Here's an FU to the System

If at any point in time I was being harassed by sadak chap gundas, I’d expect to be helped. Not because I’m a single girl— trust me, I can take care of myself, but more so because it is the ethical thing to do. And if my man (provided I had one), was roughing it out with these goons, I would not expect bystanders to watch like they were watching some film ki shooting. So when I heard about Keenan Santos and Reuben Fernandez dying at the hands of hooligans who have no respect for women, I really felt the need to express my sadness, grief and anger.

By now, everyone knows what happened. Two innocent boys were just looking out for their women and in the bargain were stabbed to death. And while you’d expect the goons to be charged and punished almost immediately, that is not the case. But what do you expect from India, right? In a country where the system can screw you over, you hardly expect justice for young heroes. It so happens that these cowards, who obviously do not even have respect for their own mothers and sisters, have connections with the other goons in the country, the politicians. So how does one expect any justice for these lads?

Welcome to India, where we simultaneously deal with female infanticide on a daily basis, insist our country is Bharat Mata and pray to female goddesses for power, money and wisdom, a shameless man eves teasing women on the streets of Mumbai is ironical and of course, wrong. Where do you place him? He clearly doesn’t realize the respect we place on women in the country. Why not? Probably uneducated, illiterate, power and money hungry. Who do we blame for this? The government? Society?

This is not about anything but how eff’ed up the system is. When young Indians come out to do what our police should be doing and land up dead in the bargain, then you bloody hell know there is something very wrong. The system has to be defeated. If you commit a crime, irrespective of you who the hell you are, what connections you have and which social strata you belong to, you have to be punished.

What does the death of two innocent boys who only wanted to protect their girlfriends tell us? Besides the obvious— a flawed corrupt system; it tells us that the people of Mumbai are not safe on their city’s streets past 10 pm. For ages now, we’ve thrived on this very idea. "Mumbai is safer than Delhi," we tell everyone. Not the case anymore, clearly.

I think it’s fabulous that the youth of India are unhappy with the incident and are coming together to ensure that such a tragedy doesn’t occur again. There is zero tolerance for such terrible behavior. But no candlelight vigil, no protests, no Anna Hazare style andolan will help change what has happened. It is up to the youth to bring this issue to the forefront so much so that the system has to change. If this is how it is now, then you can only imagine what the city will come to in the future.

As for the criminals, they seem to be showing no remorse I hear. If this is how they show their mardangi, then castrate them I say. They’ve lived life thinking with the wrong head; eliminate it. Trust me, saari ki saari mardangi nikaal aayegi. And if you were one of the bystanders who stood and watched, I hope you never cross paths with me. Cause the gaalis you’ll hear from me, you’ll wish you weren’t born. You’re as guilty, if not more guilty.

It’s really hard sometimes to blog about issues that bug me sitting on the opposite side of the hemisphere. This is one such case. If this case isn’t fast tracked, given special attention/consideration and the criminals aren’t punished severely, I’ll be bloody pissed off. I do hope justice prevails for both the young boys. They deserve it. These are in every sense of the phrase modern day heroes. #Respect.

Go Pink!

I do apologize for being missing in action but it’s been a crazy few months. However, I do intend on working more on creating social awareness for women who are stuck behind a dupatta and the various forms of it. While we look at being “stuck” behind a dupatta as tragic and imprisonating, there are women in the world who use it to their benefit. They wear it with pride and honor but at the same time, they don’t allow themselves to feel belittled just because they choose to cover up. The strong women of the Banda area in Uttar Pradesh, India are those ladies. Named "The Gulabi (pink) Gang," the group consists of women who wear pink saris and basically act like the local police.

It all began when the women of the area realized that they couldn’t rely on the local authorities to help them in a number of situations that they faced. Banda happens to be one of the poorest districts in the country and thus, corruption is at an utmost high. For this and a number of reasons, the women in the area saw themselves facing nonstop violence – verbal, physical and sexual abuse. In a predominantly male dominated area where the feudal system still reigned supreme, it was Sampat Pal Devi who decided she had had enough. She gathered up a number of women who were in a similar situation to hers and before they knew it, The Gulabi Gang had formed.

Devi, the founder, is known as a leader in her district. Besides playing wife to an ice-cream vendor and mother to five children, she is also the leader of the group. She and people in neighboring areas, were not surprised that such a group has formed. Devi claims however, that they are not a gang in the traditional sense. They are not out to create havoc. “We are a gang for justice,” she says. She felt that in an area where poverty, discrimination and male chauvinism is prominent, such a movement was necessary.

