The Good, Bad and Ugly: Filmfare Awards 2012

I’m not a Filmfare fan. Not of the magazine and definitely not of the award functions. Well, I’m not a fan of the current Filmfare. Back in day however, I loved the publication. Now however, it lacks substance and even glamour. Far too trashy for my liking. And the award ceremonies? Don’t even get me started. That said, I watch the award ceremony every single year since it happens to be a ritual my mother and I have. She watches to hopefully catch John Abraham, and I, to hate on it. 2012 was no different. I watched and found exactly what I expected: a lot of kissing– ass kissing, air kisses, etc, and farce galore. So here it is then, the good, the bad, the ugly of this year’s Filmfare Awards.

The Good:

Usha Uthup: Star of the Night

• Usha Uthup winning for best playback singer was true justice—finally they got it right. I would have screamed if Shreya Ghosal would have won (read: overrated). But it was her speech which had me choked. She teared and told the audience that this was her first award in 42 years. Well deserved.
• Oh Coke Studio’s tribute to Dev Anand and Shammi Kapoor were amazing. Shaan made my night. But what about Jagjit Singh?
• SRK’s performance with the kids was cute.
• Ranbir Kapoor. Period.
• Okay the whole Kolaveri Di line in the action sequences had me in splits.
• Madhuri Dixit looked phenomenal.

The Bad:

Ex-Rivals?

• My mother claimed that Vidya Balan behaved rather “vulgarly” with her banana giving. Honestly, I didn’t even pick that up. Moms are more observant; mine is at least.
• SRK hit an all time low with his cheap jokes. They weren’t funny. Perhaps this is what happens post two major flops?
• So Priyanka Chopra couldn’t bag any actors to be a part of her swayamwar dance, eh? Explains how she had to make do with Bappi Lahiri as her dulha in the end.
• Did anyone catch Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra linking arms and smiling for the cameras? Spare us girls.
• What was up with Kalki? She looked anorexic.
• All the dances were so overdone; been there done that. Where was Bipasha Basu? She always dances, no?
• What on earth was Akon nominated as Best Male Playback singer for? And then Chammak Challo for best lyrics? That as a joke, right? If not, then why didn’t Tu Mera Hero not get a nomination?
• Abhishek Bachchan looked really lonely. And lost.
• Why do Filmfare insist on showing us the same reactions repeatedly for stars? And whoever did the editing, you clearly have a crush on Parineeti Chopra.

The Queens

The Ugly:

• Erm, SRK and Ranbir Kapoor made really repulsive women. That whole Drag Queen segment was just not pleasing to the eye.
• As usual, Rakhi Sawant.
• Oh, and Shakti Kapoor.
• Apparently an Ali Zafar performance was edited out from the show. Shameful.
• Overall, it was rather tacky especially since Filmfare is considered to be the most “classy” and the “Mother” of all awards in India.

But wait a minute, Shah Rukh Khan walked away devoid of a black lady. Wot? They didn’t create a special category for him? Wow. iShock.

Footnote (2/21): I've been told that it's unfair to blame SRK for the tackiness of the show since it has been written by the likes of Vir Das and others. But I'll say this. For starters, they must have known who the hosts were going to be as most of the jokes were directed at SRK, RK, Ra.One, Don 2 and Rockstar. And let's say they didn't know, well that means that SRK has no power/control over what he depicts on stage. Who are you kidding? This is King Khan we are talking about. SRK was served exactly what he likes; trash, vulgar, cheap one-liners and jokes. If he was unhappy with the script, i.e. he found it too brash, you know he would have created havoc over it. But it didn't happen. Why? Because he likes it this way.  I rest my case.

Award Winning Advice!

The Academy Awards, better known as The Oscars, represents nuance, elegance and appreciation of Hollywood. And even though, this year’s ceremony was regarded as one of the worst events in the history of the Oscar Awards, it still managed to exuberate elegance par excellence. Travel to India and the story is completely different. Historically, Bollywood award ceremonies were seen as momentous occasions. It allowed the fraternity to congregate as they honored the best of the year that passed. Nowadays, award ceremonies in India are attended by all but lack any finesse. And we’re not just talking about the sham/e awards that are distributed incorrectly. If anyone knows how to host an award ceremony, it’s Hollywood and it wouldn’t hurt Bollywood to take some hints or even hardcore lessons as to how an awards ceremony is to be hosted correctly. To aid them, because they desperately need it, here are a bunch of useful tips for hosts and attendees.

