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Pura Review: Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

2012-02-12T22:42:00.000-08:00

Ever since Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu released, all I seem to be reading are replica reviews that call it a “coming of age” film. Basically, this is a new genre formed by the critics which our filmmakers are trying to take undue advantage of; better known as a fad. And the one filmmaker who is literally cashing out on this trend is none other than Karan Johar. So yes, he’s back in producer form with Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu which stars the very cool Kareena Kapoor and chocolate boy, (he’s yet to evade himself from that tag) Imran Khan. Naturally, it screams I Hate Luv Storys hangover simply because it possesses the same aura and vibe also known as cheese factor.

Welcome to Las Vegas where Rahul Kapoor (Imran Khan) lives a nine to five job courtesy of his commanding parents. On the flip side, there is the carefree and joshiley Riana Briganza (Kareena Kapoor) who lives in the moment. After a night of extreme drunkenness, they get married ala Vegas style. The duo find themselves in each others company while they file for an annulment and a deep friendship forms. Very quickly, Rahul falls in pyar, ishq, mohabbat for Riana who is not ready for any kind of relationship. However, he does manage to change his rather “stiff uptight” ways in the company of Riana.

EMAET is not a coming of age film and if you had to pick a coming of age film from Karan Johar’s lot, it would have to be Wake Up Sid which fits the coming of age genre bill to the T. However, EMAET is a coming of age for Hindi films vis-à-vis the ending of the film which, by the way, leaves big time room for a sequel. It’s not the same shindig. No running into each others arms or sudden realization of love, but a rather mature ending to what is easily any of the two: a chick flick or a cheese fest. Look, EMAET is hardly path breaking cinema but you cannot deny that is a nice easy breezy film which works best on a Sunday afternoon. The plot is simple and fun with some funky young dialogues. Shakun Batra does well with her film and clearly has a good understanding of modern day love and relationships.

The film belongs to Kareena Kapoor. As Riana Briganza, she is funky, fun and fabulous in every which way. Barring her horrid hair – which is rather ironic as she plays an unemployed hairstylist, she literally becomes Riana. That said, this film and role must have been child’s play for Bebo especially since she has done a lot deeper substance filled roles in the past. Riana is not Geet from Jab We Met. With due respect to the latter film, Geet was more rural; Riana is urban. Where do I begin with Imran Khan. I’m not a fan and so by the end, I was literally pakaoed by his enactment of Rahul Kapoor. I’m not sure whether it was the role or the hair, but Imran didn’t work at all for me. In fact, I was more excited to see Ram Kapoor, who plays a rich tharki, in the two scenes he bagged. I think Imran believed EMAET would be his Wake Up Sid moment. And in a way he is right; this is a wake up Imran and smell the roses moment! Boman Irani and Ratna Pathak Shah are as usual superb; she more than him.

And now, the flaws. First the music. This is not Amit Trivedi’s best with the title track taking the crown and Aahatein a close second. Then there are a few minor details which Shakun should have really cross-checked. For starters, how can a wannabe ballet dancer, who has a steel ball in her foot, dance like a diva in Auntyji? And then of course, there’s the hair issue. For a hairstylist, they really should have given her some gosh darn awesome hair. If anyone needed Vidal Sassoon, it was Riana Briganza.

Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu has been compared to Hollywood rom-coms but in all honesty, why should we do that? We are totally capable of making great Hindi romantic comedies as we have in the past. The film is time pass, paisa vasool even, but strictly that. If you need reasons to watch the film, well then go in if you’re looking for a short cutesy film. And of course, for Bebo. She actually uses the word, “anal” in the film. C’mon now, do you need any more reason?

It's That Time of the Month.....

2012-02-10T21:24:00.000-08:00

It’s that time of the month again. No silly, not “that” time but the time where there are too many burning issues that are weighing on my mind and thus, I must put them down vis-à-vis a blog post. Oh word of the week, by the way, is ‘burn’. And I’ll tell you why. So apparently, this month is filled with XYZ Days. Yesterday happened to be Teddy Day. Please do not aw and gush on me. Please no. It’s simply absurd all these silly days. What purpose do they serve? None. And thus, if you are dating someone who is giving you a teddy bear and not teddy lingerie, you should burn the bear effective immediately. But it doesn’t stop there. Please check out the list of lame days that will occur this February. If you honor/celebrate more than two of these, I will judge you. Alright then, back to burning issues.

Yuvi Yuvi Yuvi
By now every single cricket fan/fanatic has already expressed their grief over Yuvraj Singh’s cancer news. I of course, am no different. Naturally, I am convinced he will bounce back and be his usual self. But as cricket buffs, we need him for more than one reason. Yes, he needs to get well soon and get back on the team, lord knows they need them and how. However, Yuvi brings with him a great amount of excitement. He’s funky, wicked and wild. He hits sixes, dates girls nonstop and of course, when you need him to, gives the spunkiest answers to dodge ablaze questions. And lastly, Yuvi should come back hit yet another six sixes and win us another World Cup. Just imagine, he helped Team India win with strains of cancer floating around in him. The guy is such a star.

Baby Falak
It’s such a sad sad sad society we live in. If you haven’t heard about little two-year-old Baby Falak, here’s the gist. Young 22-year-old Munni was sold to her husband when she was 16 to a man who eventually walked out on her leaving her with 3 children to fend for solo. She was promised a job if she moved to Delhi. Unknown to her, that line of work would be prostitution. When she refused, she was told to marry another man and to leave the children to a friend. Her oldest daughter was sent to live with a relative, her son is yet to be found and her baby, who has now been named Falak, moved around from family to family. Eventually, she fell into the hands of a young teenage girl who belonged to a sex worker group. She had run away with an older man who had abandoned the teen to see his family and wife in Mumbai. She was forced to take care of the baby alone and tortured the baby nonstop. The baby’s head was smashed against the wall, a hot iron was placed on her face and there were bites all over her. The teen bought in the baby to a local hospital asking for help when officials discovered something was just not right.

I don’t even know where to begin with this story. For starters, selling your child is a phenomenon I just cannot fathom. But we have no one but ourselves to blame for this entire ordeal. As a society, baby girls have always been frowned upon. And thus, the easy way out always seems to be to get rid of our girls whether it’s marrying them off earlier or in some cases sell them off even. We don’t look to see if the man is at all capable or trustworthy; as long as she’s out of our hair, who cares. This desperation in itself forces our daughters to deal with situations solo. In the case of Munni, leaving her children to marry for the second time seems like a raw deal to me. A man who wants to care for you, should do so irrespective. She may has well have gotten into prostitution then. But the real victim here is Baby Falak. Just thinking about the poor pain a voiceless two-year-old had to endure alone infuriates me. When will we finally wake up and realize this is not acceptable? When will we grow up and realize that a baby girl is just as precious as a boy? And when on earth will we start punishing such assholes for these heinous crimes? How many more baby girls will it take?

Sid Mallya

And very quickly, if you’ve been following the Ayesha Takia versus Siddhartha Mallya/Kingfisher Airlines fight on twitter, you’ll probably have learned that he is an ultimate douchebag. He has no manners, nor does he care about anything but himself clearly. I don’t care how rich you are and who the hell your father is, your company screwed up. Own up and figure it out already. After Ayesha’s sister’s boarding pass was shredded by some ground staff for whatever reason, he simply came out to ask who Ayesha was and also told her to “pipe down love.” I tell you where I’d like to put that pipe; up a hole where pipes shouldn’t go.

And with that, my burning issues come to a cooling halt. Well not really, but nothing a chilled beer can’t fix. Too bad beer isn’t my thing. Lassi se hi kaam chalalungi!

Kuch Sexy Baatein...

2012-02-07T13:55:00.000-08:00

Savita Bhabhi: Inspiration?

There’s a particular part of Hong Kong, quite central to where I lived, where Desi hookers stand around. And these are not hot women but those overweight sweaty ones. They call out to men of all colors, “Sir, sir, come come, I show you good time.” When I would see every other man except Desi men flocking to them, I used to stand in shock. Eventually I figured out that it had a lot to do with being exotic. Men— mostly foreign men, were turned on by these dark skinned women who wore saris that reeked of perspiration and fried onions. They also didn’t mind the big sweat patches that were visible in their sari blouse underarms. It was a big WTF moment for me. But that was my first encounter/understanding of hookers.

Now of course, I’m older and wiser so I know that prostitutes are banging– literally. I know why some men turn to prostitutes. Some have prudish women, others have no women. But all this has struck a curiosity in my mind. Clearly hookers know how to work themselves around a man in bed but what about romance? When I posed the question on Twitter, I was pretty much ignored. Obviously no man would admit to indulging in sex with a prostitute but I’m still totally consumed by this idea.

Definitely Can't Work a Pole...

Women like the now infamous Poonam Pandey aren’t born out of thin air; they’re created by a need for they saw a demand. The need, of course: men who look for ways to let go. And while I find her repulsive for a number of reasons, i.e. she can’t count and looks like a chewed up duck, I have to admire her keen sense of economics vis-à-vis her understanding of supply and demand. And then there is the new superstar and future item girl, Sunny Leone. Very recent, she charmed India with her cutesy antics in the Bigg Boss house even though I was slightly disappointed with her pole dancing routine—porn stars should know her way up and down a pole better; amateurish show. And the Bigg Boss housemates couldn’t see it for some oddball reason. She screamed porn star to me what with those stripper shoes and choppy bangs but it wasn't until much later that she eventually confessed her vocation. But yet again; smart girl. She realized her demand in India would give her tremendous scope and well, she provided Ms. Pandey with some serious competition. However, she's left Poonam far behind with a Bollywood film.

So since the men were gonna take the 5th on their love for porn stars and the likes, I decided to put this to the ladies and the consensus was clear: men want women who are freaks in bed. Even women realized that this is a true story. Usher sings, “A lady in the street but a freak in the bed,” and my favorite RnB singer couldn’t croon it more honestly. Look, it’s 2012. Men, especially Indian men, want to come home to women who will wink at them and look at them with bedroom eyes. And if you’re a prude, well you can be sure he’ll develop wandering eyes. If you won't give it to him, darling, someone else will. I’ve seen and heard of men who stray and their wives are completely bewildered by why that is so. Ladies, you basically told him to, what with your cold ways in bed. No one is asking you to be a porn star but would it really hurt to learn a position or two from the Kama Sutra?

I’m a bit fumbled about what my point is here. Okay so basically I think that men cheat because we, as women, compel them to. I’m not saying it’s okay; NO. It’s never acceptable. But the secret to keep your man is good sex…and food. Oh combine ‘em for a rollicking time! Okay okay, focus. Point is, have freaky fun frolicking sex with your man and he’ll never stray or look for sex outside your bedroom. As for porn stars and love, well men will always love ‘em. You can question their taste for such lusting over them but what to do? They’re just trained to love them by default— genetic, you see.

How Do You Like Your Hrithik?

2012-02-05T20:59:00.000-08:00

Post Agneepath, I’ve rekindled my love for Hrithik Roshan. Yes, he said very little, barely danced but let’s be honest, this was definitely one of his best performances thus far. That said, I found myself realizing that Roshan is one actor who has experimented a lot in his career, refused to get pigeon-holed and still managed to stay as hot as he did from day one. While he’s sexy and he knows it, Hrithik is one dude who has played every role and yet managed to stay hot. And so I ask you, how do you like your Hrithik?

Romanchak Hrithik
This is perhaps typical Hrithik. In fact, he started his career with playing the romantic boy who falls in love and is willing to do anything for his girl. And then of course, he’s gone ahead to do it one too many times. However, every time he looks deeply into the eyes of his heroine, utters the words “I love you”, dances around a tree with her and then fights to make her his, you can’t help but sigh.

Patriotic Hrithik
Only Hrithik Roshan can make loving your country look mind-blowing. And it’s not just in patriotic films where he plays an army officer, but in a number of movies, his character has subtly been an India fan. Add to that some tear jerking dialogues and Roshan has won your heart. Hrithik in loving-your-country mode is uber hot.

Dishoom Hrithik
When he’s mad, his eyes go blood shot red, the nerve in his forehead pops and his voice quivers. Hrithik Roshan in angry mode is like this only. But that doesn’t stop him from making you swoon. I actually challenge anyone to find a bad man/villain hotter than Hrithik. You’ll find, it’s impossible.

Snooty Hrithik
Now this is my favorite Hrithik. I absolutely love it when Roshan goes into “I’m too cool for school” types. Such a turn on. Somehow Roshan works the attitude, which normally women would hate, into a characteristic that is magnetic. Even as a snooty hoity-toity hot shot, Roshan is phenomenal.

Superhero Hrithik
Our very own Krishh can put any other superhero to shame. He can climb buildings, kill villains, romance a ladki and still be as normal as the guy next door. But add to that he has a killer persona which cannot be imitated and badda-bing, Hrithik Roshan is the hottest superhero out there.

Royal Hrithik
If I had to choose my favorite king, it’ll be Hrithik Roshan. As a royal baadshah, he took a Mughal king and made him appear as the hottest man with a crown. But it’s only Hrithik who could’ve made history look incredibly enamoring.

And then there is bare-chested Hrithik, dancing Hrithik, magician Hrithik and so on. He happens to be one of the few actors who can make a white shirt and jeans look hubba-hubba.

So I ask you again: How do you like your Hrithik? I’ll take mine with extra fudge, whipped cream, sprinkles and a cherry on top. Parcel please.

In Bollywood, Size Doesn't Matter!

2012-01-31T21:51:00.000-08:00

Every year we’re bombarded with films that everyone watches courtesy of big budgets, huge star casts and of course, item numbers. But a lot of the time, the best films of the year are ones that are low on budget, small in stars but deep in substance. And these are the movies you more than often ignore. Bad idea. I could sit here and tell you which biggies to watch, but I pass. You’ll figure that out for yourself. So instead, I’ll do just the opposite. While most of 2012’s films have tentative release dates, check out these smaller films you may want to miss but probably shouldn't.

London, Paris, New York
What: Ali Zafar is back in 2012 in Anu Menon’s love story, London, Paris, New York. In hopes to bring back old school Bollywood romance, it follows the lives of two diverse people who fall in love in three cities over eight years.

Why: Three awesome cities, romance and one very cute Ali Zafar…need I say more?

Bittoo Boss
What: Starring new kids Pulkit Samrat and Amita Pathak, Bittoo Boss is quite simply is about a man whose job is to record weddings.

Why: This could quite easily be the Band Baaja Baraat of the year. Add to that, this is the same production house that bought us the very cool bromance Pyaar Ka Punchnama last year. And and and, the film’s dialogues are apparently causing the censors nightmares!

Paan Singh Tomar
What: Irrfan Khan and Mahi Gill bring to the screen, the true life story of a runner turned rebel. In order to escape poverty, Tomar, joins the Indian National Games and living an honest life, he becomes a “baaghi” who causes mayhem in the Chambal Valley.

Why: True life stories always tend to be inspirational and this one is about a man we know far too little about.

Maximum
What: This underworld drama is about two cops who are at loggerheads courtesy of a dire situation that occurs in Mumbai. They find themselves looking for extreme power in Maximum City. Not only will the system be tested but so will their integrity.

Why: Check out the cast: Sonu Sood, Naseeruddin Shah, Neha Dhupia, Vinay Pathak, Arya Babbar. Expect powerhouse performances and an engaging plot.

Aiyaa
What: When a Marathi gal, played by Rani Mukherji meets South boy, Prithviraj, love happens. And of course, at the same time, a culture clash too.

Why: Believe it or not, this rom-com is actually written by Anurag Kashyap.

Of course, you should catch the biggies too. But if you do get an afternoon free this year, you must must must catch one of the above. Enjoy!

If SRK Got Slapped...

2012-01-30T21:40:00.000-08:00

Can you imagine if Shirish Kunder got the chance to tell Shah Rukh Khan, “Thappad se darr nahin lagta saab, pyar se lagta hai." The tables may have actually turned. Shirish may have actually joined the likes of Karan Johar and hopped on to SRK’s bum-chums bandwagon. But then, there would have been no slap, no controversy and no jokes. All of a sudden the now infamous slap seems a lot more exciting. What the exact truth is on the SRK-Shirish Kunder slap story, we’ll never know. But I’ll say this, as much as I’m a declared (and crowned) SRK hater, I think he may have done the right thing by whacking Kunder. Anyone who sports hair like that deserves a tight slap. However, keeping with my reputation of hating on the thug ala SRK, here’s a different angle to the situation. Since SRK has become the official slapper of the industry, I can’t help but wonder which stars would love to give King Khan a smack…or two.

Gauri Khan
Every wife at some point in time wants to slap their husband. I’m sure Gauri is one of those wives. The poor woman is probably so damn confused! Who wouldn’t be? She could barely get her head around figuring out whether her husband was batting for the “other” team and here she is now dealing with rumors of her husband supposedly getting down with Priyanka Chopra. Perhaps a slap will knock some sense into her hubby.

Salman Khan
I’m sure Sallu miyan’s hand is itching to smack SRK; even if it’s one zor ka jhaapad. The duo cannot even stand to be in the same area as one another after their dosti went sour a few years ago. However, post the Kunder incident, where apparently Farah’s husband was heard referring to Salman a few times during the heated argument with SRK, you can be sure he’s waiting to get his hands on SRK.

Shahid Kapoor
Apparently, it was SRK who created many a rifts between Shahid Kapoor and his belle Priyanka Chopra. The reason? Cause he most likely wanted Piggy Chopps for himself, duh! Think Shahid wouldn’t mind taking a quick blow at the Don? I think so.

Juhi Chawla
She is one of his oldest friends and in recent times, Juhi Chawla, who stood by SRK through his thick and thin days, has been sidelined by the actor. Word has it that she’s so pissed off by how he practically ignores him now and thus, has decided to publicly oust him. She for one is probably fuming at the King. A red hot mirchi-filled thaapad looks like it’s on its way.

Sourav Ganguly
Dada is hardly one to slap anyone. But he does own many a cricket bat ergo SRK should be worried cause a cricket bat beating is far more painful than a mere slap. The owner of the Kolkatta Knightriders has in the past diminished Sourav Ganguly’s presence and revoked his captaincy only to falter. And while Sourav has yet to come out and scream about the incident, Dada and all of Bengal wouldn’t mind slapping him.

Shirish Kunder
Yeah, the slapee probably wants to get back at the slapper, no? While Shirish has claimed that he will not be taking this abuse to the cops, he still maintains his airy ways and is digging all the attention he is receiving vis-à-vis the slap. In fact, he should be thanking SRK for the popularity; otherwise Shirish was known for making flop films and of course, as Mr. Farah Khan. But yes, revenge will be on the Joker’s mind.

Okay SRK fans, I bear my cross. Peace. <Runs>

Bollywood Hungama blog link: If SRK Got Slapped....

Bollywood in 2012: Biggies to Avoid!

2012-01-29T19:08:00.000-08:00

I wish I could sit here and gush about all the films you should watch in 2012. But I’m hardly a kiss ass. The mere fact that I actually liked a Karan Johar production, Agneepath, is making me question my taste. I think it’s the blood and gore that is normally absent in cliché K Jo productions, which allowed me to fully enjoy Agneepath. Anyway, so there are a bunch of films headed your way this year. While most of them will house big honcho stars, this is hardly a good enough reason to watch them. In fact, there are a bunch of films which are going to plummet at the box office irrespective of the actors. This is where I come to your rescue. You see, I’ll see all these films next year—I'm a sad Bollywood buff clearly. But here are the films I’m dreading this year. And if you’re stumped for time, these are a few films you should probably avoid; in my opinion at least.

Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

Is it me or does Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu possess the I Hate Luv Storys vibe? And if that is indeed the case, this is going to be one helluva cheese fest. Imran Khan is hardly one of the most talented actors we have which means we’d have to depend on Kareena Kapoor to do most of the acting here. And if that is the case, then I’d much rather see her in a film that holds more substance. There is really only one reason to watch the film; the title song. FYI, this is a Karan Johar production. Need I say more?

Ekk Deewana Tha
I’m sorry but why on earth would anyone give ham king stoned face Prateik Babbar his own film? And who is Amy Jackson? Enough said.

Jodi Breakers
For starters, Bipasha Basu needs to quit already. We’re so done seeing her rack, legs and navel over and over again. We get it; she lacks talent and thus makes up for it by exposing her more endowed parts. And then there is R. Madhavan whom I love, but something about his jodi with Basu makes this film look rather red light district-ish. I’m not sure what the makers were thinking but when I saw the first look, I swear I thought the film was about a pimp and his harlot. The latter being Bipasha, of course.

Agent Vinod
I absolutely love Bebo and Saifu (Saif Ali Khan) but I am incredibly skeptical about Agent Vinod. For the sake of Saif, I hope I get to eat my own words but for now, courtesy of the choppy, rather iffy promo, this one looks like it isn’t going to work.

Kyaa Super Kool Hai Hum
As if the prequel wasn’t bad enough, we’re treated to a sequel. So what can you expect? Sleaze, sex and Tusshar Kapoor. And I’m sorry but anytime Cool is spelt with a ‘K”, it deserves to be canned and avoided.

Dangerous Ishq
I absolutely adore Karisma Kapoor and I’m psyched to see her back on screen but Vikram Bhatt? And a 3-D film? I’m very worried. Known for his rather eccentric ways, Bhatt is hardly one who makes films that are exciting but more odd and obscure. Examples: Red: The Dark Side (did you see that one?) and Shaapit (or this?).

Tere Meri Kahani
Priyanka Chopra + Shahid Kapoor = Chaos. And I believe this has a lot to do with their on and off relationship in real life. But add some Kunal Kohli to the mix and what you have is a recipe for disaster. Oh and this film follows the lovers over a long (and I mean really long) period of time. Mausam anyone?

Joker
Shirish Kunder is an odd one, no? I’m not sure if he’s just one of “those” directors or he’s ahead of his time but either way, we don’t get it. With Joker, he seems to already believe he has a hit on his hand but the title of the film itself makes me cringe with fear. And then there is the Akshay Kumar factor. Lately, he’s been hamming a lot. In the end someone will be a Joker. Question is, will it be us or them?

Ferrari Ki Sawaari
Yeah, this one screams boring. Don’t believe me, please YouTube the promo.

Jism 2
I don’t care how much the men of India love Sunny Leone, she is not an actress. And while a film like Jism hardly requires the lead heroine to “act”, you do need to recite lines and emote. This porn star can barely work a pole, and she has a film. Psshhh.

So that’s my list; my call; my take. I’ll be watching all of the above and the rest but if you’re looking to catch only the best of 2012, pliss to be avoiding the above.

Pura Review: Agneepath

2012-01-28T22:33:00.000-08:00

If you remember a few months ago, I complained and ranted about how much I detested remakes and sequels. It just makes zero sense to me. Are our filmmakers incompetent of making original films? In a country of over one billion, are we incapable of stirring up innovative plots? But what does anyone care about what I say. A lot of the time, what filmmakers deem a “remake” is actually an adaptation. And that is exactly what Karan Johar’s Agneepath is. So now because it is a variation of the original, it would be totally unfair to make comparisons be it the performances or script. In all honesty, I was completely skeptical of Agneepath in 2012. How on earth anyone could want to recreate an epic cult film? More importantly, why?

This is why.

The film is not as different yet slightly altered from the original. Vijay Chauhan (Hrithik Roshan) is just another regular boy from Mandwa whose father, the village master, lives by rules of karma and dharma. However, when he is framed and hung to death by the local ravaan Kancha (Sanjay Dutt), Vijay finds himself devoid of any of his father’s teachings as he promises to take revenge. His family moves to Mumbai where he is taken under the wing of one Rauf Lala (Rishi Kapoor). Over time, he grows to become a man who is eager to get revenge but not through Lala; solo. He schemes to take down his godfather’s family and reign as he moves to the top only to kill Kancha. In between, he seeks solace in the arms of his childhood friend, Kaali (Priyanka Chopra) who supports, marries and loves him to death.

Agneepath in 2012 is the 1990 version, only refined. It has every component of a nineties film—revenge, love, action. It puts you in a modern time capsule for three hours as it correctly attacks every emotion which makes the average Indian viewer tear via the mother-son discord and love story.

As a film, Agneepath is fabulously executed and filmed. You are pulled into a world which is filled with love and hate, retribution and justice, chaos and peace. Every scene of the film is shot beautifully, be it the chawls and slums of Mumbai or the island of Mandwa. Karan Malhotra’s vision and implementation of the film and stars too, is impeccable. His version of Agneepath is original and yet pays great respect to the Amitabh version. But what comes across very clearly is how he has cleverly adapted his film to the current rage of over-the-top melodrama films with the dialogues and action sequences. Look beyond the superficial surface, and Agneepath is filled with great nuances too. The reference to the Ramayana comes across instantly as Mandwa is painted a dark hell, Mumbai is bright, filled with life and love followed by the good over evil track. Malhotra knows this well and is definitely an aficionado the masala genre.

Agneepath belongs to Hrithik Roshan. We often connote great acting with dialogues and drama. This couldn’t be further from the truth. As Vijay Dinanath Chauhan, Hrithik speaks perhaps all of three pages of the script. However, his acting comes through the flaring of his nostrils, his blood shot teared eyes, his intensity, his body language and yes, through his delivery of the character. Add to that how that he is still as hot as they get, and boom, he wins with Agneepath. There is no long hauled dialogue for him neither is his drunk scene one that will go down in history but you will walk out of the cinema calling Agneepath one of his best performances ever. There is also, no mimicking of Bachchan Senior. This is his interpretation of the character.

And then there is Rishi Kapoor who scores as Rauf Lala. He works the evil into the character so darn well. A phenomenal performance. Sanjay Dutt is flawless as Kancha. He’s ugly, dark, grey and dirty just as you would expect him to be. He takes the cake when it comes to dialogues in the film and works Kancha into a great villain. Om Puri is as usual awesome and deserves a mention because he is rarely appreciated. Priyanka Chopra is apt but hams slightly in her small role which in my opinion could have been played by any other small actress. However, marketing works well in Bollywood. By adding Chopra to the film, the star power of the film increases.

So where does the film falter? Tomato ketchup. The gore and blood flows from beginning to end which makes you wonder how much ketchup was used. While the film excels in the first half, it falls a tad bit in the second; at some points it seems hurried. The music is also a letdown. Yes, Chikni Chameli is fantabulous as well as the Ganesh number. The rest is average minus the background music which is haunting but loud. And then there is the length—it’s too freakin’ long. Too long. So much so that it’s slightly exhausting.

In the end, Agneepath is a good watch because of Roshan. He packs a punch and works it. In fact, you almost cannot imagine anyone else playing Chauhan in this version of the film. I have to hand it to KJo, whom I normally hate on, with this one, he's redeemed himself. But only slightly. Agneepath is the old stuff in new fancy glossy packaging. This, guys and dolls, is exactly how you do a remake.

Footnote: Here's the deal for 2012. Films that are wicked, will get a Pura Review while the useless ones will get a mere 100 Word Review. Fair, na?

Sher-o-Shayari with Rukhsana: Sangam

2012-01-22T11:18:00.000-08:00

I've always been a fan of poetry. Doha's, shayari, great song lyrics; it all fascinates me. The amalgamation of beautiful Urdu and Hindi words together make for literature that is simply orgasmic. It's taken me years of reading, learning and understanding shayari before I myself could gather the courage to actually put pen to paper and actually write my first sher. I also figured, since I wanted to write shayari, I needed a very Urdu infused shayarana name. After some research, it was my father who found and christened me with a very apt sher-o-shayari alias: Rukhsana. And it looks like it was meant to be; Rukhsana happens to have the same meaning as Roshni: brightness.

So here is my first sher titled Sangam. I'm a diehard romantic at heart so naturally my first attempt had to be a stab at love. Please feel free to let me know what you think but keep in mind, this is just the beginning. I have full faith that my sher-o-shayari will only improve with time and practice.

Here's presenting: Sangam by Rukhsana.

Sangam

Anjaan rahon mein aap mil gaye,

dekhte hi dekhte aap tum ban gaye.

Baaton mein, Ishaaro mein,

Hum aap se jurr gaye.

Aap ko na khabar humare ehsaas ki,

Aap ko na khabar humare jaazbaato ki.

Jab koi humse pooche, Aap humare hai kaun,

Nazarein chura ke, Palke jhukha ke,

Humne kahan, Sab kuch.

Un anjaan rahon ki na koi dosh,

Jab dil ne yeh khata ki.

Koi nahin se sab kuch, Yeh kab hua,

Pata nahin.

- Rukhsana

Oh Ho, Bollywood!

2012-01-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

The Khela Awards: These are real!

You know how I have this love-hate relationship with Bollywood? Yeah, basically I’m in a detest can’t-stand-you frame of mind with Bwood right now. It just doesn’t fail to irk me every few weeks. For starters, this happens to be the worst time of the year: award season. Great. So now, we’ll see over a dozen award ceremonies which will display the same shindig over and over again. Vidya will bag the best actress awards while others will split between Ranbir and Shah Rukh Khan – depending on which award function he hosts and so on. Bollywood ke raajneeti ka kya kehna? And then the dances, the clothes, the controversies, blah blah blah; it’s just such a hassle. Uff! Yes, in this aspect, I’m a hater. I hate on Bollywood award functions. In my opinion, they all should be banned. It’s no surprise Aamir Khan prefers to sit at home rather than attend any of these useless shows. This is the one time I prefer the west and their award functions over our lackluster ceremonies. At least there’s no nonsense with them. The stars attend wearing elegant clothes (no paan chewing, chappals wearing or tieless heroes here), win awards, speak for a quick minute and bounce. They last all of two hours. Anyone else find them uber super boring?

And if that isn’t enough, here’s the latest on John Abraham and his new beau Priya something-or-another. Apparently, the very hot Abraham fell for his new girlfriend while he was seeing Bipasha. I just have one question: so what? Whoever said Bipasha was the ideal girlfriend? Everyone knows she was out painting the town red with a number of guys from all over the globe. And all this, by the way, while she was with John Abraham. So if her eyes, mind, body and lips can wander, why can’t his? C’mon people, we live in a chalta hai world. This should hardly be controversial.

Then there is all this hoopla over Sonam Kapoor dropping the F-bomb on Twitter. Okay, so I don’t love the girl, but are you kidding me? To all those of you who are sitting and judging her for using the word “fuck” (yes I said it, sue me already), I suggest you really stay at home and lock yourselves in your closet. It’s fine if you don’t use profanity but why is it a big deal if a wannabe actress says it? Normal people who have regular jobs use it on a minute to minute basis, no issues there. Please don’t even sit and tell me that just because she’s a celeb, she can’t use it. Sonam Kapoor is not washed in milk. She used a word which every judgmental person out there has used at one point in time. Nor does the Kapoor girl claim to be the ideal citizen or a role model, and if you regard her as your “idol” then really you need help anyway. This is the first time, and last time, I’ll side with Sonam Kapoor, but grow the eff up people.

Next week we’ll be “treated” to Karan Johar’s adaptation of Agneepath. I’ve been called a KJo hater— which I am, I’ll admit it. And thus, this is one film I am not at all looking forward to. The music so far has been rather average and I’m a bit worried about Hrithik in this film. I know he’ll do his thing but even then, comparisons to the great Amitabh Bachchan are inevitable. However, the real reason to watch the film seems to be Sanjay Dutt. I’d watch out for him— this film is going to change his stance in the industry; that’s my prediction.

With that I’m all Bollywooded out. Shutter down, dhukhaan bandh.

2012: Can You Handle Me?

2012-01-15T23:44:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2012 people! New Years Eve put me a pretty rad mood but totally screwed me over health-wise. So my first good deed for the year is to give you some not-to-do drinking tips. 1) Do not drink on an empty stomach, and 2) Binge drinking is not a good idea; even if it is NYE. Now, if only someone had told me this earlier. So yes, it’s post the hangover and awful flu, which attacked me simultaneously, that I’m here now ready to bamboozle 2012. Everyone around me seems to believe that the year has gotten off to a pretty good start. I haven’t made up my mind just yet. But while I’m on undecided on the manner in which 2012 has begun, I’m sure of what I need to work on this year. No, these are not resolutions. They’re more like “rules and guidelines” for the year twenty-twelve.

Someone said to me that they like how my blog is an open book/diary; a peek into my life. I “awwed” and then realized that during the month of December, RWN became a sleaze fest vis-à-vis The Garam Sharam Awards. Alas that is so last year. While I intend on keeping up with more honest (read: blasé, bold, beautiful, boombaat and bombastic) pieces, this one is a bit somber one to begin the year with.

I solemnly swear not to sweat the small stuff. It ain’t worth it. As it is, mujhe Bade Acche Lagte Hain.

I solemnly swear not to take my body for granted. This is a genuine one.

I will try my hardest (sorry, cannot swear on this one) not to make fun of the following ladies: Frieda Pinto, Poonam Pandey, Sunny Leone and Karan Johar.

I solemnly swear not to get worked up with “people” who irk me for whatever reason. It’s not fair for me to judge other people if they are not affecting my life. If I must advocate or be an activist, it should be for a more legit causes like why Sunny Leone looks like a man to me.

I solemnly swear I will be audacious, more nonchalant, more verbose, more pompous and even more overbearing.

I solemnly swear to blog about more sleaze because sex sells and girls who write about it get a lot more hits. Being shameless is how you get famous, I hear.

I solemnly swear to finally figure out my relationship with Bollywood. This love-hate thing we have going on is not healthy. And secretly, Bollywood knows I adore him.
(Side note: Bollywood is definitely a man; it plays far too many games)

I solemnly swear to love the movies everyone hates and hate the ones everyone else adores.

I solemnly swear to further dig item songs as I am an item song whore.

I solemnly swear to use bigger words. Even if it yields presage complete upheaval and even stupefaction.

I solemnly swear not to call people names.

I solemnly swear that to switch loyalties to Canada if team India continue to play as complete assclowns. Crap, so much for no name calling.

And lastly, I solemnly swear to continue being fabulous, bitchy and walk around like a Diva. That shouldn’t be too hard.

Any wager as to how quickly I will break one of the above? I think I may break one in oh, approximately 2.5 seconds. But hey, rules, resolutions and bridges are meant to be broken. And anyway, likhne mein kya hai?

This may actually be the year that cannot handle me; normally it's the other way around. Time will tell guys and dolls. In the meantime, have a fabulous 2012!

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Boobalicious in 2011!

2011-12-29T23:58:00.000-08:00

It’s finally that time folks, where we crown the diva who has worked, what is perhaps the most crucial asset to any heroine in Bollywood. Yes, guys and dolls, this is mother of the All Garam, No Sharam Awards: The Rack of the Year. In the past, our actresses have been slightly conservative with the amount of cleavage they display. Now however, actresses are hotter than the Sahara in July and displaying boobage hardly generates much shock value. This year there have been ladies who have let it all out (if you know what I mean) and others who’ve messed with your head and teased you. Either way, they are all deserving of a mention. Here’s counting down the top five ladies who’ve done it shamelessly in style.

5. Kangna Ranaut
Where did those boobs come from? That is the real question here. Known for being flat-chested and how, it surprised moviegoers when all of a sudden Kangna Ranaut was seen looking boobalicious in Rascals. Whether it was in her white bikini or in the low-necked dresses she sported, her new “friends” were in the limelight. And you can be sure, you’ll see more of them in the future.

4. Bipasha Basu
There was a time where Bipasha Basu’s honkers made tongues wag among other things. And while they still make eyes widen, we see far too less of her…and her boobies. So this year, we caught her exposing her assets at the IIFA 2011 Fashion Show where she walked the ramp for Sabyasachi Mukherjee. Small choli intact, Bipasha strut her stuff as she revealed her babies.

3. Kareena Kapoor
Bebo is not only bootylicious and poutalicious but the pretty Kapoor also has one of the hottest racks in the industry. Kareena’s Chammak Challo number showed quite a good amount of boobage which looked incredibly hot behind that sizzling red choli. Sadly, there are no good images that do justice to her jobes in the song. But to confirm her that she is indeed boobaclious, this should do.

2. Mallika Sherawat

She has one of the best set in the industry, hands down. Perhaps if we appreciated Mallika Sherawat’s beamers a bit more, she’d ditch Hollywood for us. This year we saw play item girl to a number of movies but she did grace us with a sizzling FHM cover where her perfectly round perky breasts were displayed in full tashan. Oh and she did this topless cover shoot as an apology for Hisss. Thank you M.S. Thank you so much.

1. Vidya Balan
Viyda Balan may have starred in a film called The Dirty Picture but there was nothing even remotely grubby about her and her blinkers performance. They were all over the place! In fact, we saw nearly every angle of her breasts which spilled out of her choli and took over the screen. Despite the fact that she was rather chunky in the film, she still rocked her bosom exposure which were lifted, smushed and enhanced. However you look at it, she is this year’s queen and her boobs take the crown for the best guns of the year.

It's a wrap folks! That ends this year’s installment of the “All Garam, No Sharam Awards”. Thank you all for audaciously indulging in the best of besharami in 2011. Here’s hoping 2012 will be more shameless and hotter! Until next year, ta-ta.

100 Word Review: Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl

2011-12-27T23:33:00.000-08:00

Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl is about a con that fools a bunch of girls—they deserved to be fooled, and eventually the girls gang up to take revenge through a pawn. The con falls in love in the bargain, and decides to mend his ways. In one word, the film is appalling. And cheesy. The only real reason to watch the film is for Parineeti Chopra, who is fabulous and funny. Ranveer is OTT, Anushka is the usual and awfully skinny (anorexic status?). The screenplay is such a drag, it makes you question Maneesh Sharma’s talent, sadly. Pliss to avoid.

100 Word Review: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

2011-12-27T23:30:00.000-08:00

In Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, you are forced to fall in love with Tom Cruise again. So we’re reintroduced to Ethan Hunt who is needed once again to save the world from destruction and chaos. However, it isn’t the premise but the action which keeps you glued. Whether it’s Cruise running on the Burj or vertically diving in a car, you can’t help but gush. Either way, Cruise keeps you sweating and asking for more. It’s beautifully constructed and incredibly made. The action sequences have never been seen before. The best dishoom film of the year, hands down. I love!

*It's rather rare that I review a Hollywood film, so you can imagine how much I liked it!

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bumbastic in 2011!

2011-12-25T18:55:00.000-08:00

As Desis, we pay far more attention to boobies rather than butts. And I’m really not sure why. A hot hiney is equally as sexy, no? I mean on the dance floor, a gal who can shake it well, garners far more attention than any other girl. And since our actresses dance to all kinds of tunes on dance floors, hills, beaches and even trains, it only makes sense to honor the best bums in Bollywood this year. And where better but(t) at the “All Garam, No Sharam Awards” to pay a special thanks to our leading ladies who have been Bumbastic in 2011.

