You Don't Know $hIt About Bollywood!

I have a number of pet peeves. I can't stand untidy eyebrows, conformers, broccoli and people (writers, bloggers) who are ill-versed in Hindi cinema. The last one drives me the most insane. I find it rather insulting to Hindi cinema, when people claim they have immense love for the art and write about it like they are experts. Listen, I don't claim I'm one but to my credit, I've grown up watching Hindi movies, (how do you think I learnt my Hindi?) playing antarkshari, ogling over B4U Music and the likes of it, and owned Filmfare, Stardust and Cineblitz magazines which I till today hold as my most prized possessions. Now if that isn't dedication and love, then I don't know what is.

My problem is simple: if you don't know Bollywood, don't sit and act like you do. You may know Shahid Kapoor now, but I knew Shahid Kapoor when he was an extra in Taal. Did you even know that? No. It irks me that a number of writers come out writing about the industry with limited knowledge of its history and how it was in the eighties and even nineties. Where were you when Hindi cinema was unknown to the world? You were busy watching Hollywood films. But not me! I was still watching Hindi films. Yes it lacked popularity and style, but it rocked. You didn't know Hindi cinema when it was okay to wear pink tutus! You know the new Bollywood. One that is globally recognized and popular. I can almost guarantee you wouldn't have watched a Hindi film back in the late eighties and early nineties, which I believe is when Bollywood was at its best. The films were not glamorous; they were trashy. They didn't house fancy actors with six packs; they had family packs. No fancy songs; in fact the songs were cheesy. But if you loved Hindi cinema, they rocked! So much so that even now you wish some of your favorite stars would go back to being lanky and scrawny ala Salman Khan in his hay days.

I could go on, scream and shout from the roof tops but of course, to all you ill-versed and ill-informed (that is the term I prefer to use) writers, I will say this: Bollywood is not for you to exploit. But enjoy yourself while you're here. What you have now is a different era. What we had is something you missed out on and while it will never happen again, you can bask in the glory of the new Bollywood. You'll never know the REAL Bollywood. And thus, that makes you ill-versed. You missed out!

Bollywood Barbie

I won't deny it. I played with Barbie Doll's when I was a young one. I had clothes, shoes, hats and heaps of accessories all dedicated to my Barbie. One year, during a summer in India, we picked up a Me2 version of a doll who was beautifully cladded in a sari. Barbie, she was not. But Indian she was.

Initially news broke out of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan being forever immortalized in the form of Mattel's Barbie Doll. A few days later, Katrina Kaif walked down the ramp at the Lakme Fashion Show in true Barbie style. She wore a pink tu-tu, pink gloves and a sash with "BARBIE" clearly scripted in bold to mark 50 years of the iconic Barbie Doll which has been manufactured by Mattel Toys. It seems that Barbie is adding competition to rat-race which has some of Bollywood's best actresses vying for the top spot and being reincarnated into a Barbie Doll.

A name that has been totally avoided and unrecognized, to my shock, is Kareena Kapoor. Bebo encompasses personality traits and characteristics that Barbie's reputation is made of: snooty, snobby, sexy and savvy. Bebo Barbie would be perhaps the closest resemblance to the "real" Barbie and would sell, like hotcakes. She looks fab in dresses but even better in traditional Indian wear. To the defense of the other girls, Ash has the airy part which is her Barbieish but her giggly attitude is a no-no and hence, eliminate. Katrina may have the attitude but her void is the mere fact that she does not possess any Desi Barbie attributes; i.e. She ain't completely Indian. Barbie Kat works well in a mini skirt, but not in a Benares sari.

If our Desi Barbie is hot, our Desi Ken needs to fit the bill too. Barbie Ash would have the stubble equipped Abhishek Bachchan who, unlike the rest of the Bwood male clan is banking and advertising his "family" pack. Cute, but hot hunky. Pass. Katrina's eye candy comes in the moody but the everso handsome Salman Khan. Although, the most recent news making the circuit is that Sallu Miyan is bored of Kat and her nakhrelu ways (very Barbieish), and has found amour in one Zarina Khan. Their friendship struck on the sets of Yuvraaj as she played Kaif's body double. Anyway, no Ken, no Barbie status. Coming to Bebo, her Ken doll comes in the form of chote nawab Saif Ali Khan, who exhibits royalty and style. This works in her favor for the position of Desi Barbie for reasons more than one. For starters, Saifu is constantly at her side following her around like a cute puppy. Very Ken-like. Hunky, he is for sure and a heart throb of the nation. However, he does love his Bebo like no other. Word has it, he proposes to her on a daily basis. Ken-like? Foshizzle.

Some other possible contenders competing for the Desi Barbie position include Desi Girl herself Priyanka Chopra and Deepika Padukone. Chopra unfortunately is too much like your girl-next-door, which Barbie is not. Padukone has some distinct Barbie traits but for the most part does not possess the brash attitude Barbie is all about nor is open about her relationship with a possible Ken Ranbir Kapoor.

Desi Barbie needs to be a youth icon, traditional yet contemporary, snooty and yet socialable. If you ask me, the Desi Barbie could easily be Bebo Barbie. But that's just my opinion. And ain't nobody asking me!

Photo Credit: Dolls Of India