Roshni Got Her Groove Back!

I've heard of people losing their mojo among other things. I, however, have never lost mine. Thankfully. But I did lose my groove this month. Never has writing been a chore for me. I'm no trained writer. Irrespective of whether I'm good or not, I write because I love to. And so when it’s painful to put words to paper, you find yourself rather shocked. So anyway, here I am after close to three weeks of being unable to write, and finally, praise the lord, finally, I've got my groove back. It made me realize to what extent I had taken my writing for granted. I mean I've had days where writers block has really hit me and how, but this time, it wasn't a case of being unable to pen. It was my groove damnit! It had mysteriously disappeared.

I sat down to question why it vanished for a bit and I realized that sometimes, life happens. You can get so bogged down by the nitty-gritty’s in life, that it affects every other aspect of your life to the extent that it can disturb you in ways you never knew. I’ve never had issues writing. For the first time, I doubted my own flair – one that I believed I’ve been blessed with via my Grandfather. It was last night that I thought to myself, “Oh no no no! No way will I let life hit me so badly that it will affect my passion!” No way José (as my Father would say). I went to bed early, after listening to my favorite Ganesha bhajan on repeat, assuring myself that tomorrow would be new day. Pep talk always does it.

But you know how it is. As quickly and mysteriously as it disappears, it reappears too. This morning after days of aching and scratching my head wondering why on earth the writing Gods had stopped bestowing their blessings on me, I woke up ready to rock n roll. Losing your groove is hardly fun. In fact, it's one of the most infuriating feelings in the world. But you know what, when you find it, it’s as good as finding treasure.

However, now, I can safely say, Roshni Got Her Groove Back Baby!!

5 Hard Things to Deal With...

Going through yet another bump in my life. Yes, life has thrown me another lemon which I have to dodge. The joys of life.Please sense the sarcasm. So this post is mainly to remind me of how hard it is to do things that are not fun and painful. I figured in life, there are five things that are uber hard to do and deal with.

1) Putting on a fake smile when you're hurting inside (read: heartbreak)

2) The feeling of rejection and betrayal

3) Feeling caged and bounded

4) Waking up every morning knowing you have nothing to look forward to

5) And finally, the hardest thing to do in life sometimes is deal with your mistakes/past and live

I'll get over it. I'll be fine. Remember: I am the master of my destiny; the captain of my soul. Now if I could just bring myself to believe it.

Thank You Universe

I have become an huge avid follower of Metaphysics. And in case you're confused as to this incredible type of science, it basically is a "branch of philosophy" that combines studying and knowing, i.e. believing that the universe knows what is best for you, asking it for something knowing that it will give you just that if it is the best for you. I recently had a full-on metaphysical encounter. I merely asked the universe for a sign, manifested it and badda-bing! My sign arrived in the beautiful of ways. And for that, I am eternally grateful to the universe. It also made me realize, that I do have immense appreciation for numerous things in my life. The top 10 are...

10. An Education. I love that I have a passion to learn. It has made me who I am today.

9. Choice. I can't imagine having to conform or be forced into anything. I choose who I am today and forever!

8. Smiles. It makes my day; smiles and smiling.

7. A Roof. Shelter is a mere commodity we take for granted. I love my home!

6. Sleep. It makes a long hard day more meaningful. For sure!

5. Compliments. Who doesn't love a compliment...or two, three, four!

4. Great Friends. You can't pick and choose your family; but you can your friends. I love my buddies!

3. An Amazing Family. My family is my backbone irrespective of the ups and downs. I love them!

2. Love. In all its facets, its the most amazing feeling.

1. Life. Here I am alive and kicking because I am lucky enough to have been given this life!

In-Awe-Ception!

How on earth some people, i.e. Chris Nolan, director of Inception, come up with such an ambitious, innovative, smart, creative, enticing, gripping, intelligent ideas from is beyond me. Yes, it did require all those adjectives. After walking out of the cinema, I couldn't stop thinking and of course, make sense of a film that really has you puzzled. Ask me what its about and I really wouldn't be able to tell you. But it really is a Dream com true, pun intended. Inception is the kind of film from which every member in the audience comes out with a different understanding. That Leonardo Di Caprio and Chris Nolan are fantastic in their own areas of film, is a known fact; with Inception they only further prove that filmmaking is more than just an art.

Without spoiling the film, because it really is a MUST WATCH, Inception makes you think about your subconscious and what emotions lurk down there. More recently, I myself have been trying to bury issues that are now coming to the surface because my subconscious could not hold on to them anymore. We often repress emotions, situations and burdens that we don't want to deal with. Where do they lie? In your subconscious. For the most part, they lie there dormant but I don't think they can live there forever. Ultimately, you have to face those demons and clear your subconscious. What was most interesting is how your conscious holds your deepest darkest secrets to the extent that if you are an influential person, they could be extracted or manipulated. Fascinating!