Special Mention: Sonam Kapoor
She may be uber stylish, but it is rather rare that anyone can actually sit and admire Sonam Kapoor for anything other than her fashionista ways (oh lord, Sonam fans are gonna kill me). However, there is one such moment where her backside really “shone”. While she made heads turn at Cannes 2011, it was her bootilicious white ensemble that made her otherwise invisible booty come to prominence. Perhaps her outfit gave her the boost she needed; either way she makes it to the list!

5. Zarine Khan
Zarine Khan did very little this year. It was her “Character Dheela” bum shaking that made audiences realize she did have some talent. Her already voluptuous body was enhanced further by her round booty which she shook and shook and shook some more. I guess she finally found something she’s good at. As long as it isn’t acting, we ain’t complaining. Even Sallu miyan had to take a look!

4. Jacqueline Fernandez
This Sri Lankan beauty has always had a killer body but we got a real peek into her “assets” in Murder 2. And she made tongues fall to the ground with her role as a sexy model. But throughout the film, we saw her perfect curvy hiney hang out from micro-shorts and figure tight dresses. Now the million dollar question is, why does Emraan Hashmi always get to hang out with the most bootlicious gals in B-town?

3. Kareena Kapoor
Back in the day, pre size zero days, Bebo had a booty that was perfect. In between, she lost her curvy hiney courtesy of unhealthy ways. However, Kareena Kapoor’s booty has made a beautiful comeback just in time to go pop-pop-pop. In Ra.One, we saw her shake her tushy with full swagger. It really is slightly criminal to have a backside like that.

2. Mallika Sherawat
Whether she’s Jalebi Bai or Razia, Mallika Sherawat never fails to jiggle that junk in her trunk. I’m always fascinated by how “round” her endowments are; irrespective of their position on her body. But back to her behind, it’s hardly a secret that she’s on this list. This year we saw her shake what her mama gave her as Jalebi Bai and then on the Cannes Red Carpet where she exposed her hiney via a sheer lace dress. Either way, you cannot escape her booty. You just cannot.

1. Mallaika Arora Khan
Even though our very own Munni didn’t dance too much this year, she was all over the place exhibiting her nearly perfect bonbon. But then again, Mallaika Arora Khan is hardly one to hide her “assets” from her fans who love it when she puts on a bootlicious jig. What separates her from any of the ladies above is the fact that she is a mommy and wife but she sure as hell can give any of them a run for their money. And might I add, this hiney is au naturelle.

How asstastic are these ladies? I almost feel like Bappi Lahiri should start crooning, "Oh ladki tu hai badi bombaat!" While he won't do that, you have to hand it to them for the bottom smacking hineys. Does it really surprise you that all our leading actors want to get close enough to hit that, no?

100 Word Review: Don 2

2011-12-24T19:24:00.000-08:00

Don 2 picks off right where it leaves us. And as predictable as it may sound, a heist is planned in which Don brings in his old enemies and new friends. There’s action, sexual tension and awesome dialogues. Don 2 is stylish (kudos Farhan) but it really lacks meat. SRK redeems himself big time post Ra.One—he is Don in every which way. Priyanka kicks butt well but seems far too turned on in her scenes with SRK. Kunal, Lara, Boman, Aly are all simply apt. Sadly, Farhan’s unique style is somewhat lost. This one is for diehard SRK fans.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Leggy Ladies of 2011!

2011-12-21T20:00:00.000-08:00

Remember those days when “thunder-thighed” actresses were considered voluptuous and wowed audiences? Yeah, it doesn’t fly no more. Nowadays, we want things tight. You know what I mean? No spilling guts, no flabby thighs and definitely no sagging boobage. But what really defines a hot Bollywood star is toned tanned legs. By default, I always think of Shilpa Shetty when I think of sizzling legs. But that doesn’t mean to say our current crop don’t own silky smooth legs that make you want to race your hands up and down…You can breathe now. And to honor these lovely legs, here’s the top five ladies who deserve the title of Leggy Lasses in this installment of “The All Garam, No Sharam Awards”.

5. Anushka Sharma
I’ve always thought Anushka Sharma walked like a chicken. She does, no? Thoda sa? But that doesn’t mean her legs aren’t worthy of a look. This year we got to see “a lot” of Anushka vis-à-vis her sexy avatar in Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl. Her legs made an exceptional appearance as it was displayed comprehensively throughout the film. She’s turning out to be quite the chuppa rustam hottie, this one.

4. Chitrangada Singh
She’s one of my favorite ladies this year, hands down. Chitrangada oozes sexiness. Her comeback this year allowed her to expose a sexier side to her that was until now we didn’t even know existed. Check out the legs on this lady. Bedroom eyes plus sexy legs equals one hot mamma!

3. Deepika Padukone
Fit and fine Deepika Padukone has to be a part of this list. She is one actress who makes looking slim super easy— and I hate her for it, but that’s a different story. While her slim frame and pretty face always take extra props, her legs never get enough credit. Tell me she doesn’t have one of the best pair in the business? #iWant

2. Katrina Kaif
Katrina Kaif has changed her role numerous times; bimbo, girl next door, rebel-turned-dulhan. But what has remained intact is her sexy set of lovely long legs. This year we received numerous chances to sit and admire her legs. Whether she roamed around in Spain or played a rebellious bride, we saw her legs in various avatars. Lucky us!

1. Priyanka Chopra
Now this gal has legs that make you want to die – irrespective of your gender. I’m uber jealous of Priyanka Chopra’s long sexy legs but more so when she sports a maxi and through a long high-legged slit dress slides out her legs, one by one. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t rock them her legs in jeans and of course, swimwear. She takes the crown in this round! Leggy Lass numero uno.

Legged out? I sure as hell hope not. Here’s hoping these ladies continue walking the walk and make us ogle at their prized possessions. Continue to break a leg ladies! Pun not intended.

SRK Goes Bobblehead for Don 2!

2011-12-19T14:00:00.000-08:00

So you know how when a film is on the brink of release and how we get games and insane merchandise thrown at us which most of the time we just mock? Yeah, well fear not. With Don 2, you’re in for a bit of a treat. Instead of the usual hoopla, you have to check out this Shah Rukh Khan, in his Don 2 avatar, Bobblehead! Tell me you’re not psyched! As much as I ain’t a SRK fan, I can’t help but dig this fabulous way of promotion. And who better, I guess, than SRK to be the first Indian bobblehead.

Okay so, its limited edition and the brainchild of one very savvy Sohal Khatwani. While I was bowled over by his great innovation, you can expect a lot more bobbleheads from Khatwani in the future as he intends on creating more bobbleheads for stars, cricketers and of course, our “favorite” politicians. And if you’re looking to get your own bobblehead for wedding cakes, quirky giveaways and so on, contact Sohal for more details. He’s your man with a whole range of ideas which sound super innovative.

Looking for a more Bollywood way to fill a Christmas stocking or a funky present to gift? At 6.5 inches tall, I think you may just have found the best choice for this festive season!

Check it out: www.headknockin.com

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bikini Babes in 2011!

2011-12-18T21:10:00.000-08:00

There is one big maha problem with fashion directors, magazines and creative designers; they don’t know the difference between lingerie and bikinis. A lot of the time, they believe one can pass for the other without realizing that really, you can’t substitute one for the other. So while I thought that I would solely countdown the best in swimwear for “All Garam, No Sharam Awards”, we’re gonna have to do a slight jugal bandi here. And thus, this is the top five ladies in Lingerie/Swimwear for 2011. Now what criteria could I possibly have besides one deciding factor: they need to look hubba-hubba drool worthy.

5. Kangna Ranaut
I’m convinced Kangna hit puberty this year; she “bloomed” and “blossomed” . In Rascals, we saw her sport a white bikini which really had tongues a-wagging. But the question really way, where did they come from? Of course, she has doesn’t understand the term “going under the knife” (denial?) but somehow she managed to walk the walk and really work that bikini.

4. Nargis Fakhri
She barely made her mark in Bollywood and she already is a bikini babe. Nargis Fakhri’s svelte figure and mulayaam badan makes her one of the most envious women in India as well as one of the most admired ladies by men. While she bared nothing in Rockstar, she definitely didn’t mind stripping down for a number of photo shoots to demonstrate her sexy side.

3. Anushka Sharma
Anushka has one helluva a bod. But how often do you see it? Close to never. Perhaps the bubbly actress realized she has to compete with sexiness overload ala the hot actresses who are exposing and thus, in her last film, Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl, she went all out. Looking incredibly hot in her bikini, she parades around in Goa. Yet again, Anushka scores.

2. Priyanka Chopra
I’m not sure what Piggy is wearing in her Maxim photo shoot. It looks like a cross between lingerie and a bikini but either way she looks steaming piping hot. Known for her dusky figure, this should hardly be surprising but she never fails to make you sweat. Oh, and that belly piercing just upped the hotness factor by 100.

1. Deepika Padukone
Hands-down she looks fabulous in everything; but Deepika Padukone in a bikini makes you go va-va-vroom. Those mesmerizing eyes, silky skin and beautiful hair literally makes D-Pad one of the sexiest to look at. Red hot Deepika knows this only too well. Her “I’m-too-hot” attitude makes her rock that bod that much more. And she thus carries the crown for the hottest in this countdown.

Don’t go anywhere people! There’s a lot more to come – legs, rack, booty of the year are yet to happen! In the meantime ogle over these ladies…enjoy!

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Pouts of the Year!

2011-12-15T22:40:00.001-08:00

Our leading ladies in Bollywood can work just about every part of their bodies and make it look PHAT– pretty, hot and tempting. But the one “pose” they’ve all mastered is the hip-out pout-out. Whether it was for magazine shoots or at events, these ladkis strut their stuff albeit sharam as they pouted and how. Check out the year’s Best Pouts in today’s “All Garam, No Sharam Awards!”

5. Priyanka Chopra
While she may have the best and most full lips in tinseltown, Priyanka Chopra figures at the end of this list. Her look in December 2011’s Vogue was atypical of her ala pose, hair and styling. But her trademark poutty lips were there; front and center. And that made the cover that much more delish. So naturally, her plumpy smackers make it to this list.

4. Jacqueline Fernandez
She sizzled like sausages on a frying pan in Murder 2. She then came back and did the same with her Maxim cover shoot. But Jacqueline Fernandez did something we haven’t really seen her do before; she parted her lips and pouted. Badda-bing. She made heads turn and how. Add to that dreamy bedroom eyes and basically, she made quite an impression. Seksie, huh?

3. Vidya Balan
Vidya Balan is the lady of the moment. But it was via her The Dirty Picture posters that were plastered everywhere that we got to see a lot more of Vidya. Yes, she shed it all for her film (more of her to share, no?), she also added a pouty side to her which I honestly didn’t know she had. In a number of posters and in the film, we saw Vidya pout, pout and pout some more.

2. Nargis Fakhri
She may be new to the industry but this girl sure can work her pout. Nargis Fakhri failed to make too much noise with her acting in Rockstar but she sure did look the part. But the one pose she sure as hell has mastered, is pout…and look. It always looks sexier on a girl who has the innocent virgin look—which she sure as hell has.

1. Kareena Kapoor
The queen of pouting, she is. And I can’t imagine any other actress but Kareena Kapoor to rock and top this countdown. Not only does she work her naturally sexy lips but Bebo knows her pout is the best in the country because she is the only one who knows how to fine tune it with her sassy personality. Add some red lipstick and a sparkly dress, and well, what you have, is the pout of the year.

Special Mention: Kangna Ranaut
For an actress who is in denial about her obvious lip surgery and lives in “I don’t know what collagen is” world she sure as hell knows how to pout beautifully. At a recent event, Kangna Ranaut came out looking pretty ravishing. And when the shutterbugs surrounded her, out came her pout. Not bad, huh.

I think I may have actually mastered the pout courtesy of these ladies. Please excuse me as I sit in front of the mirror and practice. Check back tomorrow for another sharam-free but garam-filled countdown!

100 Word Review: Rockstar

2011-12-11T23:29:00.000-08:00

Rockstar is Ranbir all the way. He encompasses Jordan— a heartbroken, confused, rebellious singer who cannot understand the ways of the famous. It’s love which ultimately brings his downfall. While the first half of the film really stands tall, it’s the second half that makes you lose interest. That said, Ranbir Kapoor puts on a performance par excellence; he scores as Jordan. Nargis is very average and needs a lot of work—acting wise. Imtiaz Ali moves away from love but only slightly. This is not his best film though. Movie of the year? No. Watch only for rocking Ranbir.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bare Chested in 2011!

2011-12-11T21:42:00.000-08:00

If yesterday was for the men, today is for my ladies. The “All Garam, No Sharam Awards” is all about display (get used to this word, you’re gonna see a lot of it). And while women have a lot to show off (boobs, booty, legs, midriffs, etc), men on the other hand have a lot less that can they can openly exhibit; for the most part, we have to use our imagination. But we all love our men only one way: shirtless. In 2011, quite a few of Bollywood’s leading actors took their shirts off (hubba-hubba) only for us to swoon. Now if they have no shame in taking it off, why should we feel sharam in admiring toned oiled chests? Sharam ko maaro goli. Check out the top five men who dared to bare.

Special Mention:
You know what’s so sad? That there is no good image of Farhan Akhtar without his shirt from Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara. And I just don’t get why there isn’t one. I eventually had to settle for this print screen image but even then, Farhu looks incredibly H.O.T. If it were possible to be any more desirable, Farhan has increased his hot factor with his shirtless act in ZNMD. He makes the cut but not quite and thus, receives a special mention this year.

5. Salman Khan
Is it possible to skip out on Salman Khan on a shirtless list? I think not. He is after all the godfather of not-wearing-shirts in India. This year we were literally gifted with one song in which he strips himself of his silky-satiny black shirt to expose his infamous chest. Sallu miyan is one lad who knows how to make the ladies go weak in their knees. His chest is by far the most popular in Bollywood. It could easily win an award of its own.

4. Ranveer Singh
In my opinion, he is one of the most overrated obnoxious wannabe actors of recent times. But there is no denying his newly exposed body. Not sure how he managed to work it so quickly but whatever it is, Ranveer Singh’s new hot bod has the young college ladki’s going fida over. Add to that his attitude, his sexy tan, a pretty bulgy package, and Ranveer is on his way to finding a huge fan following.

3. John Abraham
One of the only reasons to watch Desi Boyz and okay fine, even Force, this year was because it allowed us to look at a shirtless John Abraham. His acting is incredibly mediocre but this body, now that is quite a view. For me, it’s more Desi Boyz than Force which made me feel lightheaded. His stripping scene and pole action was quite the vision (read:sexy!). He can add hot chest to that perfect bubble butt of his now.

2. Arjun Rampal
He will and will always be a terrible boring substandard actor but Arjun Rampal hides a hot body behind his clothes. Lucky for us, we got to see a whole lot of it courtesy of Ra.One. He’s always been quite the fitness freak but it’s only now that we get to see Rampal exposing a bit more– he should really walk around shirtless a lot more. Abs, packs and muscle intact, Rampal sizzles. The movie is nothing short of a maha headache but his bare chest one reason to watch.

1. Hrithik Roshan
No one but India’s answer to the Greek Gods, Hrithik Roshan, can top this list. How on earth he is so fine, is beyond me but he does work out hard for that beefcake body. If it possible for anyone to get more toned, hotter, sexier as time goes on, then it’s Roshan alone. Besides him, there is really no other man in India who can walk around looking so darn perfect. He’s what I like to call, “Sex on toast…with extra butter.” Tell me you don't want him.

Guessing you need a tall glass of cold water? Go for it. As for me, well, I’ll have another sharam-free countdown for you to lose control over tomorrow.

All Garam, No Sharam Awards: Bringing Sexy Back!

2011-12-11T01:24:00.000-08:00

The "All Garam, No Sharam Awards" of 2011 begins by counting down the top five hottest backs that have been displayed by our leading actresses this year. I had to begin with this one because a ladies back is easily one of the most underrated parts of her body. A woman who can cover up and put her back on for show says, "I'm confident and sexier than the rest." True story. Screw the boobs and booty, a sexy back is something else. Back to countdown- pun unintended, the criterion for this one was simple: silky, smooth, sexy.

6. Mahi Gill
She was supremely hot in both her films this year. However, it was Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster that made us all stand 'up' and take notice of Mahi Gill. She is one actress who has been exhibiting her sexy back in a variety of attires throughout her time as an actress, but in 2011 we saw her go Desi-glam with her last film. Of course, her backless sari blouses and cholis made the men swoon and sweat while women went green with envy.

5. Anushka Sharma
The otherwise conservative actress who chooses to keep herself rather covered in the past, let it go this year. Who woulda known Anushka Sharma had a sexy back? We’ve all seen her tiny waist but clearly she was hiding her lean back from us. I hear she also puts it all on for a look-see in Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl. But the question still remains unanswered: why was she hiding it? We may have not known but I know one person who definitely did: Ranveer Singh.

4. Katrina Kaif
Katrina has always had one; a sexy back that is. But she is really “bring it back” with her Maxim shoot. Now you've seen her in many avatars, but this one beats any one in my opinion. For those of you who thought she couldn't get hotter, check this out. And by the way, how silky mulayam is her back?

3. Deepika Padukone
It’s no surprise that D-Pad (what kinda moniker is that?) is on this list. You will probably see her again on another list later on but for now, check out a pink-cladded Deepika and her dress which goes down, down, down only to expose what is easily a beautiful back. P.S. She's one hottie who can really work that side cleavage too, no?

2. Bipasha Basu
You know what’s weird? We’ve practically seen every part of Bipasha’s hot body but how many times have you thought, “Wow! She’s bringing sexy back?” Never na? Neither. Our eyes wander all over Bips but let’s be nice and pay some appreciation to her back? Naturally, she works it and how. But that's what Bips does best; show and show some more.

1. Vidya Balan
After losing the Aunty tag (finally), it's Vidya Balan who takes the cake and the cherry this Dirty December. While she too will make more appearances in a few more countdowns, Ms. Balan is literally screaming come hither in her completely backless Desi avatar. Devoid of a sari blouse and draped in a white sari, she's working it and ain't no body complaining. Mind you, this is pre The Dirty Picture. Post, of course, we were "treated" (if you choose to call it that) to much more from the lady. But that was her jiggly side. This is her, toned and tan tana!

While most will claim this one is for the men, ladies, you have to take a minute to hand it to these women for exhibiting a side that is not appreciated enough. Fine, that is hardly a good enough reason. So tomorrow, I promise a countdown especially for the ladies. Until then, be right back. Now that one is pun intended!

All Garam, No Sharam Awards

2011-12-07T22:50:00.000-08:00

Oh great, it’s the end of the year. So along with this wretched cold weather that has taken over California (yes, sunny freakin’ California has freezing temperatures), we’re about to be hit with countdown after countdown on every single site (read: boring). You’ll be “treated” to the “which-khan-reigns” awards (best actor), “which-actress-dared-to-bare” (best actress) and a whole range of similar categories. But those awards were so 1927. We all know who’s gonna bag top notches this year and frankly, if the obvious ones don’t then some other Khan bought their award for a higher price. But something changed in 2011; things seem sexier and bolder this year. The actresses and actors have been slightly risqué with their presentation to the world. And thus, I decided this year that I wasn’t gonna countdown the usual falanah. Welcome to the “All Garam, No Sharam Awards”. Yes I’m devoid of shame this December, courtesy of one Vidya Balan, as I count down the most garam actors and actresses based on an asset that they have put on view in 2011. Nothing will be left this year; backsides, front-sides and a whole range of other sides. Besharami has no limit as I heat up this rather cold winter!

