Fighting Devils

There are far too many devils to fight in this world alone that we worry about fighting for ourselves in the afterlife. More than ever, I now see devils in all its avatars and realize I am surrounded by them. They attack my integrity, my self-esteem, my confidence and my life. And because of the intensity with which they assault me, they manage to bring me down and hurt me in so many ways. As much as I try to heal and assure myself that I am better than that, they somehow manage to outsmart me and scar me in ways more than one. I react the way they want me to and before I know it, I find myself crawling into a cave belittled. I hate it. That isn't who I am; normally happy and confident. Why do I allow myself to feel the way I do? Because I let them. These external devils soon become a part of my inner demons which harass, taunt and abuse me making me feel small in my own eyes. Those are human and spiritual devils, but my physical body has taken on a similar role. Over the last few weeks, I've dealt with the devils that are canker sores, a bruised finger and my monthly pain which collectively have not failed to cause me intense agony. Before one could end, the other began. If that wasn't enough, this entire devil warfare has come into my life simultaneously.

Afraid of the devils, they are scary, I decided that the best thing to do was to crawl into that hole and allow the demons to win. You win. I lose. I fall at your power. And slowly I found myself retreating from my usual way of life. The devils around me and in me had freaking won. But for some reason, I still didn't feel like I should give in. I turned for help and advice to a friend of mine whom I could trust, was unbiased and non-judgmental. His advice not only turned out to be incredibly correct but made stand up to these very demons.

The "demons" in all its forms, have made me, an otherwise happy and safe girl, into an insecure miserable one. And the minute I show my demon friends that they have indeed managed to hurt me and harm me, it will show in the changes I make in my life as I crawl into a shell and hide from the world. And thus, they win. It was then I realized that I couldn't let them win. I have been through far too much to let anyone win.

I forgive my demons. For all the pain you've caused, the damage you've done, the way I feel about myself because of you; for all of it. But now it has to end. You all need to leave and let me be. I make peace with you and bid you adieu. Yes, it has been a journey filled with pain and agony. I apologize for my errors but you need to move on and so do I. I will not hide nor will I allow you to affect me in any way. None of us win. Not you, not I. Lets call it truce and wave a white flag. You go your way and I go mine.

From this moment on, I am back to my way; you to yours. Its over. The devils have now left the building.

Photo Credit: Faithclipart

2 comments:

sh..... said...

Lovely....I always love the way you write...and this one was just great!!!!
Truly loved it...


By the way are you an aries?? I somehow feel a connection with you....jus asked..:-)

Anonymous said...

You go R! Be the strong amazing woman I know you to be! I am here!!

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