Not a lot of people pay close attention to their dreams and according to Nolan, we have different layers to our dreams too. But how can you separate between reality and dreams? Whose to say we all aren't in one long dream -- in the last layer, put in a limbo which is impossible to get out of. But then, that layer is where you can make your own world, your own dream, your own life. And if that is true, then you know for sure that this is nothing close to a sweet dream; not my kinda dream anyway.

And lastly, if I had to have a totem, mine would be a small music box that played in reality but not in my lucid dreams. Come to think of it, I want one now!

From My Diary...

I found a diary entry that I found very fascinating so I decided to blog it.

"I wonder if the phase I'm going through is normal. Aimless, lost and incomplete, I find myself at the ultimate crossroads of my life. It all feels so damn stagnant...I feel like a grown woman ready to begin my life at 2* (I'm choosing not to add my age purposely here), but I feel, or rather am made to feel, like a young girl. What does my life lack today? Independence, direction and love. Strangely I know what want but the journey or even beginning that journey seems so far-fetched. Responsibilities galore follow me with the weight of the world and yet I'm expected to be perfect. I sacrifice my youth, my age, my dreams all for what? I'll never know. Was it worth it? Ask me ten years from now. But its not all bad. I find people who make me smile, laugh and some that adore me. Lots to love me but no one to hold me; big difference. What ails me? The fact that I live in a country I detest? I have no independence and I am sometimes considered worthless. In my eyes I see potential and I am tired of asking the universe to grant me my world. When will it happen? Who knows. Until then I walk a road with no direction, no light, no signs... I pass an occasional street lamp. It flickers and then goes out. So much for Roshni (light)! I loiter in between being a girl and a woman. Sometimes I lean towards one side more than the other but whose looking? Or caring? But this is me today; alone and surrounded by crowds; sad yet strangely optimistic and loved but still looking for love. A life of ironic contradictions is still considered a life well-lived. Or is it?"

Wow! I was really deep that day. I really wonder what was going through my head that day. Or what phase I was in. I wish I had logged more information on that diary entry. Anyhow, so much has changed since then. Thankfully!

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust"

If life were a shape, it would definitely be a circle. We all begin and end at the same point going all the way around. The last few days have taught me that life and death is a reoccuring event in life. As humans we live in denial. We believe that our time hasn't come yet or will come but not now. And then before we know it, we lose someone who is close to our hearts. Death is a scary concept which is hard to accept and fathom. It can be the mere thought of our own demise or of a loved one. In the most ironic of ways, death is an unacceptable fact. And so is life. As people leave us behind, new ones join us and in the sorrow of loss, we find happiness in the birth of a new one. And thus, the circle of life continues for seasons and reasons which are at times unexplainable. So the vicious cycle continues; round and round.

Soaring above the Storm

As I sit to write this, I have an excruciating headache, body ache and an itchy throat. All indications that I will most likely be spending my weekend in bed courtesy of the flu. However, if I start to pop a pill or two, I will most likely be able to stop the extent of my illness. It is really sad that when we hit speed breakers or bumps in life, we are never have any hindsight of it nor are there any ways to prevent it from hitting the most extreme of rock bottoms. For the most part, we have to endure it, live it, survive it and finally say, phew! I did it.

It's times like this I wish I was a bird. Not just any bird but an King (Queen in my case) of the birds - the Eagle. Eagles are birds who soar above the rest and views the world from above. They fly to a high cliff and wait for the winds. When they sense that a storm is approaching, it will set its wings to a certain degree which allows the stormy winds to lift it up above the storm. So as the squall below is raging with anger and hate, the eagle stays above it all. The eagle is not scared of the storm but instead chooses to use the storm to lift it higher. It rests on the winds that brings the storm and as it ends uses that very wind to bring it back to ground - high ground.

Metaphorically, "storms" come in our lives in various forms: loss of a job, the breaking of a relationship, losing a loved one, disappointment, failure, heartbreak and so on. When such an incident occurs, we have many choices. We can face the battle face on, we can go into hiding and ignore the situation or we can use that situation to learn and move on. Most of the time, we use a amalgamation of them all. Initially, we go into hibernation as we enter denial stage; then we realise that we have to deal with it and lastly, when we all is said and done, in hindsight, we look back and thank our lucky stars (or the one above) for being kind enough to get us out of a situation that could have been detrimental to us. However, wouldn't it just be easier to head straight to stage three? We eventually have to reach there, so it would probably be easier to head there in the beginning. It is not because we are afraid of stages one and two but merely because it makes no sense in bawling or upsetting ourselves over a circumstance that will eventually mend itself - this is called "Soaring above the storm." A trait from the eagles we should learn to admire and where ever possible, use to our benefit.

Photo Credit: eaglevision.com