Check back tomorrow for the first installment!

100 Word Review: The Dirty Picture

2011-12-03T23:05:00.000-08:00

The Dirty Picture is Silk Smitha’s life story. But it really is Vidya Balan all the way. She’s bold, she bears and my god is she booblicious. The actors all “support” her aptly but she fully encompasses Silk in soul and character. The film falters in the second half while it shocks you in the first. Luthria is a director who yet again demonstrates his understanding of the subject fully. The dialogues are filled with vulgar innuendos (loved it!) and Ooh-La-La takes the cake. If you can’t handle the heat, stay away from TDP; it’s not for the small-minded or faint-hearted.

Quote from an avid moviegoer who sums it up perfectly: "Vidya Balan might have just introduced the world to the concept of 'Aesthetic Vulgarity'. Buxom is back!" - A.G.

The Bollywood Spit Chain!

2011-11-29T22:04:00.000-08:00

In Bollywood, the phrase, “What’s yours in mine,” applies in every which way. Sometimes its films; other times, its people. It’s as though our stars love to play Pass the Parcel with regards to the special ones in their lives of course. And so if actress A is seen in the bahon mein of actor B, very shortly after, she can be seen in the arms of actor C too. Growing up in school, we adopted a Spit Chain theory. Via this funda, we were able theoretically determine which of our mates had “swapped spit” unknowingly. When it comes to our Bollywood stars, they happen to be rock stars on screen and even in the chain. While in some instances, the chain can get complicated (read: knotted and how), it is interesting to see how many of our favorite celebs are spittingly connected to one another.

Kareena-Shahid-Bipasha
This one is hot off the press. While Kareena Kapoor’s most grandest performance has been her rendition of Geet in Jab We Met with Shahid Kapur, it was her relationship with her co-star which had tongues a-wagging. However it was very quickly after JWM that their relationship came it an end. The actors then moved on to other people. Bebo found solace in the arms of Saif Ali Khan while Shahid was seen out and about with a bunch of ladies. But more recently, he’s been spotted with love bites courtesy of his latest lady love, one Bipasha Basu. After her breakup with John Abraham, the fate of Bips’ love life was rather misconstrued. However, Shahid and Bipasha, have chosen to keep their newbie relationship on the
down-low…for now at least. And in more recent news, Bips has supposedly moved onto Rana Daggubati. Oh Bips, how quick she moves.

Nitty-Gritty’s: Bipasha and Saif have been said to been seeing each other at one point while Bips and Bebo haven’t seen eye-to-eye on too many occasions.

Karisma-Abhishek-Ash-Salman
Karisma Kapoor and Abhishek Bachchan were the golden couple in Bollywood after they announced their engagement. However, their engagement saw the same fate as their movies together: flop. While Karisma went on to move on from Abhishek to one Delhi industrialist, Bachchan junior found himself gravitating towards a newly singled Aishwarya Rai. She of course, had gotten out of a controversial relationship with Salman Khan and Vivek Oberoi. Very quickly, shading from the media’s glare, they indulged in quite a romantic relationship and soon, found themselves marrying with a baby on the way.

Nitty-Gritty’s: Salman Khan and Karisma Kapoor happen to be incredibly good friends and have starred in a number of hit films together.

Raveena-Shilpa-Akshay-Twinkle (with a pinch of Priyanka)
Back in the nineties, it was Raveena Tandon and Akshay Kumar who were happening in Tinseltown. Their raunchy dance numbers and many films together had people talking and how. Rumors even spoke of a hidden marriage between the two. However, all fell apart with Raveena choosing to marry an industrialist while Akshay moved on to the very svelte Shilpa Shetty. In a hush-hush relationship, they danced to a Chura Ke Dil Mera until overnight Akshay appeared on stage married to Twinkle Khanna. Shilpa became a thing of the past. But it was not all blissful sadly. Twinkle and Akshay appeared to be hunky dory until Priyanka Chopra entered the filmy scene…and Akshay’s life. A sizzling affair between the two began until he was caught red-handed by his wifey and thus, quickly decided to lead a life of ghulaami.

Nitty-Gritty’s: In between Raveena and Shilpa, Akshay was seen out and about with Pooja Batra too.

Ranbir: Sonam-Deepika-Katrina-Nargis and so on...
Now where to start with Ranbir Kapoor’s Spit Chain? His starts far beyond anyone can even remember! As far my Bollywood memory can take me back, he’s been seen smooching nearly every heroine of his. It all started with his first co-star Sonam Kapoor. Now the duo have gone on to say they never had a love relationship. “We grew up together!” they said in unison. And then Ranbir was in a full-fledged pyar with the long legged Deepika Padukone. They were seen everywhere together until she wanted more; shaadi that is. He said, “No!” and waved adios. Moving on swiftly, he found himself in the company of Katrina Kaif. Yet again a round of, “We’re just friends!” happened. We yawned until he grew bored of her and then he was seen chilling on the sets of an upcoming film with newbie costar, Nargis Fakhri.

Nitty-Gritty’s: Supposedly there have been a couple of gals in between. But who’s keeping count?

Emraan Hashmi: He in himself is an institution in the world of The Spit Chain. The actor has swapped saliva with so many actresses, it really is hard to keep track. Thus, the kissing/serial kisser takes the cake and cherry when it comes to The Spit Chain and so, courtesy of Emraan Hashmi, the entire industry has practically kissed on another.

Nitty-Gritty's: Mallika Sherawat claims Hashmi isn't such a fab kisser after all but who believes her....right?

100 Word Review: Desi Boyz

2011-11-28T21:19:00.000-08:00

Apparently when recession hits, the best alternate job includes becoming an escort; irrespective of your gender. (Poonam Pandey explained?) Jerry and Nick do the same but in the bargain land up losing a lot more than they expected including dignity. Desi Boyz is total time pass. Akshay and John are simply average with the latter slightly ahead courtesy of his shirtless scenes. Deepika is meh, but Chitrangada is super fiery hot! Sanjay Dutt makes you want to puke. Debut director Rohit Dhawan does well though; the film keeps you awake; thankfully. Watch for the music and for hot “topless” John.

I Love Shoe!

2011-11-20T19:27:00.000-08:00

I own far too many and they are my most prized possession. I love them in every form: heels, flats, wedges, stilettos, peep holes, pumps, strappys, sandals, slippers. My name is Roshni and I am a shoe addict. It’s rather rare that I see a pair I like and choose not to buy them. It’s as though they call out to me. I can hear them cry when I don’t take them home. My soul tears when I leave a sole. Okay enough with the mellow drama. Quite simply, I have a shoe fetish. Nothing screams sexy like a pair of heels that completes a look. Add to the fact that it puts me up there with the big girls as well as ups my self confidence by a large margin—not that it needs anymore upping. Oh did I mention, it makes my legs look longer and sexier? Yeah, that too.

So check out these puppies from Nine West. For under $100.00, these Raffy Sandals come in a number of colors and even patterns. But what I love most about them is the comfort as well as sexiness they scream. I have them in Nude and whenever I put them on, I’m always complimented on them. The peekaboo leather weaved into shoe allows for some skin to peek through irrespective of whichever color you choose. The zip in the back just adds to the sex appeal. On pedicured toes, these babies can spice up any dress, jeans and even work clothes; they go super easy from day to night because of the stacked heel. And lastly, they work for summers and winters. Could you ask for anything more? I love!

The Classics in 200 Words: Mashaal

2011-11-19T14:38:00.000-08:00

Mashaal is not only Javed Saab and Yash Chopra at their best but if at any point you needed reassurance as to how amazing Dilip Kumar is, well then you’ve found the right film. The film follows the life of a man who lives by the law and reforms a goon (Anil Kapoor) while he eventually finds himself becoming an outlaw. There is only one word that fully summarizes Mashaal: Epic. The film in totality is complete in so many ways. Whether it’s the execution, the performances and the dialogues, Mashaal is a treat for all Hindi film lovers. It’s Dilip saab who steals the show with his beautiful depiction of Vinod Kumar. But watching him go from white to black in characterization is phenomenal. Anil Kapoor proves that there is good reason as to why he is one of the best in the business. He is mind-blowing. Waheeda Rahman and Rati Agnihotri are fabulous in supporting roles. But it’s the script and dialogues that keep you engaged and in awe. Kudos to Javed Saab for his mastery and Chopra for doing complete justice as a filmmaker. Easily one of the best 80’s films to come out of Bollywood. Must-watch.

Not Just Another SRK Bashing Fest....

2011-11-06T20:44:00.001-08:00

Screw the open letters; that is so last month. This is an outright SRK bashing. I’m really not a fan of King Khan and I have no qualms in saying it. In fact, the only reason I watch his films is because I am a sadist; I look for reasons to hate on Shah Rukh Khan. I can count the number of SRK films I liked—Swades, Chak De! India and fine, I’ll even grant him Veer Zaara. And I’m not talking about old school SRK; he died ages ago. We’ll never see the Raj in DDLJ ever again so don’t count on it. But why does he choose to be such a bloody gaada? Like seriously, why? The last time I was this pissed off at SRK was after I watched one disaster of a film better known as Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. I literally sat in complete shock when I saw SRK switch between being foolish as part the nerdy light dude and even more foolish as the dancing garagewallah

And now, after I watch Ra.One, over a week late, I feel a sense of déjà vu falling over me. But before I go off about the film, here's what the film's blurb reads when you look it up:

A father trying hard to 'fit-in' in his son's badass world. A son trying hard to 'dude-up' his dad from 'aiiiyyyo' to 'Yo!' And a mother lost in translation between her husband's 'ingeva' and her son's 'inn'it!' While Shekhar was trying every trick in the book to woo his son, get 'dude-ified' and 'up his coolness quotient' his son had given up on him.

Can I barf now? All of a sudden, I am that angry girl all over again who cannot fathom what the frak Ra.One was about. But why am I so surprised? I knew he’d kill it with Ra.One. I knew it would be a piece of crap. I knew I’d be sitting and cursing myself out because as usual SRK would make something over the top that would as usual, not make sense.

See, I have no issues with experimental cinema. In fact, I applaud it. Variety is the spice of life and all that jazz, but for heaven’s sake, please make sense. Watching Ra.One proved to be the most daunting, boring, infuriating experiences of 2011. However, I’m going to pull an SRK on you and do something that is expected but not really. See, you expect me to hate on SRK and Ra.One. But since a certain ‘someone’ (you know who you are) insists that I should not be a SRK hater; here are all the reasons to watch Ra.One.

Bebo’s Chammak Challo chiffon sari. She herself is oomph personified but add a sexy red sari to Bebo, and you pretty much have a number one reason to watch Ra.One. Of course, the song too is pretty darn cool, kudos Akon, but really it’s Kareena Kapoor’s latkas and jhatkas that really make you feel like you’ve got your money’s worth. Can’t say the same about your time though.

The kid’s hair. I understand that young boys like the Bieber inspired do. Apparently, it’s in. And the reason you should watch Ra.One is because besides being slightly annoying, the kid in the film is basically India’s answer to Justin Bieber. Well, not sure if he can sing, but he is sporting the look for sure. I, however, couldn’t stop thinking about how badly I wanted to chop his long locks. Alternatively, he could use some gel to work some pretty cool styles. A Mohawk even.

Raj-Ni. When the real king comes on screen, then ain’t no body gonna look at any G.One aka SRK. Even though he was barely on for more than 2.5 seconds, Rajni ruled and rocked.

Dahi-Chowmein. I've never heard of that combination coming together. Very Chandni Chowk to China inspired if I may say so, but this is yet another reason to watch Ra.One. While initially fusing noodles and curd would sound rather unappetizing, I think SRK may actually be onto something here. Worth a try, no?

Arjun in 10. Thank your lucky stars cause all you get of Arjun Rampal is a mere ten minutes.But then again, that is ten solid minutes; painful minutes. And in the climax you are treated to ten Ra.One's, i.e. 10 Arjun Rampals. But fikaar not, it's better than a whole film with Rampal as the main hero. As for all those girls who couldn't stop gushing over how "hot" he looked, I'm sorry but I beg to differ. I'll take a bald Anupam Kher over a taklu Rampal anyday.

The Game Over sign. After the torture, the Game Over sign is an indication that the end is near. Praise the lord.

Tum Bin Effect. And the last reason to watch Ra.One is because you’ll appreciate Anubhav Sinha’s Tum Bin; if you didn’t already. It was a rona dona film, yes. But it’s a better film than Ra.One, I’ll tell you that.

Oh and while we're at it, just a quick piece of FYI. SRK or rather Anubhav Sinha, has no idea what a superhero is. Superman, Batman, Iron Man all had one factor in common: they were regular people. It's only when terror struck that they changed avatars and became their titled superhero. Ra.One was not a real person and thus, he is a Robot. He even displayed robotic tendencies! So how on earth then is this a superhero flick? No, tell me please.

As for SRK, you haven’t seen the end of him or his Ra.One series. From the looks of it, we will be hit with a second part which he will promote bigger and better than his first part; which we’ll watch and yes, I’ll find reasons to watch that one too.

Stars:
Not.Even.One

Here's an FU to the System

2011-11-05T21:53:00.000-07:00

If at any point in time I was being harassed by sadak chap gundas, I’d expect to be helped. Not because I’m a single girl— trust me, I can take care of myself, but more so because it is the ethical thing to do. And if my man (provided I had one), was roughing it out with these goons, I would not expect bystanders to watch like they were watching some film ki shooting. So when I heard about Keenan Santos and Reuben Fernandez dying at the hands of hooligans who have no respect for women, I really felt the need to express my sadness, grief and anger.

By now, everyone knows what happened. Two innocent boys were just looking out for their women and in the bargain were stabbed to death. And while you’d expect the goons to be charged and punished almost immediately, that is not the case. But what do you expect from India, right? In a country where the system can screw you over, you hardly expect justice for young heroes. It so happens that these cowards, who obviously do not even have respect for their own mothers and sisters, have connections with the other goons in the country, the politicians. So how does one expect any justice for these lads?

Welcome to India, where we simultaneously deal with female infanticide on a daily basis, insist our country is Bharat Mata and pray to female goddesses for power, money and wisdom, a shameless man eves teasing women on the streets of Mumbai is ironical and of course, wrong. Where do you place him? He clearly doesn’t realize the respect we place on women in the country. Why not? Probably uneducated, illiterate, power and money hungry. Who do we blame for this? The government? Society?

This is not about anything but how eff’ed up the system is. When young Indians come out to do what our police should be doing and land up dead in the bargain, then you bloody hell know there is something very wrong. The system has to be defeated. If you commit a crime, irrespective of you who the hell you are, what connections you have and which social strata you belong to, you have to be punished.

What does the death of two innocent boys who only wanted to protect their girlfriends tell us? Besides the obvious— a flawed corrupt system; it tells us that the people of Mumbai are not safe on their city’s streets past 10 pm. For ages now, we’ve thrived on this very idea. "Mumbai is safer than Delhi," we tell everyone. Not the case anymore, clearly.

I think it’s fabulous that the youth of India are unhappy with the incident and are coming together to ensure that such a tragedy doesn’t occur again. There is zero tolerance for such terrible behavior. But no candlelight vigil, no protests, no Anna Hazare style andolan will help change what has happened. It is up to the youth to bring this issue to the forefront so much so that the system has to change. If this is how it is now, then you can only imagine what the city will come to in the future.

As for the criminals, they seem to be showing no remorse I hear. If this is how they show their mardangi, then castrate them I say. They’ve lived life thinking with the wrong head; eliminate it. Trust me, saari ki saari mardangi nikaal aayegi. And if you were one of the bystanders who stood and watched, I hope you never cross paths with me. Cause the gaalis you’ll hear from me, you’ll wish you weren’t born. You’re as guilty, if not more guilty.

It’s really hard sometimes to blog about issues that bug me sitting on the opposite side of the hemisphere. This is one such case. If this case isn’t fast tracked, given special attention/consideration and the criminals aren’t punished severely, I’ll be bloody pissed off. I do hope justice prevails for both the young boys. They deserve it. These are in every sense of the phrase modern day heroes. #Respect.

The Urban Rickshaw: Of Kim and Barbies!

2011-11-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

The Urban Rickshaw is my attempt at a monthly column. Why the title? Umm, quite simply cause I’m as urban as they get (ironically, I currently reside in the burbs of California but boo hoo) and the autorickshaw is my most favorite mode of transport. There’s no real smart funda here. But figuratively speaking, The Urban Rickshaw aims to take you on a “ride” through issues and news that affects modern, urban folks— much like us. All this as you chill on my rickshaw, of course.

Kim Kardashian…if only she were Desi

They knew early!

So for all this talk about love and nuptials, Kim has really put herself in quite a predicament with her 72 day marriage, no? While the international media is calling this a staged act, a publicity stunt and so on, here’s a Desi girl’s take on the her quickie marriage and even quicker divorce. Personally, I’m slightly more conservative when it comes to marriage— this is my OTT Desi opinion, but I think marriage is a bond forever. No matter how hard it gets. Please note: I am a byproduct of a “broken home” putting it politically incorrectly. My parents worked at it for seventeen years before they called it quits. Kim’s 72 days is a complete sham in comparison. On the other hand, if I shed my conservative mask, I think she knew she was doomed from the beginning. For all those who followed Kim and Kris Humphries from their courting to marriage, you figured out rather early that he was a royal jerk. That said, she could have easily called it off, one would think. Problem is she would have lost out on close to $18 million buckaroos. Ain’t nobody gonna give that up. And so, it made more sense for her to live with the jerk— yes, that is what we are naming him forever, stick it out for a few days, all of 72, and then ta-ta bye-bye. Now if Kim were Desi, she may have stuck it out a bit more: 720 days at least. Then we probably wouldn’t have deemed her pathetic and so on. Where do I lie with this? On the fence. So I put this to the one woman who would give me the best explanation: my grandmother. Her answer: “What do Americans know about marriage? It’s a joke for them. And a woman is incomplete without a man, you know (this was a stab at me, by the way). Now everyone will look at her and say, ‘See she couldn’t even keep her man.’” On a side note, I refused to tell her this was her second marriage. I was too worried she’d have a heart attack.

Barbie Gone Deglam

Barbie the Nerd

I really thought it was only our Bollywood actresses who went about scraping for deglam roles because they believed it would add substance to their careers. Negative. The makers of Barbie have come out with this new angle to Barbie called, “I Can Be”. The idea is to normalize Barbie. So now instead of Princess Barbie and Prom Barbie, you can have Architect Barbie—which is apparently the 2011 career of the year (where they got this from, I have no idea). Is anyone else really bummed by this? I’ll be the first to admit it. I loved Barbie as a child. But I liked her cause she was out of the ordinary, popular and perfect. Barbie didn’t go to school, struggle with acne or bullying. She was OTT and that was the magnetizing factor. She was anything but regular. By normalizing her, Mattel has totally taken away the Barbie novelty factor. What upset me even more was when I saw Computer Engineer Barbie. Imagine all the sleazy Desi guys at Cisco Bangalore. The thought of a Barbie working in their office must really make them want to work “harder”. In the words of Twitter, #epicfail.

