Bollywood in Phoren!

Sonam Kap-who:
B'Towns style connoisseur

Every time I write a critical piece on Bollywood, I have to sit and re-iterate that I am a hard core, huge, gigantic, humongous and the most dedicated, Bollywood fan. Hindi cinema and filminess runs through my veins, my blood, my soul. I swear. Whenever possible, I translate Hindi dialogues into English and use it in my daily life. Still not convinced? Okay get this. When my name is called, I pull a complete Bollywood moment as I turn on my heel and swing my hair in full Bollywood style as I answer with a Rajshri, "Jee!" Now are you convinced? Good.

Aish-Who-Are-Ya:
Cannes Veteran

Now getting to what I want to intend to debate, if you choose to call this piece a debate. It's more of reality check, I believe. See, here's the problem. I prefer Shah Rukh Khan (even though I'm not a fan), over Tom Cruise. I prefer Aishwarya Rai Bachchan (yeah, not a fan again) over Angelina Jolie. Why you ask? Well, because they're from apna Bollywood! But let's be real, while they happen to be popular in India, worshipped and all that, they are nobodies abroad. And yet, SRK is the most popular star in the world - even bigger than his Hollywood counterpart, Tom Cruise, apparently. Why? Well, the Indian population is pretty dense all over the world, and we happen to inhabit every nook and cranny on the globe. And while we migrate, populate and earn moolah by the buckets, we take our love for Bollywood with us. So it shouldn't really shock you that SRK has more fans.

Mallika Shera-wha:
Zero impact!

But really, anytime our Bollywood stars attend any international film festivals or events, they are hardly even noticed. Case in point: Cannes 2011. It was bought to my attention via Hindustan Times, that no one knows who the hell they are! They may be pictured wearing their finest international designer wear, may strut their fancy shoe wear on the Red Carpet, but who knows them? Personne; koi nahin; no one. How were they named? With terms like "unidentified guest" and the likes of it. In fact, the foreign media is so confused by our Bollywood stars, that they even mix up their names up! Minisha Lamba, (uh, what was she doing there?) was thought to be Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. "Wha? Kya?" you ask. "Kahan Ash, Kahan Minisha!" But the truth remains that ultimately they are anonymous people on the international carpets. This includes Ash, who despite being a Cannes veteran (10 years and running), attends annually and has even starred in some Hollywood (read: flopped) films, is still unknown. And Mallika Sherawat, who created quite a lot of 'Hissing' noises at festival last year, literally begged for attention with her see-through couture dress this time around only to receive zero recognition.

Saif Ali Kaun:
My Name is Khan!

My question is simple: why do they go? Mahesh Bhatt answered it perfectly: "Party-hopping." I couldn't agree more. But would you attend a party you were invited to even though you knew you'd be ignored? I don't think any dignified person would. What does that make our stars? Conformers. They go cause it's the "cool" thing to do in India.When top-notch Hollywood stars all attend in tow, how can our Desi celebs be left far behind. Nahin, nahin; they too must flock. If you ask me, some attend hoping they'll get a Hollywood film - yeah, right. And then there is the the media; make that the Indian media, who goes hyper when the our celebs go to phoren places. So we sit from afar admiring their clothes, their hair, their shoes but the ultimate deal is simple: Aish-who-are-ya? Sonam Kap-who? Saif Ali Kaun? Mallika Shera-wha? No one at Cannes knows (or cares about) them!