha Cricket Association Stadium, was a party every Indian cricket lover should have attended.

*Sehwag scared the daylights out of us initially! After smacking the ball for a 4 in the first ball itself, he went on to go seriously risky! A few unorthodox hits here and there, he was gearing up for a feisty match. And then, he looked to the sky, chanted a mantra, shed his helmet for a cap and darlings, Viru went on to do what he does so well! Every wide and short ball was smacked around the ground.

*And then, the god of cricket decided he too had to get in on the fun. Sachin then went on to hit 111 of the best runs ever seen. It was a sight for every cricket lover. His straight drives, the sixes and his fantastic running between the wickets was just sheer beauty! Setting the stage and foundation for his team, he did what he does best: played cricket!

*Hello Gauty! I just want to say one quick thing: aapki performance se, Desi girl khush hua! 69 baby! Very very nice. We really do need to see more of ya!

*Steyn Steyn Steyn. All we heard was, "Watch out for him!" I thought, "Che! Steyn ki aisi ki thesi." Uh yeah, the dude went on to kick India's butt! The boys in blue went back to the pavillion one by one courtesy of his bowling numbers: 5/50.

*Holler Hashim Amla and Jacques Kallis! Wow! I had no idea how well you lads knew the game. And honestly, 1000 apologies. Great play lads! Fabulous way to set the bar and create a base for your team. Kudos!


*Salute South African middle order! At least you can support your top order batsmen; unlike the men in blue. Enough said.
*If anyone deserves some mention from the bowling attack on the Indian team, it has to be sada Harbhajan. I mean while the rest of our bowlers, well plain SUCK, it was Bhaji who came on to do something worthwhile for the team. Shukriya Bhaji! 

Googlys!

*Sorry but the South Africa bowling, which ranks amongst the top five in the Castrol Cricket Index, was in complete shambles when Viru and Sach came out to bat. Helter-skelter was the word of the day as they fumbled to get our dudes out. Apologies lads, but when our top players come on to the field, this is what happens: carnage! So we understand that you needed to use 7 of your 12 players on the team (wink wink)!

*Damn you middle order! What on earth happened to you? At one point we were 267/1 and then 296 all out! Please explain yourselves.

*Why did Dhoni mess up the batting order? And why was our Power Play lacking oh um, POWER!

*Indian Bowling. Need I say more?

*Nehra taking the last over. Please spare me from explaining my agony watching that particular over. Painful...and how!

Normally, I sit and write a conclusion, summarize my feelings and thoughts. Today I will sit and write a note to the captain, Mr. M.S. Dhoni.

Dear Captain Saab,
Today, I speak to you not as a critic but as a Desi girl who loves cricket. Dude, today your comments post the match were plain disgraceful. The moment you uttered, "We must play for the team and not supporters," I lost respect for you. When did YOU play for the team today? Batao. You played for no one today. Not the team, not the supporters and definitely not your country. Explain the reason behind messing up the middle order? No answer, na? Do you realize every time bechara Sachin comes on to do his thing, play selfless cricket, you and your team never support him. Oh whatever, Dhoni. Today you have proved to us that you are unambitious, uneducated and definitely un-Indian. I'd rather see Rani Mukherjee in her Dil Bole Hadippa avatar along with Bhuvan and his team from Lagaan
Sincerely, a disappointed Desi girl.

India plays West Indies on the 20th of March in Chennai. Sigh. Hopefully some Rajnikant aura will circulate around the men in blue. My recommendation to them is simple: watch Robot. Over and out.

Bollywood Barbie

I won't deny it. I played with Barbie Doll's when I was a young one. I had clothes, shoes, hats and heaps of accessories all dedicated to my Barbie. One year, during a summer in India, we picked up a Me2 version of a doll who was beautifully cladded in a sari. Barbie, she was not. But Indian she was.

Initially news broke out of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan being forever immortalized in the form of Mattel's Barbie Doll. A few days later, Katrina Kaif walked down the ramp at the Lakme Fashion Show in true Barbie style. She wore a pink tu-tu, pink gloves and a sash with "BARBIE" clearly scripted in bold to mark 50 years of the iconic Barbie Doll which has been manufactured by Mattel Toys. It seems that Barbie is adding competition to rat-race which has some of Bollywood's best actresses vying for the top spot and being reincarnated into a Barbie Doll.

A name that has been totally avoided and unrecognized, to my shock, is Kareena Kapoor. Bebo encompasses personality traits and characteristics that Barbie's reputation is made of: snooty, snobby, sexy and savvy. Bebo Barbie would be perhaps the closest resemblance to the "real" Barbie and would sell, like hotcakes. She looks fab in dresses but even better in traditional Indian wear. To the defense of the other girls, Ash has the airy part which is her Barbieish but her giggly attitude is a no-no and hence, eliminate. Katrina may have the attitude but her void is the mere fact that she does not possess any Desi Barbie attributes; i.e. She ain't completely Indian. Barbie Kat works well in a mini skirt, but not in a Benares sari.

If our Desi Barbie is hot, our Desi Ken needs to fit the bill too. Barbie Ash would have the stubble equipped Abhishek Bachchan who, unlike the rest of the Bwood male clan is banking and advertising his "family" pack. Cute, but hot hunky. Pass. Katrina's eye candy comes in the moody but the everso handsome Salman Khan. Although, the most recent news making the circuit is that Sallu Miyan is bored of Kat and her nakhrelu ways (very Barbieish), and has found amour in one Zarina Khan. Their friendship struck on the sets of Yuvraaj as she played Kaif's body double. Anyway, no Ken, no Barbie status. Coming to Bebo, her Ken doll comes in the form of chote nawab Saif Ali Khan, who exhibits royalty and style. This works in her favor for the position of Desi Barbie for reasons more than one. For starters, Saifu is constantly at her side following her around like a cute puppy. Very Ken-like. Hunky, he is for sure and a heart throb of the nation. However, he does love his Bebo like no other. Word has it, he proposes to her on a daily basis. Ken-like? Foshizzle.

Some other possible contenders competing for the Desi Barbie position include Desi Girl herself Priyanka Chopra and Deepika Padukone. Chopra unfortunately is too much like your girl-next-door, which Barbie is not. Padukone has some distinct Barbie traits but for the most part does not possess the brash attitude Barbie is all about nor is open about her relationship with a possible Ken Ranbir Kapoor.

Desi Barbie needs to be a youth icon, traditional yet contemporary, snooty and yet socialable. If you ask me, the Desi Barbie could easily be Bebo Barbie. But that's just my opinion. And ain't nobody asking me!

Photo Credit: Dolls Of India