Dress Code

What is up with the guests – renowned actors from the fraternity, dressing down at most award ceremonies? For the most part, our stars get it right; suit, boot; sari, heels. But on occasion, we get the overdressed versus the underdressed. At the 2008 Star Screen Awards, acclaimed director Neeraj Pandey attended ready to bag awards for A Wednesday. And while he did manage to take home a number of statues for his film, he was also teased and mocked by Sajid Khan who pointed out his choice of clothing to an award ceremony. Needless to say, the director was not amused. And it works both ways, mind you. On the flip side, there is Vidya Balan who never seems to get it right on and off screen. But her appearances at most award ceremonies are far from dapper.

It’s simple really. For the ladies, elegant and feminine; choose your designer dresses tastefully or stick to ethnic wear – utilize our amazing local designers instead opting for foreign ones! They understand local trends and more importantly, know exactly how the Indian woman should be adorned. Actresses who wear gowns with flowing trains and bouffants end up looking like wannabe western actresses. Avoid going too avant-garde with the hairdo’s – simple is better. And lastly, cleavage is an art; please refrain if you do not know how to work it.

For the men, well, firstly, eliminate stubble, get a haircut – keep it clean! A good fitted suit is hardly a predicament in this day and age where our stars have designers at their disposal. For some odd reason, we often see a handful of members of the fraternity who believe that wearing chappals is perfectly fine. Fashion police anyone?

As for couples who love to walk the red carpet hand in hand, after we gush over your appearance, we then look to your attire. When you don’t complement each other, we automatically assume there is trouble brewing or that you don’t belong together. If you are a pair, then certainly dress like one.

Urban Etiquette

Not to be a nit-picker or a Neeraj-Pandey-hater, but chewing gum at any award ceremony is a big fat no. And chabaoing paan, is even worst! Avoid. Above all these nitty-gritty’s, it is hardly graceful to quarrel (and that’s putting it mildly) at award ceremonies – ahem ahem – Sajid Khan and Ashutosh Gowariker. Please put on your finest best when attending ceremonies; you represent the fraternity after all.

It’s always interesting to see the seating arrangement at award functions. The camps all tend to gather together but not before they create ruckus about their entrance and placement of seats. And if that isn’t enough drama, the “Big Boys” walk in with full tashan ensuring their stance and place in the industry is known. What can the youngins’ do? Not a thing. I’m all of a sudden reminded of my High School Prom. But why only call out the men? The leading actresses are no less. They refuse to acknowledge each other let alone the new and younger actresses. Would it really hurt to pat a new entrant on the shoulder and say, “Good luck and welcome!”?

Putting On a Sho(w)sha

Dancing and all that jazz, is a must at every award function – east or west. However, when the dances seize to end and the audience seep into entertainment coma, then you have a problem. How many more times will we see Kareena Kapoor dance to Mauja Hi Mauja? And doesn’t Akshay Kumar get tired of swinging from the ceiling before he does the usual hoopla? In fact, why is it always just song and dance? Ultimately, this is the biggest problem with Bollywood award ceremonies: the lack of variety in scripting and writing.

Award ceremonies ultimately become dedications to their favorites. If Filmfare is all about honoring SRK, then IIFA sings hymns of the Bachchans. High off their ego trips, stars and organizers do nothing interesting for the show in general. Thus, every ceremony from Filmfare, which happens to be India’s answer to the Oscars, to the Stardusts and even IIFA’s all land up looking like replicas of each other.

Playing Hosts

We get it. Shah Rukh Khan and Saif Ali Khan were great. Ranbir Kapoor and Imran Khan are now, hot and happening; flavors of the season if you will. And Sajid Khan is basically barred from hosting. Are you telling us, there are no other actors available in the country to play Masters of Ceremony? It is awfully boring when we see the same boys hog the stage year after year. And I have a question to our leading ladies: “Don’t you feel outraged at the fact that you are never called upon to host?” With so much male dominance in the hosting department of award ceremonies, we yet again display how “seriously” we take our actresses.

