Fashion Fail: B-town ladies who messed it up!

There are those who are fashion forward. And then there are fashion fools. While the former know how to keep it chic and chick, the latter choose to pile it on and well, commit some of the most classic fashion faux pas known to mankind. Within the film industry they come in two groups: the stylish and the garish. The stylish, we mimic; the garish drive you ballistic. Here are some ladies who failed to get the: 'Please take a second look before you leave your house' memo and landed up looking, well, looking like this.

Kajol

She gave the fashion disaster world hope, she really did. But Kajol has proved that once a fashion victim, always a fashion victim. She's never really been one of the more stylish actresses around. In fact, she was branded as an actress with zero style quotient and we had made our peace with it. 'At least she can act,' we told ourselves. And then 2012 she came out ready to rock the fashion world. Then this happens. At the recent GQ Men's Award, Kajol turned up, husband by her side in a silver Prabal Gurung dress looking well, odd. The dress fit awkwardly around her body making her look wider while the length of her gown exposed her legs and ghastly shoes. We'd much rather see her in classic ethic wear which she manages to carry off with finesse.

Bipasha Basu

For an actress who has such a hot bod, Bipasha Basu sure got it wrong with a Shrivan-Narresh sari. First and foremost, the color palette didn't work for the dusky beauty and all that skin show, which was supposed to make her look like a Kama Sutra model, we believe, made her look vulgar instead. While the bikini blouse normally looks flattering on svelte actresses like herself, it just didn't work for Bips. The thin straps made her shoulders look broader and sari itself looked like a bed sheet. Add to that a dated hairstyle and someone please call fashion police!

Rani Mukerji

So I guess for Rani, it was convenience meets fashion, i.e. night wear meets sleep wear. Ms. Mukerji turned up to best bud Karan Johar's birthday bash in a silver unfitted gown which could have easily doubled as a night gown. Not only did she look incredibly bulky, but there was nothing relatively good about her look. Even the deep back couldn't help sex up her outfit. And that awful up do make her look a lot older. Sadly her career and fashion sense are in need of help, pronto!

Shenaz Treasuryvala

If you're not a well known actress and you are limited on the work you do, shouldn't you really be more cautious about your sense of style at least? You'd think Shenaz Treasuryvala would be a bit smarter with her choice of clothing in hopes to bag a film or two. But instead, she gives us a drabby take on a cut out top and an unnecessarily striped skirt. And what is up with those awful wedges? No, no, no, Shenaz! We know you like to keep it sexy, but this is trashy.

Ekta Kapoor

She may be the queen of soaps but she sure doesn't have the fashion sense of one. Where do we even begin with Ekta Kapoor? Whether it's her wretched choice of shoes - those chunky platforms slippers, which follow her everywhere, or her choice of clothes which no one really gets, it's just fashion mayhem for the savviest Kapoor in town. Normally, most of the rather awkwardly fashioned ladies in Bollywood seem to get it right with their ethnic wear. Not Ekta. She fails in that department too. It's rather sad though, she does have a pretty face.

It's fine if you want to do be different to make a fashion statement, but ladies, the only reason you should be dressing this way is if you're starring in a Ram Gopal Varma horror film. Which none of you are…are you?

~

First published Bollywood Hungama, October 20, 2012 

Desi, Chokri and Nearly 30? You Need This!

So sitting at the salon the other day, I stumbled upon this fabulous article: “Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by The Time She’s 30”. I read, laughed, agreed with most of it and then digested it all. Now, this was obviously an American magazine which meant, I couldn’t relate to a lot of it. For the most part, we Desi girls lead different lives courtesy of our values, et al. But the article lingered in my head for a while and I couldn’t help but wonder about what things we Desi girls should have and know by age 30. And please do not ask me for my age. I’m as young as I look which of course, is 16. Right? Okay the list. Ready?

By 30, you should have:

A past that is controversial/juicy enough that you could easily turn it into a Shobha De-esque book or an Ekta Kapoor serial.

