Desi, Chokri and Nearly 30? You Need This!

So sitting at the salon the other day, I stumbled upon this fabulous article: “Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by The Time She’s 30”. I read, laughed, agreed with most of it and then digested it all. Now, this was obviously an American magazine which meant, I couldn’t relate to a lot of it. For the most part, we Desi girls lead different lives courtesy of our values, et al. But the article lingered in my head for a while and I couldn’t help but wonder about what things we Desi girls should have and know by age 30. And please do not ask me for my age. I’m as young as I look which of course, is 16. Right? Okay the list. Ready?

By 30, you should have:

A past that is controversial/juicy enough that you could easily turn it into a Shobha De-esque book or an Ekta Kapoor serial.

Cried yourself to sleep over a broken heart with your favorite melodrama/sad song…in your head.

Gotten drunk while watching a Hindi film in the cinema.

Full on tashaan.

Seen the Kama Sutra and laughed at how pretentious it is.

A signature drink ala Screw Driver or Whiskey…Patiala.

Drunk yourself silly and walked around the city singing, “Yeh Dosti” with your best friend.

Figured out which Bollywood actress you hate because you’re insanely jealous of how beautiful she is and no other reason.

A pair of fabulous heels and kohlapuri chappals.

Taken a trip with your girls to Spain thinking you’re gonna change your life after watching Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

Crushed over a Hindi telly star.

Mastered the art of shying, crying and being coy.

By 30, you should know:

Which designer will be designing your trousseau and who will perform at your Sangeet (applicable to the unmarried ladies).

That Bollywood is a complete sham which has given you unrealistic expectations of men and life.

That said, you should know which Hindi movie you’d most like to model your life around.

How to roll a perfectly round roti and make amazing chai.

How to kill a coachroach with your chappal.

The names of your future children.

That all Desi men are mama’s boys and you cannot do anything about it.

How to drown out emotional blackmail and guilt trips from Mom and Dad.

Mastered at least three Desi dishes.

How to smartly dodge the “Teri shaadi kab hogi?” question (also only applicable to unmarried gals).

That Facebook has been overtaken by gossiping Aunties and Uncles. Please update your statuses and pictures accordingly.

Which Hindi serial you watch secretly while you diss it out to the rest of the world.

2010: The Pisser-Offers

I’m not one to mince words; but you already know that. And while my blog has only been up a short while, it has managed to garner much hatred which makes me über super happy. The comments calling me crude names help me sleep at night and at the same time bring you back. You know you love it. So for my final post for the year, I decided to write a list of people who have totally pissed the crap outta me in the last year. These are stars, politicians and popular personalities who have managed to really irk me to the extent that I had to write about it. Check it out.

Sonam Kapoor: She needs a book on etiquette and a finishing school course. This mannerless girl just prances around using her father’s last name with no talent. What exactly she is riding high on is beyond me. And her crassy wise-ass comments on Twitter just go to prove she is all talk. Get a life.

Shobhaa De: What is up with all the drama? Goodness! Spare us and everyone else with your nonstop banter please. We get it: you don’t like the Khans and their likes.

Barkha Dutt: Where do I begin with her? This so-called renowned Indian journalist has managed to make us all look bad and how. I hope you get taught a hard lesson next year.

Rahul Gandhi: Why would you go breaking my heart like that Rahul? Your recent comment about Hindu fanatics and terrorism was totally out of line. Sigh. Even the best can piss you off. Sad.

Karan Johar: Dude, Koffee with Karan is getting far too L.A.M.E. What’s up with all the Botox questions? If you’re interested in trying it out, ask a doctor instead of stupidly asking your guests.

Katrina Kaif: How on earth she is everywhere and doing so well is beyond me. Just goes to show you talent is a meaningless word in Hindi cinema. You can be a statue and still be successful. And why does she have this nonstop scowl on her face. Smile much?

Okay before I am officially barred from blogging forever, I think I’ll stop. You can be sure I’ll be back with more next year and it will be more vile, more brutal and more honest.

Shobhaa De: Dramarama!