SRK of course, is the badshah of hosting ceremonies and so, every other actor does their best to impersonate him. They turn on the charm, the wit and the humor but in end what you have is a wannabe duplicate who fails. In the end, it’s the old hullabaloo. Overly diplomatic actors albeit any sense of humor resorting to the same old jokes ala homosexuality and poking fun at competing films, while they read off the trusty teleprompter.

The wise have said, “There are no mistakes, only lessons.” Even Bollywood needs to learn in this case. Here’s hoping we see lean, clean and sheen(er) award ceremonies in the future!

December Magazine Covers!

The year is coming to an end (pretty rapidly if you ask me) and every single magazine cover in India is being displayed with the best celebs in India. While browsing this week, I realized how cut throat magazine covers were. Just take a look at December 2010's covers...

Ash graces ELLE India and wows!

When have you ever seen Genelia look so hot? 

 

 

 

Katrina and Akshay: Dos Maar Khan! 

Lara Dutta tells all and bares little!

Sonakshi: Maxim sexiness!

The ladies are taking over the magazine scene and how!

Ajay and Kareena on Filmfare!

The front cover of Filmfare's November edition saw Ajay Devgn and Kareena Kapoor come together for a more lighthearted cover shoot. While they looked like they were having fun and of course, promoting Golmaal 3, the duo had a lot of fun shooting together. Naturally, after costarring together in a number of films, you would expect the comfort level to be incredibly chilled out needless to say. But what really rocks about two of my favorites is that they are poles apart and yet, manage to do wonders on screen. And what most people don't know is that Ajay Devgn used to date Karisma Kapoor too. Granted that is old news and Karisma has moved on from it and how. Okay, back to my point -- check out the making of the magazine cover!

YouTube Video Resizer

Item Girl Whore

I have a confession. I love Item Numbers. Yes, I am admitting to something that I am pretty sure a few million people refuse to openly claim simply because of the negative connotations that are associated with the item girls and their songs. Fine, the lyrics can range from cheesy to condescending, from slutty to sleazy, from double-meanings to girls in double D's but ultimately, item songs are heaps of fun. In fact, considering the number of item numbers that are jutted out by the industry every year, I'm a bit surprised at the mere fact that they are NOT (how rude) honored and awarded with any trophies on a yearly basis at this hi-fi award ceremonies. You cannot deny the great oomph and beat that makes your feet tap and hips sway. And for everyone that chooses to sit and judge me, go ahead. Secretly, I know that a number of people who on the sly, download Rakhi Sawant's popular numbers, know the steps and add an extra jhatka-matka to it. And what started with Rakhi Sawant became a rage with the upper snooty actors who then took over the market. The likes of Shah Rukh Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Bipasha Basu and a few more from the clan decided they too wanted to become item boys and girls. Alright, so since the likes of Filmfare, Stardust, Screen, IFFA and so on, refuse to acknowledge some of the most awesome item numbers, I decided to countdown my top favorite item numbers as a tribute to an unsung song genre.

The queen, Rakhi Sawant, has been a part of two of my favorites: Nathani Utaro and Dekhta Hai Tu Kya. But I realized even if she wasn't a part of any of these songs, the music and lyrics are so catchy, I would have loved them anyway.

More recently, it was who-is-she Urvashi who rocked in Baje Raat Ke Barah. I love the way the song starts and the story in the lyrics. Its sassy and yet suave. Uber fun.

Yana Gupta's Oh What a Babe was a fun old one. I have fond memories of that song.

Saiyan Re with Priyanka Chopra was one of the most awesome ones to come out of Bollywood. Her outfit was one to die for too.

When Aishwarya Rai takes on the role of item girl and dances her cutesy (this is the only time I actually liked) belly off to Kajra Re, you know its become a craze.

From the random flop, Popcorn Khao Mast Ho Jayo came this super fun number, Dupatta Behman. I still play it till now.

And as much as I think Nisha Kothari is a weirdo, her Aa Khushi Se Khudkushi number with Fardeen Khan was a hot, hawt and haute!

I could go on but you get the jist. There is no need to hide from the fact that these songs do rock and how. And if you continue to live in the denial bubble, well to you I say, too bad...you have no idea what you're missing out on!

I sign off with a jhatka and a matka and even a thumpka. So there.