Cried yourself to sleep over a broken heart with your favorite melodrama/sad song…in your head.

Gotten drunk while watching a Hindi film in the cinema.

Full on tashaan.

Seen the Kama Sutra and laughed at how pretentious it is.

A signature drink ala Screw Driver or Whiskey…Patiala.

Drunk yourself silly and walked around the city singing, “Yeh Dosti” with your best friend.

Figured out which Bollywood actress you hate because you’re insanely jealous of how beautiful she is and no other reason.

A pair of fabulous heels and kohlapuri chappals.

Taken a trip with your girls to Spain thinking you’re gonna change your life after watching Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

Crushed over a Hindi telly star.

Mastered the art of shying, crying and being coy.

By 30, you should know:

Which designer will be designing your trousseau and who will perform at your Sangeet (applicable to the unmarried ladies).

That Bollywood is a complete sham which has given you unrealistic expectations of men and life.

That said, you should know which Hindi movie you’d most like to model your life around.

How to roll a perfectly round roti and make amazing chai.

How to kill a coachroach with your chappal.

The names of your future children.

That all Desi men are mama’s boys and you cannot do anything about it.

How to drown out emotional blackmail and guilt trips from Mom and Dad.

Mastered at least three Desi dishes.

How to smartly dodge the “Teri shaadi kab hogi?” question (also only applicable to unmarried gals).

That Facebook has been overtaken by gossiping Aunties and Uncles. Please update your statuses and pictures accordingly.

Which Hindi serial you watch secretly while you diss it out to the rest of the world.

Five Reasons I Love Ram Kapoor

For everyone that knows me well, you know that I absolutely adore Ram Kapoor. Yes, he’s that overweight guy that all my Twitter dosts always pokes fun at. You know who you tweeps are. I've been crushing over Ram Kapoor since his Ghar Ek Mandir days. It deepened during Kasam Se and furthered when he played big bhai to Rakhi Sawant during her Swayamwar. But it has reached its all time high right now as he plays Mr. Ram Kapoor in Bade Ache Lagte Hai. You can call it an obsession or an infatuation; I call it sheer love for the sweetest, cutest man on Hindi television who happens to bear an uncanny resemblance in every which way, to my favorite Uncle. But because everyone cannot fathom, understand or comprehend my ishq, pyar, mohabbat for Mr. Kapoor, here are five reasons why.

5) Ram Ki Baatein
There are so few men on the telly who speak Hindi as well as they do English. In both languages, Ram Kapoor is never wrong in grammar, pronunciation and his accent is pretty gosh darn hot!

4) Ram Ki Adayein…Uff!
Ekta Kapoor, whom I adore by the way, happens to put Ram in a number of rather odd situations vis-à-vis Bade Ache Lagte Hai. But the manner in which Ram emotes, expresses and reacts literally makes me go haiiiiiiii.

3) Ram Ki Talent (too much confusion over the Hindi word for 'talent')
Unknown to most people, Ram Kapoor is pretty darn talented. Yeah, so he can do the serial thing really well, but I loved him as the obnoxious fool in Monsoon Wedding and then as the awesome uncle in Udaan. Oh, and he can dance too!

2) Ram Ki Muskarahat
Ram Kapoor, all you have to do is smile and basically, my day is made. Not only is tres sexy, but mucho cute. There’s a slight cheekiness to his smile which makes it even more  endearing.

1) Ram Ke Motapaan
He’s fat and what? Or rather so what! Ram Kapoor makes fat look sexy. And he is the sexiest man on Hindi television.

So he played a rather tharki character in Ek Main Aur Ek Tu and it looks like he will be doing a repeat in Agent Vinod, but even then, I’ll take him.

100 Word Review: The Dirty Picture

The Dirty Picture is Silk Smitha’s life story. But it really is Vidya Balan all the way. She’s bold, she bears and my god is she booblicious. The actors all “support” her aptly but she fully encompasses Silk in soul and character. The film falters in the second half while it shocks you in the first. Luthria is a director who yet again demonstrates his understanding of the subject fully. The dialogues are filled with vulgar innuendos (loved it!) and Ooh-La-La takes the cake. If you can’t handle the heat, stay away from TDP; it’s not for the small-minded or faint-hearted.