If I’m politically incorrect then Shobhaa De is basically politically unfit to live on earth. What exactly is her deal? You know for the longest time, I heard people complain about her and never really agreed. For the most part, I agree with her statements, comments and opinions even. I agreed when she ousted Punit Malhotra and Sonam Kapoor for misbehaving on Twitter with her. It was wrong of them to call her an “old fossil” when all she did was giver her review for a film. And that is just one of many times I applauded her for being incredibly honest and not giving a crap. But recently, I find myself questioning her sense. It’s fine that you don’t agree with a situation or statement. That is normal. But to sit and tell people to then boycott a film? Now that is pushing the envelope. And I’m referring to Salman Khan’s situation with the Pakistani media regarding the so-called 26/11 comment he made that stirred up such controversy. I don’t think he intended to create such hysteria but of course, he is Salman Khan and even a small statement is blown out of proportion. You would think socialite and media queen Shobhaa De would have understood that. But nope, she goes and tweets that people should boycott Dabangg. What a drama queen move! What on earth does his film have to do with his comment? Fine, maybe I’m a huge Salman Khan fan but even then, her outburst was unnecessary.


There was an instance in the past where SRK called her,” she’s cynicism dressed in a designer sari.” At that point in time, I thought he was seriously in denial as usual. But looking back now, I can totally understand his reasoning for calling her a cynic. She seems to feel that beyond her and her opinions, no one else seems to matter. Look I’m not defending Salman. All I’m saying is everyone is entitled to an opinion. And thus, she has hers. However, is it fair to display it in this manner? I think not. Her new book is on the brink of release. God forbid she make a politically incorrect statement. Would she tell people to boycott her book? Probably not.

My Favorite Desi Girls!

What is with some Indian women? Why do they feel the need to belittle each other when in fact they basically are, as they say, from the same chakki ka atta? Case in point, the random Anuradha lady on Sony TV's Maa Exchange (basically the American Wife Swap in India). This supremely lucky housewife manages to swap lives with the magnificent Pooja Bedi and all she could do was criticize. On the flip side, Pooja, who found herself stuck in a dirty filthy mess was out to make Anuradha's life easier as she convinced Anuradha's husband to get the lady of the house some help and so on. Anyway, the point is while watching the show, my admiration for Pooja Bedi increased by miles. I've always loved her for her being bold, beautiful, honest and while she stays true to her roots, is still the epitome of the modern Indian woman. And that got me thinking about my favorite Desi women.

First up for sure, it has to be Pooja Bedi. And it's not just after I saw her rock Maa Exchange, but much before that. Bedi hails from one an extremely Bohemian family but for a minute you wouldn't believe it. Down to earth, honest and incredibly beautiful, Pooja Bedi is one heckuva lady. She is easily of one India's most sexiest women and successful in her own way. But besides modelling, anchoring and writing, she also runs a household with two adorable kids (Aalia Bedi, I believe is going to be a fab model in the future) with the utmost precision and dedication. But it's her boldness and courage that is really fantastic. She maintains a civil relationship with her ex-husband (she even turned up happy and filled with joy for his 2nd wedding) which is very rarely seen or even heard of. However, on a more controversial side, she isn't afraid. Pooja was the first model to pose for condoms in the country and even called out Amitabh Bachchan publically after he insisted on scrapping their television interview citing Pooja's "upstaging" as a problem. As a rebuttal, she wrote an open letter to the actor calling him a Big Bully and Big Baby. Rockstar status! Oh, you must read my interview with her for my magazine, you'll love her! Pooja Bedi for Roshni Magazine

Next up has to be my most favorite Indian woman: Sushmita Sen. Besides being supremely intelligent, she is yet another Indian lady who is just not freaking afraid. I love her for being so dangerous. Whether it's her choice to adopt or her choice of relationships, she isn't scared to live life on her terms and for herself. And while her life has hardly been easy, she is not one to shy away or defend her choices. So she doesn't have a rocking career but that doesn't stop her from being the diva that she is. Sexy and hot, but her intelligence is what what gets you. I aspire to be half the woman Sush is; now that would be something.

If I didn't include Koel Purie in this list, I would basically have to shoot myself. Besides being a fantastic actress in my mind, she is also one helluva anchor. Her show, On the Couch with Koel, in my opinion is the by far the best star talk show in the country. Her questions, honest, quirky and daring; the answers, well that depends on the actor in question. However, there have been times the anchor has had to edit out segments at the request of her guest. But what rocks is the fact that you are told about this in her blog which previews the interview. She was one of the only anchors on television who felt the need to go on location and talk to victims and onlookers of the 26/11 Mumbai Terror Attacks. And for that, I salute her. Fabulously awesome and well read, the actress-anchor is a fan of the color red, just like moi. And I've been lucky enough to chat with her too! Check it out: Koel Purie for Roshni Magazine

More recently, I've acquired an incredible amount of love for Mona Singh. You know her as Jassi from Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin, but that role hardly did justice for her. Besides being so pretty despite her tad overweight issue, she is incredibly vivacious, charasmatic and fun! Her smile and spirit really light up the stage especially now on Jhalak Dikhlaja. And that is what rocks most about her; she realizes that she knows her stuff when it comes to television and thus, instead of trying hard to make it in films, she chooses to steer clear and do her thang on the small screen. Now that is a smart smart girl!

