Saifeena Wala Shaadi!

Shaadi Time!

I love shaadi time in Bollywood. And because I care so passionately about Hindi films, I feel like I am an extended part of the family. How filmy did that just sound? See, I fit in so well. But really, weddings make the world such a happy place and yesterday happened to be the day that my favorite Kareena Kapoor, whom I pyar se refer to as Bebo Didi, tied the knot with her beau and now my jeeju, Saif Ali Khan.

Theirs is a love story that most girls only dream of. Yeah, he has a bit of a shady past, but that didn’t stop Bebo from realizing that this Nawab was the man of her dreams. So they courted, moved in together, costarred in flop films, dodged the ‘shaadi kab karoge?’ question only to finally call it a day and are now Mr. and Mrs. Saif Ali Khan. If you know me, you know this would be a rather long ‘aww’ moment for me. But I'll refrain due to public objection and the constant criticism that comes with my aww-ing.

But the real question is, what have we learned from Saifeena, India’s kinda-sorta royal couple, as they embark on holy matrimony?  


1. Second hand jawani. It’s shaadi number two for Saif who was previously married to Amrita Singh, an actress many years his senior. Second time round, it's Bebo darling for him and she happens to be ten years his junior. But who’s has time for all that math?  

2. Power, Baby. She is now, Kareena Kapoor Khan aka Begum of Pataudi.  

3. No Band Baaja or Baraat. It is possible to have a low-key yet fun wedding even if you are a powerhouse couple. Are you reading Abhishek and Ash?

4. Skirt Chaser No More. If a Casanova finds his Ms. Right, he will eventually give up his womanizing ways and settle down…temporarily at least. Does that make Bebo, Ms. Right-Now?

5. Flop Jodi. You may not have a single hit film to your name as a pair, but you sure as hell can be the most popular and loved jodi in town.

Here’s wishing my favorite couple a lifetime of happiness, love and eternal bliss!

The Bollywood Mashup!

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about Bollywood, no? It’s been a while since I’ve blogged at all in fact. But moving and adjusting has taken a bit of a toll on me. However, all is good and I promise regular posts from here on. Okay so yes, Bollywood, what is going on? I’ve been quietly observing you lately and I am mighty worried.

For starters, there is Priyanka Chopra, who is making her singing (read: auto tune) debut. So here’s the deal. You’re Indian, you’re an ex Miss World and yet you pose like Rihanna in glittery pumps and sing in an American accent? Errr, somewhere something doesn’t make sense. I would have had heaps of respect for P.C. if she had put some Indian element to the single. Instead, we get a very wannabe-ish attempt and a completely auto tuned voice which not only puts one off but makes you put Piggy Chops back in the “Get Outta Town” bracket. I’m not a P.C. fan by default – she’s far too pretentious for me, but at least I would have had some respect for the lady. Sheee!

And then there is Rani Mukherjee in Aiyya. By now you’ve all seen Dreamum Wakeupum. And if you haven’t, refrain or else you will be scarred for life. Why is it that every actress above the age of 32 feels that the only way they can stick around is to put on Silk Smitha acts ala Vidya Balan in The Dirty Picture? Rani, Rani, Rani, you are far better than that. It’s not the song that is awful – no, no, it’s actually one helluva catchy track. The lyrics are funky even. It’s Rani jiggling and bouncing around that is very painful. 

If you were missing Preity Zinta, look no further because she is back. Um, you remember when Preity could smile and emote? Yeah, she can’t do that anymore courtesy of all that work that she’s had done on her face. In fact, her expression in the promo has been stationary whether she smiles, smirks and even looks upset. It’s all the same. Ishqk in Paris is her comeback film but I’d rather see her charming face come back versus her rather plastic face. The film looks funnish, I guess. There’s a shaadi number also which I think is supposed to be a crowd drawer but it’s very meh. Also, her dimples seem to missing...conspiracy theory?

What do I say about my Bebo Didi aka Kareena Kapoor? With her wedding on the horizon and Heroine on the brink of release, she sure does have a lot on her plate. But I’m rather worried for Bebo Didi. You see, I have a gut feeling Heroine isn’t going to work. And here’s my funda; Heroine is really just an extension of Fashion. What is the difference between the life of a model and of an actress? Very little, no? The struggles and lifestyle are almost identical. So what newness and freshness can Madhur Bhandarkar bring to the audiences? What do we NOT already know about the film industry that The Dirty Picture hasn’t told us? In my opinion, this is actually a film that should not be made and if anything, the role should have been taken on by a newcomer. Bebo could have easily waited for something incredibly different from the Bhandarkar house to have been a part of. Fingers crossed that I’m wrong though!

