Living My Life Like Its Golden...

By Roshni Mulchandani

I think in the last six months, I've become very wise. My brother said the same to me. I'm not so impulsive anymore, I think my actions through and actually attempt to make more smarter choices. I think about my future, my goals, my dreams and how I want to make them a reality. In fact, I've also somehow become more grounded. Everyone needs a reason, direction, purpose or goal in life and we all find it in different things. I've found mine in writing. When I write, I feel like I'm in a delusional world where words become my baby. Granted I found my calling late in life, but that doesn't mean its too late. I've made lots of mistakes in my life - but those are my mistakes to regret. I cannot and will not throw them on anyone else. Additionally, I feel like on some level I have redeemed myself in my own eyes, which ultimately matters the most. I can't sit and beat myself up, hoping that those I have hurt will forgive me because they may never forgive me. Another realization is that my priorities are different: my family and career take precedence over anything. In the bargain, I have lost out on many friendships but it really doesn't bother me to be totally honest. This is what I have chosen. Like I have said time and time again, I wasn't born to be a no body. My motto remains the same, "Trial and error, in math, love and life." I have no problems in failing and acknowledging my shortcomings. It will only make me a stronger and wiser person. I also would like to believe that my failures are of my own making and I take 100% responsibility for them. I won't give anyone an ounce, an inch or a dollop of "credit" for my shortcomings. However, in the bargain, I solely want credit for my successes. I believe that credit is due where it is earned, and if I have earned it, then I want it all or nothing at all. There is nothing wrong, according to Koel Puri and who in my opinion rocks, "Nothing wrong in pushing, fighting, and going to any length for your dream. Its also never too late to do all the foolish things your heart wants to experiment with." I couldn't have put it better and agreed more.

Watching an interview with Sushmita Sen yesterday, I was intrigued by a quote she believes in, "I prefer taking the stairs in life, rather than the elevator." TOTALLY AGREE. I think I've done the same. Its easier to take a step down when you're walking up the stairs. But in an elevator, you go up or down and if you're claustrophobic, you are literally stuck. I tried running, and had to come back down. I've even tried skipping a few steps, and fallen back down. Now, I'm going one step at a time and I've never been happier. Yes, it may take longer but it is the right way and I am in no rush to make it to the top. My life has hit a transitional stage in every way. Things are moving and headed in the right way, I just have to be patient.

When it comes to love, I have fallen in love. Yes, it hasn't worked out but I can't blame it on anything but being in Love. I've dated them all and while it has come close to marriage, I find that when things get serious, I mess up. Its never been them - Its me! Maybe its because I haven't found the right man who understands me, my family and my life. "Zindagi yeh safar mein hai, kat raha hai rasta, humsafar toh hai magar, manzilein hai juda-juda." Quite fitting in my situtation I believe.

While mom and the rest of the family have been going on and on about "settling down," I'm not quite sure why the term only means marriage. I feel quite settled or am getting settled in my life. It doesn't mean just marriage right? I think settlement means being independent: financially and emotionally - Check and check. So "settling down" according to their definition makes no sense and nor do I have intentions of doing it... anytime soon.

Which basically means, I haven't met the right man. I want to celebrate my life and my accomplishments. And I will. I stand for many causes and will continue to do so. Once again - I can't allow myself to fall apart. This time, I will rise and conquer. My theory is simple, and yes I have another one, "Life is to short, so live it to the max." Fall in love so deeply that you can't help but feel like dying without that person; make mistakes that are stupid; do crazy nutty things that you look back over and are like what on earth was I thinking? As long as you can take the heat for it and when you lie on your deathbed and say, yes, I lived my life the way I wanted, it makes living worthwhile. For all we know, we only have one life to live. So make the most of it! Before I end, some food for thought: "No one can go back and make a brand new start. But you can always start from now and make a brand new ending."

So for all the endings that never happened, it will and it will be the best ending! Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!!!

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