Her story is unique in itself. After being denied an education and married off at the tender age of 9, Sampat Pal Devi, was married off to her husband. At 13, she became a mother for the first time. Realizing the need to help support her increasing family, she became a government health worker but soon gave that up too for a more fruitful job. Her reason for creating the Gulabi Gang? Simple. Tired of working for the sole reason of making money, she wanted to work for the people.

The Gulabi Gang is not about male bashing but more about educating women and granting them their unknown rights. It is for this reason and many more than more recently men have felt the need to get involved. The Gulabi Gang passionately educate women and men about the atrocities of child marriages, dowry and other issues that are pertinent to the current situation in surrounding areas. Pal explains that “village society” in India is terribly backward. In fact, they believe that women should be seen but not heard. This is why they are not educated, married off at a young age and even sold in some regions. Independence is simply foreign and alien to most village women in India.

The Gulabi Gang have walked into local police stations armed with sticks and beaten authorities who have simply shooed them away. Why? Because they are women. Local politicians too have not been spared. They would like to give the group donations in hopes to buy their votes but the ladies know better. “We don't want donations or handouts. We don't want appeasement or affirmative action. Give us work, pay us proper wages and restore our dignity,” they all sing in unison.

On the flip side, Pal has seen a darker side to her mission. There are a number of criminal charges against her including rioting and battering government employees. Her reason for holding the stick is simple: to create fear amidst the men who feel that they can push women around. So yes, they do work as a vigilante group; but not to the effect that they are being made out to be. It probably won’t end as nicely; definitely not. These women will be pushed to the ultimate limit. They may land up dead. But they have already started a revolution.
So here’s the deal. Perhaps her approach is incorrect but at the heart of it, all these women want are to be treated as equals. Ultimately, they’d like a chance at education and the choice to be independent. India as a country is on the rise but sadly, rural India is still living in a time capsule. Politicians go on and on about literacy and the importance of it. But let’s not confuse literacy with education; there is a huge difference. Knowing your alphabets doesn’t constitute an education.

And has anyone thought to think for a minute that if these women weren't driven to the edge, then perhaps they wouldn’t have felt the need to take on this mission. Now when they finally see themselves as women who are making a difference and can finally see their worth which was denied to them from childhood, then we tag them as imbeciles and criminals. Why the hypocritism?

The justice system in India is in dire need of reform. Until then, this is a movement that shows no sign of stopping.

The Gulabi Girls Site: http://gulabigang.org/

Disrespecting the White Dupatta

In the eastern world, a death is mourned massively especially that of a man. And as most of the family will grieve over the loss of a loved one, it is the wife who ultimately finds herself in the most compromising of situations. Historically, widowed women were expected to be burned on the pyre of their dead husbands. This form of widow burning was known as “sati” (Sanskrit for ‘faithful wife’) and dates back to the fourth century. Eventually this heinous form of self-sacrifice was banned for obvious reasons. What exists now is totally different. While the more educated deal with widows in a more nonchalant manner, it is the more middle-class (please mind my aristocratic choice of words) that treat widows in a most questionable way.

There are numerous accounts of elderly mothers who are thrown away and abandoned by their families when their husbands die. Unsure of where to go, most of these widows find themselves fleeing to Vrindavan, a holy city that is now famous for housing the widowed. These women then find themselves begging for food, shelter and money. A 70-year-old widow found herself in the same situation after she was ostracized by her family. “My son tells me: 'You have grown old. Now who is going to feed you? Go away.' What do I do? My pain had no limit,” she said to a well-known publication. Life only got harder after she was literally abolished to Vrindavan. “Now I have to loiter just for a bite to eat,” she claimed as she sat outside one of the many temples in the holy city.

Statistics claim that in a city that is populated by about 55,000 people, at least 15,000 of those people are widows. And of course, to no one's surprise, the Indian government doesn’t view this issue as a problem. What’s worse is that if a younger woman is widowed, all her rights are immediately snatched from her. This canmean money, independence and most importantly, her status. The middle-class believes that such a widow has no rights in a family and in turn, is shunned by society. In many cases, these women are not included in family events such as weddings and births as they are deemed as bad luck. And that isn’t even the most wrong part. These women are deprived of basic essentials in life that include growing their hair out and shouldn’t appear “beautiful”. For the most part, these women wrap themselves in white saris and sport crew cuts similar to those that are given to criminals in jail. In addition, they are given basic food sans any spices so that their “sexual desires” are not heightened. A case that came to light very recently was one that used widowed women as prostitutes as a barter for housing and food. To everyone’s surprise, this “institution” was run by an ashram but what was unknown was that the priest in charge had taken on the role of pimp to the women.