And keeping with the theme of autorickshaws, guess what? Mumbai rickshaw wallahs will now be given a lesson or two in politeness and etiquette. Yeah, no more rude crude drivers. What more could you want? The best mode of transport and good service too. Oh and soon, you’ll be able to dial and call for a rick. It just gets better!

100 Word Review: Love Breakup Zindagi

2011-10-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

Love Breakups Zindagi is a film about, well, love, breaking up and life. Meet Naina and Jai, both tied to the wrong people. When they meet at a wedding, a spark flies and they are drawn to each other. Over time, they realize they have a bond but it takes time for them to realize this fact. LBZ is cheesy but a mature love story. Thankfully, no villain here. The story is simple and treated well but there is not real magnetizing effect to the film. The actors individually do well. A good Sunday watch, LBZ will make you smile.

Diwali Aayi Re!

2011-10-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

Every Diwali I blog about how much I love the festival of lights and how happy it makes me. This all stands true till date; I love Diwali! The lights, the mithai, the cheerfulness and joy, it all makes me feel incredibly delighted. For five days, I take on responsibility and become the official diya lighter in my house— a position my sister and I would fight for as kids. But you already know how much I love Deepavali so why on earth should I write about my love for this festival again? Bolo bolo! Acha choro. So this year, I’m displaying my love for Diwali in a totally different way by counting down my favorite Diwali songs! If you know me well, you know I love combining my love for Bollywood with anything and everything. Why should Diwali be left out then, no?

Growing up, one of the first Diwali songs I was introduced to, was from the film, Shirdi Sai Baba. Incidentally, my Father is a huge Baba Bhakt and thus, I grew up believing in Shirdi Baba too. Deepavali Manayi Suhani is by far one of the most beautiful songs depicting Diwali in all its glory through the eyes of Sai. While most modern Diwali songs are a bit more superficial, this one is more spiritual and deep.

I don’t know why but somehow I associate most festivals with Govinda. So really, it’s not a surprise that one of the most popular Diwali songs has to feature the dancing actor himself. From the film Aamdani Atthanni Kharcha Rupaiya, we see the simplicity of Diwali from those who cannot celebrate with big pomp and glory.

This one you’ve probably not heard, but it’s really quite a cutie-patootie song. Sung by some of the more popular pop singers, Diwali Aayi Re, is a modern take on Diwali which involves special effects and the likes. This is Diwali in the future, just over four ago.

Going back in time, one of the most popular Diwali songs is actually from the 1959 film Paigham. Forget that the film stars Dilip Kumar. Forget that this song is picturized on the very awesome Johnny Walker. But for heaven’s sake please listen to it for one reason: Mohammed Rafi. This one puts you in a lovely time capsule and sends back to the fifties where films were magnetic and majestic. Diwali has never looked so retro and lovely!

I am a huge Mukesh fan. And an even bigger Raj Kapoor fan. So even when you put the two together and give me a rather sad Diwali song, I’m still gonna listen. Nazrana, I’m told is a beautiful film, but the song is simply beautiful.

My favorite Diwali song is the Happy Diwali number from Home Delivery. In fact, come Diwali day, this song plays on repeat in my house. You know how I talk about that giddy feeling I get when Diwali comes around? This song only furthers my happiness. I’m not sure what it is about this song but I smile and tear at the same time. It’s just such a feel good track!

On that happy note, here's wishing all of you a very Happy Prosperous Joyful and Loving Diwali! May Goddess Lakshmi shower you and yours with abundance always!

Happy Diwali!

100 Word Review: Mod

2011-10-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

Nagesh Kukunoor’s Mod sucks you into a world that is rather peculiar and yet incredibly engaging. Aranya is your average young girl in the fictional town of Ganga. One day, an old school mate turns up at her door confessing his love for her. Love sprouts but not before Aranya realizes something isn’t right. Kukunoor is genius in his own right and with Mod, he proves that a big budget is nothing compared to a fabulous plot. Takia is superb and underplays Aranya while Rannvijay does the best he can. Mod makes you smile, think, tear and yet captures you.

100 Word Review: Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster

2011-10-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster is pretty much self explanatory. A debt Saheb is looking to save his haveli while his rather eccentric and possessive Biwi constantly fights for his attention. When a Gangster in the form of her new driver enters her life, she decides to entice and use him to conquer her rightful place. SBAG makes for a rather interesting watch because of the actors. Everyone from Shergill to Gill and the very hot Hooda, work their roles shedding any inhibitions only to score. Dhulia, the director, pulls a rabbit out of the hat with SBAG. Gots to watch!

100 Word Review: Force

2011-10-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

Force is basically John Abraham’s return to action films which I think is how he marketed himself initially. It follows the life of a non-committal police inspector who runs after drug peddlers but stays far away from love. However, when he finds the love of his life, he is forced to intermingle his love and work which causes major conflict. I must say that I was thoroughly impressed with John Abraham. He really can act. Who woulda known? Genelia D’Souza is her usual bubbly self. As a film, Force is interesting and gravitating, which was unexpected. Watch for the thrills.

When Size Doesn't Matter

2011-10-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

You know a woman knows what she’s talking about when she can sit with full-on tashan and agree that size doesn’t matter. More recently I’ve realized this line works for most things in life with one exception: diamonds. But all this small talk brings me back to sizes. Bollywood likes it big. Huge even. Big stars, big sets, big budgets, big shosha. And yet, in more recent times, the biggest films have failed to bring in big bucks or good reviews, for that matter. In fact, it’s the smaller films which are somehow resonating with audiences and critics. And they even manage to bring in some pretty decent bucks at the box office yet again proving that size does not matter when it comes to making a good film. Some of my most favorite films thus far in 2011 have been small films. Naturally, none of them are blockbusters and only a few received critical acclaim but so what? Koi nahin.

Of course, when I tell people that I absolutely adored the simplicity behind Turning 30, they tell me that I must be insane. But really the film really bought some iffy subjects that comes to the mind of every single approaching 30-year-old girl. And if you happen to be Desi, then this film is pretty interesting.

Hostel was a film which only a handful of people even heard of, let alone watch. And this is hardly something we should be proud of. A complete social film, it follows the lives of young college-going hostel-staying students who become prey to severe ragging— a major problem which is swiftly swept under the carpet for the most part.

Anurag Kashyap is working the small films arena and how this year. After playing a fascinating and pivotal role in the very awesome Shagird, he produced the dark and dirty (but fabulous) Shaitaan before we got the über twisted That Girl in the Yellow Boots. Ask me to pick my favorite – not happening. I love em’ all!

The bromance of the year for me will definitely be Pyar Ka Punchama! The film, the cast, the music and the plot all worked together to create a young vivacious film which talks about the beautiful art of dating. Not. It in fact, looks at relationships from the perspective of three varied men who fall in love with the wrong women.

And then there are more social films. Khap talks about small societies with rigid rules while Bol looks at the importance of the boy child in modern day Pakistan. On the other hand, there is Bhindi Bazaar Inc.; a crude look at the lives of small time gangs and their desperation for power.

But this year's ace film has to be Stanley Ka Dabba. And what does the film talk about? An orphan who has a hard time with a teacher who steals the tiffins of young students. Bas. But the passion behind this film is one that is so rare that you are kept glued to film hoping, praying, wishing Stanley finally gets a tiffin good enough for his greedy teacher <insert cooing, awing and heart melting sounds here>.

So why should you watch these small time films? Well quite simply because these films are much better than the crass we are being presented with on a weekly basis. For the most part, they house big names but deliver close to nothing. Instead, you’re better off watching films which have heart, soul and a plot which is engaging, different. Yes, they don’t have item numbers or a popular star but a good film, a small film, need not load up on big names. Size is overrated. It’s how you work it, which matters. And that goes for anything, mind you.

100 Word Review: That Girl in Yellow Boots

2011-09-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

That Girl in Yellow Boots is by far one of the darkest movies of the year. The film depicts Ruth’s trail in Mumbai as she looks for her father. In the meantime, she sees a life of pain, grime and disgust. TGIYB is hard-hitting but honest in many ways. In many ways, it’s exactly what you expect from Anurag Kashyap. Too predictable. Kalki needs to watch herself. This role is too far up her alley and so naturally, she is more than awesome at it. Watch for the twistedness and frank conversations filled with explicit words in Hindi and English.

100 Word Review: Mausam

2011-09-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

Mausam is apparently an epic love story which follows the love of a couple who fall in love at eighteen, separate, travel the world only to find each other and then lose one another again. And again. And again. Sheer disappointment from Pankaj Kapur; was really expecting intelligent hard-hitting cinema from him. Shahid is a cross between SRK and Aamir Khan before he pulls out his Tom Cruise Ray-Bans. Sonam is as pretty as a peach but hams. Fifteen minutes into the film, you realize Mausam has hints of DDLJ and Veer-Zaara. You also realize Mausam is an epic bore.

Russell Peters: Moron Number One

2011-09-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

The worst people on this planet are wannabe hypocrites. They not only make my blood boil but in my mind, they should be burned at the stake. And currently, one such person whom I believe should really jump in a well so deep that no one will hear him when feisty Indian water snakes bite him, is Russell Peters. See I’ve never been a huge fan of his. Yes yes, he’s funny when he goes, “Somebody gonna get a hurt – blah blah,” but gimme something else dude. It’s fine that you make fun of your culture, fine that you find it hilarious to stand on stage and poke fun at everyone else, and it’s also fine that you call Bollywood ‘garbage’. But then don’t turn around and act in a Bollywood film you moron. I mean c’mon.

He hates Bollywood, calls all the “thousands” of actors nothing but pretty faces who, and I quote, “cannot act to save their lives.” I wonder how this comment sat with Speedy Singhs producer, Akshay Kumar. But that’s not even the worst part. But hello, has he looked in mirror? He looks like an Oompa Loompa to me. The straight up fool, I mean standup comedian, has the audacity to claim that his debut film, “Speedy Singhs” is not a Bollywood film. Then what is it? A French film? What part of Speedy Singhs does not scream Bollywood? Music, dance, drama, Akshay Kumar as producer. Uh hello nut job, this is as Bollywood as it gets. No but wait, wait, in his words, it’s just a film with “Indian actors”. Where’s the nearest Kendriya Vidyalaya? This guy needs a good education which he didn’t obviously get in Canada. Don’t worry Russell, our Vidyalaya will take care of that.

FYI: Oompa Loompa

Look, I’m not saying you need to love Bollywood. I understand that there is a huge chunk of the Desi population who don’t like Hindi films. Yes, they can be cheesy, over-the-top and so on. It works for me but not necessarily everyone else. So fine. You don’t like, so you make a mockery. No worries. But then, Mr. Russell Peters, please spare us with your presence in a Bollywood film. Trust me, Speedy Singhs is not gonna do anything for your career or the box office. You are and will always will be, a stage comedian. Bollywood does not want you or care for you darling.

I needed a reason to convince people to boycott Speedy Singhs. Your little hissy-fit has provided me reason and ammo. And if this is a publicity stunt, well then I think your little plan may have backfired. Ain’t nobody gonna watch the film anyway.

You’ve caused enough drama for yourself with your hatred comments toward Bollywood and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s pregnancy. If I were you, I’d run on back home to Canada where people find you funny. What a sad case it is for you when you come home to your roots only to be treated with gaalis. You do realize we pretty much hate you now, right? If you're one of those lost confused Desis who believe they need to find their roots, then do it correctly dude. Your confused Desi friends will tell you, the only way to find your roots is to backpack all over India. Apparently, this is only way. Somehow, miraculously, you'll find your so-called roots and feel like you belong. <Please insert rolling eyes emoticon here>

Man, you’ve pissed me off so much with your immature, shameless, cheap, disgusting comments, that I really hope the Shiv Sena hunts you down, ties you to a chair and forces you to watch the cheesiest Hindi films ever made. Until then, march on home jerk-off.

P.S. If you do eventually want to star in a Bollywood film, David Dhawan will be more than happy to cast you in and as Moron Number One.

100 Word Review: Mere Brother Ki Dulhan

2011-09-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

Mere Brother Ki Dulhan has a plot that is self-explanatory. Brother finds bride for older brother and instead falls in love with her. With a happy sappy ending and some good music, the movie is yet another run-of-the-mill kinda shindig. Katrina fails and how, as the feisty Dimple Dixit. Imran Khan, who keeps on improving, appears rather squarish while Ali Zafar is plain blah. The plot itself is rather lackluster and very YashRaj. It loses steam fifteen minutes in because it is a bunch of romantic films clumped together. Watch MBKD for the music. Otherwise this one ain’t worth it.

P.S. It took me two real sit-downs to watch MBKD. I eventually completed it. Finally.

Karan Johar - Paris Hilton: #SamePerson

2011-09-21T00:48:00.000-07:00

Karan and Paris: Same to Same

I’m a bit amused at all the hoopla surrounding Paris Hilton’s arrival to India. I’m also slightly unsure as to why it’s even a big deal. Sure she's here to launch some accessory line (yeah, I won't be buying. I like my accessories as Desi as they get) but so what? As of now, I’ve received a number of emails asking me if, “I’d like to party with the Heiress, the icon, the falana.” Of course, I smirk and hit the delete button. But again I ask, what is the big bloody deal? And then I started to ponder about a few things. For starters, who is the equivalent to Paris Hilton in India? And if we have one, would they receive the same ruckus as Paris is?

Let’s first define what makes a Paris Hilton who she is. Bratty tendencies. Sex tape. Social butterfly. Hit reality show. Money bag. Celebutante. What is she famous for? Nothing really. The girl lacks any talent nor does she really have any vocation. Keeping that in mind, here are a few options for equivalents from India.

Parmeshwar Godrej: She doesn’t really work. Too old.

Sonam Kapoor: As much as I believe she lacks any sense of talent, she does work hard. And no sex tape. Blah.

Siddhartha Mallya: He’s pretty much famous for his last name and nailing Deepika Padukone.

Karan Johar: For some reason, I feel like K Jo is the closest thing to Paris Hilton that we’ll ever get in India. The only thing lacking from ensuring K-Jo’s position as Paris Hilton’s parallel— a sex tape. And I’m pretty sure there is one lurking around somewhere.

So crowning Karan Johar as India’s answer to Paris Hilton means that she would receive the same reception in country XYZ, yes? Don’t count on it. Look no Indian celebrity gets the same reception as the Hilton Heiress does because they are a) not as important and b) not as well known. And this after Karan Johar’s My Name is Khan is really a worldwide ‘phenomenon’ or so he claims. The number of times we hear of K Jo chilling in Los Angeles or in London is uncountable. But how often do you hear of the media going nuts over Karan Johar’s arrival being newsworthy? And really, how many invitations do you get to party with Karan. More importantly, if you did receive such an invite, why on earth would you even go? By the same token, why on earth would anyone want to party with Paris? She speaks like a lame duck, lacks any sense of intelligence but more importantly, and this one is for the guys, she is definitely not going to make a sex tape….with you. Just saying.

I think we need to really reevaluate who we think is important enough to party with. For example, I’ll party with Jennifer Lopez, she’s still more real than Ms. Hilton. But if you think I’ll spend money on partying with Paris Hilton, then er, no thanks not really. And since she can swim in money, why on earth should I even have to pay a dime! Hello! If people in America are not gonna pay any attention to Karan Johar, then peace out. I ain’t gonna bother with Paris. Even if Karan can’t spell and I’ve promised not to be friends with him until he learns how to spell Koffee, I mean Coffee. Oh look, yet another similarity. They both can’t spell. If you needed anymore consolation… well here it is. Over and out.

P.S. I just read that the likes of Simi Garewal and Karan Johar have actually snubbed Paris Hilton's visit. Yeh lo. Yehi suna baaki reh gaya tha.

A is for Rebel

2011-09-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

I’m a rebel. Not by nature, but by reason. As a young girl, Iconformed to situations and society around me. I lived in a community that wasclose-knit and made up of conformers. People who stepped outside the circlewere ousted and frowned upon. You just simply didn’t want to be an outcast. Itwas uncomfortable– and this I tell you from firsthand experience. However, as Igrew up, I began to see that this was not a way of life for me. I saw myselfconforming. In the bargain however, I saw myself compromising with my ideals.After a while, it just didn’t work for me. I couldn’t stand another day of beingcompliant. So I decided that I had had enough. Enough of fitting in; enough ofbeing a clone, a slave to society. And I did just that. It took time and gutsto sit and defy the status quo at different points for different reasons. Butnow more than ever, I have no qualms in dancing to my own beat (Bollywoodplease).

Today however, during a conversation over lunch, I realizedI wasn’t alone. Every month my house is hit with a new book that causes deepdiscussions. This month it happens to be Palace of Illusions by Chitra BanerjeeDivakaruni. The book follows the life of Draupadi and her life as a wife of thePandavs. Anyhow, how does this relate to being a rebel? Well, Draupadi, ithappens is one of the most eminent female characters of the Mahabharata. Buther life was one that is different in every sense of the way. In many ways, shetoo had to rebel and revolt against social norms. This too in a time wherewomen were made to be model citizens who stood by their husbands and sacrificedfor a number of insane reasons. She however, was married off by mistake to fivebrothers, was nearly disrobed while her husband’s stood and watched. Draupadiwasn’t afraid to call all the men out on their injustice towards her. To rebelin those days was hardly appropriate. But she did it. The result? The great Kurushetrawar. Now if she wasn't scared, why on earth should I be?

But my reason for rebelling is not intentional. I don't want to start no war, trust me. But at the same time, I don’t deliberatelygo out of my way to piss people off just because it could potentiallyscandalize them. Okay fine, sometimes I do. But really, most of the time, it’s justa clash of ideals and opinions. I have a different mindset; one that isnon-judgmental, too modern, ahead of time even which most of the time peopledon’t understand. And that is ultimately why it seems like I’m rebelling. Butbeing a rebel doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It just means I’m zara sa, hatke,different. And that works for me cause I for one would hate to be just anotherladki. It does have its downfalls. For starters, you get called names which are simply put, not nice. And then of course, people aren't really cool with being associated with an "outcast". But in my mind, if you can't handle the heat, then step right back.

In many ways, I'm a rebel with a cause. My cause: to prove that it's okay to be different in every way, shape and form. The idea of conforming and agreeing with social norms doesn’t cut it for me. I simply cannot be yet another person who somehow manages to agree with what the rest of the world consents with. I’d rather live a life of solitude in the Himalayas then. So if the rest of the world wears blue, catch me in red. I need good reason to follow the crowd. Otherwise, spare me. I walk the other way.

100 Word Review: Bol

2011-09-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

Shoaib Mansoor’s Bol created quite the stir amongst critics and audiences. And for good reason. The film follows the life of a Hakim in Lahore who feels burdened when his wife constantly produces daughters. When his son arrives, he finds himself the father of a eunuch. Life gets harder as time goes on. The daughters are subjected to abuse and neglect before they finally revolt. The film addresses a number of social issues that occur in modern day Pakistan. Hard-hitting and how, Bol really makes an impact with its performances and story. A social film which makes you ponder and think.

100 Word Review: Khap

2011-09-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

Khap tells the tale of a clan in which inter-clan marriages are strictly forbidden. In fact, if couples do engage in a loving relationship and are caught, they find themselves murdered better known as Honor Killing. A young girl and boy from a city find themselves in such a dire situation and are forced to face the consequences of the Khap. The film is hard hitting and strong as a plot. Hard-hitting powerful performances by Om Puri and Govind Namdev. However, one only wishes this Ajai Sinha directed film received more attention and even a stronger star cast. Must watch.

