The Royal Shaadi!

Unfortunately there won’t be a band, a baaja or a baaraat at Prince William and Kate Middleton’s shaadi. Super sad, na? In fact, I’d love to head his baaraat – some ainvayi ainvayi could really add some much needed masala to the otherwise austere Royal Wedding. However, this is one shaadi you probably shouldn't miss. It will be a historical event for the world and myself especially, since I didn't get to see Prince Charles and Lady Diana wed. And while the whole world will be curiously tuning in to watch the procession, we Desi's will be looking at the wedding with critical eyes – don’t deny it! For us, weddings are all about the nitty-gritty details, the food, the dance, the music, the grandeur. While the English Monarchy does know how to do in quite the majestic fashion, it does tend to lack the warmth that we are used to in our own shaadis. And there are some distinct differences. No sangeet or mehendi function, being one of the most prominent factors that will be missing for obvious reasons, of course. But that doesn’t mean we’re not interested! Are you kiddin’ me? I for one am all about the wedding for a number of reasons:

•             It’s history in the making! When will I ever get to see another Royal Wedding?
•             I’m all about royalty and imperialism. I really do think I was a princess in my last life.
•             And of course, I’m one of many girls who absolutely adores Prince William. Sigh.

But hello, as a Desi girl, I’d like my rajkumar to be Indian – phir bhi dil hai Hindustani darlings. However, I know that a bunch of you are completely clueless when it comes to the Royal Wedding of the century and so, here are the particulars in true desi fashion. And for a kick, I went on to add what I believe would be my grandmother’s take on every fine point. I’m pretty sure I’m spot on.

The Chapel of Love

Like all Royal Weddings, Prince William will marry his commoner fiancé at St. Peter’s Church in Westminster Abbey. The church is hardly a mystery to royals; most Royal Weddings take place at this church. How different to us na? We’d totally want to decorate the church with marigolds and jasmines. Yeah, not happening.

Nani says: “It’s a big fancy place. Very nice, no? Haan, some flowers-showers would be nice. It looks too plain otherwise. A shaadi is incomplete without some lights and strings of flowers.”

The Ride

Kate Middleton is not about all that sho-sha. She’s a commoner and she ain’t afraid to keep it simple. So no fancy horse-drawn carriage for her. She’ll ride into the church ready to get shaadified in a Rolls Royce. However, they will depart the church as man and wife, in the traditional 1902 State Landou carriage. As for Prince William, I wish he’d arrive on a horse! Like I said, I’d totally head his baaraat!

Nani says: “Rolls Royce is good beta. Is that carriage safe? I’m sure it was made by Indians during the British Raj.”

The Flowers

Now we’re all about throwing flower petals during the pheras. But Christians carry bouquets. The bride has chosen a rather interesting combination of flowers for her wedding. Her arrangement will include gardenias, roses and some myrtle among many other blooms. She won’t however, be doing the customary flower toss. Instead, she will lay her flowers to rest on a dead soldier’s grave.

Nani says: “Arrey why the dukhi flowers? Her bouquet should only have roses. Those are for love na? Why do you think we give them for Valentine’s Day beta?”

The Dress

Two dresses for Kate Middleton. Her wedding dress will be white and conservative, while her post wedding do will be a tad bit younger and revealing, sources claim.

Nani says: “Who are the designers?”

The Ring

We’ve all seen that beautiful blue sapphire engagement ring but the lucky bride will get another ring; an heirloom from Prince William’s grandmother. A piece of gold from Wales will be turned into a simple gold ring for his lovely would-be wifey.

Nani says: “How many karats?”

The Guests

Yeah, I think Shah Rukh Khan and the Bachchan’s may have to miss this one. Not invited you see. But hey, that doesn’t mean you won’t see some well known faces. Expect to see the Beckhams, Guy Ritchie, Elton John and a couple of other popular British personalities. Post the wedding, selected guests will head over to the Queen’s palace for a quick light brunch. Later on, they’ll get to eat a 3-course dinner hosted by Prince Charles.

Nani says: “Brunch and 3-course dinner? What will the guests eat?”

The Cake

Considering I’m the biggest pastry and dessert foodie, the cake became one of the most interesting parts of the wedding for me. So get this. Kate has chosen a high-tiered fruit cake with roses from all over the area! And of course, a splash of brandy and lots of icing for this wedding cake.

Nani says: “I like fruit cake but you like chocolate, beta? Maybe chocolate would be better.”

Random Shaadi Facts!

The vows that read, “To love, honor and obey” will be slightly tweaked for Kate. Apparently the modern going to-be princess has decided she will love and honor her man, but obey? No Freakin’ Way. And so, the vows will now read, “To love and honor….only!”

Prince William will not watch his bride walk down the aisle. According to tradition, he can only see his blushing bride when she has completed her walk and is by his side.

But this is the best; she won’t even be on time! The bride apparently arrives at the church late...courtesy of tradition.

And last but not least, the best piece of FYI, I can give to all single ladies out there is the following: at age 29, Kate (who is asking to be called Catherine from this day on), is officially the one of the oldest royal brides to walk the aisle. (Take that all those who cannot shut up about how awful it is to be getting older and being single!)

Kate will most likely wear a tiara borrowed from the Queen but rumors also claim she may choose one of Diana's. Her favorite is the pearldrop, Cambridge Lover's Knot tiara. She would have liked to have worn some flowers in her hair but *gulp* Camilla supposedly was not about all that shabang. And so out went the flowers.

No details are available regarding the Best Man's speech that will be delivered by Prince Harry. People are expecting big time jokes about the groom's balding et al.

Fear not ladies; your prince charming is waiting out there – if you haven’t found him already But in the meantime, make sure you stay up! Should be quite the shaadi!