For all you Sridevi fans, English Vinglish is nearly here and by god, it looks fabulous! Not only does she look like a million bucks but her acting seems to have improved too. I have a feeling this will be an underplayed performance by Sri backed by a good script. And yes, she will be dancing!

Of course, you all know I’m dreading Student of the Year. Karan Johar’s candy floss films really get on my nerves. I have no issues with teeny-bop films but please make them somewhat relatable. 

Oh, so before I leave you, a lot of folks have been asking for my 2012 picks. So, here are the films I’ve enjoyed so far this year:

Agneepath – Fabulous remake!

Tere Naal Love Ho Gaya – Super cute.

Paan Singh Tomar – It stars Irrfan Khan; enough said.

Vicky Donor – Easily the film of the year – smart, funny, entertaining.

Ishaqzaade – Surprise performances and a good storyline.

Shanghai – Emraan Hashmi and Abhay Deol work this political drama to the core.

Gangs of Wasseypur – Rustic and a great film to learn gaalis from.

Bol Bachchan – While this is all Ajay Devgn, Abhishek really impresses.

Cocktail – Cheeseball film of the year with Deepika Padukone stealing the limelight.

Ek Tha Tiger – Eff the 100 Crore club, this one went on to make 200! Salman Khan underplays his role and how! Katrina kicks ass real well, great music, good sights, entertaining, short and fun!

Pura Review: Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

Ever since Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu released, all I seem to be reading are replica reviews that call it a “coming of age” film. Basically, this is a new genre formed by the critics which our filmmakers are trying to take undue advantage of; better known as a fad. And the one filmmaker who is literally cashing out on this trend is none other than Karan Johar. So yes, he’s back in producer form with Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu which stars the very cool Kareena Kapoor and chocolate boy, (he’s yet to evade himself from that tag) Imran Khan. Naturally, it screams I Hate Luv Storys hangover simply because it possesses the same aura and vibe also known as cheese factor.

Welcome to Las Vegas where Rahul Kapoor (Imran Khan) lives a nine to five job courtesy of his commanding parents. On the flip side, there is the carefree and joshiley Riana Briganza (Kareena Kapoor) who lives in the moment. After a night of extreme drunkenness, they get married ala Vegas style. The duo find themselves in each others company while they file for an annulment and a deep friendship forms. Very quickly, Rahul falls in pyar, ishq, mohabbat for Riana who is not ready for any kind of relationship. However, he does manage to change his rather “stiff uptight” ways in the company of Riana.

EMAET is not a coming of age film and if you had to pick a coming of age film from Karan Johar’s lot, it would have to be Wake Up Sid which fits the coming of age genre bill to the T. However, EMAET is a coming of age for Hindi films vis-à-vis the ending of the film which, by the way, leaves big time room for a sequel. It’s not the same shindig. No running into each others arms or sudden realization of love, but a rather mature ending to what is easily any of the two: a chick flick or a cheese fest. Look, EMAET is hardly path breaking cinema but you cannot deny that is a nice easy breezy film which works best on a Sunday afternoon. The plot is simple and fun with some funky young dialogues. Shakun Batra does well with her film and clearly has a good understanding of modern day love and relationships.

The film belongs to Kareena Kapoor. As Riana Briganza, she is funky, fun and fabulous in every which way. Barring her horrid hair – which is rather ironic as she plays an unemployed hairstylist, she literally becomes Riana. That said, this film and role must have been child’s play for Bebo especially since she has done a lot deeper substance filled roles in the past. Riana is not Geet from Jab We Met. With due respect to the latter film, Geet was more rural; Riana is urban. Where do I begin with Imran Khan. I’m not a fan and so by the end, I was literally pakaoed by his enactment of Rahul Kapoor. I’m not sure whether it was the role or the hair, but Imran didn’t work at all for me. In fact, I was more excited to see Ram Kapoor, who plays a rich tharki, in the two scenes he bagged. I think Imran believed EMAET would be his Wake Up Sid moment. And in a way he is right; this is a wake up Imran and smell the roses moment! Boman Irani and Ratna Pathak Shah are as usual superb; she more than him.

And now, the flaws. First the music. This is not Amit Trivedi’s best with the title track taking the crown and Aahatein a close second.  Then there are a few minor details which Shakun should have really cross-checked. For starters, how can a wannabe ballet dancer, who has a steel ball in her foot, dance like a diva in Auntyji? And then of course, there’s the hair issue. For a hairstylist, they really should have given her some gosh darn awesome hair. If anyone needed Vidal Sassoon, it was Riana Briganza.

Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu has been compared to Hollywood rom-coms but in all honesty, why should we do that? We are totally capable of making great Hindi romantic comedies as we have in the past. The film is time pass, paisa vasool even, but strictly that. If you need reasons to watch the film, well then go in if you’re looking for a short cutesy film. And of course, for Bebo. She actually uses the word, “anal” in the film. C’mon now, do you need any more reason?

Not Just Another SRK Bashing Fest....

Screw the open letters; that is so last month. This is an outright SRK bashing. I’m really not a fan of King Khan and I have no qualms in saying it. In fact, the only reason I watch his films is because I am a sadist; I look for reasons to hate on Shah Rukh Khan. I can count the number of SRK films I liked—Swades, Chak De! India and fine, I’ll even grant him Veer Zaara. And I’m not talking about old school SRK; he died ages ago. We’ll never see the Raj in DDLJ ever again so don’t count on it. But why does he choose to be such a bloody gaada? Like seriously, why? The last time I was this pissed off at SRK was after I watched one disaster of a film better known as Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. I literally sat in complete shock when I saw SRK switch between being foolish as part the nerdy light dude and even more foolish as the dancing garagewallah

And now, after I watch Ra.One, over a week late, I feel a sense of déjà vu falling over me. But before I go off about the film, here's what the film's blurb reads when you look it up:


A father trying hard to 'fit-in' in his son's badass world. A son trying hard to 'dude-up' his dad from 'aiiiyyyo' to 'Yo!' And a mother lost in translation between her husband's 'ingeva' and her son's 'inn'it!' While Shekhar was trying every trick in the book to woo his son, get 'dude-ified' and 'up his coolness quotient' his son had given up on him. 

Can I barf now? All of a sudden, I am that angry girl all over again who cannot fathom what the frak Ra.One was about. But why am I so surprised? I knew he’d kill it with Ra.One. I knew it would be a piece of crap. I knew I’d be sitting and cursing myself out because as usual SRK would make something over the top that would as usual, not make sense.

See, I have no issues with experimental cinema. In fact, I applaud it. Variety is the spice of life and all that jazz, but for heaven’s sake, please make sense. Watching Ra.One proved to be the most daunting, boring, infuriating experiences of 2011. However, I’m going to pull an SRK on you and do something that is expected but not really. See, you expect me to hate on SRK and Ra.One. But since a certain ‘someone’ (you know who you are) insists that I should not be a SRK hater; here are all the reasons to watch Ra.One.

Bebo’s Chammak Challo chiffon sari. She herself is oomph personified but add a sexy red sari to Bebo, and you pretty much have a number one reason to watch Ra.One. Of course, the song too is pretty darn cool, kudos Akon, but really it’s Kareena Kapoor’s latkas and jhatkas that really make you feel like you’ve got your money’s worth. Can’t say the same about your time though.

The kid’s hair. I understand that young boys like the Bieber inspired do. Apparently, it’s in. And the reason you should watch Ra.One is because besides being slightly annoying, the kid in the film is basically India’s answer to Justin Bieber. Well, not sure if he can sing, but he is sporting the look for sure. I, however, couldn’t stop thinking about how badly I wanted to chop his long locks. Alternatively, he could use some gel to work some pretty cool styles. A Mohawk even.

Raj-Ni. When the real king comes on screen, then ain’t no body gonna look at any G.One aka SRK. Even though he was barely on for more than 2.5 seconds, Rajni ruled and rocked.

Dahi-Chowmein. I've never heard of that combination coming together. Very Chandni Chowk to China inspired if I may say so, but this is yet another reason to watch Ra.One. While initially fusing noodles and curd would sound rather unappetizing, I think SRK may actually be onto something here. Worth a try, no?

Arjun in 10. Thank your lucky stars cause all you get of Arjun Rampal is a mere ten minutes.But then again, that is ten solid minutes; painful minutes. And in the climax you are treated to ten Ra.One's, i.e. 10 Arjun Rampals. But fikaar not, it's better than a whole film with Rampal as the main hero. As for all those girls who couldn't stop gushing over how "hot" he looked, I'm sorry but I beg to differ. I'll take a bald Anupam Kher over a taklu Rampal anyday.

The Game Over sign. After the torture, the Game Over sign is an indication that the end is near. Praise the lord.

Tum Bin Effect. And the last reason to watch Ra.One is because you’ll appreciate Anubhav Sinha’s Tum Bin; if you didn’t already. It was a rona dona film, yes. But it’s a better film than Ra.One, I’ll tell you that.

Oh and while we're at it, just a quick piece of FYI. SRK or rather Anubhav Sinha, has no idea what a superhero is. Superman, Batman, Iron Man all had one factor in common: they were regular people. It's only when terror struck that they changed avatars and became their titled superhero. Ra.One was not a real person and thus, he is a Robot. He even displayed robotic tendencies! So how on earth then is this a superhero flick? No, tell me please.