100 Word Review: Bodyguard

2011-09-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

Salman Khan’s Bodyguard is not inspired by the Hollywood version. We see Lovely Singh guard the daughter of a prominent man. She feels the need to play some mischief but when her prank goes terribly wrong, not only does she lose the man she loves but causes mayhem in her own life. Bodyguard is not fantastic cinema but it is entertaining. Sallu really works it (and how) while Kareena Kapoor is pretty and pretty good. As a film, Bodyguard houses everything that is encompasses a masala massy flick. Its direction and plot is simple. Watch for a fun three hours!

100 Word Review: Not a Love Story

2011-09-04T19:01:00.000-07:00

Not a Love Story is hardly even a film. Ram Gopal Varma follows the Neeraj Grover story with a digital camera and a bland film. Mahi Gill plays the central character whose career becomes a point of insecurity for her obsessive boyfriend. The film is shot in the sleaziest of fashion which make it look like a B-grade film. The film loses pace, track and even its point by the end of the film. Gill does well in a film which looked like it set out to make her character look like a whore. RGV has officially lost his mind.

Divine Ganpathi Intervention!

2011-08-31T22:10:00.000-07:00

My cousin's Ganesh murthi in Pune!

I love everything about being Indian. The festivals, the culture, the mechanics, even the drama that comes with Desi families. As a young girl, I grew up in Hong Kong but my culture was one aspect that was deeply rooted courtesy of my parents. We celebrated every single festival; Hindu and otherwise. If Diwali was huge, then so was Chinese New Year and even Independence Day. But at the same time, Christmas was one festival we all looked forward to; tree, presents et al. So why all this talk about being a cultured Desi girl? Well because it happens to be one of my favorite festivals this week: Ganesh Chaturthi!

What’s interesting, is that I grew up a Krishna Bhakt (thank you Chinmaya Mission), then slowly gravitated to Lord Ganesh and then in the last few years, to Lord Shiva. While I believe heart and soul in all avatars of the almighty, Lord Ganesh has always been one god who stuck by me and vice-versa. That too, every step of the way. My small glass Ganesh has been with me for over a decade now. He was with me through college; when exams were driving me nuts and in times where life hit an all time low, it was Him that I held in my hand as I cried myself to sleep.

In more recent times, I’ve seen my devotion come to life in different personal ways. I’ve never experienced Divine Intervention but now more than ever, when I’ve needed some guidance, some blessings and a lot of reassurance. And the funny thing is, whenever you ask for that with true devotion, He will listen and in small way, give you a sign to indicate that He is watching over you. And how.

As Ganesh Chaturthi came closer and somehow my life got slightly confusing, I asked Lord Ganesh for guidance. What He did was not short of a miracle. And not once, but twice. While I’m choosing to keep my experience with Lord Ganesh personal and private, it reassured my faith and devotion in the almighty.

Today I sit a firmer, more convinced devotee. I now know, He will and is watching over me. This after years of believing I was God’s abandoned child. How wrong was I? He’s here. And now more than ever, I know it and believe it.

Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Utterly Butterly Useless: Rahul Gandhi

2011-08-30T20:43:00.000-07:00

You remember how I absolutely loved Rahul Gandhi and I couldn’t get enough of him? Yeah, that’s not the case anymore. I’m just appalled by how Rahul Baba has been behaving and reacting in the last few days what with all the Anna Hazare hoopla. Good manners and tezheeb all the sewers. Everyone knows that Manmohan Singh is capable of zilch without his master’s (Sonia and Rahul) guidance (read: orders). And so in times like this, where a man of prominence and age is fasting unto death until his demands are not made or at least negotiated with, you would expect the Prime Minister to come out and lead. But nope. That isn’t going to happen because his puppeteers were not around what with Sonia being ill and Rahul attending to mommy while the country goes up in chaos.

I honestly found myself comparing Rahul Baba to the Shiv Sena. When the 26/11 attacks were being carried out in Mumbai, Raj Thackeray was MIA. This time round, it’s Rahul Gandhi who has fled the scene of action. It was only after the dust settled did they appear to scream and shout inept chants. All we heard was “falana falana”. So in reality, how are Gandhi and his party any different from the Shiv Sena? In times of need and leadership, they both hide from taking charge. Scared much?

And then there is the other angle. I have a feeling that one of the reasons Rahul Baba is really upset is because Anna is getting a lot of attention. In fact, he has very quickly become a renowned youth icon. And considering Rahul was all about targeting the youth of the country, perhaps he feels slightly threatened. That too by a man who is seventy-plus and not as hot. How dare Anna do that? Win the popularity contest! It is probably for this very reason that he finally crawled out of his Italian hole and decided he needed to say erm, something. Basically, he spoke nonsense. And while he claims he is “concerned” for Anna’s life and health, you can’t help but wonder exactly how much he really cares.

But in reality, Rahul Baba really needs to watch out. See, the country has come together to fight against corruption; a deep-rooted predicament in India. So right now, they don’t give two hoots about Rahul Gandhi or any Gandhi for that matter. To them, the Gandhi’s initially tried to stop a protest vis-à-vis arresting Anna on day 1 of the fast. Democracy, tu hai kahan? A totally utterly-butterly undemocratic move by the Amul Baby and his band of boys - That said, if something does happen to Anna considering his health is deteriorating by the hour, who will be blamed?

Look, I don’t really completely understand the Jan Lokpal Bill which is ultimately the problem I think – but that’s another blog post. However, I do feel that the manner in which the government is running currently is just plain undemocratic. Check it out. If the bill does pass, word for word, then perhaps the MMSs' government is scared of how many of its own corrupt people will be exposed.

Let’s be honest, Rahul Gandhi has not contributed anything of significance to the country. Unless you consider his dashing good looks (can't deny him of it) and suave ways somewhat of a contribution. However, at the end of the day, he is still India’s Amul Baby. Moral of the story: herowala looks and an eminent last name do not maketh a political leader. Off you go now. Crawl back to mommy’s lap.

** This was written before Anna’s fast came to its end. Just forgot to hit publish. Me is a duffer.

100 Word Review: I Am Kalam

2011-08-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

A young Chhotu finds himself mesmerized by ex Indian President Abdul Kalam. As he works to pay off family debts at a local Rajasthani dabba, he finds himself becoming friends with the local prince. But when confusion occurs, Chhotu runs away to Delhi ready to begin a new life. I Am Kalam is yet another fabulous attempt at depicting the life of young children who are deprived of an education and are forced to work as laborers. That said, the film is beautifully shot and the acting is phenomenal. The kids steal the show. Watch it for the fabulous plot.

Roshni Got Her Groove Back!

2011-08-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

I've heard of people losing their mojo among other things. I, however, have never lost mine. Thankfully. But I did lose my groove this month. Never has writing been a chore for me. I'm no trained writer. Irrespective of whether I'm good or not, I write because I love to. And so when it’s painful to put words to paper, you find yourself rather shocked. So anyway, here I am after close to three weeks of being unable to write, and finally, praise the lord, finally, I've got my groove back. It made me realize to what extent I had taken my writing for granted. I mean I've had days where writers block has really hit me and how, but this time, it wasn't a case of being unable to pen. It was my groove damnit! It had mysteriously disappeared.

I sat down to question why it vanished for a bit and I realized that sometimes, life happens. You can get so bogged down by the nitty-gritty’s in life, that it affects every other aspect of your life to the extent that it can disturb you in ways you never knew. I’ve never had issues writing. For the first time, I doubted my own flair – one that I believed I’ve been blessed with via my Grandfather. It was last night that I thought to myself, “Oh no no no! No way will I let life hit me so badly that it will affect my passion!” No way José (as my Father would say). I went to bed early, after listening to my favorite Ganesha bhajan on repeat, assuring myself that tomorrow would be new day. Pep talk always does it.

But you know how it is. As quickly and mysteriously as it disappears, it reappears too. This morning after days of aching and scratching my head wondering why on earth the writing Gods had stopped bestowing their blessings on me, I woke up ready to rock n roll. Losing your groove is hardly fun. In fact, it's one of the most infuriating feelings in the world. But you know what, when you find it, it’s as good as finding treasure.

However, now, I can safely say, Roshni Got Her Groove Back Baby!!

100 Word Review: Aarakshan

2011-08-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

Aarakshan (Reservations) sets out to illustrate the problems in the education system courtesy of the caste system and corruption within India. But it never really manages to fully explicate the issues at hand. Instead, it becomes a film about retribution and new beginnings in the end. If you need any reason to watch Prakash Jha’s film, then watch it for the powerful dialogues and phenomenal performance by Amitabh Bachchan. He is outstanding. The rest of cast does an apt job with Prateik looking completely lost. It manages to make a impact with its solid plot but it misses the target.

Flawed Beauty: India at 64

2011-08-14T23:42:00.000-07:00

Every year on August 15th, I blog about one event: India's Independence. Today, strangely, I'm a rather odd state of mind. I woke up this morning ready to rant on about what a proud nation we are. Independent,. modern and savvy. So why is it then, I find myself lost amidst negative comments from locals. Some call our independence an "illusion" while others question what the point of our independence is? Today is a day where we are supposed to remember the teachings of Gandhi. But what do we really have to remember? That we're independent of a country that ruled over us for years before we finally kicked them out? But over 60 years later, are we really independent? Till date, we hear of stories of the female infanticide, dowry, corruption and even caste discrimination. Not really independent from our mentality or thinking.

This word, "independence" is totally taken for granted. Physical independence was the initial problem. And so through brave hearts like Gandhi and Nehru, we drove out the British. That act in itself was a foundation for what should have followed. However, here we are 64 years later, still reeling in issues that are rather sticky. Ultimately the problem is simple: a lack of education. And let's not confuse education with literacy. There is a huge difference.

But is it fair to blame all the above issues on the uneducated/illiterate? As educated Indians, we too have a responsibility towards our country. The first of course is simple. Vote. The illiterate do not know the difference between their politicians. They're hungry for anything and thus, will place their vote in those who provide them with empty promises. Every time a metro voter chooses not to go out and vote, you allow one more corrupt politician to gain another illiterate vote.

The youth have a responsibility to get involved. It's your country, your future. If you're sick of the system, then get up, get out and do something. There is no point sitting on your young buttock watching your country falter at the hands of ministers who are filling their pockets. And if you're told you don't know what you're talking about, bachche ho tum and all that jazz, then instead of shrugging and walking away, take a stand. The power of the youth should never be underestimated.

Look to say we're not an independent strong nation is totally false. This is one of the reasons we're attacked by terrorists regularly. They fear the pace at which we're progressing. But this is not a reason to back down. In fact now more than ever, we need to get it together. The time is now. Our freedom fighters say, "This is not the India we fought for." It's now time to make it that India.

Today happens to be one of my most favorite days of the year. I miss my summers in Bombay where I'd run down to my building podium in my pj's to watch the tricolor go up. A moment of pride would fall over me. And even though I'm on the opposite hemisphere today, my heart beats saffron, white and green. I am and will always be a proud Indian. Jai Hind!

A Junglee, A Prince, A Legend: Shammi Kapoor

2011-08-14T22:51:00.000-07:00

When my father, the most diehard Shammi Kapoor fan, would get the letter 'Y' during our weekly rounds of antarkshari, it was by default that he would sing the iconic words "Yahooooo!!!" Ek dum tashan mein. It was via Dad that I learned to love Shammi Kapoor and all things retro Bollywood. His demise today made my heart sink. Not only did Shammi Kapoor bring the screen to life, he managed to be the glue that kept Dad and I close to old school Hindi cinema. As a young girl, I remembered the passion with which my father would talk about his idol. With excitement in his voice, he would describe Kapoor's dancing, his acting, his flamboyant style, his inhibited way of life and his love for cinema. It was through Dad that I heard of the news. His voice trembling as he uttered the words, "Shammi Kapoor passed away today. I'm very upset."

As hardcore Bollywood fans, we know what we've lost; a man who defined style and extravagance. Whether it was in his clothes or his acting style, his unique unchoreographed dancing, his facial expressions which cannot be imitated or his innate passion for the big screen, we'll never seen another one like him ever again. The heights he reached are incredible. But it wasn't a matter of luck with Shammi Kapoor. He deserved it because he was destined to be an actor who defined cinema like no one else in the sixties. If you watch his transition from black and white to color films, you immediately realize that while time and technology changed, he didn't. Passion and zest for films intact, he moved on with the ages but never lost himself. He single-handedly immortalized the word Yahoo. He played a Prince, a Junglee, a Bluffmaster, a Boyfriend, a Jaanwar even. But what was it that really made people swoon, earlier and current generations, over India’s answer to Elvis Presley?

For me, it was the way he bobbed his head as his curled bang across his forehead which would move as he tilted his head to sing some of his best numbers. Kapoor owned the term Rock Star Swagger. He walked into a scene and you were just mesmerized by the manner in which he took over the frame. It didn’t matter which heroine he was romancing, you were drawn and magnetized to Shammi. Aur koi nahin. It’s incredible how Shammi Kapoor would wear what we now would deem a garish gold brocade evening jacket, and rock it. Only he could shake his biscuit (shake it and how), swing from a helicopter in a red bathrobe and even sport a moustache with incredible style. Yet again, you watched in sheer amazement.

India has lost an actor, a veteran, a visionary, a visual treat. How I would have loved to have met him once. Just once. But alas, that was not meant to be. To my father and I, we feel the loss as deeply as any other Shammi Kapoor fan would. But I know his Chand Sa Roshan Chehra will live on forever. Shammi Uncle, We miss you already.

100 Word Review: Singham

2011-08-07T18:34:00.000-07:00

Bajirao Singham is your average village savior and head police inspector. A true Maratha manoos, he finds himself messing with the wrong guy and is transferred to Goa where corruption reeks. He takes it on himself to put an end to the crime while he romances his ladylove. Devgn rocks and how in this action flick. He was born to be an action hero. Prakash Raj the baddie, is outstanding as usual while Kajal Agarwal impresses in her debut film. But Singham belongs to director Rohit Shetty whose presence is felt in every scene. A masala film for the masses.

Kiss, Kick or Slap: Mahendra Singh Dhoni

2011-08-06T18:28:00.000-07:00

He is considered the most successful Indian Cricket captain. Naturally. Courtesy of Mahendra Singh Dhoni, Team India bled some serious blue and won the World Cup this year. And thus, we bow to ya a billion times. But erm, something went totally wrong with the otherwise pretty sharp MS Dhoni. With India doing rather averagely as they tour England, it was rather odd that MS Dhoni decided that after a peculiar run out, an English player should be called back to play.

This is how it went down.

Ian Bell was on the crease playing what is being deemed as one of his finest innings. At 137 not out, the last ball before tea break was bowled to Bell. The ball was hit and it seemed to go all the way to the boundary. At least the fielder, Praveen Kumar, though as much. He returned the ball back to the wicket keeper (Dhoni) who hit the stumps after the batsmen thought the over was done and were on their way back to the pavilion.

Confused? So am I.

Anyway, this confusion caused big time tamasha amongst the fans and umpires. It was during the tea break that Dhoni decided to withdraw his decision and allow Bell back to the crease. In the bargain, India went on to lose the match.

The critics claim that Dhoni displayed an incredible amount of honorable sportsmanship. The skeptics believe he made a grave decision. The fans claim there was no need for him to play Mother Teresa and question the likelihood of an Indian win if this hoopla didn’t take place.

However, the million dollar question is, what would Gabbar have done? Maar diya jaye ke chor diya jaye?

M.S. Dhoni: Kiss, Kick or Slap:

Political Sexscapades

2011-08-06T18:09:00.000-07:00

Schwarzenegger: It's All About Loving Your Help

Politicians all over the world are champion chameleons. They start out as humble and noble as the pope; filled with a desire to change the world with clean intentions. And slowly (read: overnight) their colors change as evils like corruption and power take over their souls. In more recent times, globally politicians have taken their publically acquired authority and used it in ways that are simply put, sleazy. American politicians take the cake when it comes to abusing their power. Bill Clinton can easily be crowned the king of sleaze politics. While he was a successful world leader, he also managed to “lead on” his office intern as he indulged in an Oval Office romance. But courtesy of his innate charm and abundant successes as an American President, his affair was forgotten. To think his political power had nothing to do with the quick dismissal of the issue is plain ignorant. But that was eons ago now. In the last six months, a number of politicians’ and leaders’ secret lives have been exposed to the world which has caused us to question their mental and emotional health, how politics has a direct impact on power, sex and sleaze.

There is a direct correlation between politicians and power. As our politicians age, they find themselves well, more erotically charged not only by their desires but by their immense power. It’s although, they turn on the ‘Sugar Daddy’ charm, coddle in rather “juvenile” actions which result in initial rejection followed by acceptation and eventually, forceful resignation of their scandalous ways. It may be a psychological high. The idea of men in power being able to indulge in a number of scandalous sexy moments which they believe, they can get away with simply because they can hide behind a construed establishment. From fondling the hotel housekeeping to impregnating the help and even posting indecent pictures on Twitter, politicians have pretty much covered the every area of sleaziness possible. And there is a pattern. Every politician who has found himself amidst a sex scandal has not only bestowed with immense power but clearly believe that they are undoubtedly allowed to take advantage of their supremacy. But what surprises people is how unapologetic they tend to be. In fact, until they receive intense pressure from their “people”, wives and even the government, do they finally realize that a solid apology is needed in order to sterile their soiled name.

Strauss-Kahn: Desperate Times

Perhaps it is courtesy of the media? A politician today is as popular and coveted as a celebrity. Their every move is captured on tape. And they know this. Thus, the media very quickly gives leaders, celeb status which ultimately gets to their heads – pun intended. What this means is that living under a microscope/spotlight, they feel a rush – better known as power, and very quickly succumb to the devils that come with fame. Then there is the money factor. With funds literally at their disposal, politicians realize that in the case of an iffy situation, they can simply throw money at the accuser. Who isn’t hungry for moolah in this day and age? However, why the gentlemen in question, find themselves in deep water, is because the women they messed with, were not hungry for riches, but fame. These ladies realize that money will only last them X amount of time; fame, can promise them an income.

A man cheating is hardly a new phenomenon. When I found out my neighbors husband was in an affair with his secretary, I stood in shock for 30 seconds, shook my head and went on with my life. So why is it that we make a big deal out of a politician cheating or sexually misbehaving? Infamy. The minute a man is well-known all around the world, his life becomes everyone else’s business. Mind you, no one really cared about my neighbor’s husband. Not even the nosy elderly woman who lives upstairs. She did, however, go on about living in the “Dark Ages” when she heard of Schwarzenegger impregnating his housekeeper. What surprises me is how beautifully these sexscapades tend to take away from more potent and important issues that need to be handled throughout the world. All of a sudden, ensuring the I.M.F. Chief, a known womanizer, was put in jail for attempted rape became more important than creating jobs for unemployed Americans.

There is no justification for what these men have done; attempted rape, fathering illegitimate children and tweeting sexual connotations on Twitter to random women. But ultimately, it comes down to them abusing their power. And this is hardly a new trend. Historically, men in all positions of power have done “it” just as bad. Sadly, there is no scientific explanation, no genetic disorder, which can explain their overindulgence. It comes down to power overload. There is no escaping exploitation as a politician. It’s almost like overeating. Be ready to deal with severe indigestion, bloating and even belching. Once the acid kicks in, you are exposed. And in this case, no medication can save you.