In the case of a widowed child – yes, child marriage still does happen in some parts of India, she is forced to also live a life of homelessness after she is abandoned by her in-laws and family. An 85-year-old woman recalls her abandonment after she was literally thrown in a corner of the city at the tender age of 15. Married at 12, she became a widow three years later. “I came here when I couldn't work anymore. I used to clean houses," she says. "Nobody looked after me, nobody loved me. I survived on my own,” she explains. She was also pregnant when she arrived into Vrindavan; her child died a year after its birth. Osteopororis-stricken, she now makes a living sweeping the streets and washing dishes.

So why is it that the government knows about this sickening situation and decides that nothing should be done about it? There is no answer to this question. Widows choose not to voice their opinions and repress their feelings. It is sad that our politicians do not feel that this is a situation that needs to be sorted out immediately. Yes, this is not an affair that is related to the government but the Indian government has never had a problem dabbling in social affairs previously, so why is there a problem now? They need to intervene and ensure that a widow is given as much respect and rights as any other Indian citizen. What difference does her marital status make?

Luckily for many widows in Vrindavan, a number of educated entrepreneurs have taken it on themselves to give these deserted widows another chance at life. They teach widows that they are not any different to a married woman and should not be outcasted by society or accept social humiliation. But ultimately what needs to change is not these women; it is society and their mindset which has been tarnished by old ideals. This is the 21^st century; it’s about time people start realizing this.

The Dupatta Speaks!

The Dupatta has many alias': Odhni, Chunari, Chaddar, Laharia, Dhatu, Ghoonghat and Chunni even. Whichever name you choose to call it, it represents the Indian women globally. Strangely the history behind the dupatta is a bit blurred. Supposedly, the idea of wearing a cloth to represent modesty (lajja) came from the Mohenjadaro and Harappan civilizations. These very people did not believe in wearing upper garments and instead used a variation of the dupatta to cover up. This may have been due to the intense heat that people had to face in the desert without any method of staying cool.

They come in different styles, colors, sizes, lengths, fabrics. Traditionally, the dupatta covers the chest, head, shoulders and back of the wearer. They can be simple and cotton or embellished and silk. Historically, the dupatta was (and is) worn to cover the head as a way of respect, when worshipping deities and in front of elders. It was also considered indecent and shameless for women to roam in their homes and outdoors sans a dupatta. As you wander within the sub-continent, the name of the two and a half to three meters of cloth changes and is worn differently ranging in style and significance. And color matters too; red, saffron and yellow for marriage, white for funerals are some mundane examples.

As much as the dupatta represents, it protects too. On a hot summer day, it is the dupatta that helps protect women from the hot scorching sun. And during Monsoon season, that same dupatta will help as much as it can to keep you dry. On a cold Delhi night, the dupatta will keep you warm and provide heat. Over time the dupatta has progressed and modernized, just like the Indian woman.

The dupatta is really a metaphor for the Desi woman. She is as traditional as they get and yet, she has moved on from being just an accessory. No more is she the repressed woman who hid behind her ghoonghat shushing her own views.  Just as the dupatta has moved on while maintaining the tradition, the Indian woman has done just the same. She will teach her daughter to adorn a dupatta when she is amongst elders but simultaneously tell her wear it with a pair of jeans. While she may tell her to speak her opinions, she will tell her daughter to be respectful in doing so. However, still within India, the old dupatta still lurks. The taboos and suppression still exist even after the dupatta has modernized.

Behind the Dupatta brings about these very ideas and stories that the women behind the dupatta have previously and currently face too. The secrets behind dupatta will be lifted and an out-pour of unknown tales will flow. As we move on into the future, it is important to bring these issues to the forefront and tackle them head-on. What the dupatta faced historically will not be accepted now. No, we are not against the dupatta; its significance is beyond beautiful. However, it is important for the Indian to wear the dupatta however she wants, still holding its meaning intact, and yet be able to be treated equally irrespective of her social status. We are not a feminist group, in fact we believe that the progression in the past and in the future, needs to be fueled and assisted by the modern Indian man. We are merely telling stories that are unheard of, untold and simultaneously honoring the women behind the dupatta. Their stories and accomplishments, trials and tribulations need to be told and heard; Behind the Dupatta is that outlet.

City Masala: Representing Desi Women in America