As for SRK, you haven’t seen the end of him or his Ra.One series. From the looks of it, we will be hit with a second part which he will promote bigger and better than his first part; which we’ll watch and yes, I’ll find reasons to watch that one too.

Stars:
Not.Even.One

Imran + Kareena = Size Zero Again!

Over the weekend, I got to see the 2010 IIFA Awards and was impressed (and happy) with Kareena Kapoor's new beautiful body. She has finally realized that she needs to shed the slim-jim size zero look for a more healthier frame. Thank goodness for that because she looks like a million bucks! It was like seeing my favorite Bebo back to her usual awesome sexy yet cute self. And then today, I get to read news of Karan Johar "demanding" her to head back to her skinny look. Reason? Well, for those of you who don't know, one of KJo's upcoming film stars Kareena Kapoor along with Imran Khan. Convinced, that a more skinny Kareena will look better or more "compatible" as he has put it, with Khan.

It was because of boyfriend Saif Ali Khan, who expressed his dislike for the actresses boney figure and thus, Bebo decided to head back to her healthier lifestyle and body. And believe me, if you did see Bebo dance at the awards, she did look mighty healthy and pretty. So why on earth KJo would make such a disgusting demand, is beyond my understanding. I actually think the actress would look better if she was healthier even if its with Imran Khan.

Hopefully, Bebo will tell KJo to take a hike and not indulge in such a silly demand. Are you listening Bebo?

Bollywood Barbie

I won't deny it. I played with Barbie Doll's when I was a young one. I had clothes, shoes, hats and heaps of accessories all dedicated to my Barbie. One year, during a summer in India, we picked up a Me2 version of a doll who was beautifully cladded in a sari. Barbie, she was not. But Indian she was.

Initially news broke out of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan being forever immortalized in the form of Mattel's Barbie Doll. A few days later, Katrina Kaif walked down the ramp at the Lakme Fashion Show in true Barbie style. She wore a pink tu-tu, pink gloves and a sash with "BARBIE" clearly scripted in bold to mark 50 years of the iconic Barbie Doll which has been manufactured by Mattel Toys. It seems that Barbie is adding competition to rat-race which has some of Bollywood's best actresses vying for the top spot and being reincarnated into a Barbie Doll.

A name that has been totally avoided and unrecognized, to my shock, is Kareena Kapoor. Bebo encompasses personality traits and characteristics that Barbie's reputation is made of: snooty, snobby, sexy and savvy. Bebo Barbie would be perhaps the closest resemblance to the "real" Barbie and would sell, like hotcakes. She looks fab in dresses but even better in traditional Indian wear. To the defense of the other girls, Ash has the airy part which is her Barbieish but her giggly attitude is a no-no and hence, eliminate. Katrina may have the attitude but her void is the mere fact that she does not possess any Desi Barbie attributes; i.e. She ain't completely Indian. Barbie Kat works well in a mini skirt, but not in a Benares sari.

If our Desi Barbie is hot, our Desi Ken needs to fit the bill too. Barbie Ash would have the stubble equipped Abhishek Bachchan who, unlike the rest of the Bwood male clan is banking and advertising his "family" pack. Cute, but hot hunky. Pass. Katrina's eye candy comes in the moody but the everso handsome Salman Khan. Although, the most recent news making the circuit is that Sallu Miyan is bored of Kat and her nakhrelu ways (very Barbieish), and has found amour in one Zarina Khan. Their friendship struck on the sets of Yuvraaj as she played Kaif's body double. Anyway, no Ken, no Barbie status. Coming to Bebo, her Ken doll comes in the form of chote nawab Saif Ali Khan, who exhibits royalty and style. This works in her favor for the position of Desi Barbie for reasons more than one. For starters, Saifu is constantly at her side following her around like a cute puppy. Very Ken-like. Hunky, he is for sure and a heart throb of the nation. However, he does love his Bebo like no other. Word has it, he proposes to her on a daily basis. Ken-like? Foshizzle.

Some other possible contenders competing for the Desi Barbie position include Desi Girl herself Priyanka Chopra and Deepika Padukone. Chopra unfortunately is too much like your girl-next-door, which Barbie is not. Padukone has some distinct Barbie traits but for the most part does not possess the brash attitude Barbie is all about nor is open about her relationship with a possible Ken Ranbir Kapoor.

Desi Barbie needs to be a youth icon, traditional yet contemporary, snooty and yet socialable. If you ask me, the Desi Barbie could easily be Bebo Barbie. But that's just my opinion. And ain't nobody asking me!

Photo Credit: Dolls Of India