Russell Peters: Moron Number One

The worst people on this planet are wannabe hypocrites. They not only make my blood boil but in my mind, they should be burned at the stake. And currently, one such person whom I believe should really jump in a well so deep that no one will hear him when feisty Indian water snakes bite him, is Russell Peters. See I’ve never been a huge fan of his. Yes yes, he’s funny when he goes, “Somebody gonna get a hurt – blah blah,” but gimme something else dude. It’s fine that you make fun of your culture, fine that you find it hilarious to stand on stage and poke fun at everyone else, and it’s also fine that you call Bollywood ‘garbage’. But then don’t turn around and act in a Bollywood film you moron. I mean c’mon.

He hates Bollywood, calls all the “thousands” of actors nothing but pretty faces who, and I quote, “cannot act to save their lives.” I wonder how this comment sat with Speedy Singhs producer, Akshay Kumar. But that’s not even the worst part. But hello, has he looked in mirror? He looks like an Oompa Loompa to me. The straight up fool, I mean standup comedian, has the audacity to claim that his debut film, “Speedy Singhs” is not a Bollywood film. Then what is it? A French film? What part of Speedy Singhs does not scream Bollywood? Music, dance, drama, Akshay Kumar as producer. Uh hello nut job, this is as Bollywood as it gets. No but wait, wait, in his words, it’s just a film with “Indian actors”. Where’s the nearest Kendriya Vidyalaya? This guy needs a good education which he didn’t obviously get in Canada. Don’t worry Russell, our Vidyalaya will take care of that.

FYI: Oompa Loompa

Look, I’m not saying you need to love Bollywood. I understand that there is a huge chunk of the Desi population who don’t like Hindi films. Yes, they can be cheesy, over-the-top and so on. It works for me but not necessarily everyone else. So fine. You don’t like, so you make a mockery. No worries. But then, Mr. Russell Peters, please spare us with your presence in a Bollywood film. Trust me, Speedy Singhs is not gonna do anything for your career or the box office. You are and will always will be, a stage comedian. Bollywood does not want you or care for you darling.

I needed a reason to convince people to boycott Speedy Singhs. Your little hissy-fit has provided me reason and ammo. And if this is a publicity stunt, well then I think your little plan may have backfired. Ain’t nobody gonna watch the film anyway.

You’ve caused enough drama for yourself with your hatred comments toward Bollywood and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s pregnancy. If I were you, I’d run on back home to Canada where people find you funny. What a sad case it is for you when you come home to your roots only to be treated with gaalis. You do realize we pretty much hate you now, right? If you're one of those lost confused Desis who believe they need to find their roots, then do it correctly dude. Your confused Desi friends will tell you, the only way to find your roots is to backpack all over India. Apparently, this is only way. Somehow, miraculously, you'll find your so-called roots and feel like you belong. <Please insert rolling eyes emoticon here> 

Man, you’ve pissed me off so much with your immature, shameless, cheap, disgusting comments, that I really hope the Shiv Sena hunts you down, ties you to a chair and forces you to watch the cheesiest Hindi films ever made. Until then, march on home jerk-off.

P.S. If you do eventually want to star in a Bollywood film, David Dhawan will be more than happy to cast you in and as Moron Number One.