Quote from an avid moviegoer who sums it up perfectly: "Vidya Balan might have just introduced the world to the concept of 'Aesthetic Vulgarity'. Buxom is back!" - A.G.

Hindi Serials: The Atyachar!

From 9:30 p.m. to midnight every weekday, I am tortured. And it's not physical harassment that I am forced into but television anguish. Yes, my mother, my sweet sweet mother, hogs the television for two and a half hours to watch her favorite Hindi serials. And it's pretty much nonstop. More than often I want to put my hair out, scream, shout and cry at how ridiculous the plots and situations tend to be. How on earth the writers think of such instances, is beyond me. And they swear that most of this inspired by real life. Really? Which modern day educated girl would allow herself to be treated to a life of bossing-around by her mother-in-lawless household. And then there is the couple who marry outside of their castes only to face seriously lame issues that makes you want to jump off the 78th floor. What surprises me is the number of people who actually spend hours a day glued to the idiot box watching these shows. And there are people like my mother who find themselves crying for some odd reason which is unknown to mankind.

I'll admit I used to be a soap junkie. Yes, I too was a serial addict. But then it hit me one day, when my toleration for nonsense hit the roof, that I needed therapy. And I've kept the receipts simply because I believe Ekta Kapoor needs to reimburse me. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore the woman. She's savvy, suave and gosh darn smart. But her sensibilities are far more intelligent I believe. Her business smart mind however, is just giving the masses what they want; drama, tamasha and mayhem.

Look, I'm not saying they should be banned but why can't we make soaps that actually make sense or is at least prevalent to issues that are relatable? I mean how many women really marry more than three times? How many people resurrect from the dead? How many people get face transplants? How many character live to be more than 100 years old? Considering that we live in times of terrorism, farmer suicide, fasting drama kings and are still dealing with female infanticide, it is terrible to see that as a society we are "turned on" by soap opera drama. The tamasha is hardly interesting anymore. And the argument that most fans throw my way is simple: we want an escape from our daily problems and thus, Desi soaps provide that exact getaway. Fair. But does it need to be so OTT? Why can't we tone down the drama, the music and the dramatics.

I say all this while I find myself seriously hooked to bad Hindi reality shows, every single singing program and am also Ram Kapoor's (yeah the fat dude) biggest fan. I am currently a Bade Acche Lagte Hain freak. Sigh. It always get it you no matter how hard you try to run. But it's okay right? If the soaps can be hypocritical, well then so can I, no?

100 Word Review: Shor

Ekta Kapoor’s Shor is one that has already been making waves internationally. The city of dreams, Mumbai, Shor follows the lives of goons who run the “fake” book industry in the city. When they land their hands on a bag of weapons, they find themselves going green with greed. On the flip side, an aspiring cricketer has to pay a bribe if he is to get on the team and marry his girl. Fabulously captured with great performances all around. The characterization of Mumbai is beautifully depicted during festival season. Shor is a must watch…and not just for Mumbaikars.

Mirch Masala Yet Again!

It's raining G (gossip and news) in Bollywood, so yet again a mirch masala was required!

Bipasha Basu found herself in shock when an Aunty wanted to give her a puppi (smooch) at Bangalore airport!

Partner 2 is scripted and ready to roll with Salman Khan and Govinda yet again.

Talking about sequels, after the success of Once Upon A Time in Mumbai, Ekta Kapoor is set to make a part 2 to the film which will most likely focus on the life of Dawood.

Aamir Khan, Salman Khan and a number of actors all got together to give blood for Independence Day.

Ajay Devgn is yearning for a break but cannot seem to make time to take it. He is currently working on Aakrosh after working nonstop on Golmaal 3.

More tomorrow!!