Political Fashionista: Hina Rabbani Khar

2011-08-04T22:02:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love the way the Indian mentality works. It's hypocritical and wrong, controversial and sometimes correct. We go on about how we're such a cool culture; how we've matured. But the reality of it is we still live in a time capsule when it comes to certain issues. So check it out. The very pretty and modern, by Pakistani standards, Foreign Minister Hina Rabbani Khar steps foot on Indian soil in hopes to mend Indo-Pak relations and of course, we (junta, media and critics of all kinds), immediately tagged her an emerging fashion icon not a core-shaking change-bringing minister. She, needless to say, was not too thrilled with the title. A quick note to the Paki Foreign Minister: the minute we see you sporting Cavalli shades, 17 Lakh Hermes Birkin and Jimmy Choo heels, we officially crown you a stylista among other monikers.

But what I loved most was the abundant amounts of lechery that was displayed by the men of India who were interested in her visit. They paid ‘special’ attention to her. I, however, am more interested in how our own politicians looked at the pretty good looking minister. Everyone knows how lecherous our ministers can be. Hey, some of them are convicted criminals for goodness sake!

I really don't think anyone took her seriously, sadly. Maybe it has something to do with her being a prominent Pakistani female. As women we look to them as oppressed women - becharis and all that jazz. So when we see a modern Pakistani in a position of power, we're almost intrigued. But then, we also put her down to nothing by belittling her nothing but a Fashionista. The men are no different. They don't take her seriously because she's a Pakistani female minister who happens to be pretty god-damn hot. So in totality, India doesn't look to her as a woman who will make a difference to IndoPak relations.

She has been given a byline too: "A breath of fresh air." But I don't really understand what that means. The bigger question is, would we have perhaps paid a bit more attention to the issue at hand if the Pakistani Foreign Minister were a male? Perhaps then we would have actually been more concerned with what he came to achieve versus Khar's Cavalli shades.

I don't know what will happen with Indo-Pak relations. I'm not sure we really will be able to solve the underlying issues; there are far too many under rooted historical, political, social and even religious problems which have been long drawn out. But there are people on both sides of the border who are willing to try and bring some changes to the relationship of India and Pakistan. But if all we can do is demean them, then really what changes in our herd mentality are we so proud of?

Love Shove.

2011-08-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've found myself playing Agony Aunt to many of my friends. Of course, all their issues are pertinent to love and relationships. But what is most interesting is how I am somehow the "Go-To" friend especially since I know absolutely zilch about ishq, mohabbat and related fundas. However, when it comes to giving solid advice, I'm the queen. Somehow it flows from me like I was meant to advise my close gals on how to deal with guys. Most of the time the issues are simple. "He isn't committing. What do I do?" or "He's so hot and cold! Main kya karu?" And while when I was in both frustrating situations, I said and did the completely wrong things, I know exactly what my girls should do and the advice always works. (Times like this I really want to add the hashtag: #givesadvicelikeaboss! Booyah!)

The other day a friend and I were conversing about the ideal man. We decided that the perfect guy should have certain attributes that we both individually required in our men. I listed my top ten; she did the same. Then the conversation turned to, "Well what if he has eight of the ten? Do you let go cause he's not got it all?" I immediately realized that there is no such idea as the perfect man. Or woman even. We're all filled with flaws and for the most part, those flaws make us human. I would in reality, hate living with the ideal man. There would be no room for error and so there would be no moments where I was pissed off and needed to be pacified. It's those situations make relationships such fun, no?

I'm not one to settle. No way. If I had to, I would have already married a kinda-sorta perfect man who had it all except the ability to love and keep me happy emotionally. I would be well settled in a beautiful house and so on. But that's not how it works. Remember that dialogue from the Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna? It goes:

"Kehte Hai, ke shaadi ki bunyaad beintihaan mohabbat honi chahiye;
Aur kuch nahin.
Kyunki agar bunyaad galat ho, toh rishte toot jaate hai."

Somehow it resonated with me. Ultimately, it all comes down to the L word. Because when all the extras end - the money, the holidays, the jewelry and the fancy car, you need a man/woman who will sit in bed with you and stare at the ceiling. Only a person who loves you deeply, passionately and unconditionally, can do that with you. I once heard Sushmita Sen talk about her affair with Vikram Bhatt. When asked if she was wrong to be in a love relationship with a married man, she replied, "All I know is that I was in love. There is no other reason." There is never any other rationalism when it comes to love.

At heart I'm a romantic. I want a grand love story which ends with nothing but love. Kya karu, after all, Main Prem (love) ki Deewani Hoon!

Rainbow Love!

2011-07-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

Better known as 'The Pro-Sindhi Post!'

Ever since my Sindhi’s in a Bubble piece, I’ve been crowned an Anti-Sindhi. I often hear from friends that people find/found my piece rather insulting and apparently, some even felt ‘betrayed’. I don’t feel the need to sit and justify my piece. It’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to (yes, I’m a five-year-old that way). But to sit and call me “Anti-Sindhi”, now that’s unfair. In fact, I’m a proud Sindhi. If you know me well, you know I love my heritage heaps; I’m all about Sindhi power. But I’m not going to sit here and stand by those who are participating in the ho-hum stereotyped way of Sindhi living. We’re in 2011 for goodness sake! If you’re still looking to conform and live a life of orthodoxy, then yes, please spare me from loving you.

However, today I stand prouder than ever because a fabulous story I came across regarding two amazing Sindhis who dared to be different. While I regularly hear of dreadful stories where a gay Indian man will marry an innocent Indian woman all because he’s too scared to come out, here’s a gay couple who aren’t scared to be honest about their relationship and go on to even legally commit to one another. And they just happen to be Sindhi. New Yorkers Navin Manglani and Navin Dargani were married amongst hundreds in New York City this July to receive recognition of their relationship after the same sex marriage law passed in the state (Rediff.com). The couple came out in full tashan as their dressed the part and happily indulged in holy matrimony.

Now this is when I really feel like a proud Sindhi. I dread to question how many gay Sindhi men are out there but are too scared of our rather conservative society; yes, I’m using a diplomatic word, trust me I’d much rather choose a harsher word. And this is the same in most conformist societies. Such men live a closeted life where they have a picture perfect life: wife, kids, and the works. But the reality is that they live a dual existence. In the case of Navin and Navin, they just chose to be non-conformers and honest (India Abroad).

When I talk of a new generation of Sindhis, this is exactly what I’m talking about; people who are independent in their thinking and living, who aren’t scared to be different and who are definitely not worried about what people will say. You really have to hand it to these lads. It can’t have been easy for them on any level.

I realized today, as community, if one person defies the status quo, it almost opens a floodgate for others to follow in queue. Whether its divorce (now perhaps too common) or marrying outside our community/culture, its taken time, but we’ve managed to accept these otherwise too modern ways of life. Perhaps what Navin and Navin have done is just open yet another door.

I don’t think they were looking for approval from anyone with regards to their relationship though. Either way, I cannot be happier for these gentlemen. Defying the status quo is what I’m all about and it’s great to see a lot more who are willing to say, “Screw you society!”

Here’s wishing you both a lifetime of happiness and love. More power to you gentlemen!

100 Word Review: Bhindi Bazaar Inc.

2011-07-31T16:47:00.000-07:00

It’s a dog eat dog world – even in Bhindi Bazaar, Mumbai. The film follows the lives of an organized gang who deal in pick-pocketing. When each of them decides that they want to reach the top, they find themselves adopting methods which end up in their individual destruction. As a product, BB Inc. is not aesthetically beautiful but as a story, it is hard hitting. Director Ankush Bhatt does a fabulous job of depicting the underbelly of Mumbai. The performances are independently honest; each actor – unknown and known, are incredible. BB Inc. is an underdog film that should be watched.

Dodging the Marriage Question!

2011-07-27T01:05:00.000-07:00

Ever since I’ve turned 25, my life has been plagued by a single question: “When will you get married?” In all honesty, I never thought I’d be bothered incestuously by this question because in my mind, I had it all planned out. A stable job, a committed relationship followed by marriage. All this by at 26. So the fact that I am actually writing about being pestered to get married says two things: 1) I am clearly older than 25, and 2) my plan failed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all flustered or irritated that my plan didn’t work. In fact, praise the lord it didn’t because I would most likely have married the wrong man and never succumbed to my real passion: writing. Anyway, this is all irrespective. So here I am, loitering between 25 and 30 being told on a daily basis that I should be taking the plunge. Amidst all the nagging and blackmailing, I look to my close friends for solace and comfort. Girls similar to my age who understand the pressures but choose to take in-one-ear and out-the-other attitude simply tell me: “Don’t settle for settling!”

That very statement got me thinking. Ultimately what is the definition of “settling down”? I look at myself as being very settled in life vis-à-vis a secure job, good friends, a solid income, roof over my head and success at a constant pace. Technically, isn’t that being settled? But no. In actuality, the Indian culture insists that 'Settling Down' requires you to be married, change your last name and have a man in your life. And until you can check off each of those criterion, you are pretty much unsettled. But you know what’s the strangest part of this entire scenario? The mere fact that as Indian girls, we are told to never settle. “Never settle for the anything but the best,” we are told whether it’s our grades, a job or a car. And mind you, these material artifacts are temporary while a marriage is theoretically forever. But who can question the numerous contradictions that exist in our society? Forget the fact that it hasn’t changed in eras but who has the energy to sit and explain that times have changed.

So what do you do in such a situation? Instead of sitting and cribbing about it, here's my two-pence at easing your pain. Over a girl's night filled with wine and cheese, a bunch of my girlfriends and I wrote a list of ways to answer, avoid or simply dodge the dreaded marriage conversation.

1) Next time you are asked, “When will you get married?” or the likes of it, answer with the following: “When God puts him in my life.” Who has the audacity to question what God has in store for you? Watch how the questioner simply looks away never to ask you the question again…or for a while at least.

2) If you find yourself stuck in a situation where you’re cornered by your parents, in one of those “come sit with us” moments, we suggest you simply tune out. Think about your upcoming Friday plans. This is the ideal time to plan your outfit and shoes.

3) My personal favorite is when I am asked by my Grandmother, “When will it be your turn?” I simply say to her sweetly (don’t want to upset my cutesy Nani), “I’m ready to marry. In fact I’ve even found the man. Please let know I’m ready.” And after she laughs, I add, “I won’t say a word! I’ll just land up at the temple ready in a designer red sari!” While this is only a temporary dodge, it is more than likely the conversation will move from your wedding to Ranbir Kapoor’s last or upcoming flick.

4) And lastly, when in doubt, quote women who married late in life. I always find myself using Aishwarya Rai Bachchan as a prime example. The lady married at 33 and look at who she got? The very suave and cute Abhishek Bachchan. So who knows!

The lesson here is simple ladies. You will be questioned and how. But if you won’t even settle for a bad haircut, should you settle for just Mr. Alright-Kinda-Sorta?

First published: The Brown Girl Mag

Sequels and Remakes: Nahinnnnnn!!!!!

2011-07-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

If I hear one more piece of news from Bollywood where filmmaker XYZ is in the midst of planning a sequel or remaking a classic, I'll scream. It's just becoming far too repetitive and straight up boring, industrywalas. Seriously. As if it isn't bad enough that we have to deal with Hrithik Roshan taking on Amitabh Bachchan's role in the ultra amazing Agneepath, but everyone's favorite (uh yeah, minus me), Karan Johar, is all set to make a second part to the "epic" Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum. Is it me does or does this sound so damn ho hum? I'm already not excited for the sequel. Apparently, there's gonna be something about the brothers splitting up courtesy of the business, blah blah. But *oh ma gawd* the cast are crew are so excited (rolls eyes). Look, K3G was great at the start of the millennium but honestly, all that cheese only works in Rajshri films now. Karan's rendition of cheesiness is so freakin' 2000 and late; it makes me want to barf. Yes, I've seen K3G numerous times and yes, it was awesome...when I was 18! But now, a decade later, I flinch when I see any scene of the film. The music of course, never gets old. Now that's epic.

But it's not fair to only oust my 'favorite' victim Karan Johar. After the success of Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara, Zoya Akhtar is actually considering a sequel to her recent offering. But what could it possibly consist of? The lads off on yet another trip to solve issues in their forties? Or maybe we'll get a glimpse of what a Desi midlife crisis looks like. More importantly, what will the film be called? Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara...Phir Se (?) Goodness, that in itself puts me off.

Don 2 is headed our way this year. And while I'm a fan of the original (Amitabh wala) and also the modern version (SRK one), I don't know if Don 2 will hit my 'action girl' buttons. Same goes with Dabangg 2, when it does happen, I don't know if I want to see Chulbul Pandey again. Once is a charm, no?

One of the few sequels, it's a series rather, which really worked for me personally is Golmaal and fine, even Munnabhai. But then that's a totally different ballgame. Most sequels lose their momentum, pace and even point. By the end of it, you ask yourself, "What on earth just happened?" The only film which deserves and I'm aching to see a sequel to is the cult film (and my ultimate favorite), Andaz Apna Apna. Sallu Miyan and Aamir Bhai together with hopefully Lolo and Ravs; heaven! The dialogues, the music, the sequences were all phenomenal. But those are some big shoes to fill when you have a classic like AAA to follow.

And while we're on the topic of sequels, I'd love to see Hum Aapke Hain Kaun and Hum Saath Saath Hain part two. I wonder how the Rajshri's would take forward these family dramas. Actually negative. I have a feeling these would turn into major saas-bahu serials in the end. All hail Ekta Kapoor. And how can the 'Serial Queen' be left behind? She too has been bitten by the sequel bug. Once Upon A Time in Mumbaai is all set to have a part two with Akshay Kumar in the lead. Kahan Ajay Devgn, kahan Akshay Kumar yaar. I'm already scared.

However, it's not the sequels that irk me as much as the remakes. Look, if you can't think of new ideas or plots, don't make films. But please, leave our originals. There's a reason they're crowned with titles such as "epic" and "legendary"; so foolish filmmakers won't realize years later to remake them!

After a while, it gets so damn boring that you find yourself getting off to original films which are different and unique. This is why youngistan is watching (and re-watching) the likes of Delhi Belly and Shaitaan. Not only does it hit home but the film is honest, relevant, young and awesome in so many ways. You know what, I'd rather watch a shady irritating shoddy film ala Tees Maar Khan (yes, even that) over a bad remake which ruins the original or a sequel that destroys its predecessor.

In true Bollywood fashion, I'd just like to say, "Bhagwan ke liye sequels aur remakes ko chor do!"

100 Word Review: Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara

2011-07-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

Zoya Akhtar's latest offering, Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara, is a story of three friends who find themselves at different crossroads as they take a trip to Spain which changes their lives forever. Zoya’s coming of age story starts off on a slow note but slowly picks up pace later. A couple of sequences could have been edited, but manages to entertain. Hrithik and Katrina are impressive while Abhay and Kalki play their parts with ease. But it’s Farhan who steals the show in more than one way. ZMND is not groundbreaking cinema but it’s message is clear: live it up!

* I honestly thought it was one film that would be slightly wannabeish. I was wrong.
** On a side note, the poetry by Javed Akhtar is simply superb.

13/7: Mumbai Strong; But For How Long?

2011-07-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

It felt like a scene straight out of a Hindi movie. I woke up to voice mails and nonstop messages from friends letting me know that Mumbai had been attacked. Again. My heart literally went dhak-dhak; dhak-dhak; dhak-dhak. I jumped out of bed with a lump in my throat and crashed on my couch in front of the television. For a hard core Mumbaikar (at heart at least) like myself, sitting and watching your favorite city up in flames, courtesy of a series of coordinated bombs, from the opposite hemisphere is heart wrenching. I found myself falling into 26/11 mode. Unhappy, angry, scared and furious, I heard the updates while my Mother called relatives and friends to check on their safety. Lucky for us, our loved ones were all safe and sound.

I have one question for the Indian government: can you or can't you protect your citizens? It is just not fair for Mumbaikars to deal with such incidents over and over again. Just because they happen to be a resilient city, this does not mean this vitality should be taken for granted. Everyone has a breaking point. If you, the Indian government, cannot protect your taxpaying citizens, then either you step down so we can find an administration that will or you step it up. Trust me, there will come a point where the citizens of the country will hit their saturation point and then, they will take it upon themselves to protect their country. And if they revolt, you'll find yourself dealing with dire circumstances; one that will be harder to control.

The details will keep coming in and we'll hear from the government who 'condemn' the attacks. Of course you do! The five year-old kid down the street playing gaali cricket condemns it. Our government uses that word far too loosely, it really pisses me off. But where are our Marathi manoos? The Shiv Sena, as usual hibernating in their homes, will come out of their hiding tomorrow morning and tell us how 'upset' they are. No one will take responsibility and we'll go back to believing that we are safe. For now at least.And we'll have those Candlelight Vigils headed by Bollywood stars but what good will that do?

This time however, the panic was not insane. We saw Mumbaikars come out to help one another. Twitter was used effectively while the rumors were kept to a complete minimum. It was all information and for the first time, Social Media in India did not sensationalize a dire situation.

Personally, I don't know what to say this time around. Who do we blame? The terrorists? Why should we blame them. They know we aren't and can't be protected and thus, they attack us again and again. Or should we blame our government? The ones we vote for or really, don't vote for. It's times like this I always say, if you didn't vote, then you need to STFU. It's because of you - the educated non-voter, that we have a government that is incapable. And it's not the rich that suffers; it's the common man on the street who hurts the most. The man who decided to have a quick bhel puri at Zaveri Bazaar, who will never come home again.

Look, terrorism has no religion but we know where it's coming from. So where do we go from here?

100 Word Review: Murder 2

2011-07-10T02:22:00.000-07:00

Murder 2 made zero to no sense to me. Something about a serial killer who doesn’t rape but just brutally murders prostitutes and women who are “free”. There’s the usual cat-and-mouse chase in which the corrupt cop who has casual sex with a model (I think?) at sporadic moments. Hardly entertaining and definitely not gripping, this one doesn’t match up to its predecessor. The music is used incorrectly which is such a downer. Hashmi needs a new stylist while Fernandes needed more scope– she was smokin’ hot though. And there isn't enough sleaze, skin or sex, to keep you glued.

Why I'm Single? Blame Bollywood!

2011-07-08T17:56:00.000-07:00

As you get closer to 30, life becomes the biggest oxymoron in the world. You're a lot comfortable in certain spaces, i.e. career and lifestyle, but god forbid you happen to be approaching the big Three-O, you're Desi and you're single, well, you're happiness is screwed. People can't fathom, accept or understand even, why on earth I've apparently chosen to be alone at 28. On a daily basis, I am asked in a number of ways, "When will it be your turn?" Sometimes, it's out of sheer concern and thus, I'll get a nice pat on the head followed by a quick blessing by an elder. Other times, it's out of spite. The tone changes and judgements run through the mind of the asker (that's not a word by the way) who is either flashing a rocky diamond engagement ring or is 'happily' married. Honestly, depending on my mood and who's asking, I change my answer. But nowadays, I have been asking myself that very question: "Why am I single?" And then today, an revelation occurred. As we turned around the bend into our building complex, we prayed for one parking spot; instead we found three. I turned to Mom and said, "You shoulda asked for a million bucks!" Her response: "That won't come so easily; but a silly parking spot will." In jest, I replied, "You shoulda asked for a husband for me then!" We laughed and then as I unloaded groceries from the car, in true Bollywood fashion, I realized: I'm screwed.

Yeah, not happening.

