Why I'm Single? Blame Bollywood!

As you get closer to 30, life becomes the biggest oxymoron in the world. You're a lot comfortable in certain spaces, i.e. career and lifestyle, but god forbid you happen to be approaching the big Three-O, you're Desi and you're single, well, you're happiness is screwed. People can't fathom, accept or understand even, why on earth I've apparently chosen to be alone at 28. On a daily basis, I am asked in a number of ways, "When will it be your turn?" Sometimes, it's out of sheer concern and thus, I'll get a nice pat on the head followed by a quick blessing by an elder. Other times, it's out of spite. The tone changes and judgements run through the mind of the asker (that's not a word by the way) who is either flashing a rocky diamond engagement ring or is 'happily' married. Honestly, depending on my mood and who's asking, I change my answer. But nowadays, I have been asking myself that very question: "Why am I single?" And then today, an revelation occurred. As we turned around the bend into our building complex, we prayed for one parking spot; instead we found three. I turned to Mom and said, "You shoulda asked for a million bucks!" Her response: "That won't come so easily; but a silly parking spot will." In jest, I replied, "You shoulda asked for a husband for me then!" We laughed and then as I unloaded groceries from the car, in true Bollywood fashion, I realized: I'm screwed.

Yeah, not happening.
Of course, I'm single; I'm  addicted to Bollywood! Anyone who is as fanatical and passionate about Hindi films as I am, wants the ultimate Bollywood love story. It can't be one which is easy, simple or straightforward. No way! And it can't be one that doesn't have some takraar to begin with. In an ideal situation, I'd bump into him as I walk home from the library (when was the last time I did that again?) and my books would fall. He'd help me pick them up as I would murmur cliched lines, "Dekhke chal nahin sakte?" Our eyes would meet and he'd realize I was the girls of his dreams. I'd walk in the opposite direction wondering what happened as we'd break into a song and dance montage in our minds. I think I'll stop here - you get the idea and if I continue, I'll go on for ages creating a script you've seen millions of times.

As I walked up to my front door, I had perhaps one of the biggest reality checks of my life. I'll never have a Bollywood love story; they don't exist. He will not bump into me, and no, he will definitely put a red dupatta on my head to hint that I'll make a beautiful bride. And no, I'll never get a song to be manaoed when I'm upset or angry. "All that only happens in the movies." Whoever said that knew exactly what they were talking about. So the next time someone asks me, "Why aren't you married?" or "When will it be your turn?", I'm simply gonna answer, "Ask the Bollywood Gods. They've shelved my love story for now." Hmph.


smalltown_girl said...

Awesome post Roshni! The same goes for romance book lovers . The heavenly love stories are not for us mortals and some of us are just not ready to accept it and move on. avenly love stories are not for us mortals and some of us are just not ready to accept it and move on.

Anonymous said...

Our decisions decide what we actually are. The why blame Bollywood?

Anurag said...

As someone said, excess of something can be bad. Not that it could be related to your case, but it can be said in one way.
Smalltown gal said it right, same holds in minds of books lovers.

Klash said...

Absolutely! Love the post(s). It's a similar situation with my elder brother (who just hit the big three-O).
There are no such things as "Love Stories". No two people are meant for each other. The only exception I've ever seen are couples who've become so very attached to one other, they just don't know how to function without each other. And I feel such interdependence is just plain unhealthy!
My brother gets constantly hounded, almost every time he calls my parents (he lives & works in North America). And more and more, I get pulled in to the whole situation. Thank God, we have an elder cousin who still hasn't married at the ripe old age of 32!!
While my parents are more or less modern, they still don't understand the importance or need for courtship or dating. They feel that the 'right' way should involve a post-grad degree, a decent family and the use of the following website: www.bharathmatrimony.com!
Is it me, or does that seem a whole lot like internet dating except a whole lot more awkward, with even more expectations and the added pressure oh having your actual families being involved from day/date one??
On the other hand, the dating scene, has gotten so much more complicated. Modern Indian women can't seem to find a stable dating personality. I find that they fall into two categories: Slutty, or ultra-orthodox!
I just received a text from one of the more stable girls I've been interested in, stating that she's absolutely not interested in dating before marriage. So I have to ask myself, why on earth has she insisted on sending flirtatious texts and shown obvious interest in me for the last so many months? And shes one of the good ones.
On the other hand, countless other Indian girls are up for grinding, making out and general fooling around if it involves drinking and clubbing. Now I'm not complaining, but I can't help having outgrown that whole phase of my life. And I'm just 21!! What on earth am I going to do for the next several years?!!

I hate to say it but, the fault lies with the girls! They become more and more Americanized. But their support structure (family/ friends) stays the same. They end up trying to enhance their personalities so much, they end up with some warped version of themselves.

I just went for some hookah with a few friends last week, and an American girl I was meeting with for the first time brings up the topic of whether or not she should get her clit pierced. And believe it or not, it wasn't some weird, sexually charged conversation. It was entertaining and funny. And she has a boyfriend. And we continued to hang, get some drinks and later met up with her boyfriend. I can't help but wonder if Indian women might ever get to a point where they could be that at ease with themselves, where not everything means something else or has to lead to something else!
I feel Bollywood is somewhat to blame. They just can't show a "real" relationship. It either has to involve a man and a women finding each other and falling in love absolutely seamlessly or a couple who fights against parents and friends for the sake of their true love. The idea of marriage being more of a formality or practicality is so alien to the Indian jhanta! And that is the reason why so many of us end up in unhappy marriages. Or worse, in sexless marriages.

Indian marriages are strong because of parent involvement. I get that! but orthodox parents should be a bit more liberal. And Indian women should be a bit more comfortable in their skin. I know its asking for a lot. But change has to start somewhere.

Klash said...

Kudos on your blog, btw.

Fat Man said...

@ Klash
A woman who is against dating before marriage is a red flag. Something is amiss. My cousin, an IAS officer was fooled into marrying a woman who her parents claimed was a graduate, only for him to realise later that she was not only an illiterate bunkum, but frigid as well.
To think he was the one telling me to be 'more serious' with life and 'settle down'. I hate to slime my own people but Indians could win the Olympic gold in duplicity and fraud.


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