"I wonder if the phase I'm going through is normal. Aimless, lost and incomplete, I find myself at the ultimate crossroads of my life. It all feels so damn stagnant...I feel like a grown woman ready to begin my life at 2* (I'm choosing not to add my age purposely here), but I feel, or rather am made to feel, like a young girl. What does my life lack today? Independence, direction and love. Strangely I know what want but the journey or even beginning that journey seems so far-fetched. Responsibilities galore follow me with the weight of the world and yet I'm expected to be perfect. I sacrifice my youth, my age, my dreams all for what? I'll never know. Was it worth it? Ask me ten years from now. But its not all bad. I find people who make me smile, laugh and some that adore me. Lots to love me but no one to hold me; big difference. What ails me? The fact that I live in a country I detest? I have no independence and I am sometimes considered worthless. In my eyes I see potential and I am tired of asking the universe to grant me my world. When will it happen? Who knows. Until then I walk a road with no direction, no light, no signs... I pass an occasional street lamp. It flickers and then goes out. So much for Roshni (light)! I loiter in between being a girl and a woman. Sometimes I lean towards one side more than the other but whose looking? Or caring? But this is me today; alone and surrounded by crowds; sad yet strangely optimistic and loved but still looking for love. A life of ironic contradictions is still considered a life well-lived. Or is it?"
Wow! I was really deep that day. I really wonder what was going through my head that day. Or what phase I was in. I wish I had logged more information on that diary entry. Anyhow, so much has changed since then. Thankfully!
1 comment:
that really is deep :)
beautiful post :)
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