I've always always always looked up to Shabana Azmi. The lady oozes confidence and intelligence but not without reason. The actress-spokesperson-activist is never one to mince her words and while it may get her into trouble, she is hardly worried about what people care or say. Whether its her advocacy for the slums or her choice of films, she isn't the least bit bothered about what her critics say. In fact, she is one who happens to never justify her decisions or choices, but really her actions speak louder than words. When she speaks, you can't help but listen and comprehend her reasons. She makes you listen; hard!

Shobhaa De, is one writer whom I simply gravitate towards. Not only do I idolize her for her talents but admire her for her brutal honesty. If it or you suck, she will tell you. A bad film, a terrible performance, a silly comment, whatever it is, beware, Shobhaa will hunt you down. And I love her South Mumbai attitude which she displays with such ease. De is more than happy to show off her elegance courtesy of her South Mumbai upbringing and residency but that doesn't mean that she is unaware of what goes on in the rest of the country. She knows it all. And she calls it out. But that is what sets her ahead of the rest. Whether its her innate outspoken sublime personality or her fabulous sense of style on paper and otherwise, she simply rocks!

Karisma Kapoor has and always will find a fan in me. It isn't just her fabulous style and attitude but her sheer personality that makes me go WOW. Leaving her career at an all time high, she chose to indulge in wifehood and motherhood which she does so gosh darn well. And best part? She still looks like a complete diva. Who would have known she is mother to 2 kids? In addition, she simply shrugs rumors of separation with her husband who I believe is a complete FOOL if he's messing around. Jab ghar mein ho heera, toh phir bahar kyun dhoondhna keera?

And last but not least, an Indian woman I must bow to is my own mother. Where do I begin with her? Beautiful, bold and a no-nonsense kinda gal, my mom happens to be one of the most inspirational women I know because she isn't afraid to call a spade, a spade nor is she scared to stand up for what is wrong. Yes, she does have her quirks but I choose to look past them because she's a dare devil. And there ain't no body like her!

Shobhaa De: Classy and Forthright!

You mat have heard about Slumdog boy Dev Patel going around calling Hollywood "institutionally racist". After only receiving the same old stereotype parts, the actor finally got a role in the film The Last Airbender which eventually found its way into a racist row. The actor said, "sian actors tend not to be sent challenging Hollywood scripts. I’m likely to be offered roles of a terrorist, cab driver and smart geek... I want to show that I have versatility...I’m buzzing with adrenaline and raring to go, but I have to be realistic. Being an Asian actor, it’s never going to be easy. Hopefully the industry is changing and the casting directors will be less focused on colour, so that people like myself can get through the door." And of course, my uber favorite Shobhaa De came out to comment on his statement with a one-lined response that simply blew my mind away: "Bachchoo Dev Patel calls Hollywood racist. Why do you think SRK, Big B, Salman, Aamir have stayed away? Badshahs here, cabbies there. Got it, Dev?"

We hope Mr. Dev Patel did get it!

Shobhaa De: You Go Girl!

I don't care what anyone calls Shobhaa De, she is what she is: honest. More recently, I have acquired an immense amount of respect for the well-known writer. She wasn't afraid to call a spade, a spade when she ousted Punit Malhotras DUMB love story. But little did she know that she would be humiliated by Punit Malhotra and Sonam Kapoor after they read her review of the film. Besides calling her a "fossil" who "wasn't getting any" which actually not only told critics that you weren't allowed to call out a film, i.e. do your job but also showed viewers how disgusting Punit Malhotra really is.

While I completely advocated for the lady here, I was thrilled to bits when she came out in her own defense condemning Punit Malhotra and the likes of him. Its a fab read! Oh and to top it off, Sonam Kapoor came out with a half-ass apology to Mrs. De -- you can ignore my politically correct media bite. Good publicity on your part Sonam, considering Aisha is on the brink of release and you desperately need a genuine hit to your name.

Ohhh and there is a new Twitter war between Rajeev Masand and Amitabh Bachchan. More on that tomorrow after I do some investigation!  What is up with the Bollywood clan using Twitter as a base for war? How childish.

On a side note, Octopus Baba, as he has been christened in India, has proven that he is the new almighty psychic. The Spaniards took gold last night making them FIFA Champs 2010. Viva Espana folks!