Bollywood in 2012: Biggies to Avoid!

I wish I could sit here and gush about all the films you should watch in 2012. But I’m hardly a kiss ass. The mere fact that I actually liked a Karan Johar production, Agneepath, is making me question my taste. I think it’s the blood and gore that is normally absent in cliché K Jo productions, which allowed me to fully enjoy Agneepath. Anyway, so there are a bunch of films headed your way this year. While most of them will house big honcho stars, this is hardly a good enough reason to watch them. In fact, there are a bunch of films which are going to plummet at the box office irrespective of the actors. This is where I come to your rescue. You see, I’ll see all these films next year—I'm a sad Bollywood buff clearly. But here are the films I’m dreading this year. And if you’re stumped for time, these are a few films you should probably avoid; in my opinion at least.

Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

Is it me or does Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu possess the I Hate Luv Storys vibe? And if that is indeed the case, this is going to be one helluva cheese fest. Imran Khan is hardly one of the most talented actors we have which means we’d have to depend on Kareena Kapoor to do most of the acting here. And if that is the case, then I’d much rather see her in a film that holds more substance. There is really only one reason to watch the film; the title song. FYI, this is a Karan Johar production. Need I say more?

Ekk Deewana Tha
I’m sorry but why on earth would anyone give ham king stoned face Prateik Babbar his own film? And who is Amy Jackson? Enough said.

Jodi Breakers
For starters, Bipasha Basu needs to quit already. We’re so done seeing her rack, legs and navel over and over again. We get it; she lacks talent and thus makes up for it by exposing her more endowed parts. And then there is R. Madhavan whom I love, but something about his jodi with Basu makes this film look rather red light district-ish. I’m not sure what the makers were thinking but when I saw the first look, I swear I thought the film was about a pimp and his harlot. The latter being Bipasha, of course.

Agent Vinod
I absolutely love Bebo and Saifu (Saif Ali Khan) but I am incredibly skeptical about Agent Vinod. For the sake of Saif, I hope I get to eat my own words but for now, courtesy of the choppy, rather iffy promo, this one looks like it isn’t going to work.

Kyaa Super Kool Hai Hum
As if the prequel wasn’t bad enough, we’re treated to a sequel. So what can you expect? Sleaze, sex and Tusshar Kapoor. And I’m sorry but anytime Cool is spelt with a ‘K”, it deserves to be canned and avoided.

Dangerous Ishq
I absolutely adore Karisma Kapoor and I’m psyched to see her back on screen but Vikram Bhatt? And a 3-D film? I’m very worried. Known for his rather eccentric ways, Bhatt is hardly one who makes films that are exciting but more odd and obscure. Examples: Red: The Dark Side (did you see that one?) and Shaapit (or this?).

Tere Meri Kahani
Priyanka Chopra + Shahid Kapoor = Chaos. And I believe this has a lot to do with their on and off relationship in real life. But add some Kunal Kohli to the mix and what you have is a recipe for disaster. Oh and this film follows the lovers over a long (and I mean really long) period of time. Mausam anyone?

Joker
Shirish Kunder is an odd one, no? I’m not sure if he’s just one of “those” directors or he’s ahead of his time but either way, we don’t get it. With Joker, he seems to already believe he has a hit on his hand but the title of the film itself makes me cringe with fear. And then there is the Akshay Kumar factor. Lately, he’s been hamming a lot. In the end someone will be a Joker. Question is, will it be us or them?

Ferrari Ki Sawaari
Yeah, this one screams boring. Don’t believe me, please YouTube the promo.

Jism 2
I don’t care how much the men of India love Sunny Leone, she is not an actress. And while a film like Jism hardly requires the lead heroine to “act”, you do need to recite lines and emote. This porn star can barely work a pole, and she has a film. Psshhh.

So that’s my list; my call; my take. I’ll be watching all of the above and the rest but if you’re looking to catch only the best of 2012, pliss to be avoiding the above.