Of course, I'm single; I'm addicted to Bollywood! Anyone who is as fanatical and passionate about Hindi films as I am, wants the ultimate Bollywood love story. It can't be one which is easy, simple or straightforward. No way! And it can't be one that doesn't have some takraar to begin with. In an ideal situation, I'd bump into him as I walk home from the library (when was the last time I did that again?) and my books would fall. He'd help me pick them up as I would murmur cliched lines, "Dekhke chal nahin sakte?" Our eyes would meet and he'd realize I was the girls of his dreams. I'd walk in the opposite direction wondering what happened as we'd break into a song and dance montage in our minds. I think I'll stop here - you get the idea and if I continue, I'll go on for ages creating a script you've seen millions of times.

As I walked up to my front door, I had perhaps one of the biggest reality checks of my life. I'll never have a Bollywood love story; they don't exist. He will not bump into me, and no, he will definitely put a red dupatta on my head to hint that I'll make a beautiful bride. And no, I'll never get a song to be manaoed when I'm upset or angry. "All that only happens in the movies." Whoever said that knew exactly what they were talking about. So the next time someone asks me, "Why aren't you married?" or "When will it be your turn?", I'm simply gonna answer, "Ask the Bollywood Gods. They've shelved my love story for now." Hmph.

100 Word Review: Delhi Belly

2011-07-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

Delhi Belly follows the life of three lads who through a bunch of mishaps land up on the hitlist of a local goon. As the film progresses, we play witness to a number of interesting characters, situations and dialogues par crass-excellence. DB is desi, funky and honest in its execution. It dares to be different with its language, sexual content and storyline. Performances by the entire cast has to be applauded while the writer and director of the film deserve heaps of praise as they’ve single-handedly changed the face and future of Hindi cinema. A cult film; a must watch.

I Love Delhi Belly (Like I Hate Those Who Didn't) - Brackets Mein

2011-07-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

Like most of Youngistan, I too happily lapped up Delhi Belly. And I oddly caught the film later than most. I heard of some claiming it was rowdy, housed far too many crassy foul dialogues and was far too unconventional. Mind you, these were other fellow youthful folks who I believe should officially be given the Dada/Dadi tag after making such old school comments. I took immense pride in watching Imran Khan go "down" on Shenaz Treasurywala (since smooching and making out has been mastered by our stars), in the farting and burping and freakin' loved the foul crassy language that was used throughout. But what does this mean for Hindi cinema? Does it mean we are finally realizing that people use the word "chutiya" regularly? That is is indeed a part of our daily lingo? Are we also finally comprehending that, believe it or not, people in India are having sex? The youth are no longer hiding in the rocks of various beaches canoodling but actually on a bed indulging in sexual acts. Get with it; it's happening.

But what is it about Delhi Belly that has everyone talking and shocked? In my opinion, it's the honesty. Finally, our writers and directors are realizing that no longer is real love all flippant and frills. We love watching Kajol running through a field of daisies into the arms of one rather dreamy SRK, but we also know that it will never happen to us; the regular junta. We do know that we are more than likely to date a guy who curses and abuses, possibly struggling to grow in his career, drinks, smokes but will keep us satisfied in the sack. Hindi cinema, doesn't ever, or rarely allows us to see a more modern side to urban relationships. Delhi Belly does just that while being as entertaining as it can be.

I just don't understand why a small chunk of the population - youngin's too, are so shocked by the film. Are you seriously going to sit there and tell me you haven't heard any of the foul language used throughout the film or that you've never indulge/heard of oral sex? Spare me. If you haven't, I suggest you get the f@&k out of your shell dahlings. And you can sue me for using the F-word. It wasn't as though we saw a full frontal people; that ain't happening anytime soon especially since some viewers could barely handle this much vulgarity! The music too is a step ahead of the rest; it too is controversial, funky and freaky-deaky. DK Bose is still running, on my iPod that is, while I'm totally down to "shaking my biscuit". All said, Delhi Belly is headed the cult route.

Personally, I loved the crass, the filth and the profanity. Delhi Belly has vastly improved my foul language bank which was in dire need of some help to throw at people (read: irritating annoying wannabes we-know-it-all-but-really-don't-know-crap-about-Bollywood Desi blondes) who never fail to irk me regularly. And then of course, praise the lord! We finally have our first oral sex scene. I'm a proud Bollywood fan today; how we've grown.

Delhi Belly portrays the future of modern Hindi cinema at its best. And if you find it too much or too hot to handle, stick to the classics.

Bollywood: Hai Tamasha!

2011-07-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

Is she? Is she not?

I love Bollywood. I love it for the stereotypes, the prejudices, the forgery and especially for the drama. Lately, we've been hit with heaps of high drama from my favorite film industry. From Ash's pregnancy to Uday Chopra deciding to call it quits in films and Amisha-Bipasha's feud over wearing similar dresses at the IIFA this year. Either way, it makes my masala-filled mind work overtime, as I try and figure out why there is so much gosh darn high or haiiii, tamasha!

Let's start at the top. So Aishwarya Rai Bachchan is preggos. A stalk (what is a Desi stalk called by the way?) will visit the Bachchan's home in four months from now. Hold on a minute. Four months? So Ash has been tugging her little one along for five months now? Uh, okay. So basically, she knew she was going to be a Mommy when she signed on Heroine and when she out in Cannes promoting the film. Does anyone else all of a sudden see why Madhur Bandarkar might be a wee bit upset? I do. I've always said that Ash is a pro-manipulator. She can work her charm, plastic charm that is, but really, being so selfish in life is a new side to Ash. It really makes me question her priorities: motherhood or fame? But what I cannot understand is where all this "pregnancy discrimination" is coming from. She is with child! How on earth does anyone expect to see her act in a film while she's piling on motherhood pounds? In fact, if anything, she should be opting out from the film herself or, madame Ash, you shouldn't have signed on the film in the first place! As for rumors of her being seen at an IVF clinic in Bangkok which specializes in ensuring baby boys, well, I don't know what to say about that. I understand the need for her to produce a male heir to the "throne" and we all know her womb is slightly old, she is in her late thirties, but a clinic? Really?

Monkey Chopra

Havoc broke all over Twitter when Uday Chopra, yes "the" U.C., announced that Dhoom 3 was going to be his last film. Twitter erupted into utter chaos. "Why! Why?" they questioned, "Why was he doing this to us?" No one could understand why the youngest Chopra was quitting films. So devastated was Twitter by this announcement, he actually began to trend clearly indicating that no matter how small (or big) your news is, if people care enough, you will trend. With his declaration, ends an era in Hindi films. What does his retirement mean for Hindi cinema? For starters, the YashRaj officially has no acting heir to their kingdom. They were counting on Uday to take the family name ahead with his acting "talents". However, it wasn't meant to be. The curtains fell rather quickly for U.C. But who will we poke fun at? The thought of having no Uday to sit and laugh at during films that he made for himself, well, that is so unfair. He didn't even think about us before deciding to quit. Haiii. I guess if we ever do "miss" Uday, we could pop in Pyaar Impossible; that one never grows old. For now though, it's shutter down, dhukand bandh for U.C.

Wonder if they remember
these days....

And as for, the Amisha-Bipasha dress ordeal, I vaguely remember the girls indulging in major beef back in the day. Maybe this is Bollywood God's way of telling you girls to let it go. How much will you ladki's fight anyway? So you wore similar dresses. It's not as though anyone was looking at you both. Let's face it; Amisha's career is DOA while Bips' is headed the same direction. My advice, Amisha no one cares about you, so let it go. Bipasha, cut the crap, kiss and make up; you're gonna need a few friends now since films ain't working for you and Amisha looks like she could be your best bet.

Hai Ram; the tamashas! Amidst the grueling heat, all this talk of drama really makes you want to indulge in an ice cool Limca or some chickoo kulfi. But since, I'm stuck on the wrong side of the world, I'll make do with some ice cold water, limboo maar ke.

The Asli Cheez: Raveena Tandon

2011-06-24T23:29:00.000-07:00

If Madhuri Dixit is the Dhak Dhak Girl, the Raveena Tandon has to be the Tu Cheez Gal. In the late 90's, every man I knew loved Raveena. And I mean everyone. My father, my best friend, my brother included. If you were mesmerized by her in Tu Cheez, she hit an all time hot when she danced in a sexy yellow sari to one rain number better known as Tip Tip Barsa Pani. Every man in India drooled when her pallau dropped in the song. Every man in India also thought of her when monsoon came around that year. And every time an abandoned building appeared, they all looked up to the top floor, fantasies playing in their minds. She was a sizzler. But there was more to her than just being one hottie. She was a fab actress. Overtime, she evolved from the actress who was needed for eye candy to a partaking in ensemble casts and eventually into a powerhouse actor who blew minds away in Daman for which she won the National Award. And she's worked with every Khan in the industry - apparently that's some big deal or so I'm told.

My reason for admiring the actress is far more emotional. I adore her because she reminds me of a simpler time. The 90's was generally a much more unstyled place in Bollywood. Yellow pants, over-teased hair and big rexon belts were cool. Raveena was all about it. And she wore it with such grace. You believed it was gosh darn fashionable. And then of course, her nonstop quarreling with Karisma Kapoor. Actresses today are all about verbal spats. Yes, Kapoor and Tandon, who worked together in a few films, apparently indulged in heated arguments, but these girls meant business. One report suggests they actually behaved like juvenile delinquents, i.e. cat fight! The actresses were feistier and more daring back then. Then there was her affairs. They were nonstop and never ending, it seemed. But because she's such an awesome trooper, we saw the actress slide right past them; like fresh makhan. Raveena Tandon was real. You believed she could live next door, study at your college, eat at your daaba. And that trait hasn't changed.

So now she's back as a Chandigarh di Star which is rocking my world. It's not because I think Raveena's thumka's (these are the original ones) are off the freakin' hook (take that Munni, Sheila and even Shalu!), but because she's back in full power! She hasn't made a comeback as some skinny undernourished wannabe. Nah, nah. Sexy pout in tact, Tandon is here to stay. Watch out ladies, it looks like this 'cheez' is about to 'tip' the youngin's over. Bachke rehna!

Arnie Gullov-Singh Talks Ad.ly!

2011-06-22T00:47:00.000-07:00

Indians making waves around the world makes me a happy gal. And when it comes to Desis doing wonders in the Social Media arena, then I'm all about it. Meet Arnie Gullov-Singh (@arnie). CEO to Adly, which allows celebrities and brands to connect with people over Twitter. His clientele includes the very much in the news, Charlie Sheen. Arnie's company has made waves all over Twitter already and as he continues to rise in the Social Media world, he finds himself building a model for celebs in order to create the ideal brand for themselves. Check what he has to say in this quick tete-a-tete.

I think first and foremost, people will want to know who you are and what you do?

I’m the CEO of Ad.ly, which is a platform for brands to start a conversation with their target audience on Twitter.

Ad.ly is a network of 1,000 celebrities and a platform that analyzes who is following them, sparks a conversation with their fans and measures the impact of the conversation for the brand.

So for example, if a brand wants to start a conversation with moms on Twitter, our platform identifies celebrities who reach moms on Twitter, our creative team creates and delivers authentic messaging for the brand and our platform measures the click through, retweets and overall conversational lift generated by the campaign.

It’s been very successful: We’ve produced 24,000 endorsements with 1,000 celebrities for 150 brands including Toyota, Best Buy, Microsoft, American Airlines, Old Navy, NBC and Sony.

What does Ad.ly stand for and how did you come up with the name?

We wanted something short and simple. As companies like Amazon, Ebay, Google and Zynga have shown us, the value you deliver for your customers is more important than the name you give yourself.

Tell us about how you started Ad.ly and what it does for celebrities in the Social Media world?

My partner Sean Rad actually started Ad.ly in late 2009. He saw that consumer attention was shifting to Twitter and that celebrities were the driving force behind that shift because they were creating compelling content and amassing millions of followers. Whenever consumer attention shifts to a new medium in a big way, like it has with Twitter, advertisers will inevitably follow and so the goal was to build a platform to capitalize on that opportunity.

I joined Ad.ly in spring 2010 to help Sean scale the business. I had spent the previous 5 years building platforms to monetize social media at Yahoo and MySpace and had learned through experience that brands were struggling to get their arms around social media because the pace of change was making it very confusing and because the success metrics were unclear.

In figuring out the approach we realized that celebrities and brands had been working together successfully for decades doing celebrity endorsements in traditional media. In fact, it’s a $50B/year global industry. So we built our platform to bring celebrity endorsements online to social media and invested heavily in data mining and analytics to bring the much needed measurement to the business.

Ad.ly has been a huge hit with celebrities because until we came along they had no easy way to monetize their social media presence. In fact we’ve made it so simple that some in our industry have called us the AdSense For Celebrities.

Who are some celebs that work with you and how do help them gain standing and ground in the Social Media world?

The 1,000 celebrities in our network are listed here: http://adly.com/celebrities/celebrities-on-ad-ly/

Since the majority of them are already famous in real life, we focus on helping them bring their fans to Twitter. Over time we’ve developed a list of tactics and techniques and have recently started providing celebrities with tools and analytics to help them grow the size and engagement of their audiences.

We’ve also started publishing data on the most influential celebrities in social media, including the Ad.ly Consumer Influence Index http://bit.ly/kq9wbL and the Ad.ly Top 10 Most Influential Athletes On Twitter http://bit.ly/mkUKsh.

How do celebrities enforce or affect the Social Media world in your opinion and how does it impact their brands?

There’s no doubt celebrities are the driving force in social media. The data shows it. The top 1,000 users on Twitter are all celebrities. Celebrities create the content that attracts audiences social networks like Twitter and Facebook, just like they create the content that attracts audiences to television networks like ABC and CBS. And when the celebrities leave a social network, their fans follow, just like they did on MySpace.

Of course, the “in” man right now is Charlie Sheen. How did you work with him?

A couple of months ago, Charlie’s management team reached out to us to help him get setup on Twitter. We got him @charliesheen, got him verified with Twitter and shared some of our techniques and tactics to help him grow his audience.

He amassed a million followers in 24 hours, setting a Guinness World Record for the fastest growing Twitter account in history. A few days later he did an endorsement for Internships.com, driving over 1 million visitors to their site and putting them on the map with their target audience.

You went on to call him an “advertisers dream”. Please explain that idea because he really has been put in between a hard place and a wall.

In less than 24 hours Internships.com went from a start-up with a good product to a brand that everyone was talking about. Success on that scale is rare to achieve outside of a multi-million dollar Super Bowl ad.

Now you work with Hollywood celebs, what about stars from India.

It’s been interesting to watch the adoption of Twitter in India and how the growth of the platform is being driven by celebrities just like it has been in the US.

How do you view the way and manner in which Bollywood stars are endorsed?

There's no doubt celebrity endorsements are big business in India, as they are in many countries around the world. Just look at the $20M+ Virender Sehwag is getting through his deal with Sunil Gavaskar’s new management company.

If you had to take your “model” to India, do you think it would work? Why or why not?

It’s an interesting question. On one hand you have an established celebrity endorsement industry and a burgeoning interest in Twitter. On the other hand you have an online advertising business that is maybe 5% of the size of the US. I think the question is: can celebrity endorsements in social media grow the overall online advertising market in India? It’s certainly possible.

What have you noticed about the main difference between celebs in India and Hollywood?

I think celebrities are generally the same around the world. They live their lives in ways that the rest of us wish we lived our own. They’re funnier than us, more controversial than us and more talented than us. That’s what makes them universally appealing.

How are their pulls different in the Social Media world?

Celebrities around the world are using social media to connect with their fans in a way that is unfiltered by the traditional media. I think that’s what makes the content so compelling.

How do you help celebs get richer?

We give them a platform to monetize their social media presence by endorsing brands that are relevant to their fans.

Where do you hope to take Ad.ly in the next few years?

I think we’ve shown that our platform for connecting brands and celebrities in social media is creating value for both parties. So we’re working on a number of initiatives to extend our platform to enable these connections to happen on a broader basis. Stay tuned!

UTV: Ronnie Calls On Youth!

2011-06-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

There are very few people whom I actually go out of my way for. Very few. Samyak Chakrabarty is one such friend and entrepreneur whom I absolutely adore because of his determination and ambition. I'm also am totally envious of the fab events gets to attend and amazing people (most of whom I admire) he manages to interact with regularly. In the past, Samyak has been a part of a number of fabulous causes which brings together (and encourages) the youth of India to become more politically active and to ensure their voices are heard. Now, he is teaming up with UTV, as they embark on a more creative avenue to move the youth of India and encourage much required change.

The UTV Strategic Forum headed by UTV, one of India's leading media houses, is looking to "handpick" 15 top young Indians (between the ages of 18 to 25) and create a forum that will cater towards listening to ideas from the youth. CEO to UTV, Ronnie Screwvala will moderate the forum and head discussions. The CEO will lend his ear to the picked youngsters during discussions which they believe need to be heard and debated in the country. As a barter, the picked individuals will get to experience the workings and ins-and-outs of a huge conglomerate as they interact closely with top UTV management.

The cause is one of its kind as it brings together the youth and businesses in India to create a new benchmark as to how India can run in the future.

Samyak is currently scouting for potential frontrunners as he works with UTV to set up the initiative. If you think you have what it takes to be a part of the forum, apply online at: http://www.utvgroup.com/strategicforum/ or join the Facebook page for more details: https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=103344729759894.

Baby Bachchan On Board!

2011-06-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

Bollywood is abuzz with Aishwarya's pregnancy announcement. Some are ecstatic to see Bachchan Baby while others are already poking fun at Abhishek's "hit" and are hoping Ash will call it quits as an actress. I think I sit on the fence with this one. As much as I detest them as a couple, what khunaas to have with a bachcha? I am currently in wannabe-mama mode so I'm a ball of mush when it comes to babies. But yes, I am rather surprised that Abhishek finally "hit it" especially since he can barely do anything successfully in his life. And as for Ash, well I hope she does decide to throw in the towel as an actress (if you consider her one) and retire to be a mommy/homemaker/housewife/wife-to-wannabe-superstar.

To be honest, I'm rather concerned for Baby Bachchan. It is quite nerve-wrecking if you think about it. Baby Bachchan will be grandchild to superstar Amitabh Bachchan and acclaimed actress Jaya Bachchan and child to Abhishek and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. Before the child is even born, the expectations are sky rocking high. Not only will the child be envisioned to an acting superstar, courtesy of its heritage, from the minute it enters the world but is also predicted to be super beautiful courtesy of Mommy's genes. Sadly, Abhishek doesn't have much to contribute to his child. Okay that's not fair; a good head of hair is what Bachchan Junior can "give" his baby. That's not such a bad thing, eh?

What does a Baby B mean to the Bachchan khandan? Basically, a new generation of potential actor(s) is about to embark on Bollywood. Of course, you're talking another 20 or so years before we see them on the big screen - if they decide, that is, to get involved in the cine-blitz hoopla; which I believe they most likely will because it will be presented to them in a sone ki thaali and all that jazz. But via this baby, the legacy could potentially continue. Should they be worried though? Well, considering Abhishek's career is a dud while Ashs' is based on sheer beauty, that does make it rather iffy, no? One does hope however, that the baby doesn't inherit the plastic gene from Ash or the wannabe gene from Abhishek. We'll take a fully bred Bachchan baby versus a half bred, abundant in talent.

But all that will happen in nine months from now; until then here's wishing Abhishek and Ash a bubbly bouncy blooming Baby B!